Demanding as Commanding

Thought patterns and behaviours are changeable. This is "the way I am" is an easy way of saying, I'm not changing.  Change only occurs if there is loss, or the threat of loss.  If I am demanding and people give in to my ways, I have several options when confronted by this truth. I can see myself as an opportunist and congratulate myself for winning all of the time. I can see the other and the impact my demands have on them and continue to demand my way or perhaps, conversely, I might see the impact and decide that it is self serving, necessitating a change.  I am seeing any demand, as a command, as a way to control the situation, people, circumstances, a bid to predict outcomes and responses.  The rigidity of this is a comfort for the commander, a self soothing way of mastering environment and the people in it.  It is not so comforting for the commanded, it is a form of constraint, a rude imposition of will.  When the response to a demand or command becomes a no, a definitive NO, there opens possibility for change in the commander.  In true and abiding relationship, the fear of loss forces change when yes becomes no.  Commander must decide which holds importance to them, being in command, or being in relationship?