Bluster vs Bravery

Are you brave, dear reader?

Do you have the strength of your convictions?

When you say one thing, do you do another?

I am reading a most fascinating book entitled EVERYBODY LIES, BIG DATA, NEW DATA, AND WHAT THE INTERNET CAN TELL US ABOUT WHO WE REALLY ARE, by Seth Stephens-Davidowitz.

According to Seth, google searches tell data analysts more about who you and I are, what we are truly interested in and align with, than the lies we tell ourselves and others when we post on social media sites. I liken this to first date fraud, when spiders try to catch a fly in their web of niceties. A fly need only go on one more date to discover what a man, I mean spider, is really like 😂

In other words, the way we want people to see us, and the way we really are, can be two different things, or identities? I have often been concerned about this split, knowing that when I am being disingenuous, wanting to please others rather than staying committed to my convictions, it rankles my spirit. If you are wondering about my authenticity and trustworthiness, be assured. When I make an error in a public forum, or in a private relationship, I am accountably-correctable. This is not a noble trait, it is a humble state. Being wrong is unavoidable, being sorry is a choice, and apologizing is a necessity to maintain relationships, and sometimes, to severe them too: telling the truth might cause the other to move away from us, since they may prefer agreement rather than dissent, when it comes to world views. We find out who people are when they decide to not be sorry about being wrong. 

Studies reveal that we put on a show, to give others the best possible impression of who we are, but dear reader, humans are lie detectors, and the truth is evident. We don't need to trust what people tell us, we must trust what they do, since behaviour never lies. 

According to Xavier Amatriain, a former data scientist at Netflix, "Algorithms know you better than you know yourself." This is why when you go to look for your next movie for viewing, you get suggestions based on your previous picks. "They" know what you like, and what the likelihood is that you will select something similar to your last indulgence. The question is, what do the algorithms know about you that you would be embarrassed for others to know? What do you think, believe, do, in private, that you would be ashamed of in public?

I have observed bravado and bluster lately, rather than true bravery. This is noticeable in the communication style known as stream of consciousness: a way of sharing private thoughts that may jar or entertain an observer. Perhaps you too, recall the TV series Moonlighting? This was my first introduction to full on stream of consciousness sharing. Bruce Willis and Cybill Shepherd engaged audiences with their fast pace interactions and truth bombs, intiating the concept of blurting what you think and see, in shocking and often endearing ways. The level of trust and distrust bounced around like shockwaves, depending on what the characters expressed. Did they mean what they said? Were they being coy, provocative, playful? The artistry and subtlety was captivating, with word play choreographing the dance between the actors. 

I have heard and read snarky comments directed toward people and ideas that are offensive, but in true public confessional format, the ones making the comments admit that they will go along with exactly what they said they cannot stand, as an only option. The public confessional is somewhat of a request that goes like this: there are only two choices, and both of them are bad. Even though I cannot stand either, I will be HONEST with you and share that I am going with the best of the worst. It reminds me of the expression: it is easier to beg forgiveness, than ask permission. In other words, it is a way of garnering continued favour, before committing an admitted faux pas, or false step. That is not strength of conviction, that is comprised integrity.

Sigh, we humans are a curious and confused lot. Self-deception continues to be a favourite past time, and we make the mistake of believing that others are none the wiser. The sad part of all this is, we cannot trust each other, or ourselves, when we make excuses for the lies we tell. 

I am craving bravery. I want to know that people are willing to die for the truth! ahhh, that would be GREAT. I will throw out a challenge to you, if you are still with me here, dear reader. Bite your tongue if what you are about to say is a lie. Bite it hard, draw blood, so that later, when your tongue swells from the injury, you are reminded that being slow of speech will help you be more honest in your sharing, because your brain will have time to catch up with that fast paced wagger in your head! 

I am pretty confident that in our bait and switch world, we can do something spectacularly grand, by speaking and living the truth: and maybe, just maybe, the Truth will make us free.