Toxic Positivism

I heard the phrase toxic positivism just yesterday, from a new friend I met not that long ago. I asked her what it meant and if she had coined the phrase, and she answered, It is a real thing, and proceeded to gave me some examples that sound something like this: Sure, your dryer element stayed on all night and you have to replace the whole unit, but at least your house didn't burn down. Or, Sorry that happened to you, but aren't you glad it wasn't worse? Here is one that we are all familiar with, spoken far to often at funeral gatherings, It is sad so-and-so died, but at least they aren't suffering anymore... hmmm? Yup, the deceased may not be suffering anymore, but the person hearing these words may very well be. Consider with me that while some prefer to silver line everything, others may need some time, and space to actually feel, then process, and eventually, perhaps after an extended period of time, learn to live with what happened, if possible. NOTE: Some circumstances are so horrendous that heartache may be a perpetual state of being, despite the passing of time. 

Grief, sadness, joy, anger etc, are real emotions and when we feel rushed or pushed in and or out of them, we are getting the message that somehow what we are experiencing is either too much, off base, inappropriate, sucky, self-serving and somehow making others uncomfortable. 

This attack on the emotions others are feeling can also work in reverse, as in being positively toxic! For instance: I am having a great day, with bubbling joy overflowing from a heart that is grateful and appreciative, only to have someone come along and point out to me what needs to be fixed, replaced, taken care of, removed. Whether the approach is toxic positivism or positively toxic, the imposer steals the emotional thunder from the person they impose upon, and that, dear reader, drives a wedge in relationship.

My point, you ask? It is to pay attention to the person in front of you, and encourage them to share what is on their mind and in their heart without trying to change what they are feeling or spin things around, when that is the last thing they want. Sometimes miserable is what we need to wade through before we get to the good stuff that feels more upbeat and joyful. 

There is a famous song that has Biblical lyrics therein:

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time to war, and a time of peace (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)

Jesus wept, dear reader. I have often pondered these words taken from John 11:35. He did this publicly without restraint, displaying sorrow and grief openly, and this is our prerogative. We get to feel and not hide or even care, if it makes others uncomfortable. We get to emote and express, like king David when he danced before the Lord joyfully in the streets (2 Samuel 6:14-22).

We get to be us, all the time, and that might mean we get to say, Hey, this is how I feel, and you don't have to make it better for me, I can handle that myself (Jill), when I am good and ready! 

A time for every thing in its season... 

So, dear reader, if you happen to be one of those toxic people that insist no one around you is entitled to their emotions, maybe you need to explore some of your own. I know a great coach that can help you with that: Linda Grace Byers is her name, give her a call!

Thanks for the writing inspiration Sam I am, xo friend.