There are descriptions in the book, words to capture the essence of the meanness of spirit in each of the four difficult personalities. Extensive questionnaires can help an almost desperate person determine that perhaps it is not them that has a problem, despite continually being accused of many wrongdoings and beings, and that maybe, just maybe, the person in their life that makes them feel insecure, self-conscious, inept, out of their depth, is really the other, that difficult person that is impossible to please.
Joe Navarro is a careful person. He is full of care ... he watches, listens intently, notices, reads between the lines of a person's story, and without withholding, labels perfectly what he sees, with compassion for the prey, the victims that have been worn down to the point of being worn out. My poignant point is this: a kind person is no match for a vicious type of dressed up predator. Some people really don't have a conscience, cannot be reasoned with, will never concede a point no matter how wrong they are proven, and will ultimately, pridefully, insist the sweet one must bend to their will, or they will make that person's life a living hell.
One of my most famous lines, something I made up and continue to boast about because I think it so clever (come on dear reader, give me some slack here, I rarely brag and just feel like it, just this once ... ) is, Drop naïveté on it's head, and make sure it's dead! In other words, Don't kid yourself sister/brother, if the person you are dealing with hasn't changed, and you have tried absolutely every way to make good in the relationship, then don't expect anything different from him or her, any time soon. These people think YOU have to change, that there is something wrong with ME, or them over there. They don't get that it just so happens, they are the problem, but wait a minute ... wait one minute ... YES they do know they are the difficult one, and they LIKE IT!
Killing the innocent belief that a difficult person will come around to healthy thinking, or that you or I can somehow affect change in them, or that they are clueless in understanding what they are doing, is necessary. The difficult person knows exactly what they are doing, sees the impact they have on others, and enjoys the hot mess of dissembling another.
If you are dealing with a difficult person, and have finally come to the conclusion that you are ill equipped to help them into becoming a better human being that actually cares about others, then here is my bit of advice for you: let their soliloquies fall on deaf ears, and start making your exit plan in private, meaning do not share your discoveries about this person with them ~ that's like waving steak in front of a ravenous lion's bared teeth ~ but do share your experiences with at least one trusted friend and or family member, that loves you and will assist you when the time is right. With ears that no longer hear and absorb the lies and manipulations of the difficult one, you will start to hear your own sound mind advising you on your next steps of self-preservation.
Know this: no one wants to hear the sound of vitriol frothing forth from a blathering idiot that enjoys the taste of his or her own venomous tongue, accept the blathering idiot themselves. Once you stop being the audience, they may temper tantrum and rage but you will be free from mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually, absorbing their poison. No one should be a sponge for this kind of viciousness, and you can break free in many mini, and then huge ways, once you accept the circumstances and refrain from making excuses for the nasty person you are dealing with. You must not aid and abet the cruel spirited ones ... they will relentlessly, guiltlessly aim to destroy you, and it will, be their pleasure to do so.
God is intolerant of the froward ~ a person difficult to deal with, contrary. If he will not tolerate this type of backwardness in a man or woman, what makes you think you can manage him or her?
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