Grief - A Strange Animal

Grief is a strange animal. Grief is a wild beast, writhing in excruciating pain with an arrow through the heart. Grief is a silent assasin, lurking in the darkest of corners, waiting for a moment to silently strangle. Grief distorts reality, twisting perception and warping the world, and the wounded one, so that nothing is touchable and tender, no one is comforting as a companion, nothing smells or tastes enticing, and the greyness of sorrow supersedes and overruns all senses that would suggest brightness, happiness, delight, and hopeful possibilities. Grief, in short, is cruel and dictatorial. 

I read a facebook post about a woman's fiancé dying, and her son being still born nine months later. The anguish and anger she expressed was tangible, and it is a challenge to think of her daily grief and sorrow. When we say to someone, I can't even imagine what you are going through, perhaps what we really mean is, I don't want to imagine, or think too long and hard, about what you are going through. Comprehending the pain of another requires emotional investment, and few are willing to go to such great lengths, to feel another person's deep and unrelenting agony. 

Grief is an unseen affliction, that surfaces at the oddest of moments, and submerges too, when least expected. One cannot just get rid of grief: it cannot be told, Go away, Push off, Off with your head. Grief lingers and lounges and states: I will go when i am good and ready... and I will show up in ways you cannot control. 

Grief has a way of leading the sorrowful by the proverbial invisible nose ring. Emotions are not easily regulated, perceptions misinform and mislead, and the grief stricken cannot trust themselves to make life altering decisions. The wise advise, do not sell your home immediately after your spouse dies, and do not attempt to replace that spouse with another, any time soon. Act in haste, repent at your leisure: in other words, it may feel good to take massive action and to engage with others as a form of distraction from the subtle and not so subtle sorrow, but in the long run, you may regret your hasty decisions, and discover, you have a whole other set of grievances to contend with. 

I understand grief, and perhaps you do too? Perhaps you are in the throes of grief, and feel as though it wants to take you down in a headlock, pin you to a mat, and destroy you. Grief can feel murderous and act like a joy and hope thief, and it is, in so many ways. I think of the anger expressed on facebook, and how people need and want to be understood. The women I mentioned wants people to acknowledge her suffering and validate her... that is another element of grief, it has no friends, no real confidants, it is a lonely emotionally draining entity. that does not like company. It repels others while the one that cries out, wants them somehow to draw near. Grief cannot be trusted and is duplicitous as a house divided against itself. Grief is misery. 

While I can and will, describe grief, I will not suggest ways to abate the sadness and sorrow. It is an injustice to the heart to imply there is a solution. or a way of easing what aches. The hurt can heal, but there is no quick fix, or an EXIT door to point out, that will take you to the great outdoors, with clear skies overhead. Grief casts shadows, clouds thinking, throws a wet blanket on the spirit, and the only way I know to make the sorrow bearable, is to weep, feel the pain, and pray for the strength to carry-on with the hope, that one day, the sun will again shine, and the sorrowful will notice the warmth and brightness of its rays. 

Psalm 30:5

For his anger endureth but a moment, and in his favour is life; weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning 

It may feel as though you will never again be joyful, and perhaps you will never get over your losses. God knows what you are going through, and he is the one that will pick you up from that mat, dust you off, and prepare you to live again. I don't know how long this will take for you, and since grief is an unwelcome guest that cannot be shoved out the door, you may be doing yourself a favour by spending time with grief, and allowing yourself to feel the sorrow of loss. Tears are curative, and besides, you cannot stop them when they start, why not allow the salty flow to wash your wounded heart? 

God will comfort you when you ask and so will others if you let them come near, when you are ready...