It's Never Too Late

• It is never too late to be sorry and say so 
• It is never too late to ask for forgiveness
• The timing cannot be wrong, and you displaced, by feeling regret and remorse
• The timing can be just right, for reconciling
• Do the peace work for the sake of your soul, and for the sake of others

I am sorry may not change the relationship, or return it to its former pleasantness, but hearing. I am sorry. can be balm for the spirit of an injured party. I am sorry is an acknowledgment of pain caused willfully, or with absence of intention. Telling someone you are sorry for what you have said and done, lifts the burden of self-doubt and self-recrimination, for the person suffering in the throes of loss. 

Was it me? Something I said? Something I did?

Was it them? How did things go so wrong, and so quickly?

What must I do, to right this listing ship of a relationship?

Chasing down thoughts, putting them in a straight jacket, and forcing them to explain themselves, can help us understand the when, the where, the how, the why, of waywardness. It is crazy making when we do not hold ourselves to account, and it is insanity, when we go about our business without comprehending why we do what we do, and how it impacts the people in our lives, whether near or far. 

Guilt is an informant, a first-class snitch for a conscience that needs to come clean with a good mind and mouth washing. Guilt indicates sin has been committed in our thinking and or our doing, and usually, dear reader, we aren't the only ones hurt when we have done wrongly. Guilt lets us know that a culprit lurks in our being; when a search light is shone on our sins, we have a choice of admittance, which brings a certain bitter sweet relief in its wake, or we can pretend we have done nothing to be ashamed of, and carry on with our bad selves. 

Do you mostly, carry on with your bad self? What is it like when truth slaps you hard across the face and says, Snap out of it. Stop being dodgy. You can't avoid me, I have you by the tail. 

• Truth is gentle when we are willing to be corrected
• Truth is a cruel task master when we will not relent
• It is always wise to seek truth, where it can be found
• It is always senseless to pretend
• Do the work of truth telling, for the sake of your soul, and the sake of others

It is never too late, until it is. Death has a way of ensuring that we go to the grave with all that we have left undone. Death hollows out the body and deprives the spirit, of the possibility of reconciliation with God, and our fellow man. This one life you and I have been given, is spent, when we take that last breath, and when I am sorry, please forgive me, have not been spoken and heard, the loss of opportunity to mend what was broken, is eternal. 

Christ reconciles his own to our Father in heaven. He leads the way toward holiness and away from, waywardness. Forgive them Father was his request for us while he suffered the agonies of the cross, and wouldn't it be marvellous, wouldn't it be wonderful, if we asked for forgiveness for ourselves, and for others too? 

Start with your sins in confession. You might be on your knees for a while. Confession is truly good for the soul, and when you are done there, perhaps forgive, even if you never hear the words, I am sorry, please forgive me, from the humans that have hurt you. You need not have them in your life ever again, but this bit of hard work, will serve you as a saint, and servant of the living God. 

It is never too late, while you continue to inhale and exhale. Breathe in peace, and exhale love, with words that heal. 

Hebrews 13: 20-21

Now the God of peace, that brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant, make you perfect in every good work to do his will, working in you that which is wellpleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ; to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen. 

Hate Bombing

Accept, accept for, with acceptance, accepting: accept the truth, the facts, the reality...

Love, loving, loveable, love bombing

Hate, hateful, hate filled, hate bombing

Matthew 5: 1-11

And seeing the multitudes, he went up into a mountain: and when he was set, his disciples came unto him: and he opened his mouth, and taught them, saying, 

Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. 

Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth. 

Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled. 

Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 

Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. 

The Beatitudes speak gentility to the soul of mankind. The words of Jesus inspire humility, encourage kindness and mercy, and a meekness rarely observed in the western world. I am appalled often by the brashness of global governors that have arrogantly taken the reins of leadership, and driven their countrymen into destruction. 

If a man, let us say, Donald John Trump, promoted the injection of millions and millions of citizens in his own country, why pray tell, is it surprising to see him hate bombing, and quite literally, ordering the bombing, of citizens in a country far from the shores of America? From the same mouth has come destruction, murderous and true to the man himself, that does not honour and obey God, does not consider the Word to be the ultimate and final say...

Christian, examine yourself now: Is there a man that stands between you and your Saviour? Do politicians rule your world and govern your thoughts? Do the words of Jesus, reverberate in your being, or are you inclined to cling to humans to make the world right for you and yours? The world isn't right, or righteous, and never will be, because it never has been, but mankind has always lived on a slant, preferring to believe in one another, rather than acknowledge, that the Christ came to rescue us from ourselves. 

The turbulent tides are turning once again. Those that discern the spirits see through the guise, see through the posers and pretenders, and keep their eyes trained on the King. Donald John Trump is a wicked man, and his hateful speech ought to be a powerful indicator of his desire to destroy other human beings, and yet, and yet, he is seen and heard as a man with righteous intentions by people that admire a power suit and privileged prestige, rather than a man whose soul is draped in filthy rags. That tide I mentioned, is turning on DJT. He talks too much, too often, and his hate bombing is starting to grate on his supporters, but a little too late, for my liking. Dictators, braggarts, and murderers, get worse over time, because they use grooming techniques to inculcate followers and admirers. Speaking lies that sound like hopefilled promises of prosperity, are insidious snakes that eventually, slithery and seduce to the point of mind and soul poisoning, and just when a person sees the serpent, they realize they have been in a nest of vipers for far too long. 

This is Resurrection Sunday, and dear reader, I cannot help but hope almost against hope, that people will finally accept the love that God alone offers us. Who but God, speaks the words found in scripture, in the Beatitudes, as instructions for believers that are inclined to temptation, in a world where success is marked by money, position, and power? We must examine ourselves, and do this frequently, to hold ourselves accountable to the King, that died, and rose again on the third day, by the power of God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Ghost. 

Who can compare to Christ? And to whom must we look for our righteous guidance?

Are you willing to forsake all for the Saviour of your soul? Are you willing to forgo believing that loud talking, obnoxiously arrogant murderous men, will save society and right the ship that is sinking so that all is made "great again"? 

Christian: Your allegiance is in question each time you think and speak highly of humans, that hate bomb and literally, order the bombing of citizens in another country. The callousness of these words, and commands, directly oppose who Jesus wants us to be, and what he spoke in the Beatitudes. 

Might I suggest that you have been won and wooed by a wicked man if you defend Donald John Trump and people like him, and that your salvation was bought and paid for by the Lord of Glory, Jesus Christ, when he died on a cross for your sins, willingly brutalized, meek as a gentle lamb that did not bleat a word of complaint but rather, willingly gave up his spirit for the sake of souls? 

Must I remind you to whom you belong, not as a citizen of this world, but as a future citizen of heaven? 

The blood red tide has turned, and DJT will be held to account for all he says and all he does. He is not beyond the reach of the law of God, no matter what he has seemingly gotten away with thus far as a domineeringly insufferable talk too much proud man of this world. He does the deeds of his daddy the Devil when he speaks cavalierly about killing, with warp speed injections for his countrymen, countrywomen, and country-children, or bombing people in a country far off; he delights in bragging about the destruction he orders wantonly.

Do, I insist now, take note of what comes from the mouth of the men and women that perpetually take the stage, and spew violence into microphones, while being videotaped. What comes from the mouth is an overflow of the heart, and behaviour, dear reader, never lies. 

Behaviour, and outcomes, go consequentially, hand in hand. 

NOTE: Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. 

If you are a child of God, you will grieve the loss of life, especially in a country that knows not Christ as Saviour. Life is our greatest God given gift, and it ought to make us mournful to see the destruction of life, for the sake of financial gain. Oil and resources, stolen from a people, a population, is the goal for Donald John Trump, and there must be a twisted way of thinking to justify any, and all, of his actions. 

Relationship Assassination

We have reason to bewail those who sin and do not repent, to bewail many that have sinned, and have not repented. If they have not, as yet, grace to mourn and lament their own case, their case is the more lamentable; and those who love God, and love them, should mourn for them, Matthew Henry, Acts to Revelation, Volume 6, page 518. 

Christ crucified for the sins of the world. The sins of the world, include your sins, my sins, your grandparents, your father's and mother's, your sisters, brothers, uncles, aunts, cousins, the neighbour next door and the citizens all around the world, both living and dead, and yet to be born: can you comprehend the magnitude of this concept? Does the thought of mankind turning against their Maker to the point of wanting to kill him, crucifying him for their own wickedness, shock your sensibilities? 

Christians cannot help feel ashamed when they consider how against God they have gone: Christians cannot help but weep when they consider Christ on the cross, and before this, him brutalized for their transgressions. It pains us to think of our Lord, suffering and dying because of our disobedience. He planned a way of redemption for us before the foundation of the earth, and in an embarrassing comparison, I suppose you and I try to plan too, contingencies in case of emergencies, an insurance policy so to speak. 

If this then that... 

Last night I had a dream. I was reunited with some of my favourite people, people I considered close enough to call family. They were my friends, and I was included in some of their family trips. When I close my eyes and think of each of them, the dream images return. Some of them were speaking realization - they realized that they had been deceived regarding covid, and while I did not bring up the topic, they willingly spoke of the choices they had made, and how detrimental the outcomes have been. The one person I really wanted to speak to and connect with, was hidden from view, with a family member sitting next to them, and sitting a little too far forward. The one I wanted to reconnect with, remained tensely silent - I could feel the tautness. She sat back purposefully, not wanting to make eye contact or share. She was one of my all time favourite people, and I miss her tremendously. 

Matthew Henry stated profoundly, that we have good reason to bewail those who sin and do not repent. Many sinned egregiously during the covid era. We live the aftershocks of disobedience, of men and women choosing to reject Christ in favour of a contingency plan. Employment was preferable to relying on God's provision, when the wicked governments of the new world order, aligned to use psychological warfare, and spiritual attack, to disarm a naive and gullible populace. Golden handcuffs made with fools gold, held many a captive in place, while governors raped and pillaged, removing dignity, by insisting on mask wearing, distancing from loved ones, hand-sanitizing and lastly, lethal injections that neuter and nullify: all the while the wicked ones suggested that the non-compliant were a threat to humanity, punishable for their wanton disregard for the health and safety of their fellow man. The good boys and girls that unwittingly went along with the years in the making scheme, were rewarded with approval, and continued entrance into social settings, albeit with some demeaning restrictions in place. It was subtly and forcibly implied in nausea inducing messages, that freedom to choose was the sacrifice caring people made for others. The very thing that God grants each human, is freedom of choice, and is it any wonder, this is precisely what Satan insinuates, is forsake-able? All that we saw and heard, became a horrendous, cumulative pile, of destructive deceptions. Alas, while many have come out of the thought comas induced by the spells cast over them, so many more, will never awaken to the nightmarish reality, that they not only took a payoff for disobeying God, but they are suffering the long term consequences in countless, and countable ways, for doing the dirty deeds they have done. They chose, and chose wrongly, badly, and not for the good of themselves or humanity, in the long, or even the short, run. 

Let us look together at consequences:

1. Relationship assassination - covid killed relationships and relatives. Covid murdered the you and the me of being in unity. I think of my family and friends, my formerly forever ones, the people I continue to long for, and the great divide between us, the chasm that I cannot close. Today I weep the losses, once more. 

2. Death and destruction - people are sick and dying suddenly, slowly, painfully, without reasonable cause, according to medical explanation or understanding. They were well but either immediately, or years after injections, they suffer and while they suffer, those of us that did not go the way of covid, weep as we watch. We wait and we see, with sadness and sorrow, as our companions. Our joy is in the Lord, and our hurt is in knowing how very few know him: will they repent, of their covidic activities, and be redeemed by the Saviour? This is the heart cry of believers, of the faith filled that like God, want none to be lost. 

3. The fabric of society is frayed - there is a tension that is tangible. Those in the know anticipate death of loved ones, and fear for their eternal souls, while the unrepentant and seemingly unaware, or self-deluded, become fragile, and susceptible to the terrors of death. 

I have to explain number three. A close friend of mine has lost, meaning they have died, four relatives, in a short span of time, Each relative was prayed over extensively, because they did not know Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour, they knew only the Catholic religion, and prayer to Mary. These relatives were frightened of death. Christians are not afraid to die - they may admit to fear of suffering in the throes of death, but they do not fear death itself, because those that are in Christ, look forward to life eternal in his heavenly, glorious presence! 

There is a disunity between believers and what I comfortably call, pagans. Dear reader, if you are not a Christian, you are a pagan, a heathen, a barbarian of sorts. God civilizes his people as citizens of his world with rules, regulations, laws, principles, precepts, conditions of acceptability for the Lord of Glory. We obey when we belong to Christ, empowered by his strength to resist temptation, and if this is not the case for you, then you are as I stated earlier, a pagan, heathen and barbarian, all words that can be considered anachronistic, given our current time frame. 

God gave many a person the will and way to escape, when imposers and imposters, insisted that we do as they demanded. Godly people obeyed him, when others easily, systematically, went with the flow of the herd, running themselves into the pens erected for them, before they knew they were prey. And this is the sharpened point I must cut through the lies with: We are prey to those that belong to Satan and do his bidding. They care not about your well-being, let alone your precious and paid for by the blood of Christ, soul. 

You, dear reader, are precious to God

You, dear reader, are prey to the Devil

The Devil does his dastardly best to assassinate God in the minds of men and when he wins his point, when he has cut and slashed ties between us and our Creator, he has managed to grimly reap, to cull and kill, and steal away souls, that were not meant to burn eternally in damnation. 

Christian, do you weep and mourn for those that have not repented of their sins and do not weep and mourn for themselves, before righteous God? Sin is lamentable, and who, pray tell, will plead with God for souls, if not you? 

Christ has died, hallelujah 

Christ is risen, hallelujah 

Christ will come again, hallelujah alleluia 

Hope springs eternal and while this is true, we face bravely the facts, that souls are in peril, and if we truly love God, we will love people to the feet of Jesus for Christ's sake, and for their salvation. 

The Great Toilet Paper Shortage

During the Great Toilet Paper Shortage, many a person panicked and made a run for their local Costco, grocery store, or neighbourhood convenience shop, trying to ensure their own butts were covered, even at the expense of other bums in town that didn't have memberships, personal vehicles to rush them to purchase, or a big enough trunk in which to place multi-packs of paper. Alarmingly, and suddenly, there simply weren't enough trees to fell, and factories had to grind to a halt in production, due to insufficiency, and lack of useable toiletry raw materials. 

The very same thing is happening with oil... they find some, then they loose the vein, or well, or whatever it is that they draw the black gooey stuff up and out of: running out of oil and then finding it, means the prices of gasoline drop a little, skyrocket some, then drop a little, and again, rise like a shooting star. Speaking of skyrocketing and shooting stars, the NASA and spacey projects continue to thrive! I wonder if astronauts, during The Great Toilet Paper Shortage, were taught to spare a square, share the Charmin, conserve on usage, be conscientious about just how much they use each time they have needed of the stuff. 

I myself (I like referring to myself twice, as in, I myself), am working my darndest to conserve on oxygen consumption. I do not want to be responsible for The Great Oxygen Depression, so I play my part, with half breaths in, and quarter breaths out. My reduced intake, over time, will save lives, I myself, am very certain that my contribution to air conversation, will positively impact many generations to come! 

I know, I know, the global ruler guys and gals tell us how things are going to go and what we can do to be in this together, like one big global team of goodfellas, but sometimes I eat red meat, and I confess, I don't use that green compost box my city generously gave me, and my neighbours, a couple of years ago. I am no longer Catholic, but I do know confession is good for the soul, so I am telling you right now, that I don't always follow the suggestions that sound kind of like orders from the top guys down. I am what they call, a rebel, of sorts. They don't know me, and I am confident they never will, so I feel safe working the edges over here, just living under the wire and out of their suspicious gaze, ya know?

Anyhow, going green is the way to go nowadays. I did see a funny documentary featuring Melania Trump the other day, and man alive, she sure does have pretty places to go when she is transported in Trump planes by private pilots, and when on the road, by motorcades, a whole battalion of shiny black cars with flashing lights announcing her important presence as important first lady for time number two! Of course, she deserves to live the finest life ever, she is the presidents wife for goodness sakes! She is only one person, making a difference in her own way, and you and me, we have to follow suit, and make a difference too - she is such an excellent example of ambassadorship. 

Well, I have to go lie down now... this part-time, half-time kind of breathing makes me myself a little dizzy and tired. I will check back in on you later, ciao for now, fellow concerned for the world citizen, 

Remember now, we are all in this together. Don't forget to thank your local pharmacists, doctors and nurses, for having your back, by continuing to offer you shots against the viruses men make in the factories next door to the toilet paper producers. We all must do our part, and me, myself, will do what I can, to stay on the right side, of doing good in our world.

How about, you, yourself? 

Braggart Becomes Inert Dirt

Of all flattery, self-flattery is the worst, and self-applause is seldom any better than self-flattery and self-deceit. At the best, self-commendation is no praise, and it is often times as foolish and vain as it is proud; therefore, instead of praising or commending ourselves, we should strive to approve ourselves to God, and his approbation will be our best commendation, Matthew Henry, Acts to Revelation, Volume 6, page 513. 

I couldn't help myself from thinking immediately of Donald Trump, when I read Matthew Henry's description above, with regard to vanity and bragging. DJ (Donald John), has a one track mind. All paths lead to him, and how very important he is, how very proud as a peacock he is, of all his accomplishments, his family, his ability to do all things better than anyone else ever has, and ever will. He has erected a golden calf in his mind, and it is shaped in his image, for the purpose of self-adoration, and of course, he wants to be worshipped by all the people that admire him ever so. 

How very dreamy a life he leads... lots of money, prestige, and the power to push the button. He says what he wants about himself in all kinds of complimentary ways, in all kinds of company, and regardless of the circumstances, knowing full well that many in his audience, eat-up the vomitrocious chunks of self-promotion he spews. Jesus humbled himself by taking on flesh, condescending to walk amongst mankind, forsaking for a time, his heavenly throne to make right, all that we have done wrongly. DJT will one day soon (life is short, dear reader, and we all must die) be inert dirt - just like all the foolish men that came before him, believing they had super powers, and with dominating and arrogant over-confidence, could get away with being self-serving, instigating hatred, and causing fights so big they are called wars... The Bible is rife with men like DJT, and they all met the same demise - the grave yawned wide open to receive them, taking them where they never thought they would go, pulling them down to a lowly state of nothingness, with no approving applause, no good job, or atta boy. Golden coffins drop six feet deep, and not a living soul, wants to follow a dead man to his eternal demise. Jesus, dear reader, rose from the grave, by the power of God, since he is God, and his Father would not leave him where he lay. 

Jesus has the power over life and death, and yet humans believe it is their prerogative to arm wrestle with God, vainly convinced that he will not shatter their bones at the wrist, elbow and shoulder, for taking liberties in their arrogance. Man can force man against their will, this is true. A man with a missile can launch it into a building filled with human adults, children and babies, and the subjected persons, can do nothing to stop the violence from destroying their abode, and snuffing them of life. Anyone and everyone that condones this murderous conduct, fails in the extreme, in understanding, that this life isn't the end of the road of existence... there is a life eternal that follows the one of the flesh, and it is the after life that matters the most. 

Self-flattery

Self-applause

Self-deceit

Self-commendation

Self-praise

Look at the list, dear reader! Are you cringing, or do you think these self-bragging traits are admirable in others, or yourself, as signs of confidence earned by goal accomplishments? Do you wish you could be a braggart too? 

Foolish

Vain

Proud

God Almighty does not approve of people like DJT, in fact, all you and I need do, is read the Beatitudes, to clarify the matter, on the point I am making. DJ is nothing like Jesus, and he is no where near a saint on his way to heaven after this earthly existence. 

Look at the man, and do not compare him to other men. Look at the person, and compare him to Christ as the ultimate measure and standard of perfection. Christian, do you dare approve a braggart that speaks murder with his mouth, and think of the Saviour in the same moment, without feeling the weight of truth, that Jesus loved to the point of death, and wicked men like Donald John Trump, hate to the point of eliminating anyone and everyone that gets in his way, irritates him, draws his distain, questions his authority, disapproved his messages and mentality? 

Do you confuse and conjoin the two?

Do you dare ignore the evidence, in favour of politically motivated manipulative ploys of arrogance, that exploit the populace?

If you fawn over Trump and those that are like him, and call yourself a Christian, I implore you to read the Beatitudes, and pray to God for recalibration to Christ. 

Paying For Honesty

To be honest... 

A door to door salesman spoke these words during an exchange with me recently: To be honest. This refrain was repeated perhaps four to five times in the short stint of him pitching a telephone company as a replacement, for my current service provider. 

1. Was this young man feeling guilty about selling something he knew was subpar?

2. Was this young man nervous about being perceived as a dishonest sales man, or about perceived as a potentially slimy salesman?

3. Was the young man somehow compromising his integrity, and feared that his dishonoured values, were on display?

4. By using the term, To be honest, was he trying to convince me of something, or himself?

Lately I have been considering the price I have paid for being honest, and just as I turned the idea over in my mind once or twice, it occurred to me that it is the hearer, or receiver of honesty, that must pay a hefty price, because once the truth be told, and once it has been heard, it hangs around, becoming a sometimes unwelcome but constant companion, poking at conscience, niggling self-awareness, prodding the person to fess up, and be honest about intentions and perhaps unspoken, self-deceptions that are hard to face. 

Jesus paid the ultimate price for truth told, truth beheld, truth in action as promised, when he was crucified for the sins of the world as an innocent lamb. When I compare my truth telling to myself and to others, and how much it has cost me, I shrink into myself, when I consider Christ's ultimate sacrifice of life itself, for the guilty.  It is my initial sin of lying that takes me away from God, and it is my confessing of sin that screams of my deceptions. 

Let us expound together on this concept. 

A lie considered, a lie rationalized, a lie then spoken that leads to a self-promised reward when action is taken, adds insult to injury in the soul. Tracing backward on the tracks of accountability, you and I can take apart the life of sinful choices we have made based on the lies we have told ourselves and others over the years, throughout the decades... or even just looking back at our yesterday. 

There is a price demanded of us that ought not be too expensive, if honesty is highly valued. Telling the truth may seem an exorbitant levy for freedom, but it is an entrance fee to relationship with the King of kings, Lord of lords. Without honesty, without truth telling, without devotion to righteous living, we cannot be in relationship with God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Ghost - and dear reader, since when is it possible to build a firm and faithful foundation of sincere relationship with others, when undertones are deceptive, and when we are sneaky with our intentions? 

To be honest is an oft used term currently, and it belies self-deception for the speaker, and perhaps, a fear of being a liar. If someone speaks truth, they need not try to convince themselves, or others, of this. 

James 5:12

But above all things, my brethren, swear not, neither by heaven, neither by the earth, neither by any other oath: but let your yea be yea; and your nay, nay; lest ye fall into condemnation. 

Lest ye fall into condemnation. 

This warning is for each living breathing potentially self and other deceiving human being. The scripture above is plain in its instructions, that we speak yes, or no, without saying things like, I swear to God, or on my mother's grave, or on the life of my son or daughter. Man alive, if a person has to go to these lengths, to prove they mean what they say, can they be trusted as a person of integrity? 

Dear one, there is a price tag invisibly attached to lies, and to truth telling too, that becomes apparent over time. There is potential loss after the investing in truthful exchanges, and at the same time, it is worth the cost when the reward, is honest to goodness relationship, that can be trusted as tried and true. 

Be not condemned by the one that judges righteously. Tell yourself truth, and then speak and live it before God and man, and you will receive a heavenly, priceless recompense from your Saviour, Christ the King. 

Repent, confess yours sins, receive forgiveness, and sin no more. I pray God rules and reigns in your mind, heart, and spirit, dear one. 

What Was That You Said?

Sorry, I can't hear you, I ate ice cream, oh, and had milk in my coffee! 

My knowing has been with me for most of my adult years; I am painfully aware of how dairy anything, and everything, clogs up my sinuses, giving me a stuffed-full-with-cotton feeling in my head, itchy ears, and a concomitant dullness in my thinking processes. Sugar does me wrong in a number of ways too, but it isn't nearly as rude to me as delicious iced cream, coffee cream, yogurt, cottage cheese, cheese of any and all varieties... in other words, delicious cow milk products make me unwell in my head. 

It starts with a stuffy nose, shortly after consumption. I get congested, and when in company, it becomes obvious to others that something weird, and not wonderful, is happening. Before you think I am looking for sympathy, I tell you, I am not! 

Sure, I love me some ice cream, and cheese is such a lovely taste bud satisfying substance, but these things do not like me, and I am well aware. I have tried to befriend dairy, and pretend we can have an amicable relationship, and that a little bit of indulgence won't hurt me, but alas, these lies have lost all of their short legs, and I am left with the harsh reality, that I just can't be cheesy with my choices! Back to looking for sympathy... I have too good a life to feel too great a loss over such a simple thing, that I can easily refrain from ingesting. 

Confession time - I do periodically indulge in dairy, like an idiot that chooses poison, chooses headaches, and dullness, when in full strength and health. When I say things like, Pardon, I can't hear you, everyone in my life knows I have done the deed, by committing the crime of self-harm with my food choices, and they in turn suffer the results of my self-induced deafness, when they have to repeat themselves, or cover their ears because my voice is raised when speaking. I am giggling a little at the scenario I describe, having lived it repeatedly. It used to be that people would make curative suggestions in attempts to heal my impairments, but now they just ask, What did you eat? 

Sounds so silly, doesn't it, dear reader? You may be rolling your eyes and thinking to yourself, Just don't eat dairy dumb-dumb! And wouldn't you know it, I would agree with you whole-heartedly and say similar things to someone in the same situation, but you and I both know, how very attached, stubborn, and full on stupid we can be, when we want what we want, when and how, we want it. 

Human nature is naturally self-indulgent. Self-discipline is a learned ability, and the moral of the story is this: While we walk the earth in these earthen ware God crafted vessels known as bodies, we will not only be tempted, but we will often, and to our detriment, indulge ourselves, when saying No would work better for us in the long run. Sometimes, we behave in an asinine fashion, despite our intelligence! 

Today I was talking to a sweet friend and while we were sharing, my left ear allowed in a little extra sound, delighting me. Dear one, we don't know what we are missing until we become more sensitive to what is happening all around us. In my self-indulgence via not-good-for-me food choices, I enfeeble my abilities to be attentive to God, and my fellow man. When I can't hear, I notice less, pick-up fewer cues, and have to retrace steps in an attempt to retrieve what was said the first time around. I focus less on what is immediately in front of me when the dullness incapacitates, and I have often wondered, if this is my way of not wanting to hear, not wanting to be available, not wanting to have to notice - in other words, my way of checking out. 

If you and I know what the effects will be on us shortly after we do what we know is harmful, then we must ask ourselves, 

Why am I doing this? and; 

What am I trying to get out of? if getting out of a situation is the unspoken, underlying intention. 

I recall an occasion when my former husband and I had been invited to a birthday party. As the day grew long, I still hadn't started the process of getting ready for the event. I was lounging on the couch, and when he asked me, Aren't you getting ready? I responded, Ya, and started to get up, when my lower back screamed at me with a shooting pain. He witnessed what I am describing to you now, and looking me in the eye, he stated, You don't have to go to the party. Sweet relief to my ears and mind, You don't have to go to the party. As he made his way upstairs, I sat back down on the couch. To my surprise, the pain in my back left as quickly as it had arrived. Here one moment, gone the next: psychosomatic or perfect timing?

Dear reader, there are things you don't have to do, that may feel obligatory. There are people you don't have to see or spend time with, that you may feel need you or want you, but that you are not, beholden to. There are places you could go, conversations you could have, but none of them are must do's or have to's. You don't have to make yourself sick to eliminate foisted upon you impositions that you have a hard time saying no to... 

What was that you said? I don't have to?

Yes, that is correct, there are lots of things you do not have to do and;  You must do the work of distinguishing what your real life obligations are, when compared to what you sense are guilty feeling imposters, that will steal your mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being. 

Lastly, and with this, we will end our time together, you are entitled to sort through your thoughts and feelings as they relate to the people in your life and the situations you find yourself in. You have the right to exercise your Yes and No powers of decision making. You don't have to make yourself sick to get out of imposed or perceived responsibility. 

You always, get to choose. That is the gift, of freedom of will.