Setting Intentions

Setting intentions is a fascinating endeavour. I have read many books on sales, motivation, self help, and my all time favourites, apologetics. Reading these books is the equivalent of a thousand peoples observations, succinctly placed in one easy to read volume(s).  I have read that brilliance is observation of patterns, noted and recorded, written and or verbalized. When I read and say yes, ah ha, that's right, that's it, it is me admiring what someone else has had the insight to see and name and then seemingly claim as their own, in writing.  That's the end result, the written word, the start of something beautiful and edifying is the intention, the seed of genius awaiting its time to burst forth with leaves and branches in glorious living colour, giving full expression to not just an idea, but to a vision.  In coaching, the coach is a dog with a bone, at least I am, about the client knowing what it is they want, to be intentional about it, and in time, "it" IS...the client sometimes smoothly transitions from here to over there where their intentions live and that's when the coach gets to say "SEEEEEE, LOOOK, YOU DID "IT"!!!"  Ha, yes, this is gratifying to write as I happily recall many an instance when it has been my pleasure to be able to celebrate intentions that made it into animated life with a client, especially when what they were afraid of, no longer exists!  My intentions?  To have a pure heart...it might take some time and I WILL, get there.

Emotions and Entitlement

These are the messages I have received recently "I get to feel this way", David Lund. "Don't beat yourself up for having feelings", Alex Den Broeder.  "Your entitled to feel that way", Elvira Meluci (that's my wise mum!).  I have been taking care of my body with excellent food and 6 days a week of strenuous exercise. I am being purposeful about this, making my wellness a priority. As I decended the stairs today, my quadricep muscles were screaming loudly at me and I was answering them with some moaning and groaning. My mom, who lives with me and my boys, asked with concern "what's wrong, are you ok?".  When I told her the reason for the complaining, she stated "your entitled to feel that way". Click!  The body aches and it is perfectly ok to acknowledge this, to logically equate it with a cause.  What about when the soul aches, cries out for justice, longs for acknowledgement of its suffering?  Do emotions and their expression really have to be stuffed down, ignored, placated?  How is happy and upbeat allowed but dark nights of the soul forbidden from view?  The full range of human emotion, the bleeding the laughing the crying, they all come to me, spend time with me, and I am starting to appreciate the freedom of expression that is mine to claim. Today, on a really cool piece of cardio equipment, I did a simulated boxing ring fight...at one point, the screen told me "you are bleeding". Yes, I am bleeding, and then I get all stitched up, the scars are a badge of honour and I am forged in the fire, the fight.  Stronger and more resilient because emotions won't kill me but ignoring  them just might. 

Amazing Grace

3 funerals, one pending, yeah, life doesn't suck, death does. While I am all doom and gloom, I have to get this out. If illness, suffering and dying are all around us and it ISNT happening currently in our own lives or our immediate family members lives, than how can we in good conscious not treasure, enjoy, love each day that we wake up to?  Restless is a disease of the fortunate, thinking not enough or they have more than I do or when I get there is for the healthy of body, the ones who look out into the future with longing because they have the luxury of doing so.  What about wishing for one more day because this one might be the last?  Greedy self, occupied with more, how dare you steal from now and borrow from a future that might not exist?  I have is more honest, kinder, softer, than I want.  It is with gratitude that I thank God, for but for His amazing grace go I.

Heaven Wins Again

FAITH...forsaking all I trust Him.  2014 is only 52 days old and I have attended 3 funerals already. Today's was especially hard, because someone I love deeply is gone from this earth, God took back one of the really good ones.  When I think of him, I think of Gods love radiating from his face, his words a gentle balm of peace and trust in God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit.  I knew the end was coming for my friend, it makes me grimace, seeing spirit moving in a body, them breathing life into their lungs and knowing at the same time that the death march has begun, and that it would eventually, soon even, be claiming another saint.  Death is a cruel thief, stealing away loved ones before I, before we, are done loving them.  Sickness is crueler yet, and so it is a welcome platitude to hear and say "he/she is in a better place". This does nothing for me, as my heart aches and yearns for one more hug, one more faith filled story, one more shared moment of soul brushing.  I will miss you Doug Dakin, I'm grateful and blessed for having known such a great man of God.  Heaven wins again. 

Dreaming

The lyrics to a Passenger song  called Things That Stop Your Dreaming grabbed me as they rang truth.  They go like this "if you can't get what you love, you learn to love the things you've got, if you can't be what you want, you learn to be the things you're not, if you can't get what you need, you learn to need the things that stop your dreamin, all the things that stop your dreamin".  This last line nearly broke my heart in the lonesomeness of the message, need whatever it is that will stop your dreaming...it's like clinging to a tooth pick to save you while you bob up and down in the middle of the ocean, trusting that somehow the tooth pick is enough, loving it and hoping it will save you. Coaching, lovely rich coaching asks what are your dreams?  Who are you?  Who do you want to be in relationship?  What are you here for, what is your life purpose?  Coaches know clients have dreams that have gone to sleep, desires they are afraid to speak for fear of them never coming true, hopes that have been dashed in the past, holding them pinned to helplessness.  The coach believes in the client. We are not dream weavers, coaches are the gentle wake up call from slumber to come alive to love, life, reaching for the big stuff of which dreams are made.  Do you see what I see...isn't it the truth that we can't see our own brilliance until we see it reflected in the eyes of an admirer?  Seeing less stops our dreaming.

Welcome to Communicable Diseases

Welcome to communicable diseases, spoken in deep, rich, vibrant DJ tones. 

This is the recorded greeting for the immunization health unit. This message cracked me up and I giggled and or full on laughed at the thought of it and my repeating it to others, throughout the day.  A communicable disease is clearly something to be avoided, being welcome to it was plain old ridiculously hilarious! 

When choosing who to speak to, a recorded request is made of the listener that goes something like this, If you have a fever or flu like symptoms, do not come to the clinic; this message delighted me as much as the first one! 

I am inclined to spin this into a super cool metaphor, I invite you to come with me. 

What if the communicable disease is dis, ease, agitation, anger, dis satisfaction, selfishness, bitterness, self pity, entitlement, envy, self indulgence, me first?  These are real health threats, corrosive and sometimes, contagious otherwise referred to as emotional contagions. 

• Why would you or I want to be exposed to these toxins?  
• What is the impact when we are?  

I for one feel sick after exposure, and like any illness, the symptoms take a while to dispel, lingering far longer than the actual exposure experience took in the first place.  

Doctors and nurses are called to aid the ill; they have healing hearts and hands, and they expose themselves to real and deadly disease for the sake of others. Those that request their help for healing are given the gift of health aid~this said, they have a call to duty, to protect the general public from "communicating" illness, by refraining from exposing others when they are already very sick. 

Coaching is like this, the client can bring all their dis ease to the coaching relationship because they want to get better, move away from what makes them emotionally sad and sick, and toward what makes them healthy, whole, and feels like heart singing resonance. Clients learn to move away from emotional contagion and toward health filled loving relationship first with themselves, and then with others. 

I want to catch happiness, I want to infect others with joy, I want to be so contagious that everyone is bitten by the love bug!  Perhaps you have been bitten today, in a great and wonderful way? 

I sure hope so.

Love is a feeling AND an ability

I heard a great line in a movie "love is not a feeling, it is an ability". I mentioned this to my son and he said "love is a feeling AND an ability", clearly love can be and is both. There is a lot of self love I have been reading about~this shows up in social media, where people take brave steps in confidence and tell the world, and the world (or the persons social circle) responds with good for you and I knew you had it in you and you inspire me comments. I am inclined to get irritated with these public displays of proudness, they seem adolescent and needy to me, as though the grown man or woman did not receive praise in their formative years and now they can catch up, share and care and fawn over themselves and others.  I'm tracking right now in my memory to see if I am a suspect, if I am amongst the needy?  Guilty as charged, for who among us is not in need of love?  Which brings me to my point:  there is a time in each life where the feeling of love must be incoming, an outside in, a receiving in order to comprehend, to absorb, to feel and know that you and me, we are precious. Than, as I see it, know it, have experienced it, love becomes an ability, it moves away from my need to receive and toward the giving, the sending, the offering to another.  My eyes have seen the glory of the coming of The Lord...my Teacher loved me first so that I might love as He does.  If this is all I learn from this life, to love like Jesus, it will be gloriously good enough.

Love Dove at Dusk

It is 6:13 p.m, dusk. I went to get my mail and a morning/mourning dove flew toward me, landing on a lower branch of the tree at the end of my yard.  

A bird, in the middle of winter, at dusk, was a pleasant surprise. I said, Hello, as he sat and looked down on me. 

I am pretty sure I could see his exhale in tiny wisps as he breathed the cold air in, then out.  We stayed, me standing looking up, him balancing on a thin branch, looking down.  

I made the verbal observation that he had a small head and a big chest, and asked, Does that mean you have a big heart? Of course he did not answer, but it occurred to me that if humans had these body and head proportions, perhaps we would be a kinder, more gentle breed of being. 

We were silent for a while when I decided he definitely came for me, a morning love dove, in the evening. 

It's cold outside, and as an indoor dweller, I decided to thank him for his reminder of coming spring and cliche as it sounds, of love. As I walked toward my front door, I looked back, and he had turned toward me, watching me enter my house. 

Strange and wonderful. I half grin, grateful for my love dove at dusk.

Dead Phone

My iPhone unceremoniously died yesterday and while I know I must replace it for many reasons business related, there is a part of me that was happy to see the blank black screen, unresponsive to my button pushing and prodding. It crossed my mind that the phone can be compared to some clients I have worked with~no amount of prodding, encouragement or super amazing powerful questions lit them up~the battery appeared to be dead and unresponsive, and I was working too hard in trying to recharge them, defibrillate them back to life.  As coach, a cue that things are going sideways is the feeling that I'm working too hard.  This takes me in two directions:  am I working too hard because I have my own agenda for the client OR am I working too hard because they don't want to?  Change is painful and powerful, not to mention rather uncomfortable.  Highly motivated clients forge forward, acknowledge the pain and keep their eyes on the prize, taking sometimes baby steps, periodic huge leaps and bounds, to get there, wherever their there happens to be.  My phone sits quietly in its deep perhaps much needed sleep, and I grin knowing that it is not my first, nor my last client, I mean phone.  

Gentle Brush Stroke

Ancient tells~this means "strata (layers of occupation of a city) of dirt and cultural debris compacted together into mounds over the millennia". This is what archeologists carefully dig through to learn about the ancients and while they dig, they find artifacts, buried treasure, hints of a way of life gone by, and more stunningly, they also find the wisdom of the ages. While digging, there is a clearing away of dirt, a brushing gently off of what covers exciting precious and inspiring finds. Man has always been naturally creative resourceful and whole, this is our birthright. It is the piling on of dirt and debris, the angst that comes with fear and doubt, self recrimination and projection deflection self protection that covers up the treasure of who I really am, who you really are until there is a brushing away, a gentle inhale and breath blowing away the rubble of life to reveal the majesty of the human soul. Age old wisdom was discovered, and has been rediscovered with every human that craves and asks for clarity of thought and mind...it isn't new, we are imbued with this natural craving for the good and lovely, the beautiful and washed gently clean. My eyes are bathed, fresh sight is mine because God is digging me out of the debris, one gentle brush stoke, one gentle breath at a time.

Follow

I'm creative, inspired and smart...I just said this outloud a moment ago after a giggle over a metaphor I came up with in the spur of the moment. I enjoyed the feeling of being clever and felt grateful for it and quickly said out loud again, to God this time, "sure I'm those great things, because you made me this way".  I'm not taking credit for what God has created, I'm benefiting from it and purrrrrrely enjoying it!  If I am brilliant in the moment, it comes in an inexplicable flash, a moment of connecting with the divine, the God breathed wisdom that the Holy Spirit provides for those that seek Gods face. I am NOT the Divine, I am His beloved created daughter, a minature version of Him in human form, an image of what He is like in spirit and nature, when I so chose to follow Him and His example. Jesus never hesitated or doubted, he cried and bled and felt and transversed the road less travelled and He never once forsook His Father in Heaven, He remained unfaultering and faithful, trusting Himself as God and Son...when He speaks it is with the authority of knowing, Truth in the flesh for all to witness.  If I am at all like Him, I'm alright...better than alright when it is His calling me forth and I am wise enough to follow. 

Surrender To Purpose

With a purpose, a reason for being, there is a life waiting to be discovered, the one each of us is called to live and fulfill. This means that we can not be all things to all people, in all places at any given time...what this day brings, this draws the eye and attention and speaks to current calling. If my heart hears and heeds an urging, to reach out and touch someone, then THAT is the must do, must act, live on purpose cue to action.  In surrender, the sweet wooing voice and gentle nudges of look here, go there, listen, look up, send love, pray replace the I have to's, I should's and I wish I had's.  Free flowing purposeful action is mine and it came from giving up the tight grip of perceived and deceptive control over my environment and my ability to manipulate outcomes if I just try a little harder. Letting go allows flow, I am a wave on the ocean cresting and falling and loving the ride as it takes me where it knows I am meant to go. I am in The Light. 

Warm & Fuzzy

How can I possibly love coaching more every day you ask? The answer is I just can't help it! It's like the best chocolate or best workout or best of the best of whatever you pick! Hearing clients break free from thought traps and chains, knowing that they look at themselves and what they have to offer the world with fresh, wide open eyes of appreciation is a thrill. Feeling and hearing the building of confidence in their voices, and than loving the life affirming stories of steps in personal faith, faith in knowing that they are grand humans with something to say AND an audience waiting to hear them~how can I NOT love coaching? The premise is simple and unmistakable, live life on purpose. I could go into the how's and whys and wherefores of coaching but I think the on purpose part says it all...ok I'll go into it a little. What do you want? What is in the way of you getting it? What are you willing to do to to have what you want? Coaching is the stuff inbetween the questions, it's the answers to each persons burning questions, once asked, then answered that brings a person to purpose. Sometimes those answers are found, become slightly misplaced and are waiting for rediscovery. The longing to know is a good indication that something fantastic is sprouting, waiting to burst forth and break ground and say "I'M RIGHT HERE, LOOK AT ME!". Coaching is one of life's greatest pleasures, it is giving and receiving richly and each time I experience being coach or being coached, I feel a love for my fellow man that wraps me up nice and warm (and fuzzy!). Coaching is good.

Surrender

My friend Keli has been encouraging her coaching clients to pick a word for the year, something to remind them of their intentions.  It got me to thinking, what is my word?  I started out with the word structure, because I want to be less accommodating and more planned. I'll explain. When I don't have scheduled client appointments, I get stuff done, that's at least what it seems like, kinda like fitting in life around work.  Not uncommon, to be sure. The missing part in all this is a plan, a way to know that I am hitting my top priorities, the things I value the most, and ditching the non-essentials whenever and where ever possible.  If I write out my priorities, I get slammed with the reality that they are not always reflected In the choices I make throughout the day.  Days become weeks, weeks become years and we all know how that story goes, I, me and you, we, end up somewhere but we aren't quite sure how we got there and we can't imagine how it happened that we got so far off track.  As soon as I think of structure, I begin to panic and think I must hit my calendar and start planning my time...today, a different word came to me , and it was surrender. Surrender my heart to the good stuff, God, Family, Work & Friends...my plan came without me having to use a calendar of boxes, holding me to a structure, it came in a wave of confirmation that if I "seek yea first the Kindom of Heaven, all else will be added to you". God, I surrender to You, I am Yours. 

Today

The past is just a story we tell ourselves.  I heard this line in a movie and it made me think about how much time I have spent ruminating about the past, a wasted pass time with little return on my investment. The pull of the past has often seemed wrought with regret and thoughts that led to self recrimination.  Do I have happy memories, of course I do, but those aren't the ones that pull me back.  Coaching has changed this in so many ways.  I have learned that my thoughts, feelings are never a mistake, how I express them or have in the past is a reflection of my perspective at the time. With narrowed eyes, vision can be solyptical, rendering the seer unable to look past the self.  All mistakes were horrendous and shameful, torturous to recall and relive, but that was a persepction, not based in reality. The fact of the matter is, mistakes, happy, sad, silly, funny, angry, high and crazy moments of accomplishment all make up the me that learns and grows and evolves and none of it is wrong or right although I have been both many times. It's my intentions that count, the person I know I am that matters. Do no harm, help, heal, hope, love, these have meaning, this is what is significant and is the essence of life.  As my vision broadens, I see the now, the future that awaits, and the past fades and loses its hold with every day I enjoy today.