Innocence Replaced by Honesty

"Everyone begins in innocence and without guile, and everyone can sense truth".  This, according to the Essential Enneagram, is how my personality type started out in life, with this belief.  What I experienced growing up proved to be different from this foundational belief, this seemingly sweet and innocent, as mentioned in the opening line, view or initial belief in the world. What I saw and heard and experienced formed and shaped my personality and I came to believe "It is a hard and unjust world in which the powerful take advantage of other's innocence".  As I read and found my personality matches in this book, I also learned how I grew strong and what my weaknesses are, the reactions I have to stress and when my security is threatened.  I am a freedom fighter~this is a label I give to myself because I am bold and fierce and fiery for the innocent. I am intolerant of lies, manipulation, deception...I am strong, decisive, courageous. Sounds so wonderful, doesn't it?  Flip side, you ask?  I resist being vulnerable, asking for help, being broken or appearing weak, or at least, that was the old me.  Coaching has changed me, my reactions, my go to patterned self protective behaviours. I am cognizant of my default modes and when unaware, I am sure to be caught because I have surrounded myself with people who love me, even when I am vulnerable and weak~they willing go to battle with me, for me, pulling me close and letting me know that it is safe, that I don't have to fight so hard, I don't have to always be a tower of strength...I don't have to prove anything.  As I write, I have the epiphany here and now, that my fight was always with me, I wanted to prove to myself that even if the world could not be trusted, that at least I could.  Everyone is Naturally Creative Resourceful and Whole.  With adult eyes, I see guile, deception, manipulation and I see people wanting better than this.  This is what I could not see as a child, with my black and white glasses on.  Innocence is now replaced with a desire for honesty, and for this, I will continue to fight. The Truth is worth the battle.