Reciprocal

Reciprocal is that wonderful something that has you and I humming a tune, grinning broadly, and happily going about our daily business, following an exchange with a person that enjoys co-operative interactions that are mutually beneficial.

With reciprocal, relationships buzz with playful possibilities: one may feel confident that exchanges of a similar nature await, and isn't it grand, when we discover our others, and we experience the delight of back-and-forth interplay, that makes us feel sharper, brighter, more capable, more alive? 

It is rare to have reciprocal taught to us. A person must be intentional and conscientious about living reciprocal, let alone teach it to their offspring. The Bible refers to the female in marriage as a help meet:

Genesis 2:18

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him

The LORD God saw fit to make man a help meet. The Lord saw that being alone, is not good. Eve was Adam's help meet, but there was trouble in paradise, and once trouble starts, trust can and often does, erode and disintegrate. This is when reciprocal is displaced by its evil twin, resentment. Behaviour goes from I help you, you help me, to a you-owe-me tit-for-tat economy, of who can get what and the most of out this thing, that is no longer a relationship, but more a battle of the wills. 

• Do you have reciprocal with anyone dear reader? How is that for you?
• Was it a natural process between you two, or something you worked hard on to accomplish?
• What did you have to do to get to this happy place with this person?
• Are you aware of some perceptions, attitudes, established tendencies and reactions, that you had to work on, resolve, and perhaps give up, in order to become synergistic with this other person?
• Did you observe the other person softening and being willing to co-operate, when tensions arose, and when you initially started relating?
• What advice would you give to someone, that is struggling to find that sweet spot in their relationships?
• What do you do when you recognize that reciprocal is not possible with certain people?  How do you navigate relationship with them?

I can think of some people with whom I experience reciprocal. There are some components that they have plugged into that make relating easily with them, possible. 

1. They are self-aware

2. They are observant

3. They want to serve others

4. They ask questions out of curiosity

5. They spend time speaking, and an equal amount of time listening

Reciprocal is marvellous and based on a give and take that is not greedy, selfish, lopsided, or based on one person winning. Reciprocal  is a mutually beneficial agreement established between people, based on caring and sharing. There will of course, be times when one person has greater need, and selflessness is required on the part of their reciprocal partner, but there is always the sense that in the relationship, each person takes a turn at giving, and receiving, without a score being kept. 

There are so many elements to reciprocal, and dear reader, you and I both know when we are not experiencing reciprocal; signs of drainage are observable when we have been taken from, and not filled back up:

Anxiousness

Irritation 

Frustration

Sadness

Grief

Disappointment

Resentment

Anger

Loneliness

Feeling misunderstood

Exhaustion

Weeping

If you are experiencing any of the above listed emotional responses, then perhaps it is time for you to take a close look at your relationships, and plan on making some adjustments and changes, for your own sense of well-being, and perhaps to salvage the relationship too, and work on the possibility of reciprocal. 

Communication is the key, and it starts with an honest conversation with yourself, and with God, and then with the other person. You may be surprised to learn they are experiencing similar sentiments, and want to do the work necessary to connect, and feel that marvellous sensation of synergy. 

You won't know unless you start asking questions

Nothing will change, unless of course, you are willing to investigate and discuss

You can have satisfying relationships; they are possible

What are you willing to do to have reciprocal, dear one?