My Irish twin (my younger sister and I were born the same year, in case you are wondering what an Irish twin is) used to fight a lot, and sometimes it even got physical. As I recall, she stabbed me with a fork several times, and at least once with a pencil. There was hair pulling and scratching, and I recall an incident, when she ripped the chain off my neck, and punched me hard in the stomach... sure, I was sitting on her at the time, holding her arms to the floor and laughing, but really, such violence! She was a hell cat, and what a surprise it was, to be breathless from that fist to the gut - how did she wiggle free from my hold? Note to self: laughter weakens grip during serious situations.
Fast forward to our late fifties, and my Irish twin and I are truly very much twin like. We think similarly, share the same sentiments on many a subject, disagree without duking it out, and say the same things at the same time, with great frequency - we even do this via text messaging, plus, we look alike. We no longer argue, and physical fighting stopped in childhood; but we both have sharp tongues, that could cut an opponent to ribbons, if used as a weapon.
Many years ago, during a visit (my sister lives in another city), my Irish twin and I somehow got into an argument. I haven't a clue what we were fighting about, but during the course of this dispute, she was ready to pack her things and cut the weekend time with family short. O, ya, we had short tempers too, an inherited trait from impatient parents. She was in the guest room gathering her things for departure, and the door was closed, with me on the other side. Suddenly I was hit with deep regret and remorse. and the question came to me: How can I say I love my sister, and speak to her as though I hate her, with the same mouth?
Have you ever been in the same sort of situation? Think with me: Is this "inherited"/learned behaviour? Kind one minute, cruel the next, depending on what you have heard, how offended you are, and how much you want to retaliate? Does love appear and disappear, when you perceive a slight? When irked, how do you respond?
The Bible advises that we must not repay evil with evil, and yet, you and I may have learned this kind of interacting from parents that did not take the time to self-assess and then, self-regulate. It takes concerted effort over a span of time to course correct, and to learn new ways of interacting with others, even when the heat gets turned up. Relationship can only last and flourish with two willing parties: problems must not be glazed over in an attempt to rush to a temporary state of peace - this is a bandaid approach to what may be, a gapping wound needing antiseptic and sutures.
Let us return to me, on the other side of a closed door, with my sister packing up to leave. I knock, and plead, Please don't go. She opens, and I tell her I am shocked that I could speak love, and hate, from the same mouth, and that I would never do this with her again. I tell her I am so sorry. Then she slams the door and hits me right in the face... kidding!
She stayed, dear reader, and today we have a bond that is greater than the blood we share in common. I consider her one of my best friends, the kind of friend I call with good, and bad news, knowing that she will celebrate, laugh, and cry with me, depending on the circumstances. She is the kind of person whose opinion I respect, and appreciate. We aren't hell cats anymore, we are more like love doves.
Now, let us turn our attention to you, dear reader.
You may have had marvellous parents that modelled outstanding communication skills, but I doubt it! I do not blame my parents or yours for what may be lacking in their relating abilities - each generation comes with their own brand of challenges, and your parents and mine, are no different. You, on the other hand, you, are reading an article about what comes from your mouth and how it may have impacted your relationships. Believe me when I tell you, that I have cringed many a time in recalling my own words: man alive, wouldn't it be lovely to take some of them back?
We cannot take them back once they are out, which brings us to this soul searching question: What is in your heart? If hate comes from your mouth, chances are good that hate is in your heart and pumping through your veins. You may speak words of love, and again, this means there is some love in that heart of yours, but dear reader, which one rules and reigns over your tongue?
Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be.
Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter? Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? either a vine, figs? so can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh
The Word of God is my conscience director, and I pray it becomes yours too, if it isn't already. I don't fight like I used to, even though the urge to do so rises up in me periodically. I don't want to say or do things I will regret and cannot retrieve: I want, to be holy as God is holy, and thanks be to him, he is long-suffering and merciful, and gives us strength, when we are tempted to act like the devil.
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