Light Worker

One of my new clients called me a "Light Worker" the other day...this delighted me and even now, stops me in my tracks, it's impact and implications washing over me in waves.  There is a song I love and the lyrics are "I wanna be in the light, as you are in the Light, I wanna shine like the stars in the Heavens, Oh Lord be my Light, and be my salvation, cuz all I want is to be in the Light".  Coaching sheds light, sparks the soul and as client and coach work together toward fulfillment in the clients life, they begin to shine like the stars in the Heavens...the coach gets to bask in the Light.  This one is for you Joe, my fellow Light Worker, bear hugs.

No.  This is one of the hardest words to speak and yet, our bodies tell us no all the time. Within, there is the warning, the quiet whisper of no and then, as if by magic, no becomes a yes and in the yes, there is dread, a sense of self betrayal.  Following closely on the heels of yes can be trepidation and ultimately, the costly price of regret.  In coaching, I often ask new clients what they say yes to when they really would rather say no.  This is an enquiry, a request to take notice of the yeses and no's and what the impact is on them when no becomes yes, unwittingly. Coaching is always and forever about self awareness, who I am, who you are, how we show up in the world and most importantly, it is about becoming clear about intentionality.  What do you want?  What are you willing to say no to to get it?  It is not rude to say no, it is simply one possible answer to a request and when it comes from the choice of honouring self, it becomes a precious gem of honesty on display for all to see but more importantly, it becomes a resounding chime of clarity for the person who says NO with conviction.

Biggest Loser Wins

My family and I are watching the Biggest Loser. I am delighted because one of the contestants hit a workout road block and seemed unable to keep pushing herself physically. The trainer told her "push through the pain" and then he took her outside and made her run a mile...haha, no he didn't, he took her outside and helped her process her pain, the under the surface stuff that was bubbling up from her past that was keeping her from moving forward, physically, emotionally, spiritually. She cried, she acknowledged, she was challenged to forgive, for her own sake. Coaching in action, the Co, being, matched so beautifully with the Active, the doing...I am sooooooo happy to be a Personal Trainer and a Co-Active Coach, my life is amazing!  Clarity, I love you!

Standing Ovation

I have a 73 year old client.  She came to me for personal training with balance issues, postural dysfunction, but mostly, she came to me burdened. The weight on her shoulders was heavy, causing Dowengers hump.  Her eyes were perpetually downcast, thoughts of depression keeping her from looking up.  She wobbled and took steps slowly, governed by fear, seemingly ready for a potential stumble and fall, her internal perspective keeping her off balance...the inside dictates what we see on the outside and impacts how we are in the world.  During training, I told my client I am a coach, and a spark lite her eyes. We started coaching and continued training. Today, she taught me something new...using the BOSU, a piece of balance equipment that is a half ball, she showed me how to do a yoga shoulder stand~I was amazed, astounded and ever so slightly appalled at MYSELF!  This woman has lived a full life of raising children, self employment, marriage, successes, failures...she is a wealth of knowledge and she is NATURALLY CREATIVE RESOURCEFULL AND WHOLE!  She is learning skills from me~I am not the source of her strength, her transformation, her creativity, I am her mirror, holding up the image of her that I see as a powerful woman with infinite ability and strength. Shoulders back, gaze straight ahead, standing in her full height and deciding what she will do, when she will do it, and with clear intentions, my client is coming into her own, and I get to watch, step aside and give her a standing ovation.

Younger Me

In an old journal entry from 2003, I wrote:  I want to speak the truth and also remain silent~speak to refresh, to edify, to encourage and to glorify God; I want silence to be my friend when speaking would only do harm.  In rewriting this, I see the black and white of my thinking back then, the either or of communication. Words held power to heal or to hurt and my belief was that those were the two options.  There was a lot of polarization, good bad, black white, either or going on. I was searching, trying to find answers on how to be a kind and loving person, all of the time. In the trying, there was judgement, particularly when I would say or do something "wrong".  I didn't know about coaching, that perspectives are available that can change a whole persons life.  I didn't know about intentionality, that you can choose to speak the truth in a fiercely courageous way to someone to edify them, without convicting self for being black hearted.  No one knows the power of the individual, I wrote this too in the entry...somehow, we do know the power of the individual.  Coaches see strength where clients feeeeel weak, there is a knowing that goes beyond words, the stuff of essence is only measureable by the heart.  Younger me was searching, older me is finding...seek and yea shall find.

Onward Ho

A metaphor came to me as I updated my homework for certification and I quite like it~people are no longer puzzles to be solved, they are presents to be opened!  Coaching offers the client the opportunity to open up, to themselves, in the presence of someone who is committed to their learning, growth and ultimately joy factor.  Powerful questions asked from a curiosity that is irresistible invite the client to verbalize their inner workings and in so doing, client and coach get an up close and personal view of what's going on in there!  Access can lead to understanding and what the client really wants in this one life they live.  Once the words are spoken, the invisible pull starts in the direction of actualization, a need to fulfill ones destiny can become a powerful force, and THIS is the point of coaching, more of the good stuff. The doing after the discovery of finding, moving forward, onward ho, is a beautiful thing.

Power Source

Today I had my triad call with two amazing pod mates. These are the people I am going through certication with and we practice coaching one another based on the CTI model we are learning and then we give each other feedback. I got some incredible coaching today, which means my coach listened to me, picked up on what was significant and important, challenged my perspective, and made sure the coaching was about ME.  Energetically, I can follow, I can also lead, but what I learned, again, is that it is in stillness that I am empowered. When I am by the peaceful still waters, my God whispers Truth in my ear, and I am led to follow Him, which always leads me back to the client.  I am the conduit, He is the power source, thankfully today I remembered this, and I am grateful.

Waves

Self confidence is an inner knowing, a belief in self that empowers one to do and say and live according to a clarity and vision that is like a driving force.  I have seen it in action, I have lived it and yet, it is illusive and temporary and as emotions wax and wane, confidence follows suit.  At this point, I am recognizing what is missing. Confidence is not taught, being careful is.  Be safe, be careful, watch it~this is the fear mantra that is repeated and taught until weakness is the driving force with fear as the fuel. Since starting coaching, I see others as naturally creative, resourceful and whole. In session, clients begin to see themselves in the same light, until they go to school, to work, spend time with family, friends or are alone, and then the thought monsters come and steal the peace away.  Riding the waves of humanity, the ebb and flow threaten to overtake me, thank goodness for tomorrow.

Exercise to Transform

Fitness releases some amazing power in people.  Movement connects us to what is important, what matters, starting with ME.  Starting with taking care of self, confidence builds and clarity becomes the bonus payoff. The body begs for activity and staying still kills it, and as the muscles atrophy, so does the soul...shrinking to a shadow of self.  Exercise only matters if it happens, talking about it doesn't cut it.  It's the same with coaching, the goal is to deepen the learning and forward the action, otherwise it is empty talk about possibilities, a leg less waste of verbal energy. The rosy cheeks, the afterglow of exercise gives a glimpse of the happy factor that happens inside the body after the effort. Coaching also requires effort, motivation for transformation, and it is through the doing that transformation is realized.

Shame

I have been thinking about shame as the lowest common denominator in the human experience. Since this blog is about the soul, I make the assumption that all who read it have experienced shame and in memory, relived shame repeatedly. Shame is like a sliver just beneath the skin, an undertone that is off keeping by its very nature, setting the teeth on edge and giving one the feeling of wanting to run, to hide, to make the feelings go away.  Shame demoralizes and devalues and is a soul sucker, stealing away greatness from would be should be confident and loving people.  Jesus was subjected, innocently, to vicious abuse to evoke shame, but He did not submit, nor did He engage. He knew Truth, and while He willingly submitted to His predicted fate, He never once submitted to the shame. Jesus knows the source of shame, He knows the Source, and in His Godly Humanity, He remains steadfast, dedicated to Glory and as my Perfect Example, Christ is teaching me that shame is not my teacher, it is my captor if I chose to submit. The Power within me is greater than the power without, this is Blessed Truth.

Perspectives

Self sacrifice without choice, or without the awareness that this is a way of life passed down generationally, can cause emotional shall we say, discomfort? We have all been taught how to be in the world, by someone. Unwittingly, we have all adopted perspectives and at some point or another, we come up against these perspectives and realize hey, is that how I really see this situation, this environment, this person?  There is a moment of reckoning, when perspective is questioned and choice becomes an option. In coaching, I have witnessed and experienced the moment when realization hits~the whatttttt, you mean there is another way to see this?  Sometimes this is painful, because with the dawning realization of new ways to see the world and a persons place in it, the client sees that the options were always there and that perhaps, the suffering endured was for not.  Coaching is enlivened possibilities with room to grow up and out from where you were first planted.

Michelle Young

I like the word genteel, because it reminds me of a time gone by, a Deep South kinda vibe where women were women and men were men.  There was a subtle flirtatiousness, a language of nuance, where eyes spoke volumes and expressions told it all.  I know someone who is the epitomy of gentility. She is charming and quick witted and elegant. What I like most about her is her compassionate heart~she has this fantastic vision of people and while she notices etiquette slip ups in others, she is perennially hopeful and forgiving, always looking for the best in the other.  My son asked me "who is charming" and my response was almost instantaneous, MICHELLE!  Some people are naturally love bugs, the salt of the earth, models well worth emulating...It just so happens I have one or two in my life and Michelle Young, this week you take the cake!  Thanks for the flowers and the song playing in my head...You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are grey...

Simplicity

I am at the half way mark with my certification as a CTI Co-Active Coach.  My view of the world has changed as I have progressed through the program. People are an interesting mix of crazy brilliance wrapped up in a jumble of messy circumstances. This is a fun perspective that takes me far away from problem solving, having to find solutions, being right in my assessments, for myself and for others. Things making sense, being put in order, is logical and lovely and easy to understand.  Messy is uncomfortable and awkward but is inevitable and so is the sorting.  I read a great quote from Beth Moore "thoughts are like laundry, some times you have to dump out the basket to sort through it". That's coaching!  The coach listens, asks questions, the client sorts, the coach picks out really cool insight for the client to look closely at, all the while believing, knowing that the client is brilliantly insightful in their own life and they just need someone along side to help them sort. There is obviously so much more to coaching, but for now, it's fun to see it simply and with a smile on my face, I know that at the half way mark, it's simplicity is beautiful.

The Word

When I compare myself to others, I become weak, insecure, faulty in my thinking.  When I see the gift that emulating offers, I become gleefully free, because I can follow in the footsteps of any and all of the greats in life, the ones past and present.   I have had some exceptional modelling from many real life influences in my life and as a super smart person, I chose to listen, learn and emulate!  My father used to say "a smart person learns from their own mistakes, a really intelligent person learns from the mistakes of others, and a stupid person never learns".  Sure, I make mistakes, and I am learning really quickly to jump back up, brush the dust off and carry on with my bad self onto bigger and better things. What I am really ready for is to listen to the invisibly offered wisdom, whispered in my ear.  The Way, The Truth and The Life has ALREADY been spoken, modelled, lived.  Cool, I don't have to reinvent the wheel, I can take the free trip offered me, offered to all.  The Word is my Teacher and I emulate Him.

Forgiveness

I am reading a book about being "centred".  This term has always seemed too new agey to me, too airy fairy and pie in the sky, perhaps because I am easily distracted?  Lately, I have decided to endure, remain in when the going gets tough.  I am practicing the art of "stay". Twice this week, I have been taken off guard because I have been told that my staying power was admirable. To hear someone acknowledge that they see what I have invisibly committed to is astonishing. It goes to show that when our outside matches our inner intentions, integrity of thought and action perfectly compliment one another.  Which brings me to my most profound commitment, to love even when it is not returned, to forgive because I was first forgiven. Yesterday, I held anger, resentment toward another, today, I go to bed knowing that the only way to freedom is through love, which concurs all, and as I forgive, I let go, I release the other energetically too and my do no harm love for her returns.

Love Denied

Relationship is a tenuous thing, especially when commonality is lacking.   I find I am currently challenged, wondering how to navigate relationship with another when offence is easily taken, misunderstanding abounds, and excuses and rationalizations are the default mode. Opening the door to communication can be almost an impossible feat when the other slams the door, attached to prideful stubbornness, a delight in being the wounded. I heard an expression, some people look to be offended, and this, I hate to say, is true, and is the root cause for dysfunction in relationship.  Clinging to our own truth, our own perspective is like living with blinders on and walking through a mine field.  We have to be in relationship as human beings and so, choosing to always see things MY WAY, excludes the other, keeps them out of relationship and ultimately, destroys any possibility of abiding connection. The one stands, arms open, waiting to embrace, while the other glares, turns and walks away...love can only survive if it is the reason to relate, otherwise, it dies a slow death.

The Key

What do you want?  This is an all encompassing question. When I ask myself this question, I have to focus on a topic. What do I want in my life?  What do I want in my marriage?  What do I want in my business, my friendships, my relationships?  In coaching, powerful questions are the bedrock, the foundational on which all else is built.  It's in the asking that something is stirred up, usually a buried longing begins to peek out tentatively, wondering, is it my turn, can it be that I will be listened to, will I finally be heard?  Once the questions have been asked and answers are given voice, the fulfilling can and usually does, begin, almost immediately.  If the question is the door, the answer is the key to unlock the door.  Once I ask and answer, I have already taken steps inside the former secret garden of my soul.

Matches and Words

Words are like matches, they can ignite a burning fire that has the power to help, heal or hurt. Matches are harmless when nestled side by side in their homey book. Words too, are harmless when strung together in out around down and up over there. The danger is in the careless, reckless, use of either. As coach, I am compelled to honour my client, be fiercely courageous for their well being.  This is a scary walking a tight rope experience, taking the risk in blurting the truth as it presents itself through intuition. Using the match metaphor, I wanna light a fire, a burning desire in the client to live on purpose, to feel the heat and feel compelled to move!  The intention is always to deepen the learning and forward the action.

My King

I'm busting out, breaking free.  I am an introverted extravert, a hermit crab emerging.  Part of me wants to stay in the safe haven of home, where I can choose what I read, see, eat, hear (almost-I live with people). There are places in my home where I can sequester myself and silently read, journal, pray.  When the urge to be alone comes over me, it is powerfully compelling and in the quiet, I hear my God...my Abba Father. The gift of hearing His voice, whispering Truth, telling me to trust in Him, that all belongs to Him, humbles me and the pain comes in the form of knowing that somehow I had walked away and proudly relied on myself before being recalled by Him. In the still of His presence,  I remember who I am, in His eyes, not in mine. He is far kinder to me than I am and as He loves me back to community, the shine returns as I glow from within, a fire rekindled by my King.

Now Is All That Exists

As I grow spiritually, I suffer emotionally. The two seem intrinsically entwined, woven together. Growing pains. Ego pridefully rears it's ugly head and demands that I stop looking so closely, stop digging around. It tells me I am up to no good and put that stone down, nothing to see under there. I ventured out as infrequently as possible in the last two days, feeling vulnerable to the influences of the outside world.  My desire, my longing, is to let go of all bravado, all vanity, all ego driven thought, behaviour...it is in and amongst others that this side comes out and self mastery is my goal. To live and love freely without expectation or hopes of its return. To work and play all in, without fear of having wounded or being wounded.  To forgive and be forgiven, never again looking back because now is all that exists.  Now is all that exists. 

Power vs. Force

Naturally, we are truth detectors, and there is a book to prove it, called Power vs. Force by David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D.  Based on kinesiology, the author establishes how we humans are able to test for truth, calibrate it, physically. If something is good, pure, wholesome, healthy for us to eat, think, believe, our bodies become strong in the testing of the item. If an item, thought, word, name, food, belief is evil, vile, harmful in some way, our muscles weaken. Energetically, we are BRILLIANT!  This news is incredibly freeing because it removes judgment when we react negatively to the many influences in our lives or more specifically, to some of the people we encounter or even, dare I say, live with?  People weaken us...this is a profound truth, undeniable. This said, the attractiveness of the opposite is lusciously seductive, people strengthen us...how???  By being good, pure of heart, kind, loving, gentle, generous, compassionate, understanding. Look around you, who are YOU?  Are you someone's kriptonite or one of their greatest sources of encouragement?  Do they see love in your eyes when you glance their way or distain?  It is always and forever a choice how we impact our fellow man. I feel the power, the strength in the choice, now as I share this truth. 

Humility

Today I attended a 7 a.m circuit training class. While the class was a challenge, my ego was a bigger challenge. As a personal trainer, I find it hard to take orders from another trainer, and while I am not competitive, it is all I could do this morning to NOT say, I'm a trainer!  Hahaha, humility is so lovely, so admirable when I witness it...why oh why do I struggle so much to submit, subvert, say "down doggie, DOWN BOY" to my ego, vanity?  It is so much easier to see myself as the expert, to hide behind bravado, rather than accept the offering from another. Coaching has turned me into a student. I am looking at others intently and more so, myself.  I love the days I have nothing to prove, to myself or anyone else.  Those are the days I live with others, and not in comparison to them.  Magnificent humility, come hither, I await you eagerly.

Earl

This morning I spoke to Earl, a retired police officer with personality. His stories are always entertaining and today's story did not disappoint. I mentioned to him that my training partner was always earlier than me in getting to the gym and he began telling me about his wife being born 15 minutes late.  He then proceeded to tell me that since he had been a cop, he always had to be early, which led him to the curative measure of tricking his wife-he would tell her that they had to be out the door for 8:30, which meant she was ready for 8:45 and they would arrive on time for 9.  Somewhere in the telling, I was delighted to hear him say that instead of getting mad at her, he created a way to make the situation ok for both of them, and of course, their long term relationship.  This playful accommodation of one another has persisted, and he proudly told me of a similar story spinning ability that his wife possesses.  This man has joy, playfulness, a fantastic sense of humour and repeatedly, he chooses relationship over fighting about being right and holding ground.  Earls timing is perfect, especially when he is joking.