Deflection

Working with people is an interesting gig. There are so many directions we can go as humans. I have observed that the easy way is the least loving but sometimes the most financially beneficial. 

Accommodating a client can keep them in your work Rolodex and schedule, but there is a price to pay in integrity when it is compromised often. Here are some for instances that entrepreneurs face on a regular basis:

1. Late client. Do we give them the full amount of session time or stay on schedule?

2. No show with payment. Do we accept money repeatedly for services not rendered?

3. Non-payment. How do we handle a client that owes us cash?

4. Abusive client. When do we call it quits if someone is rude, crude or lewd?

5. Client is not working toward goals. Do we keep taking money to pay our bills at the expense of working with a stagnant client?

6. Mismatched client and service provider. Is it ok to continue to work with someone that grates on the nerves?

7. Client has reached maximum potential in goal accomplishment with the services you have provided. When do you cut the client loose? What is the criteria for saying it was great working with you, and I wish you well. 

8. Client disappears. How do we handle the disappearance of a client with whom we thought we had a great rapport? How many times do we reach out to see if there is a road back to repair what might be perceived as a slight or insult from us to them?

Right service provider

Dear reader, deflection is an easy road to travel. I could make quick and dirty excuses for why clients have come and gone from my life, but that would simplify what is sometimes complex.  I have had clients for twelve years, seven years, two years and one session. Lots of one session clients! Maybe that was all they needed, or maybe I just wasn't the right service provider for them. 

It used to bother me when I tried my very best and a client would disappear without explanation. But then again, I have done the very same thing! It is easy to pay money, get a service and skedaddle, if we feel like we don't want to explain our reasons for departure. I have a close friend named Christine Hanenburg, that is extraordinary at repairing what is strained and stressed in relationship. I love listening to her when she shares how she places one golden stepping stone in front of the other to return her and the one she is estranged from, back onto the same path of healthy relating. 

I have this capability too, and so do you, dear one. But sometimes, the person we miss or want to reconnect with, has travelled so far from us, that they become the dearly departed! A ghost in the night that we cannot fathom or grasp hold of ... like they never were! 

Take responsibility  

Recently, I apologized to some people. I felt like I owed them that, because there was a rift. There are lots of those that need repair right now, wouldn't you agree? When I think of someone I love and spent intimate time with, I get a little teary, because so much stuff and nonsense has driven us apart. I have to take responsibility for my part in the great divide, and what I want most is peace with the people God places in my days. I don't want any regrets.

So here are my answers to the questions above:

1. Give your client the benefit of the doubt. You have been late before too, isn't that right? If the client is chronically late, you tell them that sessions will start at the appointed time. Chances are good that they will be on time for the next scheduled session. This works, because it is honest and restores respectful appreciation for each others time. 

2. Do expect and except money for no shows. I establish early in the relationship that it is the client's responsibility to make payment when they do not have a reasonable explanation, like an emergency, for missing their session. But, dear one, taking money that is not earned is like eating chips for dinner every night. You will feel dissatisfied and unhealthy after a while. I want to see results in my clients. I don't want to take money I have not earned, it doesn't feel right.

3. When a client does not pay, don't be shy in asking for the cash they owe you. They pay for their groceries and gas, and can't leave the liquor or beer store with bottles if they don't pay at the till. Your services are valuable. They should be uncomfortable when they take from you without renumeration! Just ask, and most clients will feel a bit embarrassed for not having sent you funds! 

The ones that don't want to pay for services rendered or products received are thieves. Once you have been gypped once or twice, ask for the money one last time and if they do not pay, right them off as bad debt and let it go. 

4. Firstly, you must be honest with yourself about how you feel when you are with certain people. I had a client that was a prominent lawyer in town. In our first personal training session, he shared that he had hundreds of VHS recordings of pornography. He told me not to worry about him trying anything with me since he was impotent. Within our first session he was establishing an abusive relationship. I tried my very best to be professional and I did a lot of deflecting by changing the subject, and pretending he wasn't saying inappropriate things during our sessions. It got to the point that when I thought of working with him, I would get jittery and anxious. It took his son who joined us for a training session, to say to his father "you can't talk to her like that" for me to realize what I had been putting up with. I called him on his behaviour, leaving a message on his phone line asking him to either take the high road and stop the sexual harassment, or we would cease and desist our work together. He called back and said we would cease and desist. I found out later that he had a reputation for sexual harassment and I also learned, that he black listed me when he was asked for my number by a potential client. I got the client by the way, because I had a decent reputation as a trainer. It didn't matter what the abuser had to say : my work ethic spoke for itself. 

My point here, dear one, is don't let anyone's position of prominency stop you from firing them when they are rude, crude, or lewd. It isn't worth the stress or money to work with people who believe they are above reproach, and in this man's case, above the law. 

5. Status quo is a common homeostatic stopping place for some people. Emotionally, psychosocially, physically and spiritually, some people like remaining where they are. I had a client that would accomplish her goals only to backslide and reset. She had a pattern of being her own project. Once I figured out that we were on a repeat, I understood my frustrations while working with her. She would say one thing and do another, sabotaging her progress with such consistency, that I realized we would be on a perpetual loop. Eventually, we stopped working together, because she was consistently inconsistent: if you can figure this concept out, then you have experienced what I have!

6. Just because you have a service you provide, it doesn't mean everyone is your potential customer or client. If working with someone makes your upper lip curl, then you have disdain. This means it is unkind and unprofessional to take their money while wishing you didn't have to work with them to earn it. I have turned down clients when I knew I would have that sandpaper to my soul feeling if I worked with them. They deserve to have someone that wants to invest in their well-being, not someone that can't wait for the hour to be up, so they can get away from the client! Don't feel badly saying no. There are other people that they can search and find to assist them. 

7. It is always wonderful to watch a client progress to the point where they simply do not need you anymore. This is the goal, for clients to become independently strong, knowing that with or without assistance, they can and will accomplish the goals they have set out to complete. 

I have what I call candy clients. They are highly motivated, set goals willingly, and accomplish them with vigour. They are honest about their shortcomings and always willing to do the work of addressing what isn't working, along with course correcting to better modes of relating and living. It is a pleasure to work with them, and it is sweet sorrow to see them go. I know I have done a good job when they start coaching themselves with confidence, and we mutually agree to a decrease in coaching frequency. Saying goodbye may be hard, because you really look forward to sessions with these vibrantly alive clients. But alas, each bird once fully grown, must fly and be free on their own. 

8. When a client disappears, it can feel like the wind has been sucked out of your sails. I have had this experience multiple times since starting by first business in 1996. Over time, an entrepreneur learns to not take things personally. While it is important to assess what may have gone wrong, we cannot read the minds of others, and speculation does not provide answers. If you cannot get in contact with the person that has disappeared to clear the air, then they do not want to be found! 

I usually try once or twice, and then let them go. They have their own reasons for distancing themselves, and we might never know the why of their decisions. Suffice it to say that people come and go, and that is the nature of being in business. Even the best and longest term relationships can end abruptly, and it isn't about whose at fault, sometimes the circumstances are beyond the control of either party. 

Loving in truth

I started out writing about the concept of deflecting, and how that is an easier and sometimes more financially beneficially road to travel when relating. This may be true, but humans that crave intimacy demand more from each other in the forms of commitment and trust. I want to trust that when I am being provided a service, it is for my benefit, and not just a way for someone to line their pockets. 

We all want to be valued, and this motivates me to become a better, kinder, honest all the time relator. The hope is that when I speak truth even if it repels some, that they someday see it as a gift they would never want to give back. 

Deflecting for a time may work but, dear one, what is the price we pay when we put off loving in truth?

But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ (Ephesians 4:15)

If each of us speaks truth in love, we will grow up, maturing into who we are in Him, in all things! Christ is the model of truth being spoken in love. Being like Him is the ultimate goal 💞