"Rage-baiting or rage-farming is internet slang that refers to a manipulative tactic to elicit outrage with the goal of increasing internet traffic, online engagement, revenue and support."
Copying and pasting this definition is humous to me. When I heard the term rage-bait, I instantly appreciated having experienced it, pretty much all my life, and long before the internet was discovered as a way to irritate and instigate disturbances with unsuspecting would be victims of manipulation. Hell, the internet has nothing on the people I have dealt with, that just plain old love to stir the bottom of the sludge barrel to see what ugly critters creep, crawl, and scuttle to the surface. In old fashioned terms, this type of person used to be called a trouble maker, a gossip, a backstabber, treacherous, and my all time favourite, demon possessed.
You know you are dealing with the type, when during conversation, they shoot out a zinger with a spiky hook attached, designed to drag you into the fray, into their frightfully ugly inner workings. You might be having a perfectly lovely day, with cheery thoughts or even sadly sweet thoughts and then BAM, the monster in the person you know, suddenly says something so horrible, ire instantly rises in your soul. You next think, What the heck; did she/he SAY THAT? How, WHY for goodness sakes!
I was considering the rage-baiter and how they never seem to run out of material to irk and irritate, kind of like a stand up comic that everyone likes: always working on a new gag or line. What I have observed though, is that there is a definite pattern to the person, they have distinctive ways, and once you or I figure out the sketch of who they are, we can see how they try to fill in their blanks, with bits and pieces of us. I am seeing these people as vapid vampires. They have an emptiness that needs filling, and they get their jollies from insinuating and insulting, and getting the goat of whomever they set their target sites on: and by God they can be relentless too, in their pursuit of injuring their prey.
Recently I got most excellent advice: don't care what they (the person or persons) think. This was one of those eureka moments for me! I mean seriously, if someone is an agitator, and there is no evidence of possible change in their behaviour in sight, then it makes logical sense for the irritated person to do some changing! We can step out of the ring, dear reader, and let the trouble making demoniacs shadow box all the live long day, and night too, if they want to. The thing we MUST KEEP IN MIND, is they do not get any satisfaction when they don't have a play toy to toss around, and that is when they will use secret weapons, pulled from their manipulative tool box: charm, feigned kindness, weakness, interest in your opinion or perspective, or some other emotional state to stimulate interaction. I warn you, these tactics are ploys to reel you and others into their naughty net, and extricating yourself is much harder than avoiding getting caught in the first place!
I am going to give you some insights to help you determine what, or should I say who, you are dealing with, so that you can decide for yourself whether or not you still want to care about what they think, or engage as you have before, with your rage-baiter.
The person is people repellant! They make everyone uncomfortable, shut down sharing, interfere with freely expressed emotions, say horrible things seemingly out of the blue, use information as a weapon to drive wedges between people, repeat what has been shared in confidence, make things up, lie, and then lie when they are caught lying! They never admit they are wrong, never apologize, and somehow have a self-righteous belief that since their opinion is the only valid one, it can be expressed no matter the impact it has on everyone else concerned ... they start emotional fires that singe and have you and me thinking about what they said for hours and sometimes days afterward, wondering, why would they SAY THAT? If all this sounds familiar, then you know you have someone in your life that really digs seeing you get all flustered. MAKE NO MISTAKE, dear one, THEY LIKE their little games, and don't give a damn what impact it has on you or anyone else.
So ... maybe you can not care about their thoughts, their opinions, their ideas, and maybe you can escape when they start down that well-worn path of your destruction (sure, that was an awkward sentence, but so is dealing with this strange kind of person). There are people that make you feel loved, and their are people that profess their love but make you feel hated. Judas kissed Jesus after betraying Him as His friend and rabbi ... what makes you think the person you are dealing with, isn't capable of that kind of demonic wickedness too?
Break free, so you don't get emotionally dragged through the mud again. You may have to stay in relationship, but you can establish some distance markers, to preserve your confidence and sense of autonomy, minus infringement. This will require conscience effort and your part to remember, that you aren't being mean to the person by withdrawing, you are taking good care of yourself, and who knows, maybe if they are left completely alone, they might consider they have to do some self-evaluating to figure out how they managed to drive everyone away.
Don't ever accept someone treating you badly. Jesus would never be okay with you being misused in any way, and neither should you!
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law (Galatians 5:22)
COMPARE:
If the person you are dealing with is hateful, stirs up distress and disagreement, is impatient and impetuously aggressive, unkind and brutal, causes distrust, is arrogant, and seems to have no self-control when challenged, then you got yourself a bonafide rage-baiter, and you must deal accordingly.
Need help? Hire me as your coach, or get some insights and confirmation from Joe Navarro's book, Dangerous Personalities. There are questionnaires in that book, and when you dive in, you will come up and out with a new lease on life, and maybe even a plan of action too.
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