Listening Before

Have you ever had the feeling that God heard your words before you spoke them? All the things I am afraid to ask for, afraid to say because they don't sound nice or pretty, I get the feeling He knows exactly what they are before I get any of them out. It is a knowing look or nod feeling, like God is saying, ah huh, yes, I know sweetie, I know, tell me anyway. I want to hear it from you. Get it all out, I am listening. I have an image of a little child, standing on one foot and shifting to the other, tentatively sharing with a wise white haired father, unsure how what is said will be perceived. It is tender to envision the kind man with the soft and gentle hearted look in his eyes, listening intently to the longings and wonderings of a novice, a new one to the ways of the world. Isn't this how we all feel, Dear One, when we encounter something we had never anticipated nor experienced? Like a novice, a babe in the woods, a vulnerable creature exposed to the elements with no shelter in view? Perhaps I speak only for myself? Perhaps I am the only one who has felt this weakened state of insecurity? Or perhaps, you can relate?
As a human with many thoughts and feelings, I acknowledge that not all of them are of the pleasant variety. The part of me that wants to be noble and gentile would have me deny the side that is observant of what I find distasteful and repugnant in others and more poignantly, in myself. In other words, the idea of "if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all" is a repeated refrain in my psyche that is keen on leaving out the harsh and uncomfortable feelings that bubble below the surface when I feel hurt, anger or resentment, all unexpressed. When they are unexpressed, they are, Dear Reader, still there. They do not magically go away into some ugly abyss, banished in favour of fluffy sweet sentiment. What to do, what to do with all of me, all of you? Let us return to our topic, shall we? Have you ever had the feeling that God heard your words before you spoke them? How about Him sensing your feelings before you ever had conscious awareness of them? Have you had the experience of knowing that He is waiting patiently for you to come and sit on His lap and tell Him how sad you are, how mad, disappointed and hurt you are? I have, and in the telling, I know He has been listening long before I breathed out my first words. In the telling, I know that He knows my heart, that who I am is not the words I say or the things I do. God listens in the silence, in the noise, in the chaos and the still. God listens before we speak...what do you need Him to hear Dear One? He is listening.