Than, Now & Yet to Be

If I could turn back time…Take me to your great unknown. These juxtaposed desires live inside of me, vying for my attention. There has been an unspoken whisper in my heart. I want to know Gods plan. I am torn between blindly trusting Him with my everything and hoping that if He chooses and I verbalize my desire, He will reveal to me what is to come. Under the desire and in the asking, I hope for the confidence He will provide, that all is well and going perfectly, according to His plan. There is another bedrock belief that is engrained in my faith and it is this: He wins, He concurs, He makes good on all of His promises. Clearly, I want Him to make me, a personal promise.

I am not a sentimental person, nor do I indulge in writing about particular calendar days but this New Years Eve day feels a little different. I am caught between the desire to turn back time AND have God take me to His great unknown. The past has an innocent appeal, the present has a knowing that many things are out of place, shuffled and unfathomable with the future holding a promise of…what? If God could give me a hint, give us a hint of what the future will be, would it bring relief, joy, sadness, madness? The story of Gideon putting out fleeces and asking for proof that God really was talking to Him and directing him comes to mind. Than, and then, thankfully, I am reminded that Gideon lived long before Christ dwelled among us in human form. We test our faith each time we ask God to prove His will 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." Be joyful always? My goodness, this seems like an awfully tall order when I, when you, are in the throws of impassioned fear and worry, does it not? Pray continually? Is this a fruitless effort if I don't know the outcome? I mean, what is the point Dear Reader, to pray and not be assured how "it" will turn out? Give thanks, give THANKS? How the heck are we supposed to do THIS when mired in the muck of yucky circumstances-does God even know how much He asks of us in this one request? So I, so you, are to be these things in the not knowing; joyful, prayerful, thankful…in all circumstances? I have to laugh at what I just wrote. In God's sweetness, He has given us written guidance, a weak human manual of what to do in times of sorrow, confusion, despair, insecurity, the not knowing. He wants us to pray joyfully in all circumstances because it is His will through Christ Jesus. This, Dear One, is precisely what Christ did in the worst possible circumstances and He knew the outcome. He knew what was to come because He trusted in His Fathers will. Jesus modelled for us what it looks like to suffer and still believe that God wins, concurs and makes good on His promises. I think I have the answer to my now verbalized heart desire. I will trust in Him and this will be more than enough as I pass from the year that was into the year that shall be. What about you Dear Reader? Do you dare to ask for what you want and trust His will for you, come what may?

Follow Closely

You scared the heck out of me

Have you ever had someone standing right behind you, waiting for you to turn around and notice? Perhaps you heard them approach and pretended not to so that you would have the satisfaction of turning with a knowing smile, winning the little game of surprise. Maybe you had no idea they were there and when you turned, you yelped in fright, swatting at them saying, you scared the heck out of me!

Not a soul in sight

It is 12 a.m. You walk the strip, passing closed signs in store windows. The street lights are on. You walk in and out of their glow, dark shadows moving with you. There are gaps between buildings and a large one opens up on your right. There is a pull to go into the tunnel like opening but you resist, keeping your pace. Light, dark, light, dark. You travel between the two as you pass under one, then another, looming high above you street lamp. You hear a sound, alerted to the possibility that you have company. Looking around, you see the main street and side alley ways remain deserted. Not a soul in sight. Upon looking up, you notice: just ahead, across the street, another large opening. It feels intriguing, irresistible. Without forethought, you have crossed the street diagonally. Compelled, it appears that your feet have taken over, transporting you to the opening. Anticipation is building.

Narrowing your vision does not help

What will you encounter there? This feels important, big, tantalizing. It feels like whatever is in that alley way will change your world, your life as you know it, forever. In an instant, you have reached your destination. You stand in front of the opening, poised, ready to enter. Hesitant, you search in the dim light for objects and movement, an understanding of what this particular alley way contains. You squint. Narrowing your vision does not help. The alley way is as black as pitch. In your moment of observation, you are overwhelmed with the sense that one step into this darken space will be one step too many. Suddenly, the thought of entering is unspeakable, impossible, unfathomable.

Enter, you coward

You hear a whisper, Do Not Enter. What, what was that? Just seconds ago, the pull was so great. There is a left over feeling of compulsion that lingers still, to enter. Enter, go in you coward. You startle. This idea came unbidden, a thought apparition. Coward? Am I a coward if I do not enter? This question is baffling. Transfixed, you feel goaded and fear filled in the same moment. What is happening? What am I hearing, you wonder? Slowly, there is a dawning.

They have been keeping pace with you

They are there

You cannot see, but they are there. You cannot make out the shapes or the lips that speak but you can hear. They have been following closely, in front, in behind, on either side, keeping pace with you or running ahead. All around you, never leaving you. The Light, the dark, weaving in and out of your awareness, your knowing. One warns, another goads, coward. Coward.

"Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go" (Joshua 1:7-9).

He, dear reader, promises to be with you, wherever you go, when you obey. To the left, I will not go. To the right, I will not go...

Forgive Once

While watching a movie, I heard a great line that went something like this "Forgive once. Resentment takes a lot of energy and requires remembering all of the wrongs done to you. You have to relive them daily." Inherent in this statement is the understanding that wrongs will be committed against you, Dear Reader. The question is, what are you willing to do with them, once you have experienced their sting? If this be true and you nod your head in agreement that yes, yes, you have been wronged, then it follows logically, that you too, have wronged others. I have heard and read many perspectives about making a wrong right, in your head and in your heart. All of them seem trite when I, when you, are reeling from the betrayal, the injustice of being wounded by a wrong. Some of the suggestions from the greats run along the lines of: What is the redemptive perspective on the injustice? Who have you powerfully become as a result of the wrong? What are you grateful for because of your experience? Then there are these from God Himself...turn the other cheek and pray for your enemies. The last one, it lands somewhere between my heart and my gut, like a sucker punch. I weep over the idea that while I am asked to pray for my enemies, they too, are asked to pray for me. The idea weakens me because of the forgive once concept. In the video recording of the mind, we can replay our pain, the words that have cut into our souls, the facial expressions that silently send hate. Others can do the same, recalling all that we have said, all that we have thought with our faces displaying our inner workings. This is how resentment grows and becomes a way of life. Think on this for a moment Dear Reader...resentment can become a way of life if fed the fuel of generous and continuous thought and multiple replays of what hurts to recall. It is self perpetuating. Stopping here would be a shame and would feel like shame. You hurt me, I hurt you and we resent one another, forever? No, we cannot stop here. Here is where we start. Forgive me Father, for I have sinned and this "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us". Forgiveness is grace, it is mercy, it is the key to the door of freedom. It is soft in its strength and it gives life to the one who forgives and asks for forgiveness. Forgiveness takes practice and patience and maybe, it will require more than one attempt, more than once to have it stick? This is ok, Dear One, you are ok. Keep at it, practice makes perfect. After 10 000 attempts, you will be a master in the art of forgiveness. Lastly, there is Someone you can model yourself after, The King of forgiveness, Jesus Christ. Sinless, Jesus is the only person who walked the earth that could say this "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do." They, we are they...forgive today Dear One, and taste the mana of freedom. 

Wonky Wheels

Have you had one of those grocery carts with the wonky wheel? It doesn't seem bad at first as you steer around the produce section but with every item added to the cart, the pushing around corners gets more awkward and obnoxious. As annoying as this wonky wheel experience can be, it is not life threatening. How about a blown out tire at 119 kms an hour on the highway? Your hands are on the wheel and suddenly, you feel a pull to the right. A quick reaction has you straightening the car. Just as quickly, you recognize that a tire must be punctured and loosing air. You slow down, put on the hazard lights and pull over. This could have been a life threatening situation but danger and injury have been averted. The tire is changed by a kind hearted truck driver and you are once again, heading up the highway. The wonky wheels, they pulled you in directions you hadn't planned on going and with effort, you were able to course correct, counteract the drag. Nicely done. What happens when we move from the corporal to the celestial Dear Reader? You are traveling North at a great clip, making ground, with your destination painted in your imagination. You hadn't planned the trip perfectly but you did, last minute, print google directions before heading out on the road. Self satisfied, you enjoy the sound of your own voice, matching word for word, the ones pouring from the radio. You notice you may be a little off key but hey, it sounds pretty good to you. You begin singing loudly and proudly, drowning out the voice on the radio. There is a sign at the side of the road and it catches your eye. You wonder if it will give you the number of kilometres remaining until you reach your destination. The sign seems strange. You don't recognize the name of the next town. Was that town listed on the google directions? No matter, you tell yourself. You know you are heading in the right direction, it all feels so good, so right. You pick up speed and the tune now playing on the radio. You know some of the words but you have to wait for the chorus, because most of the lyrics have not been practiced to perfection yet. Another sign ahead. Frowning, you feel some doubt, a niggling of insecurity. You slow down and read the sign...

Are you travelling in the right direction Dear Reader? Where did you get the map, the one you count on to put you on the path you want to travel? If you see the signs, that you are heading off course, do you continue in the same vein, hoping, believing that somehow it will all work out? Are you unwilling to course correct? When you are off key, out of sync, don't know the next set of lyrics, do you sing your own tune, drowning out The One whom you hope to micmic, copy? Do you carve your own path and force the way, despite wonky wheels, signs and sounds warning you of danger ahead if you persist, do you? Do you? It does not have to be this way. You can change your course Dear One. You can get back on the road and head in the right direction. You can. 

Grace Wins Every Time

We do battle in a sacred space

"There's a war between, guilt and grace, and they're fighting for, a sacred space, but I'm living proof, grace wins every time." These are some of the lyrics from a Matthew West song. They are empowering and affirming. The sacred space, it is the tug of war area, the one that we do battle in daily dear reader. How much guilt is interwoven into the fabric of your being? What if I told you that this is your accursed birth right? What if it is genetic, like your eye colour, your sex? The guilt gene. Would it be hard to imagine, hard to accept? How is it possible that a baby be born with this as a part of their make-up, as innocent and vulnerable as the babe is, fresh from the womb?

God encoded laws

Think of your guilt, your constant traveling companion, packed and ready to go where ever you go. Is this accurate, what you experience daily? Maybe you weren't born with it. Is it something you picked up along the way, from your parents, your religion, perhaps an adult that had influence on you in your youth? How the heck did it get there and what can you do, you wonder, to get rid of the damnable soul cling on? Let's look at another possibility. What if the guilt is a result of you being defiant, rejecting the God encoded laws that were woven into your being when He created you. What is your response to this possibility dear reader?

"This is the covenant I will make with them after that time, says the Lord. I will put my laws in their hearts, and I will write them on their minds" (Hebrews 10:16). In researching this, I came across a startling article that had my heart and mind racing. Find it yourself, dear reader. It is called First Scientific Proof of God Found, by Dr. Richter DasMeerungeheuer written June 22nd, 2014.

Long ago, God had man write Hebrews 10:16 for posterity, and the compiled record of God Breathed words known as The Bible. Fast forward to modern times and man has found proof that within our coded DNA, repeated and embedded is a language, a translatable genetic code "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own" (Corinthians 6:19). You are not your own, you are not your own, you are not your own, encoded and repeated over and over again dear one. Here we come to a crossroads in our beliefs, our psyche, our acceptance that we are a created beings, each of us a temple of the Holy Spirit with Gods laws put in our hearts and written on our minds.

Struggling with guilt

Grace wins everytime

It is not surprising that I struggle with guilt, because much of the time I do not act as though I belong to him.

What about you? Is guilt something you struggle with for the same reason? What does your life say about your relationship with God? Do you honour him or reject him as though he has no say in who you are?

You belong to him

You are not your own. You belong to him and your body has been telling you this since the day you were born. Science has caught up with what he told his people long ago, long before you walked the earth. I believe in grace, I believe that it wins when we stop fighting and allow him his rightful place in our hearts, in our minds.

What do you, dear reader, believe?

Paddle Ball

While at the gym this afternoon, I had the pleasure of gaining insight from an experienced soon to be retired police officer. We spoke about broken families and he had some encouragement that he shared for parents in the throws of dealing with a child who has taken the path of doing drugs. Here is the metaphor he used. Family is like a paddle ball. Do you recall playing with one of these Dear Reader? It is a board that looks like a ping pong paddle with a rubber ball attached by an elastic string. In this metaphor, the board are the parents, the ball is the child and the elastic string are the rules that attach the ball to the board. As the child, the ball, bounces around here there and everywhere, rebounding off of the board, the board sometimes follows the ball. I am not sure if you have experienced this with a child or perhaps, you were once the ball, with parents desperately trying to track you, following your every move, hoping to return you to the safety of the board, the family? At any rate, while paddle ball may be a bit of coordination challenging fun, this situation of child on drugs is not so entertaining for frantic parents, desperate to retrieve their child from the edge of possible disaster and destruction. Dear Reader, regardless of your circumstances, this metaphor can and does work for many situations. Here is the uplifting part of what I learned today through David. This wise observer of human nature told me that if the board stays still, remains firm and steady, rules intact, the ball usually returns to the board, to the family. In his experience, he said that it is rare for a ball, a child, not to return to the board, grateful for the stability and safety it offers. This man has had many young people find him, years after he sternly told them how rules work, to have them thank him and tell him, I hated you at the time but you were right. Maybe your kids hate you right now. Maybe they want to cut the string that tethers them to you. Maybe you fear that you have made mistakes, done things incorrectly, that it is somehow your fault that the ball, the child, wants to bounce away from you and steer clear of returning. I don't know what is going on for you but I do know that this analogy is so simple and accurate, that most of us can relate. Were you a rubber bouncy escape ball, rejecting your parents, trying to make your own way, own rules? Do you have a bouncy ball in your life right now, driving you mad, to distraction? The ball usually returns to the board, this is what David told me as a close to our conversation...hope is for the hopeful Dear One. Keep hoping, never lose hope, and one day, you will be reunited with the bouncy ball that did not get away and chose to return. 

Reachable & Teachable

Is this a trap?

How reachable and teachable are you dear reader? Does this feel a bit like a trap, being asked this question? I have a direction I am heading in with this topic and if it feels like a trap, then perhaps it is one of my own creation, one that I have set for myself. Let us go into the maze and find out where it takes us, shall we?

Guides are ignored in favour of making our own way in the world

Learning from those who came before us

I have a theory, unscientific, untested, that intelligent people become intelligent because they avail themselves of learning. Sometimes, out of willfulness, stubbornness, independent thinking, vanity or pride, we are not reachable. The lessons life offers, the people who are available to lead, mentor and guide are ignored in favour of making our own way in the world. Truth barricades serve to make one unreachable and as a direct result, unteachable. Think of the last time you were wrong, come on now, it wasn't that long ago. What were the circumstances? What were you sure of only to discover that you were off the mark? How did you find out that you were mistaken? Did you read it, hear it, see it? Did someone confront you and point out your error? How wrong were you and how willing are you to now, be comfortable with the uncomfortableness of your wrongness?

Deflecting, dodging and weaving

The truth can come at us in and at, various forms and speeds. Deflecting it, dodging and weaving from it can harden the heart to the possibility of self discovery, of admittance. Dare I call this pure ignorance or shall I be kind? There is a sting, the feeling of humiliation and shame that can come with being terribly horribly wrong. Clinging to fabricated, man made constructs of truth may seem safer than facing the facts of having been wrong. And yet, there is the inner voice, the guiding light, the truth be told soul whisper that says not true, not true. You are only lying to yourself.

The question remains

Sigh. Painful reality, teacher of truth. We all, each of us, must face the music as the saying goes, when it comes to learning from our errs and omissions, our deceptions and manipulations. The question remains, how reachable and teachable are you, dear reader? Can you, will you, are you capable of, admitting when you are wrong for the sake of finally being, right? It is a humbling experience to be honest about our flaws but this is when we are most available to recalibration with the truth and with one another.

We travelled, you and I, in and out of the maze of internal workings, or at least, my internal workings. I hope we exit together, reachable & teachable for the sake of ourselves, others and most importantly, the God we serve. 

Unconditional Love-Fact or Fable?

What does unconditional love mean to you? I am confident I had little to no understanding of this concept, until recently Matthew 5:46 "If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much." What I have noticed is that my love has been finite, defined as: bounded or limited in magnitude or spatial or temporal extent. At any given moment in relationship, I can and have been able to turn on and off my love, like a faucet of sorts. For example, when in the throws of disagreement or disappointment with someone I have declared I love, I can feel hatred, resentment, and the desire to retaliate...love disappears in these moments and I have wondered, where did it go? How can I say I love someone and than, depending on the circumstances, have it replaced with something all together, different? Are these emotional relatives, related by marriage? They cannot possibly be blood relations? Love and hate cancel one another out and cannot, do not, co-exist in the same time and space continuum. They are quite distinct and when one is present, the other has no room to be, it cannot enter in. Given my experience with love, I have always wondered about the unconditional variety, doubting the possibility of it really existing. Love is an abstract concept but when it is demonstrated, it becomes concrete, factual or at least, this is the feeling one gets when love is received, and when love is given. It becomes tangible, palatable. The unconditional part is the challenge because it is easy to love when it is reciprocated. It is easy to love when hearts and minds unite. It is easy to love when their is laughter, common ground to share, affinity of spirit. It is not so easy when divisiveness rules, when feelings are trampled and when space and time extend as though miles are being added by the minute, separating you from the one you love. This is when love is tested for its tried and trueness. This is when I, when you, get to practice NOT taking love for granted. I think of God as Father and the unconditional grace filled love that covers each of us everyday. He loves when we are unloveable, divisive, argumentative, disobedient, dismissive and childish. As a child of God, I am appreciating the patience of my Parent. As a parent of a child, I am appreciating the love that only God can teach and I have learned, it is beyond condition and exists under all and every circumstance, Titus 3:3-8 "At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Saviour appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Saviour, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life." Gods love is a fact I have felt. How about you Dear Reader, have you felt His undeniable love? Unconditional love is no fable, it is real, it is learnable and it is ours to appropriate through Christ. 

Look Up

Have you heard or read, look up to change a mood? This is quite the challenging task when my head, your head, hangs low with the heaviness of gloomy thoughts. When in the throws of despair, the plaintive soulful cry is faith, don't fail me now. It is faithfulness that has one look up from sorrow, believing that circumstance and situation is dynamic, changeable, and that mysteriously mood, attitude and thoughts can and do, change outcomes. Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Scripture requests an attitude of supplication with thanksgiving through prayer. The promise of peace in the heart, in the mind is stunning as a reward for this approach to pain. What if though, Dear Reader, you fear not for yourself? What if you fear for a loved one, someone entrenched that you want desperately to reach, pull from the muck? It may seem no prayer is available, no prayer applicable, as though this particular circumstance has never been addressed before. This is how it appears sometimes, does it not, Dear One? Look Up...the instructions are clear, built into our physiology. Look up and once you have looked up, look high, look low, look around corners and into crevices until you find what it is you are looking for Mark 9:29 And he said to them, "This kind cannot be driven out by anything but prayer." Back to prayer we are. We have travelled the round about and here we stay because there is something so mighty about prayer as to make it a life line, an answer to every query, every grinding life halting test. And now this, look up from your place on the ground, where you find yourself begging for a holy outcome, a Godly response, confirmation of Him in control of every and all circumstance, including the soul(s) you so desperately long to be united with. Stand now, as you look up and into the eyes of Love. He has heard, He has seen and He has promised Mark 11:24 "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." May you know the peace of God through prayer, that surpasses all understanding, this very day. 

Silent Partner in Crime

You see them, hear them. The deceptions, the lies. You bare witness to the ugly behaviours, words. You think to yourself, someone should do something. It occurs to you, they can see it too, I know they can. No one says a word, no one stirs to action. In disbelief, your eyes scan, looking for proof of other eye witnesses, some indicator that you are not alone in your awareness. Nothing. You see averted eyes, downward cast unfocused disengagement. You look from one person to the next and it is as though they aren't really real somehow. They aren't...here. Face frozen, body bound mannequins. Suddenly, you speak. You confront. You address the deceiver, the liar. There is a brief moment of silence and you can feel the shift, something has changed. The trance has been broken. You look around, and now, all eyes are on you. The glare is unbearable and lips pull back from teeth in threatening snarls. HOW DARE YOU? The verbal barrage begins with insults and vile accusations hurled with the intent of stopping you, restraining you, throwing you down to halt the truth telling. Now you are the liar, the deceiver, the "problem". Not everyone joins in on the blood thirsty attack. There, sulking, hiding in the corner are the silent ones, the ones who dare not speak for fear of reprisal, for fear of being pushed down, pushed away, just as you have been. No one wants this, no one wants to be left out, put aside. It is far better to be a part of the pack than to be put out, no matter what the cost to self worth and dignity. You now have doubt, fear that you have been wrong. No one stands up and takes a place by your side...what is happening? Your mind is racing along with your heart. You are caught in the crossfire. Aimed directly at your head, the insults are designed to destroy your reason. Aimed directly at your heart, the cutting words wound, slashing deeply in an attempt to drain your courageous power source. Shaking your head, you see the actors, the characters playing these roles. You see in the tangled web lies one more, the largest one of them all. Manipulation. You broke the silence, you broke the trance like state of acceptance of lies, deception, manipulation. You spoke when others dared not because your soul cried out JUSTICE, TRUTH. I MUST speak the truth.

God Bless You Dear Truth Teller. Take back your mind, secure your heart in the knowledge that all truth belongs to the courageous ones, those who refuse to be silent partners in crime. You, brave soul, belong to Him. 

Gods Glorious Glow

Super moon
Early last week I was driving and there it was, the moon! I was delighted and awestruck by this massive luminary. I wanted to drive toward it, hug it, let it know that it lit up my heart. It felt like it had been hung there for me, for me! I was moving, and so was the moon and as I drove. 

I craned my neck, hoping to catch glimpses between buildings, and other stationary structures. It was disappearing and seemed so far away, slipping below all that man has made, to cover up what God created.

Awestruck

 

I am not a sun or moon worshipper. I do not look to them as my guiding lights, my tellers of fortune or future. What I am, as I stated above, is awestruck. Then it occurred to me, its the same moon. It is the one that everyone experiences in the same sky and the same twenty-four hour period all across the world. It never changes and goes about its business, following its course, its prescribed path. It is the same moon that I, that you, have always known. We share this moon, and when it lights up the sky at night, it is a wonder to behold. But when it lights up the sky as my day begins, as your day begins dear reader, it is astounding.

Breaking the darkness with light
It is as though God wants to break the darkness, give us somewhere to look. The moon, it was right in front of me, saying look, here I am, light. As it slipped below the skyline, the sun was unseen and yet, it too gave light by which to see. Continuous Light.

We need only look straight ahead, follow the moving path to where the rays lead us. In a darkened world, The Light is all we have, and it is our everything. 

In my arms, I carried my young son, and he would point, saying "Look mummy, the moon, the moon." Yes, the moon, the moon... It is the same moon for you, for me, for every creature that roams the earth. A moving reminder of our smallness and Gods Greatness, His Majestic Presence represented in the stars, the lights of the sky.

I can only see what is in front of me
His plans are perfect and mine are so very finite, and focused on me. I can only see what is in front of me, and my gaze turns away from illumination, and slips into the shadows, the darkened corners of doubt and questioning. 

• Is it my fate, our fate, dear reader, to a life doomed to darkness, unknowing, and the infirmity of irresolution? 

I think not, because the moon, it was hung there for me to see, for you to behold, to take our breath away in awestruck wonder.

Gods Glorious Glow 

The Light by which we can see

On Board

It is easy to be cavalier

I read this question in a book today: How many souls are on board? Air traffic controllers ask pilots this when they are radioed and informed that an emergency landing is imminent. Life or death, this is the question...how many could potentially die from the plane crashing? What is at stake is far more valuable than just a life, it is the soul that is counted in these circumstances. Is this an anachronism, an old fashioned expression in a modernized world? I mean believing in souls, in God, in life after death is rather dated or rather outdated, is it not? I heard a great line recently, "atheism does not take away pain, it takes away hope." It is easy to be cavalier about our existence, reject God and his rightful place in our lives when we are well, have our lives in clock like spot on working order but when we don't, when we feel out of control and without recourse, a way out, God becomes a great emergency air traffic controller.

A miraculous plane landing

I watched the movie Sully today. Shortly after having read the question in the top line of this piece, I heard this reference to souls in the film. This fascinated me, the message first received via written word and then repeated on a television screen with actors, replaying the events of a miraculous plane landing on the Hudson River. The pilot in the film was the last to leave the aircraft. He searched the sinking plane, calling out to any who may have still been on it. He had urgency when he arrived on shore, his first question was for a head count, the number of 155: he wanted confirmation that all passengers on his plane were still alive. He was the Captain, it was his duty and he did his job well, fully responsible for each one that had entrusted him with their lives on that plane. Fully responsible.

You are alive and reading this

Life, and death; you are alive and reading this. If you were dead, my guess is that we would not be here together, me pouring out my thoughts and you reading them? No brainer, is that what I heard you say? Obviously, is that something else that came to you? If I may be so bold dear reader, this is a serious matter, this life and death stuff, because you and I just don't know when it may be our time to be plucked, without consult, from this life and world.

Is God your Captain?

I like the question above, about souls on board. It has a sweetest to it, a tender caring attached. To save a life from destruction must have our greatest focus, wouldn't you agree dear one? God imbues us with his ways. As wholesome humans, we naturally display love and concern for one another, bodily, emotionally, spiritually. A soul in pain is painful to witness and death causes great suffering for the left behind. I end with these questions:

Is God your Captain? Does he pilot your life? Do you trust him in times of emergency, turbulence? Are you grateful when the flight is smooth, lulling you into trust filled sleep? Is your soul counted as one that belongs to him? Are you on board with him? Do you have hope? Do you have hope in h
im to save your soul? 

Controlled Environment

If you don't control your environment, your environment will control you.

Do not enter, session in progress, men at work, enter at your own risk, beware, no trespassing. We have all seen these signs, warnings to would be interlopers into areas preserved and protected for a purpose. Have you ever been in the middle of a phone conversation and been interrupted? Or perhaps you are working away on your laptop or writing in your journal and in walks a human or four legged distraction, completely unaware and content, to interrupt what you had been keenly focusing on just before their uninvited, unannounced arrival? What happens? When this occurs in my life, threads of thought slip from my mental grasp, often never to return in quite the same way, then I get agitated. The agitation is initially with the interloper, followed not long afterward with self agitation. I could blame the interrupters for this thought thread loss, but this would be unfair and one sided. Without a "do not enter I am working here" sign on my door, the opposite is almost true, as in, "I'm open for business, what can I do for you?" Here in lies the questions we can ask ourselves: Is what I am doing important to me? How serious am I about my tasks? What kind of outcomes do I desire? What am I looking to accomplish and the big big question, WHY? What purpose does it serve to do whatever it is I feel I must do? Asking and answering these questions clarifies much and in so doing, it leads to this next question: What am I willing to do to control my environment, protect it from interruption and space invasion? It does not matter if you work from home, in a cubicle or corner office Dear Reader, we all share space and are prone to interruption from time to time. If being interrupted is a frequent occurrence, might I suggest that it is you that allows the static, the interference? I have often craved being alone, soaking in the savoury feeling of me and my thoughts, pouring out freely, unimpeded. I thought I had to go somewhere to experience this and I realize now that it has been an excuse, a way of putting off. It is not others that get in my way, it is I. There is a me inside that gets to love all the people (and four legged creatures) in my life AND love myself enough to establish a controlled environment for the work I am committed to completing. "Do not disturb" or "Closed from 2-6" may very well be the signs I hang outside the space I choose to work in, to control my environment so that it doesn't feel like it is controlling me. Your turn Dear One-what are you willing to say and do to protect your time, energy and space, so that you can be about your business and get the job done and done well? 

Lamb

"What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way our Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost." Matthew 18:12-14 Lambs are the sweetest animals. They have a natural innocence that is endearing. Did you know Dear Reader, that little lambs leap in the air for no other reason than pure vertical delight and bleating joy? Sheep flock together and their little lambs follow, springing gleefully as they go. The Bible verse quoted is a parable about Gods children and His unwillingness to let even one lost soul wander away without going after, retrieving and returning the child to the safety of the fold, the flock. The ninety-nine are not complete without the one-hundredth, the missing lamb. Why would one wander away? What is the appeal and what is over there that can't be had, right here? Think of the world and its offerings, Dear One. The proverbial grass is always greener on the other side. God sees His children wander away all of the time and He keeps a close watch on them, allowing the distance between Him and them, permitting the roaming, the straying away. It, the whole world, is His pasture after all and there is no where for them, for us to go, that He does not know about. If He wanted to, He could hedge the sheep in, electric fence the property or create massive jagged boulder boundaries to imprison them, contain them despite their desire to wander. This is not The Way, His Way. Look at the heart of God, The Father in the parable. He owns the sheep, allows each the ability to wander if they so choose. He has counted and notices when even one little lamb has left the fold. He is willing to go after that one precious sweet sheep, the little one that does not know what he has left behind to wander alone in the wilderness, with wolves and other predators waiting to pounce and make a meal of him. He has roamed wild and free but no matter how far He has travelled, he is and always will be, a part of the flock. God will peacefully, patiently, persistently pursue the lamb until the lamb hears His Voice, calling him to return home. Are you a lost little lamb? Can you hear Him, The Good Shepherd as He calls out to you by name? Perhaps you are one of the ninety-nine who await the return of one of your flock, a little one who has wandered away...your Father in heaven is not willing that you, or any of these little ones should be lost. Take hope, Dear One. He sees the lost and knows the path that must be taken to return home and He is willing to guide them back to Him. One last thing to ponder is the verse that precedes the one quoted above, Matthew 18:10 "See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven." Make of this what you will. What I know is that God The Father is watching and so are His heavenly angelic host. We are not alone, The Good Shepherd is ever present.

CRUNCHY Layers

How many layers down to get to the good stuff?

What buries the truth in you dear reader? How many layers down must one travel with you to get to the good stuff, the real deal?

A curious young boy with a sucker and a question

I am thinking of an old Tootsie Pop commercial. A curious young boy wants to know the answer to the question "How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Pop centre of a Tootsie Pop?". In quick succession, the boy asks Mr. Cow, Mr. Fox, and Mr. Turtle. They do not know how many licks to the centre because they "bite". Mr. Turtle suggests speaking to the wisest of them all, so the boy next approaches Mr. Owl. "Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll centre of a Tootsie Pop?" Mr Owl answers, "A good question," while quickly grabbing and unwrapping the sucker in one fell swoop "lets find out." He begins his research by licking, counting "One, Two, Three, CRUNCH. A Three." Three was his definitive answer to how many licks to the centre of a Tootsie Pop! Mr. Owl was what some might call rather proficient in his goal accomplishment, licking and than biting his way to the soft tootsie roll centre.

How many layers are you wrapped in?

What would you do? The resounding crunch of the hard outside candy shell was rather appealing to me as I watched this clever advertisement that has stayed with me and perhaps you, all of these years? There was a lets get on with it feeling, I can't wait all day impatience that was satisfied with one crunch. I am thinking about all the layers that we are wrapped in that keep us from sharing our own soft candy centre, you know, our hearts! Emotionally speaking, it is a delight to share laughter, playfulness, joy, love, even sorrow and pain when it is sincere and unabashed. There is purity in genuine caring and sharing. The hard outer layers, the hard candy on the outside of resentment, disappointment, fear, anger, disillusionment etc can keep us from the good stuff buried underneath.

I know you are in there somewhere

As long as no one can get to the centre, as long as you and I keep ourselves protected by the hardened shells that encase our tender hearts, we can't really be in relationship. We can't feel and so we can't express... CRUNCH! I just want to keep breaking through those layers dear one, because I know you are in there somewhere!

Some facts for you

Here are some facts for you. Mechanically speaking, it takes 364 simulated licks to get to the centre of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop. Humanly speaking, it takes an average of 252 licks... that's a lot of lick and a lot of time invested. I'm a cruncher, how about you? Lets get to the business at hand, shall we? Stop all that hiding you are doing. Start sharing who you really are because the real you, underneath all of those layers, is the most delicious part of the Tootsie Pop. In the wise words of Mr. Owl "One, Two, Three, crunch. A Three."

Truth in Love

"A friend is one who can tell you the truth in love." What kind of friend are you Dear Reader? What kind of friends do you have? What kind do you want in your life? Do you like the truth or would you rather shy away from the bright light of exposure it casts into your darkened heart? When love is in relationship, might I suggest that truth must play an integral, essential role? Without truth, there is pandering, hiding, withholding and accommodating the not said things, the unspoken somethings that are forbidden entrance into what could be magnificent sharing. The intimacy that comes with truth telling lends to the seedling that sprouts from a love bud. Or perhaps it is the other way around, Dear Reader? Truth telling leads to intimacy and from there, true love begins and grows into friendship. These ways, at least as far as my experience has taught me, are how friendships develop. This isn't really what we are talking about though, is it? This is a touchy subject, this truth telling business. The first line of this piece of writing has a determining factor within it, that a friend has an ability to speak truth for the sake of love. Kind of like, I have an observation about what I see going on in your life and because I love you, I must speak the truth. Have you been here, had this experience Dear Reader, on one or the other side of the friendship equation of speaking the truth in love? It is a heart rate accelerator, is it not? There is a lot at risk in the truth telling. How will it be received? Will friendship dissolve? Will there be accusations, push back, denial, resentment, anger...appreciation, gratitude? What will the outcome be and how will it impact the trust and future of the friendship? There is courage in the truth telling and there is courage in the truth hearing and when there is love, reciprocal love, relationship remains and is fortified. You will give what you get and in love, love more. So this brings us full circle, to the kind of relationships you have, want to have, the people in your life that you consider to be friends. Is there truth in love, spoken between you? Can you be trusted to love them so much that to not speak the truth would be an injustice to them and to you? In other words, does it behoove you, at your peril to speak truth, no matter the outcome, to speak anyway, for the sake of love of other? There is One who spoke truth in love, knowing that the love might not be returned...John 15:13 "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for his friends." Love is truly boundless and in friendship, it is the greatest gift of all.  

Take It Back

Take It Back

If only...

Have you ever wished that you could take something back, knowing that it is impossible to do so? I have said things and afterward have scratched my head in wonder thinking, why did I say that? Or why did I say that? I could rolodex my memory and come up a specific occasion to share but then I would have to relive the why part in perplexity. My point is this, we cannot take back what we have said but we can be sorry for it. Very sorry. Here in lies the truth and the struggle. We say what is on our minds, heart, whatever we have been mulling over, and in the moment it feels appropriate and has the weight of truth. In the aftermath, the thinking and processing, the struggle starts with the wondering how things could be different if only...

Death sentence 
Recently, my mother and I sat in a hospital waiting room for a scheduled test. When we arrived, there was an elegant lady seated there. Within minutes, my mom was teary eyed and I had moved one chair closer to the lady to offer her some comfort as she told us she only had a couple of months to live. The news came to her from her doctor the day before and she spoke in broken resignation, a death sentence hanging over her head. She believed the doctor, accepted his words as factually definitive. His words, I sense, will define her belief system for the rest of her brief days. She will indeed die, not because he told her so, but because she believes in his judgement, his authority as an expert with experience, his ability to predict the future. Scary, isn't it, our power to influence one another, to castigate, to condemn, to speak as though we know or have a crystal ball telling us what will be? Why did he say that?

Words spoken cannot be magically unspoken
I tell you the story with a shrug. I am not judging the doctor because I would be a hypocrite if I did-after all, I have used words caustically, emphatically, presumptuously, impetuously, knowingly, and pridefully too. All the desire in the world to take it back doesn't change the facts-words spoken cannot magically be unspoken. Having this knowledge means that a different way may need to be investigated, with words being chosen as precious gems, selected with ears to hear before they are uttered.

No crystal ball

In my musings I speak to myself, relating to you what I would like to be aware of and change so that I do not give a death sentence with my thoughts and then my words. No crystal ball here, no fortune or future telling abilities, just one human relating to other humans in a flawed and yet to be word gem polished way. This is my work, awareness, evolution of my soul. What is your work dear reader? You can't take back what you have said, what you have done. You can be sorry for it and want to be different, better, new and improved. Painful self scrutiny is all that is required! Oh the fun of the struggle dear one.

Self-control in spoken word

Biblical Truth
I end with Biblical truth, signposts to look for when measuring yourself against Gods desire for our hearts, minds, words and actions:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law (Galatians 5:22-23).

Identity Crisis

Have you heard the expression, you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family? Have you ever smirked and said these words, referencing your own relatives? The holidays are coming and this is high time for some good old fashioned bullet dodging and grinning and baring the situation, isn't it Dear Reader? How many obligatory visits are in your calendar and conversely, how lonely are you for even just one of those have-to-get-togethers because you long for the connectedness that the holidays hold as promising? Look at your family history and dynamics, what is missing? What is just right? What do you want more or less of? Who are these people that remarkably resemble you and yet, oddly feel like strangers? It can send one spiraling into an identity crisis and with the chaotic feeling there may be a driving desire to disassociate, disconnect, run far and away from the people you don't want to be anything like. The desire to create our own identity is so strong that with any amount of imagination, we can rebuild ourselves into something brand new, almost unrecognizable. How do you relate to this Dear Reader? Have you been the one, running away from those people, the ones that have the same blood line? Have you made a family from your friends, given yourself the solace of associating with people you can relate to, want the same things as you do, value what you value? Alignment. We all want this wonderful form of affirming alignment. It is a comfort and gives us a sense of being on track, moving in the right direction with people who want to go where we want to go. It is a Goldilocks approach to life, finding the just rightness that matches what we want to believe and feel on the inside, that is just right for each one of us as individuals. It is a right of passage and regardless of the age that this takes place, it is an important stage for personal, professional and spiritual growth. It is at this juncture that you get to decide who you are, who you want to be, who people see you as and what your stated reason for being in this world is? Sounds like a lot of work, doesn't it? Sounds like you have to figure it all out, right now? Not so, not at all. We grow in stages, adapt and change, transforming day by day. The you that was is no more and tomorrow you will be different yet again. The family, the ones that have the same blood coursing through their veins, they will always be your family no matter how fast or hard you try to run or change this by sheer will power. There is something significant about your roots...God made them for you and you for them Goldilocks...go find out who you are by all means but remember this, your family of origin cannot be denied and one day, you will be grateful that they waited, with open arms, for your return home. 

Listening Before

Have you ever had the feeling that God heard your words before you spoke them? All the things I am afraid to ask for, afraid to say because they don't sound nice or pretty, I get the feeling He knows exactly what they are before I get any of them out. It is a knowing look or nod feeling, like God is saying, ah huh, yes, I know sweetie, I know, tell me anyway. I want to hear it from you. Get it all out, I am listening. I have an image of a little child, standing on one foot and shifting to the other, tentatively sharing with a wise white haired father, unsure how what is said will be perceived. It is tender to envision the kind man with the soft and gentle hearted look in his eyes, listening intently to the longings and wonderings of a novice, a new one to the ways of the world. Isn't this how we all feel, Dear One, when we encounter something we had never anticipated nor experienced? Like a novice, a babe in the woods, a vulnerable creature exposed to the elements with no shelter in view? Perhaps I speak only for myself? Perhaps I am the only one who has felt this weakened state of insecurity? Or perhaps, you can relate?
As a human with many thoughts and feelings, I acknowledge that not all of them are of the pleasant variety. The part of me that wants to be noble and gentile would have me deny the side that is observant of what I find distasteful and repugnant in others and more poignantly, in myself. In other words, the idea of "if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all" is a repeated refrain in my psyche that is keen on leaving out the harsh and uncomfortable feelings that bubble below the surface when I feel hurt, anger or resentment, all unexpressed. When they are unexpressed, they are, Dear Reader, still there. They do not magically go away into some ugly abyss, banished in favour of fluffy sweet sentiment. What to do, what to do with all of me, all of you? Let us return to our topic, shall we? Have you ever had the feeling that God heard your words before you spoke them? How about Him sensing your feelings before you ever had conscious awareness of them? Have you had the experience of knowing that He is waiting patiently for you to come and sit on His lap and tell Him how sad you are, how mad, disappointed and hurt you are? I have, and in the telling, I know He has been listening long before I breathed out my first words. In the telling, I know that He knows my heart, that who I am is not the words I say or the things I do. God listens in the silence, in the noise, in the chaos and the still. God listens before we speak...what do you need Him to hear Dear One? He is listening. 

Capitulation

Capitulation is defined as: the action of ceasing to resist an opponent or demand. This is what I want, right now Dear Reader. I don't want to wait, I don't want to trust, I don't want to elegantly state all in good time or whatever will be will be or this modern day version of the sentiment, it is what it is. All of this waiting around makes me stir crazy, causes my heart rate to elevate and irritates the heck out of me. I want capitulation, and I want it now. I am comfortable having a chuckle at myself while my lip curls in agitation. I know what the lesson is and I resist it with resentment. I must wait, and in the waiting, I will learn patience. Yuck. Forgive me Dear Reader, for sounding like an adolescent while I feel like one. Patience oh Good God, this is the last thing I want to learn right NOW! So here is my history, it helps me understand my present and my future. I have read the bible, I have been in bible study, church, listened to Christian radio and countless hours of messages. I have biblical stories that appear before my very eyes, alive, animated as though I am watching in a grand theatre in the best possible seats. When I seek answers the perfect story presents itself and I feel like God is solidly leading me to understanding His story line, and along with it, His time line too 2 Peter 3:8-9 But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." With this knowledge, I am still impatient Dear Reader, because I want what I want and I want it now. Here is where my growth edge lives and breathes. There is the wanting and then there is the reality, that the waiting is sometimes the only way. I want God to capitulate, to stop resisting my demands and take action and He wants me to mature, settle down, go do what He asks me to do and stop telling Him how it should be done. The stories, they are here for me, they are here for you and in it all, we benefit from character development, bringing us closer to the ideal, the model, our Jesus. So here I am, and here you are and this is what He wants us to know for this day Romans 15:4-5 "For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ." I capitulate, I surrender, I submit, I will trust and I will wait because I have hope and I trust in God the Father. What about you Dear One, will you endure with hope? Our days are short and sometimes so is our patience, He knows this and is with us in the waiting room, holding our hand...do you feel this too? You are not alone, never alone. 

Freedom of Will

Darn that freedom of will stuff. Look at where it has gotten us people! I can choose to slow down and stop for a yellow light that I know is turning red. I can choose to eat the grapes in my grocery cart while I walk around the store before they get weighed and I pay for them. I can choose to let someone merge into traffic in front of me. I can choose to take the last bite of a shared piece of delicious cake. I can choose to listen to wisdom or this, decide I am right and the facts can go take a flying leap in a direction far and away from me. I can choose to hate, love, give, withhold, listen, ignore, hide, stand out and up, fight, lay down, cry, laugh, scream, whisper...I can choose and so can you. Pretty amazing really and why oh why, would we want it to be any different? I want it to be different, when the stakes are high and I want someone I care about to make um, the right decision. I am laughing as I type because of the ridiculousness of believing that I can, should, ought to be able to make a decision for another while assuming that the decision I make is the right one for them-this is pure arrogance. Good God, I have been a stubborn mule in my life and many a time led the way down a wrong way street in my ignorant confidence-I have to say, I wouldn't change a thing. It is precisely this, the over confidence in being right that taught me the humility that comes with facing the facts of having been oh so very wrong. Wrongness increases reticence, the desire to check out the facts before running headlong into no mans land with the belief that pure passion is enough to make a difference, affect change. There is a one-man-show feeling to this type of renegade action taking and this is when freedom of will can be troublesome. I will disclose to you now what I firmly believe. It is in relationship and relationship only that freedom of will can be gloriously on display. All the choices we make, they impact everyone on intimate and grand scales. We have this awesome power to impact one another and it is astounding to know this when the realization hits. It is in the recognizing of this as truth that we see how tenuous and tender life can be. We are nothing and no one without one another. Choice is the deciding factor in every life. Freedom of will is our gift and we can choose to use it to curse or care for ourselves and others. How do you relate? With your will, you change the world you live in and the lives of those in your immediate vicinity and astoundingly the lives of those whom you will never meet. We have this power Dear Reader...what do you choose with your freedom of will? 

Hot Pitch

In classical and medieval times, hot pitch was poured over invaders. This was an early thermal weapon, "which used heat or burning action to destroy or damage enemy personnel, fortifications or territories." Black burning tar, poured over an enemy. Can you imagine this Dear Reader? In our desire to protect ourselves, to ensure that what we have we get to keep, we humans have come up with some astounding ways to torture, wound, maim and kill one another, haven't we? Unfortunately, sometimes man against man is our reality, or so it would seem? What if the battle was of the unseen variety, with sneak attacks from an all but invisible enemy? What if the forces of good vs evil are the battling and duelling agents and we humans are the front line warriors and also the booty at the end of the war? One side would have us believe that we must not fight amongst ourselves, that we are related, brothers and sisters, citizens of the world. The other would pit us against each other, point out to us how very wrong he is, she is, they are-all worth fighting over, even killing one another to prove ourselves righteous.

Lets say you are the warrior Dear One, fighting this battle, this tug of war for souls. Lets also say that you have been fierce and bold, forging forward and making gains, pushing back the enemy lines. You taste victory, you savour the flavour. There is a sense of concurring the enemy and winning, playing on the right team for the right reasons and the right way...until black, hot, burning pitch is poured over you and in your surprise you let out a blood curdling soul screeching scream of utter agony. Stunned, coated and dripping a sulphurous substance, you stand still, unable to move. Drip, drip. The pitch is pooling at your feet and you are transfixed. Stopped. Stupefied. The enemy has managed to halt you. You see this now, as you look up and wonder how to get the tar off, how to stop the burning, how to recover, clean up and gather the courage, the hope, the desire to forge yet again, ahead. Wait, wait a minute. A memory begins to clear the darkness that coats your eyes. This is a battle, you tell yourself, of course the enemy tried to stop me. Of course a weapon was used to try to destroy me and keep me stunned, screaming, suffering and stupefied, OF COURSE. Conviction returns. The tar is still dripping from your body as you hear yourself say "I will never give up, never." And then, of course, there is this from Romans 8:35-39 "Can anything ever separate us from Christ's love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? (As the Scriptures say, "For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.") No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow-not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below-indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." How powerful is this for you to know in your very being? Will you choose to fear not with the understanding that the Lord is with you and that nothing and no one can separate you from Him? Read and then reread scripture until it sinks into your soul and from there, fear no more. 

The Wrong Side of Right

I heard a great expression recently, "this side of glory". This makes me feel like heaven is up there, over there, just yonder while we human types are here somewhere looking for THAT. One definition of glory is: the splendour and bliss of heaven. Now this is a googled dictionary definition Dear Reader. This means that long ago, heaven was spoken of as a real place of "splendour and bliss" and that the scholarly amongst us had words to describe what you and I can only imagine. For the scoffing skeptic, believing in heaven and its glorious splendour is mockable and they might say "imagination and reality are two different things, poor naive yet to learn the hard facts dreamer." What do you say to this, Dear One? What does scripture tell us about heaven? I am thinking of Jesus as He hung on a cross between two condemned crucified criminals...
Luke 23:39-43 One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: "Aren't you the Christ? Save yourself and us!" But the other criminal rebuked him. "Don't you fear God," he said, "since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong." Then he said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom!" Jesus answered him, "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise."
A rose between two thorns, Dear Reader? I find this utterly fascinating and a vibrantly alive depiction of modern day man. Who do you say Jesus is? Do you believe in Him as King? Is He able to grant you, a criminal, a sinner, entrance into His Kingdom? Are you like the mocker, daring to challenge Jesus to perform for you, prove Himself? This Jesus, famous now, famous then...He is known, written and spoken about. He is the redemptive hero and His story is retold every year. Our calendar is marked by His life, death and resurrection. Time stopped and started with Him In The Beginning, and In The End when His Kingdom becomes a reality for those who ask to be remembered by Him.
Back to the crosses...one man was on the wrong side of right. He did not see, he did not hear, he denied Deity in His Presence. Another man was on this side of glory, and that very day, he was promised to be in The Presence of The King in paradise. When Jesus asks you this question of "Who do you say that I am?", what will your answer be Dear One? Who is He to you?

Love

What do you believe about love, Dear Reader? A quote from Tony Robbins: "Love is an irresistible force if it is sincere." Would you agree with this statement? Your perspective and understanding of love may lead you to a similar conclusive statement or, it may lead you to say this, "Love hurts." It is our individual experience or inexperience with true love that brightens or taints our view. Our internal dialogue about love shows itself in our relationships. Humanly speaking, we can speak love with our mouths and deny it with our actions. This may be intentional and duplicitous or it may just be that we haven't worked it all out yet, we haven't figured out what we really believe about love and our relationship with it. Ultimately, love is about me, and you, in relationship with one another. It is about you, and him/her and relating to this person. It is about us and them, becoming unified in love because there really is NO us and them, only a we and Thee. I know, I know I am meandering about and I must get to it, here and now. Your love is relentless is the refrain in my head. It is an offering up of humble understanding that Gods love is relentless. He gives it and does not always receive it back. Does God then see love as "hurt"? Does He withhold it, resent the ingrate, punish the petulant, point a finger and say "NOT FAIR!" and "DAMN YOU"? Well I guess He could and perhaps you believe this of Him? I challenge you now, what kind of parent would He be with this kind of thinking and behaviour, I mean really? He would be a human parent of course! I am laughing now at the ridiculous comparisons we make when we equate Gods love with our own twisted and mutated dysfunctional made up versions. Silly humans, created in Gods image and acting like cartoon versions play acting at the real thing. Tony Robbins has it right, love is irresistible, a force. It is the Giver of Love that is Love and we don't have to make up how it works because He models it for us everyday. His love is relentless because as we wander to and fro trying to figure everything out on our own, he relentlessly loves us as we muck about and make a mess out of things. He sees His kids playing in the mud and He waits, and waits. When the kids are ready to come out of the dirt, He washes them clean, gently at first, and then there is the good old fashion scrubbing behind the ears and perhaps inside of them too? Is your love an irresistible sincere force Dear One? Is your love relentless? Do you love like a human or have you learned to love like God? The Power of Love, a force from above...learn it, live it. 

Arrogant Ignorance

With experience comes the often sought after and allusive gift, of wisdom. The expression youth is wasted on the young comes to mind, along with, if I only knew then what I know now. Oh yes, and this annoying one, hind sight is 20/20. Come with me dear reader, as I take a sardonic look at what was, is, and will be? 

While exploring my own experiences, see if you can relate.

I was arrogant in my youth, confident in my assessments of people and situations: a bit of a know it all. Quite argumentative and obnoxious really: and proud, proud of my abilities to logically argue my point, to a self satisfied win. Nonsense of course. I was adamant is all, with maybe some flashes of brilliance, mixed with the audacity of believing I was right, because I didn't know any better and didn't want to. I can laugh now at myself, remembering the eyes that stared back at me in disbelief, over my own ridiculous idiocy. 

Adults in my life back then probably thought I was beyond reach, reason and teaching. In my stubbornness to be independent of the influences of others, I clung rigidly to what seemed to me like principled beliefs, with a puritanical flavour of course. Judging others for their lack of wisdom came easily for me, given the fact that knowing everything did too. This makes me laugh to write because of my close encounter with Socrates. Socrates is quoted as saying, All I know is that I know nothing. 

This struck me in my humility bone. I had been ignorant in my arrogance, and the seed of humility had been planted in my psyche by a brilliant man of observation: All I know is that I know nothing. This expression has stayed with me, and protects me whenever the defence mechanism of having to be right, has wanted to highjack my good sense and reason. At almost 50 years of age, I like the freedom being teachable affords me, and the humility that goes with being a life long learner. Somehow admitting not knowing makes one wiser: how very paradoxical is that? 

I still haven't made my point though, have I dear reader? 

It is this: some people in my life, let's call them parents, relatives and friends, have forgiven me many a time for what can only be described as arrogant ignorance. They stood in the gap for me, believing in me whilst perhaps turning a deaf ear, to what they hoped was a fading phase. 

The first intercessor

The hope of my transmuting into something better than what they saw, and experienced, superseded their understandable desire, to maybe quietly walk away. Their prayer was one of intercession, a standing in the gap while child grows in the ways of wisdom. 

Jesus is The First Intercessor and prayed:

Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do (Luke 23:34)

Our prayer must be the same, for those who are arrogantly ignorant, and need us to stay in hopeful belief, while they learn the humble lesson of, All I know is that I know nothing. 

God willing, each generation learns this great lesson more quickly than the last: but alas, experience and reality has taught me otherwise. 

Hostile Takeover

How to resist a hostile takeover? You have a promising future and someone has their envious eyes turned in your direction. You feel the intense gaze and it sends a shiver through your body. What you have is what they want and with a sideways glance, you keep your eyes trained on them. Decided, you turn and look straight away, into their eyes, nodding in acknowledgement. You transmit a message with your clear unblinking stare, "I see you, I know what you are about. Not a chance-you cannot and will not have what belongs to me." The dead hate filled eyes stare back, volleying a bullet message of "Don't be so confident now, I have my ways." Your heart skips a beat. The threat of a hostile takeover erects itself as a tower of doubt, lodging somewhere in your soul. Shallow breathing, imminent danger, panic. Trance like, you feel adrenaline flowing with the shaky feeling of not knowing what to do, what can be done? Logic escapes you. You search your memory for similar experiences, working backward to find a way forward, a way out, a way in, a way. What is happening you wonder? A furrow in your brow appears in consternation. Disconcerting is the sentiment and then it dawns on you. Mine. Mine, he cannot have what is not his. Try as he might, and that is the threat, he cannot take what has not been given freely to him. It is not a battle of wills, it is a battle of his creation. His weapons of war include fear mongering, doubt, pride, ego, self aggrandizement, striving. He sells these wholesale and buyers are not warned to beware. He wants what you have because it is pure and good, kind, generous and love filled. He does not want to take over, he wants to destroy. How do you, Dear One, resist a hostile takeover?
Matthew 16:17-19 And Jesus answered him, "Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father who is in heaven. And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. I will give you the keys to the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven." Our question, how to resist a hostile takeover Dear One. What is your answer? Simon Peter was blessed for listening to our heavenly Father. In the verses above hell is mentioned along with the keys to heaven. Make of this what you will. As for me, what belongs to God cannot ever be taken by evil. Try as they might, grubby hands cannot steal from God what He declares as His. Hostile takeovers cannot stand against love and its purity...loves tender embrace soothes with the promise of peace. My hope is in the Lord.

The Knowing

You are on the highway and traffic slows to a crawl combined with full on stops. You wonder what is ahead, is there construction, perhaps an accident? You edge your car forward each time the car in front of you does and you wonder, when can we pick up speed, how long will this take? Stupid traffic, so annoying. A sea of cars in front of you on a flat plane prevents you from seeing what is going on. Minutes pass and you have inched toward what looks like a smoking car at the side of the road. Where there is smoke, there is fire, evidence of something gone wrong. No fire trucks, not police cruisers, no ambulance with people rushing about, just smoke coming from a shell of a car. THAT slowed us down? THAT added time to my trip? Everyone in front of you has sped up and now you accelerate, shaking your head, saying to yourself, rubber necker's. The moral of the story is we can't look away, can we Dear Reader? Train and car wrecks fascinate, hold our attention in what could be pure concern or some kind of sick fascination. Humans are impacted by wrecks and the it could be me or someone I love feeling is hard to get past when we witness destruction. There is also relief, when we get to speed away, nary a backward glance knowing someone else has to clean up the mess and we are off the hook. 

Lets switch up the scenario. You have inched your way toward what looks like smoke, rising from a vehicle. Fire, police and ambulance vehicles fill the outside lane of the highway. Bright emergency lights blink and swirl. In your gut there is a sinking feeling because this looks serious. Was someone hurt? What happened? You look, and a stretcher is being raised from its folded position and in your imagination, you hear it click and lock into place. A person occupies the pseudo bed, the stretcher used for transport to hospital. The sinking feeling in your gut is accompanied by a racing heart as horror settles in. There is blood, a still body with an oxygen mask being placed over mouth and nose. Mesmerized, you witness the edge, the life and deathless of our existence. Honk, the car behind you reminds, move forward. You cannot stay here. You want to though, you want to ask, to scream, is he okay, will he be OKAY? Urgency takes over and you want to demand, will he survive and what will become of him? TELL ME TELL ME...another honk. Reluctantly you press the accelerator, moving forward. As you pick up speed, you tell yourself he is in good hands. EMS has responded and you trust that they know what they are doing, they are trained for emergency. Unable to shake the unsettled feeling, you hear a whisper that starts in your heart, "Do not fear." Listening closely, you hear "Offer up your prayers, they are fragrant to me. The one on the stretcher, he is mine. I know what he needs. This is not an emergency for Me, fear not, trust in Me." A quiet comes over you, a calm that you did not think possible. He is in Good Hands, you feel this, know this. In the calm, there is this "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 Trust in Him...

Flies and Spider Webs

Here is some trivia for you. Flies can reach top speeds of 7 kilometres an hour. Imagine buzzing happily along, looking for a stinky and delicious place to land and then WHAM, you hit a soft wall and in the stickiness, you are stopped dead in your airwave tracks! Try as you wiggle with all of your remaining might, you cannot set yourself free. This isn't good, you think to yourself, I feel stuck. You rest for a minute, tapping the air with the one part of you that isn't entangled. What to do, what to do, you wonder. Ok, you think, it can't be THAT bad. I mean seriously, just a minute ago I was full speed ahead. I was about to land on a pile that looked and smelled promising for my afternoon snack. I didn't see this thing I flew into otherwise I would have looped up and away for goodness sakes. I am going to try again. BUZZ, BUZZ, your wings make noise but to no avail. Buzz, buzz, you try again. It seems stickier now, with less room for movement. Buzz, bu...now you can't move and it dawns on you. I am stuck, I mean really, truly, inextricably, irrevocably stuck. Frantically, your eyes dart to and fro, searching as your mind races. What can I do, what is available now, how did this happen and will I ever get out to fly freely again? Panic sets in while immobility becomes reality. The web you are in is the trap that may mean your ruin. Is there no hope? A spider made this trap, this web that has you waiting and wondering what is to become of you. Proverbs 30:28 Spiders can be caught by the hand, yet they are found in kings' palaces. 

Webs await, they catch us sometimes, unaware, unprepared. We fly as fast as we can without care or worry until we are caught, held hopelessly captive and subject to the sinister spider that sucks the life force out of its prey. Have you ever felt trapped Dear One, caught in a web that you didn't know was there until you hit it at top speed? Have you found yourself entangled, searching, struggling for a way out? You are not alone, it is the human condition. Thankfully, we are not flies, doomed to destruction. We are humans and in us, hope springs eternal. Caught in a web is not where we are required to stay, especially when we remember "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1I I have been contemplating faithfulness, not mine, Gods. With all our might, we can fight and struggle, do mortal emotional and spiritual battle but it is God and God alone that can pluck us from the web, save us from the sinister web weaver and life force sucker. Where do you place your faith when the helpless feeling of trapped has you tightly swaddled? Your pain, it is real. My pain, it too, is real...the truth is, God is bigger than all of it and it is to Him I turn. Where will you turn, Dear One? 

Mercy

Mercy means: compassion or forgiveness shown towards someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm; an event to be grateful for, because it prevents something unpleasant or provides relief form suffering. What has been your experience with mercy Dear Reader? This question sends me back in time to childhood memories. Do you recall wrestling as a child? When pinned, the underling could say mercy, the rule being that the captor would release their hold. When mercy was asked for, the honour went to the victor for winning the match and for nobly relinquishing their hold on the weaker player in the game. I don't know about you, but it made me frantic to be pinned and when I was released, I felt relief mixed with something akin to resentment, with a desire to retaliate. Upon reflection, I see how uncomfortably vulnerable it is to be pinned down and reliant upon the kindness of another in the form of mercy. In my adulthood, I see how mercy has flowed in my direction. How what I deserved I didn't get. How when I could have been made to pay by someone more powerful than I, they chose to release me instead...for the love of God, for the love of relationship, for the love of dignity and all that is good, mercy is forgiveness rather than a choke hold with strong dominating weak. I could be made to pay, you could be made to pay Dear One but alas, we are given many free passes with the gift of mercy. And what about you? Have you given what you have freely received? Does mercy flow from you? Do you withhold what is deserved in favour of being gracious and noble for the sake of love? You cannot give what you do not believe you have received. We give because we have first received. The beginning of mercy is the knowing, that I, that you, have been set free from paying for the mistakes we have made, the sins we have committed. The next part is the relief for not being punished or harmed, followed closely by the desire to be merciful, compassionate with someone we could crush or hurt in their vulnerable, weakened state. The stunning thing I have learned about mercy is that I didn't know it was there, not really, until I started to plead for it, feeling pinned. Mercy, I cry out mercy, release me...release him, her, them...mercy. 

Words & Meanings

Conveying meaning

Words from thoughts conveying messages

Black ink letters appear on white magically. From keyboard taps to words from thoughts, conveying messages...not perfectly, no where near perfectly. The longing in each of us is to be understood. Can you understand me as you read, do you know what is lodged in my heart?

A soulful union

Hidden in words are meanings and it is much like code, we decipher from feeling. If I move you with words, black markings on white, it is a soulful union we have, you and I. We may not agree, there may be misunderstanding but there is a connection, tangible yet impossible to touch let alone capture, with hands. We move one another, don't we dear reader?

Pain drops us to our knees, sometimes down upon our face

Pain is a great mover, it helps us attempt to describe what feels so real that it hurts. Pain drops us to our knees, sometimes down upon our face because we do not know what to do with it. It does not go away with thinking, hoping, waiting, wishing-it becomes captor, holding us hostage. It is pain that drives us to seek relief, answers, solution, something to do to make everything return to right again.

Asking for help out of vulnerable need is learned

Can you feel me while you read these strange black markings on white dear reader? Do you understand my pain because you too have felt its grip? Suffering in silence, solo wound licking, this I have done. Asking for help out of vulnerable need, this I have learned. Trusting that others feel what I feel, have experienced what I am going through brings some strange solace. It is in the understanding and being understood that hearts meet and meld, yielding to the compassion we feel for others who are walking the same path or have in their past.

Here and now I have a quiet

My words, they are imperfect, sometimes they hide thinly veiled anger, my disappointment and hurt when injustice reins and humans suffer. Sometimes my joy is so abundant that it is uncontainable, it spills from me unstoppable... how to express this perfectly would be wonderful and yet, I have not the words. Here and now, I have a quiet, a still. I have written and in the writing, a part of me has been transposed, fixed in time and space. I'm right here for right now and somehow, this is going to have to be okay.

Thanks for reading this-it is your gift to me and I am grateful.