See no Evil

Two blogs ago I wrote Shameless...I was in a tail spin, unnerved by wreck less and what I will call anti social behaviour. Thank goodness for new dawns, bringing new days and a whole new perspective. I had the good and bad, the black and white, the rude and gentile face me head on the other day as I sat waiting my turn to turn left in the middle of an intersection. One driver took an "extra turn" by going through the yellow light, despite having plenty of time to stay. The other driver, he stayed, giving me the right of way...I gave him a thank you wave and he returned the wave.  Following this exchange I realized something delightful. I can chose to acknowledge the good, the shiny crystal clear, the gentile in others, the behaviour that warrents my admiration and appreciation and ignore the other stuff.  Keeping my sights on the pure, the lovely, the loveable, this feeds the right verses the might, the power vs the force, the good vs the age old evil. There is something to be said for righteous anger, for expressing disappointment and hurt and the full range of human emotion~this I give myself permission to do, for a time.  Feelings are temporary, fleeting and at the best of times and with attention given them, they are informative, but I never want them to define me, shape me, mold me or speak for me.  See no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil...what if I lived like that, for today?

Sleepy Joy

Synchronicity is a pretty cool word and I like the way it feels to think of it and grab onto the concept, especially when I have unwittingly just experienced it. I have an amazing Grace filled friend, Susan Morel~she too is a Co-Active Coach. When we met, it felt like kismet, another super cool word to describe experiences and events that seem unbelievably surreal and earth stopping, kind of like what the heck, how the heck, who orchestrated this and I hope I always remember this feeling so that I stay with the knowing that life is made of stardust and intrigue and nuance and subtle magic.  I have been sleepy lately, in a winter slumber and as I drove to my friends house for coffee, I noticed a dog, walking a woman.  The dog had a presence, it knew its business and led with confidence. As I approached a stop sign, the walkers did too and I observed magic as a crossing guard on the other side of the road gave a powerful throw of dog treats, landing perfectly in front of the dog...I grinned as I enjoyed the seen of dog eating what appeared to be manna from Heaven, a gift bestowed without request, a need met without knowing there was hunger. I lifted my gaze from the dog and turned it toward the man, who was engrossed in conversation with someone, his moment of generosity passed and forgotten, delightful. I arrived at Susan's house and she looked at me with surprise, she had double booked our visit and a coaching session with a client. When the client arrived, it just so happened that the lovely woman was someone that a friend had suggested I meet, not a week ago...I stayed, she stayed, we enjoyed the generous hostessing of Susan AND, the synchronicities continued.  There are so many intricacies in this one experience that I can't possibly record them all, the thought of doing so is exhausting and somehow, not necessary.  It is enough to know and appreciate that in my winter slumber, buried beneath the white snow that blanets my soul, there is the hint of new beginnings, the fresh brilliant colours of new shoots, peeking from the earth, waiting their turn to again, enjoy the sun. My soul sings with sleepy joy. 

Shameless

There is a battle going on, a fight for precious spoil, the treasure is human souls. Perhaps I am overly sensitive but I can't help but weep as I look around me and see the thoughtless selfishness everywhere I look.  I could just turn on the TV and believe it's out there somewhere, over represented and viral, a smidgen of the truth and something in someone else's neeighborhood, city, country, life, but I know better.  Today I drove to a clients house on snowy roads, this is a part of Canadian winter, and as I did so, I witnessed people taking more than their turn, putting the lives of others in danger as they ran yellow and then, red lights. This is common practice, it is the wisdomless unlawful agreement that many have wordlessly committed to and it is symptomatic of a pervasive thought, a sentiment that if it is right for me, then everyone else will have to accept it. This tough guy/girl attitude is perfectly suited for driving a vehicle, because no one can call you out, hold you accountable, help you to feel the shame that must accompany a change of heart when a wrong has been committed.  My lip curls with disdain...it is shame that has not been taught, it is remorse that is not experienced, it is the soulful self punishment of regret that no longer holds a place in the hearts and minds of humans who use circumstance to take rather than to give and wait to receive.  Have I lost my faith in humanity?  No, because I am surrounded by loving, kind, thoughtful, generous models of humanity, and I am grateful for their example and presence in my life.  Am I heartbroken and disappointed, yes...thankfully, this too shall pass as hope returns and the dark shadows of evil are broken by The Light.  This one is for YOU Wally, thank God you remain here and whole, with us, despite the reckless driving of another. 

Convicted

Conviction. I am faithfully convicted in my beliefs.  The word faith is mystical and magical and when someone has "it", it is a curiosity.  My faith is hard won, it isn't nor has it ever been a simple swallowing whole of a philosophy or religion.  I have used deductive reasoning, read for and against, engaged in painful soul searching, fact finding and truth detecting. I have investigated a mountain of beliefs and sifted and sorted through them looking for confirmation, conclusion, correlation, connection, all in the hopes that it would make perfect sense and I could at last breath a sigh of relief, an ahhhhhh feeling that I sought and found answers that I can live and sleep with.  I know I am designed to have beliefs make sense, that it is important for me to be well informed, knowledgeable, so that if I am asked to share what I believe it holds water and isn't just my opinion, my perspective, my limited point of view.  While being educated and knowledgeable are essential, conviction is nothing without the stardust of faith, sprinkled liberally on those that ask "give me faith, forgive my unbelief". This is where facts and knowing meet, mix, mingle and I lay claim to my abiding faith in my Abba Father, the God I know is there but that I cannot see. 

Exam Passed

I passed my written exam, I have an email to prove it.  While I wasn't surprised I passed, I was delighted to read the words congratulations several times.  Standards of practice come to mind, following a proven model, assimilating and integrating. I resisted much of the education I was meant to receive prior to the coaching courses I have taken~being talked at doesn't work for me, there is too much room for distraction in my head and my urge to rebel against sitting still and being a part of a captive audience often takes over and I entertain myself by inviting the person next to me to play by joking and being generally disruptive and immature...in an adult kind of way of course. The structured teaching model of one person standing over a crowd as the imparter of good and wise things wreaks havoc with my soul.  I didn't know until adulthood that this is the reason I despised high school so much~without the words to express my angst and define what it was that wasn't working for me, I resorted to skipping (with a note of course!) and telling my mother "that class is stupid, we do nothing in it and I'm learning nothing". I have been to many a workshop over the years and each time I am required to sit and listen, or in other words, sit, shut up and behave, I get that teenage urge to skip out and take the other wild things with me. Am I a rebel, unwilling to learn or worse yet, unwilling to be taught?  Absolutely not, my eargerness to absorb amazing true facts and life altering perspectives is evident to all who know me.  It is through CTI, that I learned that method is just as important as the info imparted and out of respect for the student, their involvement is crucial for learning to take place. The most important part of being a coach is remembering that clients are whole people, not just talking heads.  CTI (Coaches Training Institute) invites participation, from head to heart to toe and learning happens naturally as everyone is treated as equally naturally creative resourceful and whole.  Yeah coaching, I love you so!

Amazing Grace

I am a fraud. I feel this way periodically, especially when what I say I believe in, is contraindicated by my words. Words are like habits, and I use some of them wantonly, flippantly, until I am made aware by someone courageous enough to point it out and then the wind gets sucked out of my sails in utter shock as I recognize the split between the me's, if that's a word?  Who I aspire to be and who I am at any given moment can SEEM so far apparent and this causes a mini identity crises, a feeling of who said that and oh my God (in a pleading way) was that really me?  One of my favourite people always quotes her grandmother "perfect people are boring", this she says to reassure me that I'm not so bad, even after I make a verbal error in judgement. The point?  Well, I guess I am on my way to accepting imperfect and along those lines, I am recognizing that others accept this in me too, and um, always have?  This is one humbling moment, one free Linda spec of time, because I see that no amount of persona, facade, acting has been able to cover up the beautifully flawed me, and I am loved anyway or maybe more, because of it.  Grace comes to the rescue, Amazing Grace, forgiven already for utterances yet to be made, loved before, during and after words can't be retrieved, through faith, In Christ.

Personality Pitfalls & Foibles

Personality pitfalls and foibles, the parts of myself that keep me from being super cool and crazy smart all of the time need looking at, exposure to the Light for subtle and sometimes remarkably huge correction and redirection. I'm in the need to know category of living breathing humans and I believe what I don't know, CAN kill me, who I am really meant to be, which is to say, I'm designed for greatness, not for self evasiveness and blinders on my pyschosocial self.  In the vein of seeking and finding self actualization (I love this sentence, because it takes me back in time to my university days, when the world became this wide open library filled with the wisdom of the ages, waiting for young hungry souls to be fed with profundity) I came across the word enneagram, again, and decided to see what I could find on the internet. I found a personality test, short and sweet with instant feedback and based on my COMPLETE HONESTY, I got insights into the how and why of me...and I also learned something that felt rather familiar, a repeated theme with a slightly different angle, about what I need and what happens, picture fangs and claws coming out, when I don't get what I need. My Achilles heel screamed at me from my iPad screen and phew, I got it, I get it and YIPPY for me and all the people in my life because no one wants to be bitten or clawed and God knows that I want to do good, not harm.    What are my pitfalls and foibles you ask?  Haha, I did my homework, I know what I have to work on, this is about YOU and the people in your world...take the test yourself and then go forth and self actualize, making the world a better and more honest place, one person at a time.   

Freedom Awaits

Resistance is futile. I write this with a grin as I think of coaching with motivated clients. We all wear armour but some of us find it heavy and cumbersome, weighing us down and impeding our movements. More than this, the armour keeps us separate from others, holding us stiffly in position without the ability to reach for and to draw near the heart of another.  I will make a blanket statement here and say that those who seek coaching do so with half of their armour off, and the other half loosely clinging, ready to drop. We can compare the armour to reactions, perspectives, emotions, judgement, fear, worry, self doubt, unworthiness, insecurity, self pity, accusation...the list is endless.  How did it get there?  I don't know, you tell me how yours got there and I'll tell you how mine did and in the telling, pieces of our armour will fall to the ground, freeing us, the captives, as we microscopically see for the first time that "it" was there.  Coaching for me is about freedom, to live and breath freely, to love without restraint, to be fearlessly me, untethered.  Freedom awaits.

Ego Be Damned

Today I coached, and it was good.  How do I know this?  Well, I could see the wheels turning in my clients minds, plus, I asked them!  One thing I love about coaching is transparency, in the asking, in the telling, I know where I stand, I know where the other stands. This is learned, I was taught this by masterful coaches. Out of curiosity questions can be asked for the purpose of clarification. Today I assumed nothing in session and asked questions, with expectation or maybe more accurately, with anticipation. I had no answers, no clever advice, I had the here and now with each client and the delight of their unfolding, witnessing their epiphanies and learning ABOUT THEMSELVES.  This had nothing to do with me...I know the gift, the offering of a loving coach, because I have been on the receiving end.  Coaching, it is good, when the client is the only one in the room.  Ego be damned, coaching rules! 

Saints Among Us

Saints, I am surrounded by saints. I marvel at the behind the scenes elegance of the people who work for the Alice Saddy association.  Guileless, egoless, generous loving humans, giving of themselves endlessly, quietly, without the hint of need for acknowledgement or recognition. The Alice Saddy association supports the developmentally disabled, fostering independence, helping individuals by empowering them, advocating for them and encouraging them to live healthy and fulfilling lives.  Many of the supported live barely above the poverty line, with minimal financial support from the government.  There are families on wait lists, hoping that their loved ones can one day experience the care that the Alice Saddy association can provide. On the other hand, there are the grateful ones, the fathers, mothers, grandparents who sing the praises of Alice, knowing that their family member is counted among the lucky few who get extraordinary care from the extraordinary saint like staff.  There is a need, for funds, for awareness and appreciation, for volunteers, for loving beyond limitations.  If my child needed the Alice Saddy association and he had to wait, I would be devastated. This is the state of affairs for many families who need support. How can I pick one person to dedicate this to when so many deserve acknowledgement and would feel uncomfortable out of pure hearted modesty to receive it?  Today, I shall pick one, Diane, this is for you.  I left out your last name out of respect for your glorious modesty. 

Quest for Authenticity

The word authenticity begs a quest, as everyone is wanting to be this thing, authentic. Posers prevail in a smoke and mirrors world and it is rare that someone, anyone, asks with keen interest, what do you value?  This past weekend marked the one year mark of the start of my quest for this authenticity thing, and what I learned is that it forever and always, starts with me, by going within. The tools of the coaching trade draw heavily on what is valuable, valued, and from this starting point, the inner spot light searching begins. Was I inauthentic before, insincere, disingenuous, a big hairy liar?  I don't believe this to be true, but I did have defence mechanisms in place and I probably still do, although they are smaller and easily identifiable and thankfully, I am willing to have them knocked down with an out of order sign placed on them. This takes me back to me, and you, and valuing self as the answer to the question of being authentic.  Pleasing others is a guessing game, sometimes we get it right, sometimes we miss the mark, making us wonder what we did wrong or could have done differently.  When living according to what we value, we stop this nonsensical game and start being what we believe.  I believe in my own humanity, that it am here to love and learn, share and receive, and so much more. How can I go wrong when these are my guiding principals, when these are my valuables? What are yours, who are you, who knows the real you and if no one does, what are you protecting yourself from?

Truth And Dare

Truth and dare. Dare to tell the truth. I'm reading a book about truth telling, called Radical Honesty.  I like honesty, and it likes me.  In any seek and find mission, there is discovery and truth is no exception. This book I'm reading is a copy, it is one more voice in time calling, pleading for humanity to take account, be accountable, for feelings, thoughts, words, deeds, to be responsible and not commit the fraud of blaming another for where I am right now, who I am in any given moment, what I present to the world as a representation of being me. All books of Wisdom call out for Truth, and any and all recreation of this message is a replica, a copy.  Lies lies lies yah, their going to get you, lies lies lies yeah...it's an old song, a warning that the lies we tell, verbalized or withheld, they get us, keeping us restless and less than, captive to non truth.  Honesty starts with me and then I must dare to take it to my people and hope and pray that they too, are on a seek and find mission for the Truth. 

Tapped Out

Today I went to the mat, held down by the power of coaching...in my surrender I was held captive to the tenants of the coaching model. In a resent coaching session, I got aggressive, opinionated, out of a desire on my part to have the client make choices that would serve her well, that would resonant with her values. There is a fine line between being fiercely courageous for the client and pointing them in the direction I AS COACH, want them to go.  Coaching wrestled me to the ground since my last session, reminding me what my job description is, reminding me that everyone is naturally creative resourceful and whole and that the answers to life's big questions come from within, NOT from an outside source...not from a coach, a councillor, a consultant, an expert~God knows I don't like to be told what to do or what to think!  Today I have the opportunity to coach, I mean really coach, with ears that hear, eyes that see, a heart that feels...today I tap out, coaching wins as I surrender to its wisdom. 

Frogs and Scorpions

There once was a frog and a scorpion.  Being a naturally great swimmer, the scorpion requested of the frog a ride across the river on the frogs back. Looking the scorpion in the eye, the frog stated "I will not give you a ride to the other side, you are a scorpion and you will sting me".  Not to be put off, the scorpion replied "well I can't swim, why would I sting you, we would then both drown".  Unconvinced, the frog again refused the request, to which the scorpion appealed "look, I don't want to die, I simply want a ride to the other side of the river, I promise not to sting you if you give me a ride". This seemed to make sense to the frog and with the promise in place and abit of trepidation, he agreed to giving the scorpion the ride. The scorpion climbed onto the frogs back and off they went. Things were going swimmingly (pun intended) when about half way across the river, the frog felt the unmistakeable pain of a sting in his back.  Knowing that the scorpion had stung him, he asked in disbelief "you stung me, why would you sting me, now we are both going to die"  The scorpions reply?  "I'm a scorpion, it's in my nature".  Here is a line for you to ponder:  disposition determines direction which determines destination. Within this story we have two dispositions. The vile disposition of a self serving scorpion whose direction was on doing evil, misusing another for personal gain and ultimately destined for death. Than we have the giving sharing nature of the frog, whose direction is toward service and disposition is of trusting others when giving their word, whose destination was also death, because the frog did not trust his own instincts, his own knowing, his own nature. While the frog believed that the scorpion was reformed, that given his promise he would not sting temporarily for the sake of both of their lives, what he failed to look for was transformation, a change in nature in the scorpion gaurenteeing that the promise to not sting was a viable liveable promise and not just empty words to convince the frog to do what the scorpion wanted him to do.  The frog was at choice in the story and he did choose, several times, moving from conviction to being convinced, going against what he knew was good for him. I say swim away sweet froggie, go be with your other sweet froggie friends, those who understand you, love you for your beautiful green skin and lovely fit froggie legs.  Hop away from stinging scorpions and let them sting you no more!

Stepping Into Life

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty...the quintessential coaching movie. Beautiful things don't ask for attention, this was a line from the movie.  The main character, Walter, is a daydreamer who in his imagination, lives out the things he wants to say and do. Walter works in "negative assets" at Life magazine, developing pictures and as the story unfolds, his muse becomes a photographer, Sean, who calls him forth to live his daydreams, making them reality. As I watched, Wally transformed, from basement dweller to adventure seeker, daydreamer to reality maker, neverneverland habitant to actualization man speaking the truth daringly, with fearless conviction.  His values took him to action, and all the while he was called out, called forth, by his muse, several muses. That's the coach in us, in me, calling forth, to speak, to live the dream, to love the values so much that the client can't help but live out loud. The shear beauty along with the elegant presentation of the message is unmistakable, to dream without action is nothing, a lost opportunity, to dream and step into the dream and live it, that if LIFE. 

Waiting

Waiting...I did a lot of that today. My husband had surgery on his nose, three hours of cut and paste, putting things where they belong so that he can breathe better and we can both get a good nights sleep, eventually. I'm waiting, at Tim Hortons, for prescriptions to be filled, and I am sleepy, quiet, by myself in and amongst people, alone and in couples.  There is no hurry, no worry, just this, me writing and waiting. Somehow, this is the most peaceful I have been in quite some time. Nowhere to go, nothing to see, just me and time and Tim's of course. This is the first time in my life that I have sat solo, in a coffee shop, without waiting for someone to join me...huh, what's next?

Noble Ones

Today I am overcome, with the tender hearted, the noble ones who for the sake of another, forsake themselves. There is a "look away" feeling, a "don't look at me" sense that I pick up as the noble ones are loathe to get to much attention but I can't look away, I must gaze, drink them in, see them fully in their quiet majesty.  To not see them, to not notice, is to deny, reject a gift. Cloaked heavily in self depricating thoughts and words, they do not see themselves, they are the ones looking away, sorry, sorely wanting no one to know...they are the precious ones, they deserve the love, the attention, the appreciation for who they are.  I am lost, wanting for them, longing for them to know, to believe and see what is Truth...they are beautifully made.

Honesty for the Sake of Learning

If you're not there, you'll be exposed to ridicule...a line from The Big Bang Theory. This situation comedy delights me, because the characters dare to say things that often cross the mind but are rarely verbalized. In the context of friendship, there is freedom of honest expression and while some of the banter between the friends is caustic, the understanding is that the intention is never to hurt or cause lasting pain. Each character is unique and quirky but there is always room for the quirks, an acceptance rare and wonderful. As I watch, I see the coaching model, with blurting, intruding, acknowledgement, fierce courage, championing, calling forth and calling out, deepening the learning and forwarding the action. Yes, it's television, but it is brilliantly presented television, modelling the intricacies of interaction in a loving and playful way.  Honesty for the sake of learning, this is what I love most about coaching. 

Dark Cloud Mocked

You are my dark cloud on a sunny day, you bring the rain and wash the rays away.  You see the dirt upon the snow, I can't eat it now, where will I go, to get snow white, fresh crisp and clean, for you have peed where I want to glean...this is my mock tribute to all the naysayers, whiners, complainers. The people who ATTEMPT to make life miserable for the hopeful, the optimistic, the happily inclined. I would feel sorry for these "there's always a black lining" people but I'm too busy feeling annoyed! What I love is the effervescence of the soul, the bright glowy part that shines out of the eyes, and rings clearly in the voice with joy, excitement and enthusiasm for what is good, true and right. The world owes us nothing, whatever we have is a gift and all can be taken away as easily as we got it...I say NO to those who try to dim the Light, and YES to the bubbling laughter that comes with appreciation for all that is and can be. 

Direction Determines Destination

Direction determines destination...these are the wise words I heard this morning.  One thought, one perception, can direct our every action, and if that one thought or perception comes from deep seeded guilt or regret, the life that follows "it" can feel like perpetual punishment. We all fall short of perfect, with our own stories of missteps, poor judgment, wrong doing.  Remorse is a beautiful gift, it is a call to introspection, character building and refinement. Regret to, speaks to a knowing better than, a sense that if I had to do it all over again, it would be different this time. Consequences are far reaching, often times keeping us painfully reminded of choices we wish we could erase...this is were forgiveness comes into play. Choosing to forgive ourselves and others frees us from the energetic choke hold regret and remorse keep us in.  Our past does not have to determine our future.  No amount of regret changes what was, but in peaking back, you can see how you got to here, and from here, DECIDE, what's next?  Thanks Jon Korkidakis, you are one smart man!

Brave Honesty

"My happiness is up to me, so you are off the hook".  Some clever person made this up, and I'm inclined to play with it a bit, change it around and put a coaching spin on it, here I go. Your happiness is up to you, so I'm off the hook...I like this phrase either way, but I particularly like the message, which speaks to an accountability for each of us. People lie, they cheat, they lack integrity, not all people, but enough of them to cause a significant amount of pain for the people who trust them, believe in them, give them the benefit of the doubt, despite the red lie flags. One of the tell tail signs of a lie is blame.  The guilty, the liars, usually blame another, excusing themselves from responsibility, making a bid or plea for sympathy.  If there is a repeated theme, a never ending story of sameness, the story teller becomes suspect and trust erodes between them and their would be happiness helper. Another tell tale sign, complaining without changing~I ask you, what is the point?  Choice, always choice. We chose how we are treated, we chose how we treat others, we chose accountability or blame.  We can also chose to believe in our lie detecting abilities AND to honour ourselves and say NO to the liars and YES to The Truth.  Choice, what a gift. One last thing, we do a liar no favour by allowing the bad behaviour...they may never hear the Truth if no one is brave enough to speak it to them.  

Stop Talking

I have been a coughing fool for over a week.  When I laugh, I cough.  When I talk, I cough...my husband suggested I refrain from talking, funny guy!  But maybe, just maybe, he has a point?  Silence isn't my forte, it is yet to become my friend.  I worked with a coach recently who asked powerful questions but didn't give time for answers, new coaches do that, and as a new coach, I'm still learning pace and I too ask questions without space for answers, I must will myself to w a I t.  I gave the coach feedback, I told him his questions were like dynamite, that they were powerful and explosive and he should drop the question, allow the explosion and let the client pick up the pieces.  Metaphor is becoming a language for me, and I find meaning in all the experiences life offers. The cough is a funny metaphor, an annoying reminder that the noise of the cough is useless, purposeless~when I compare this to words, they too become like useless noise, annoying and purposeless when overused.