Tribes

Yesterday I was in an energetic funk and I searched for answers through reading, my book of choice was Tribal Leadership. I had set my alarm to go to a circuit training class and it crossed my mind to skip the class, but I knew I would regret that so I went and I was pleased with myself because I by-passed my inclination to let myself off the hook. The next task of the day was to shower and get ready for a networking meeting. I felt disinclined, not wanting to attend the meeting. I thought well maybe this is the same as just before my class, I will go because perhaps I will miss something important if I don't and will regret not attending.  I did an over ride of my natural inclination to not attend and this time, I wished I had listened to my instincts.  For many reasons, this group of people are not for me and I started getting that feeling two weeks ago. While each individual is lovely and talented and capable in their own right, they are not my tribe. It would require Herculean effort on my part to "behave myself", meaning follow the rules they want to establish to maintain "order".  Yesterday I spoke my truth, my sentiments about the structure and this caused a glitch in the system. If I continued in this group, I would quickly become the trouble maker, the anarcist, the difficult one, or I would learn to subdue, be quiet and closed off to protect myself from the disapproval of those being challenged by my questioning of the "leadership" and it's "rules".  We all have our tribe, the people who challenge us but see us for who and what we are without judgement.  Instincts and intuition always inform us about where we need to be and with whom.  The questions are: what are your instincts informing you about?  What is the price or cost in over-riding instinct.  In the instance of me going to the gym, going was good for me. In the instance of me attending the meeting, going was not good for me and perhaps, was worse for the others in attendance.  Here it is:  it's not just about what is good for me, it also matters what is good for others. Knowing this means I am responsible for my own feelings and thoughts and the impact they have on others. I am, and always will be, at choice.