See no Evil

Two blogs ago I wrote Shameless...I was in a tail spin, unnerved by wreck less and what I will call anti social behaviour. Thank goodness for new dawns, bringing new days and a whole new perspective. I had the good and bad, the black and white, the rude and gentile face me head on the other day as I sat waiting my turn to turn left in the middle of an intersection. One driver took an "extra turn" by going through the yellow light, despite having plenty of time to stay. The other driver, he stayed, giving me the right of way...I gave him a thank you wave and he returned the wave.  Following this exchange I realized something delightful. I can chose to acknowledge the good, the shiny crystal clear, the gentile in others, the behaviour that warrents my admiration and appreciation and ignore the other stuff.  Keeping my sights on the pure, the lovely, the loveable, this feeds the right verses the might, the power vs the force, the good vs the age old evil. There is something to be said for righteous anger, for expressing disappointment and hurt and the full range of human emotion~this I give myself permission to do, for a time.  Feelings are temporary, fleeting and at the best of times and with attention given them, they are informative, but I never want them to define me, shape me, mold me or speak for me.  See no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil...what if I lived like that, for today?

Sleepy Joy

Synchronicity is a pretty cool word and I like the way it feels to think of it and grab onto the concept, especially when I have unwittingly just experienced it. I have an amazing Grace filled friend, Susan Morel~she too is a Co-Active Coach. When we met, it felt like kismet, another super cool word to describe experiences and events that seem unbelievably surreal and earth stopping, kind of like what the heck, how the heck, who orchestrated this and I hope I always remember this feeling so that I stay with the knowing that life is made of stardust and intrigue and nuance and subtle magic.  I have been sleepy lately, in a winter slumber and as I drove to my friends house for coffee, I noticed a dog, walking a woman.  The dog had a presence, it knew its business and led with confidence. As I approached a stop sign, the walkers did too and I observed magic as a crossing guard on the other side of the road gave a powerful throw of dog treats, landing perfectly in front of the dog...I grinned as I enjoyed the seen of dog eating what appeared to be manna from Heaven, a gift bestowed without request, a need met without knowing there was hunger. I lifted my gaze from the dog and turned it toward the man, who was engrossed in conversation with someone, his moment of generosity passed and forgotten, delightful. I arrived at Susan's house and she looked at me with surprise, she had double booked our visit and a coaching session with a client. When the client arrived, it just so happened that the lovely woman was someone that a friend had suggested I meet, not a week ago...I stayed, she stayed, we enjoyed the generous hostessing of Susan AND, the synchronicities continued.  There are so many intricacies in this one experience that I can't possibly record them all, the thought of doing so is exhausting and somehow, not necessary.  It is enough to know and appreciate that in my winter slumber, buried beneath the white snow that blanets my soul, there is the hint of new beginnings, the fresh brilliant colours of new shoots, peeking from the earth, waiting their turn to again, enjoy the sun. My soul sings with sleepy joy. 

Shameless

There is a battle going on, a fight for precious spoil, the treasure is human souls. Perhaps I am overly sensitive but I can't help but weep as I look around me and see the thoughtless selfishness everywhere I look.  I could just turn on the TV and believe it's out there somewhere, over represented and viral, a smidgen of the truth and something in someone else's neeighborhood, city, country, life, but I know better.  Today I drove to a clients house on snowy roads, this is a part of Canadian winter, and as I did so, I witnessed people taking more than their turn, putting the lives of others in danger as they ran yellow and then, red lights. This is common practice, it is the wisdomless unlawful agreement that many have wordlessly committed to and it is symptomatic of a pervasive thought, a sentiment that if it is right for me, then everyone else will have to accept it. This tough guy/girl attitude is perfectly suited for driving a vehicle, because no one can call you out, hold you accountable, help you to feel the shame that must accompany a change of heart when a wrong has been committed.  My lip curls with disdain...it is shame that has not been taught, it is remorse that is not experienced, it is the soulful self punishment of regret that no longer holds a place in the hearts and minds of humans who use circumstance to take rather than to give and wait to receive.  Have I lost my faith in humanity?  No, because I am surrounded by loving, kind, thoughtful, generous models of humanity, and I am grateful for their example and presence in my life.  Am I heartbroken and disappointed, yes...thankfully, this too shall pass as hope returns and the dark shadows of evil are broken by The Light.  This one is for YOU Wally, thank God you remain here and whole, with us, despite the reckless driving of another. 

Convicted

Conviction. I am faithfully convicted in my beliefs.  The word faith is mystical and magical and when someone has "it", it is a curiosity.  My faith is hard won, it isn't nor has it ever been a simple swallowing whole of a philosophy or religion.  I have used deductive reasoning, read for and against, engaged in painful soul searching, fact finding and truth detecting. I have investigated a mountain of beliefs and sifted and sorted through them looking for confirmation, conclusion, correlation, connection, all in the hopes that it would make perfect sense and I could at last breath a sigh of relief, an ahhhhhh feeling that I sought and found answers that I can live and sleep with.  I know I am designed to have beliefs make sense, that it is important for me to be well informed, knowledgeable, so that if I am asked to share what I believe it holds water and isn't just my opinion, my perspective, my limited point of view.  While being educated and knowledgeable are essential, conviction is nothing without the stardust of faith, sprinkled liberally on those that ask "give me faith, forgive my unbelief". This is where facts and knowing meet, mix, mingle and I lay claim to my abiding faith in my Abba Father, the God I know is there but that I cannot see. 

Exam Passed

I passed my written exam, I have an email to prove it.  While I wasn't surprised I passed, I was delighted to read the words congratulations several times.  Standards of practice come to mind, following a proven model, assimilating and integrating. I resisted much of the education I was meant to receive prior to the coaching courses I have taken~being talked at doesn't work for me, there is too much room for distraction in my head and my urge to rebel against sitting still and being a part of a captive audience often takes over and I entertain myself by inviting the person next to me to play by joking and being generally disruptive and immature...in an adult kind of way of course. The structured teaching model of one person standing over a crowd as the imparter of good and wise things wreaks havoc with my soul.  I didn't know until adulthood that this is the reason I despised high school so much~without the words to express my angst and define what it was that wasn't working for me, I resorted to skipping (with a note of course!) and telling my mother "that class is stupid, we do nothing in it and I'm learning nothing". I have been to many a workshop over the years and each time I am required to sit and listen, or in other words, sit, shut up and behave, I get that teenage urge to skip out and take the other wild things with me. Am I a rebel, unwilling to learn or worse yet, unwilling to be taught?  Absolutely not, my eargerness to absorb amazing true facts and life altering perspectives is evident to all who know me.  It is through CTI, that I learned that method is just as important as the info imparted and out of respect for the student, their involvement is crucial for learning to take place. The most important part of being a coach is remembering that clients are whole people, not just talking heads.  CTI (Coaches Training Institute) invites participation, from head to heart to toe and learning happens naturally as everyone is treated as equally naturally creative resourceful and whole.  Yeah coaching, I love you so!

Amazing Grace

I am a fraud. I feel this way periodically, especially when what I say I believe in, is contraindicated by my words. Words are like habits, and I use some of them wantonly, flippantly, until I am made aware by someone courageous enough to point it out and then the wind gets sucked out of my sails in utter shock as I recognize the split between the me's, if that's a word?  Who I aspire to be and who I am at any given moment can SEEM so far apparent and this causes a mini identity crises, a feeling of who said that and oh my God (in a pleading way) was that really me?  One of my favourite people always quotes her grandmother "perfect people are boring", this she says to reassure me that I'm not so bad, even after I make a verbal error in judgement. The point?  Well, I guess I am on my way to accepting imperfect and along those lines, I am recognizing that others accept this in me too, and um, always have?  This is one humbling moment, one free Linda spec of time, because I see that no amount of persona, facade, acting has been able to cover up the beautifully flawed me, and I am loved anyway or maybe more, because of it.  Grace comes to the rescue, Amazing Grace, forgiven already for utterances yet to be made, loved before, during and after words can't be retrieved, through faith, In Christ.

Personality Pitfalls & Foibles

Personality pitfalls and foibles, the parts of myself that keep me from being super cool and crazy smart all of the time need looking at, exposure to the Light for subtle and sometimes remarkably huge correction and redirection. I'm in the need to know category of living breathing humans and I believe what I don't know, CAN kill me, who I am really meant to be, which is to say, I'm designed for greatness, not for self evasiveness and blinders on my pyschosocial self.  In the vein of seeking and finding self actualization (I love this sentence, because it takes me back in time to my university days, when the world became this wide open library filled with the wisdom of the ages, waiting for young hungry souls to be fed with profundity) I came across the word enneagram, again, and decided to see what I could find on the internet. I found a personality test, short and sweet with instant feedback and based on my COMPLETE HONESTY, I got insights into the how and why of me...and I also learned something that felt rather familiar, a repeated theme with a slightly different angle, about what I need and what happens, picture fangs and claws coming out, when I don't get what I need. My Achilles heel screamed at me from my iPad screen and phew, I got it, I get it and YIPPY for me and all the people in my life because no one wants to be bitten or clawed and God knows that I want to do good, not harm.    What are my pitfalls and foibles you ask?  Haha, I did my homework, I know what I have to work on, this is about YOU and the people in your world...take the test yourself and then go forth and self actualize, making the world a better and more honest place, one person at a time.