All In

Today I enjoyed a brand new perspective and I'm excited to share it. I have been an all or nothin kinda gal most of my life and today the thought came to me that this isn't true anymore.  I read a suggestion recently and have repeated it often since than, to practice not finishing.  I am good at that when it comes to a terrible conversation, movie, book, in fact, I have been working on stay, my patience, even taking a breath periodically to readjust my inclination to bolt when bored. All or nothing is different from this, it relates to an obligation to finish want I have started consuming, whether it be food or drink, I was raised to finish, to not waste.  As a fitness professional, this put extra pressure on me to stay fit and the roller coaster ride of being perfectly, this I say tongue in cheek, controlled or going hog wild, yes I used this term purposefully, was an up and down physical ride AND it took its toll on my self beliefs, I felt like a fraud, not living the lifestyle I hold in high regard. On Feb 10th, I committed to my own self care, my wellness, and fitness is a major component in my plan. I haven't been all or nothing, I have been ALL IN!  I love taking care of myself, I love the knowing feeling I get that my value of wellness is being honoured each time I take the time (not make the time, that doesn't exist) to go to the gym.  Permission to not finish has translated into if I don't like something I am eating or drinking, I stop eating or drinking it. In the past, I committed to fitness, on again, off again.  On Feb 10th I committed to my own well being, this is an inside out rather than an outside in approach.  When I look at my perspectives, stare them in the eye and challenge their validity, sometimes they whimper, turn and run the other way, taking with them the lies that no longer have a hold on how I see my world and live in it.  Choice can be friend or foe, it all depends on your perspective.

Fear vs Faith

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me". This is part of a Hillsong song, called Oceans. It is spectacular in its haunting message, a request of God, the Holy Spirit, to instill trust, a deep and abiding trust to go where He would have us go, fearlessly, with a sense of borderlessness.  The song is almost ten minutes long and I find it riveting.  It is fear that stops us, fear that is menacing and threatening, it is fear that must be quelled and concured and shut down in order to live in faith.  Let me be clear, I don't just speak of faith in God, although I firmly and unabashedly hold that fear cannot survive in the face of faithfulness to God, I speak of faith in ability, skills, personal expansion and greatness.  What is the hugest most threatening IMAGINED fear you have?  Let's face it, fear is imaginary, it only has teeth eyes and hair when indulged, then it becomes a character in the narrative in our heads.  Kill it, look it in the face and challenge it's existence...taking risks won't kill me, won't kill you, NOT taking them is a slow and painfully boring death. Fear vs Faith, each is a state of being, which one will you chose to live out loud?

Backing Up While Looking Forward

Today I was backing my car up into a parking spot and in my head I heard a screechy needle on a record sound of backup and it crossed my mind that if I didn't look where I was going, I might hit something. Since my eyes were looking in the direction I was travelling, the likelihood of hitting anything was reduced but what if I was backing up and looking forward? Strange thought?  I don't think it is because this is exactly what happens when we look to the past when trying to move forward in the present, it's a stumbling hazard.  I recall a time I went to Costco with my friend Karen, I was chattering away to her and then bam, got violently stopped in my tracks as the side of my head came in contact with a steel support beam.  A man close by saw the hit and quickly said "be careful where you're going", my sarcastic response was "you say that now, after the fact?".  This is laughable because I was all alone, that's right, while I had been mindlessly babbling to my friend, she had stopped to look at something, clearly without my awareness!  What's my point you ask?  Forward movement necessitates keeping your eyes focused in the direction you are traveling, this allows you to see obstacles, stumbling blocks, fast lanes.  When visiting the past, make it just that, a quick visit for learning sake, because no matter how hard you try to rewrite history, it just won't happen and can cause your now to be filled with bumps and unnecessary bruises.

Innocence Replaced by Honesty

"Everyone begins in innocence and without guile, and everyone can sense truth".  This, according to the Essential Enneagram, is how my personality type started out in life, with this belief.  What I experienced growing up proved to be different from this foundational belief, this seemingly sweet and innocent, as mentioned in the opening line, view or initial belief in the world. What I saw and heard and experienced formed and shaped my personality and I came to believe "It is a hard and unjust world in which the powerful take advantage of other's innocence".  As I read and found my personality matches in this book, I also learned how I grew strong and what my weaknesses are, the reactions I have to stress and when my security is threatened.  I am a freedom fighter~this is a label I give to myself because I am bold and fierce and fiery for the innocent. I am intolerant of lies, manipulation, deception...I am strong, decisive, courageous. Sounds so wonderful, doesn't it?  Flip side, you ask?  I resist being vulnerable, asking for help, being broken or appearing weak, or at least, that was the old me.  Coaching has changed me, my reactions, my go to patterned self protective behaviours. I am cognizant of my default modes and when unaware, I am sure to be caught because I have surrounded myself with people who love me, even when I am vulnerable and weak~they willing go to battle with me, for me, pulling me close and letting me know that it is safe, that I don't have to fight so hard, I don't have to always be a tower of strength...I don't have to prove anything.  As I write, I have the epiphany here and now, that my fight was always with me, I wanted to prove to myself that even if the world could not be trusted, that at least I could.  Everyone is Naturally Creative Resourceful and Whole.  With adult eyes, I see guile, deception, manipulation and I see people wanting better than this.  This is what I could not see as a child, with my black and white glasses on.  Innocence is now replaced with a desire for honesty, and for this, I will continue to fight. The Truth is worth the battle.

I Will Fight

On March 13th I became officially certified as a coach, CTI notified me that I had passed my final exam.  The final exam is an event marked in my memory as joyful and exhilarating.  I had the pleasure of coaching two masterful coaches, my examiners, for 15 minutes each. Going into the experience, I saw these two people as my colleagues and prior to coaching them, I asked God to help me be of service to each of them.  When I began the process of becoming coach, I learned quickly that it was I that needed coaching, I needed to see and know where I was stuck, I needed to envision the more that my life is meant to be, I needed to be set free from the chains that held me captive to insecurity, self doubt, "realistic" and stayed perspectives~my life purpose was waiting for me and coaching opened the door to my life just a crack, I'M the one pushing that door open to see what is on the other side.  It is not in my nature to be frightened, I am a warrior, a protector, a fighter of the good fight, for justice and love and freedom.  My clarity increases daily, many are prisoners, enslaved and ensnarled by those that brow beat them into submission, the bullies that keep the brilliant from their freedom to grow and expand and turn towards the light...I will fight fiercely until all know their worth, with Gods strength, I will fight.

Grandma Ruth & Grandma Mary

"If you don't make the choice, choice makes you". Here's another one "if nothing changes, everything stays the same".  Two questions:  what will be made of you AND how is your same?  When you or I don't know what it is we want, it behooves us to find out. Staying the same is not an option once the wheels beginning turning, moving us in the direction of knowing.  My life is a big deal, it holds a lot if responsibility. Let me be very clear...it is MY LIFE, and this is the only one I know anything about at this point in time, it's all I've got.  I am responsible for every aspect of how it goes. As a child, I was subject to the decisions that the big powerful people in my life made~I wasn't consulted or given permission to give my opinion. This being subject to another, it carried on until I learned to argue, and boy howdy, I got really good at that.  When I learned that verbal sparring gave me freedom, that expressing my opinion, even when I was wrong, didn't kill me or anybody else, it fuelled my fire and well, I have been talking (less verbal sparring) ever since.  What I have learned about myself is that my intentions are good, that I am a kind person, and that taking care of me doesn't take away from another in fact, it does the opposite.  Regret kicks in when I sacrifice me for another and than realize that they never asked for that, expected it or even...noticed...Love, self love, it's the starter fluid for the fire that burns pure and lights up the world. To thine own self be true, words to live by.  Inspired by grandma Ruth's love, and grandma Mary's fire~your granddaughter noticed and is still learning from you~xo Ruth the second. 

Coaching Cures Myopia

My eyes, do they see what is real or what I want them to see?  Emotions, feelings, they can taint my vision, blur my sight, make me myopic~one of the definitions for this word is: lacking tolerance or understanding; narrow-minded.  Coaching has taught me that the good fight is FOR humanity, it is FOR believing in others and FOR being hopeful of life altering transformation in other words, to never give up, to truly believe that we are all naturally creative resourceful and whole.  I love this premise of being whole, because that applies to me too.  Zig Ziggler used to say God doesn't make junk and if I look at others, his children with his eyes, I might see some naughty behavioural issues (totally redirect able and correctable) and I will also see how precious each one of us truly is, flaws and all. Open the eyes of my heart, this is my prayer. I can see clearly now the rain has gone, I can see all obstacles in my way, gone are the dark clouds that had me blind, it's gonna be a bright, bright, sunshiny day...

Conformity Kills

Yesterday I started the process to become a coach teaching dance to Special Olympic athletes. I was invited to do so by one of my all time favourite people, a close friend, Paula Kerr. Yesterday she and her partner in fun, Eric, taught the athletes to dance while drumming on stability balls. I joined in. The me that wants to get it right, follow the leader and master the activity showed up and at first, I noticed that the other participants weren't as keen on playing follow the leader which made me wonder if it was choice or inability to follow?  I had a rude awakening, while I tried so hard to conform, the rest of the group was in sync with the leaders when they choice to be, when it suited them and when it didn't, they were creative, drumming, singing and dancing to the music with unrestricted joy, making the experience their own while enjoying community. The unity in the group was tangible, and as I realize the gift I was offered, I took it, I cut the self conscious do it the right way according to someone else ego tether and I danced and sang and periodically missed a beat and I had FUN.  Conformity kills the spirit, creativity, it is a buzz kill a joy sucker.  God wants me to learn to be myself AND love it.  Some of us know this naturally, some of us need to be taught, I am learning, being taught...and it is good. 

The Eyes of Love

My 16 year old son went to Ottawa for the school March break. While there, he and his friend made sandwiches to hand out to the homeless. One fellow ate the sandwich in about 30 seconds and thanked the boys profusely. Last night, they went out again and offered a sandwich to a man who asked "is it warm, because if not, I'll pass". My son informed me of the incident and wrote LOL, afterward. This delights me, because my boy didn't get his nose out of joint, nor did he have a negative opinion of the man following the rejection of the proffered sandwich.  I am pondering, what made my son make and offer sandwiches to the homeless?  What makes one man accept thankfully and another reject the offer out of a particular need to have "it", the offer, a certain way?  Perspective is my only answer. How we see the world, how we interact with and appreciate or reject, block another from doing us a service is all about this one thing:  Do you and I see others with the eyes of love?  Am I your equal, another precious soul travelling in time and space by your side?  Conversely, am I an object of your hate, your envy, your projected pain?  Someone seen as your competition, the reason for your failure, an enemy against your cause?  The wind is blowing outside, it howls at the thought of the latter suggestion...The Eyes of Love, they softly speak you are welcome here, come as you are.

Life Is It Anyway

The not so funny joke of "you have married your mother/father" exists because it's true. The unconscious decisions we sometimes make are based on an unfinished story, often times, someone else's. What do you do when someone else's story is superimposed on your life?  What is this ancient ritual of passing on dysfunction or on the brighter side of this scenario, passing on the happy and the good from and in relationship?  Whichever scenario we find ourselves in, there is a remembering, a pulling back to what was and in everyday life, it shows up as what currently is.  This is a messy kind of statement so I will explain.  Let's play with the idea that when I selected my mate, he was very different from my father.  As time went on, similarities between my husband and father became apparent, and from there, someone might observe and say positively or with a negative snarl, "you married your father".  This generally is stated in the negative and has a Freudian feel, an unresolved issue that shows up looking for healing, understanding, resolution.  The big question is:  if my husband actually was unlike my father when we began our relationship and gradually became more like him as time went on, did I do or say or live a life that formed and shaped, created in essence, a repeat of who my father was for some unknown reason?  This question takes me to this thought filled question:  Who's life is it anyway?  Am I okay with someone else's superimposed life placed dark shadow like overtop of mine?  What role do I play in giving away my freedom to chose for myself in favour of repeating what I have learned?  We create all the time, including our reality. What is yours?  Who's life is it anyway?  You decide. 

Love is a Verb

Some people choose to be right, regardless of the facts. We all tell stories in our heads and have the ability to shall I say politely, embellish the truth or twist it to prove a point and validate our thoughts, feelings and ultimately the story we tell. There is someone I love, I can't help but love, but the stories in her head, they keep us apart.  Our vision, the colour of our glasses, how we see the world and it's people is telling, it speaks to our inner thought world and shows up in brief interactions with strangers and in more intimate contact with supposed beloved ones.  There is always the energy trail, the trace left behind that lingers and either leaves a rash or feels like the sprinkling of Heavenly shimmering fairy dust. The leave behind trace lingers and then fades and the unaware, the unconscious souls that go about the world clunking and banging, wreaking havoc with the peace of others around them, they leave destruction in their wake, debris to be cleaned up in their absence as they go off to go about their distructive business elsewhere.  I have heard there is a thin line between love and hate, this is a line I never want to draw or cross. I like the term "love is a verb", it goes along with the expression "actions speak louder than words".  What I think and or feel affects what I say and what I do~think about it, isn't this true of EVERYONE in your life?  If you don't see love demonstrated, in action by another, chances are, it just isn't there.

Brave

I like this line "your history of silence won't do you any good, did you think it would" from the song Brave by Sara Bareilles.  There is another line in the song that speaks to waiting for permission to decide, to speak.  I remember being in the second of five of CTI's core curriculum courses. I said something I thought was clever and one of the leaders was standing close by. My hope was that she too would think it clever and I said as much when I told her I had made the comment because she was standing within ear shot. She looked me in the eye and said "you are not in kindergarten, you don't need my approval".  Yikes, that truthful comment stung and I am so grateful for it. From childhood, all systems align to have children conform, perform, behave and comply. Seeking approval is natural as insecurity rules in new learning environments, even in adulthood. How do we make the switch from being told what to do, how to do it and what makes the grade, to being self confident, trusting our own intuition and discernment?  One comment, one perspective, one truth at a time, that's how. Trust yourself, this is the mantra, it is easier said than done. In the song Brave, the singer song writer says "I wanna see you be brave, honestly, let the words fall out". What are you waiting for?  It's your life, speak like you have nothing to lose.  When it's the truth you speak and it is spoken with kindness, in service of another, it may be just what they need to hear to help set them free, it may also be just what you needed to say to set YOU free. 

Abandon

What about fun?  What about singing with abandon?  What about not giving a fig, loving yourself so much that you are your full on crazy fun self? Go, play...for you. Dance like you just do care!

Conflicted

Conflicted. There is a space between having what you or I want and wanting what we have. I met a man recently at the gym while doing cardio and for two days in a row, we chatted. The conversations were heavy because he had heavy thoughts.  I told him I am a coach and being a bright man, he knew when I was in coaching mode and we laughed when he named it. Today I blurted that he is conflicted...I'm torn between being ashamed of myself and proud of myself for naming what I saw in him, an almost perfect stranger. This changed our repoire, as shocking statements are prone to do, and I'm left wondering if my comment left a mark.  The conflict?  What he does for a living and what he wants to do are two different things~this is the simplified version of what is going on in his life. This showed up in then and now statements, self depricating comments, anger, irritation...my wise mum says the tongue always goes to the sore tooth.  This means that no matter who this guy talks to, whatever is sitting heavily on his soul, whatever is weighing him down will come out verbally. Words are the overflow of the heart, in this case, a rended heart on the verge of breaking. He didn't hire me as coach, and it's not my place to mend his heart, he must do this himself by soul searching and being true to what he wants and living into that truth.  Coaching has given me tools to see, name what I see, and when I dare, to speak it with the intention of edifying my fellow man.  Conflict resolution is one of many powerful and wonderful life giving outcomes from coaching. May the coaching force be with you. 

Oral Exam Fun

Tonight marks the end of my certification program with CTI. I had an oral exam and had the fantastic experience of coaching my examiners, my colleagues in the profession. I have been a working paid coach for some time and already considered myself to be a coach, prior to tonight's big event~the oral exam was a rite of passage, the icing on a super delicious double layer chocolate cake.  My examiners wanted me to do well, they were invested in my success and believed that tonight was cause for joyful celebration, and they were right. The CTI model is humanity in action, the coach is figuratively the hands and feet, the servant to the client who wants to live large and full on. The client always and forever has all of the answers and the coach gets to hold the client up, like when one person offers for another to sit on their shoulders to see something fantastic, get a better view!  Coaching has transformed my life and I am gushy with appreciation. I am thrilled to be a Co-Active CTI Coach and soon, very soon, I will be able to call myself certified. 

Savouring

Striving is a tiresome endeavour.  This is not a new discovery, flow is. Being in the flow means I don't have to have all of the answers, reasons, particulars. In the past, these items were temporary appeasements, quick fixes for the discomfort of not being in control of situations, feelings, circumstances.  I shrug at the thought of going back to that need to know place, relieved in the current knowledge that the facts don't always have to add up and that the false sense of security that facts provide in the short term are just a puff of smoke, an exhale of cold breath.  In striving, there is an end goal, a I've got to get there urgency that steals from the experience of now.  My friend Keli has a delicious relationship with her morning coffee. She is a Starbucks fan and before she sips she simmers, savouring the experience she knows she will have as cup meets lips and coffee tantalizes waiting taste buds. She hesitates, knowing that she is going to have an experience, choosing to luxuriate and enjoyyyyyyyy, ahhhhhhhh.  Makes me want a coffee, how about you?  It is the delight of the experience that makes the coffee more delicious. It is the appreciation of the pleasure that makes every morning cup an event. Maybe striving isn't so bad, if what you are striving for is the enjoyment of the simple things that make living something to relish.  Keli Nethercott, you joyful muse you, let's have coffee soon.