Coaching Rules
Before we simplify what those rules are (you can let your eyes leap to the bottom of this page if you like, or we can travel together to it, with a bit of a meander) let's take a sneak peak at the foundation of what I call Christian coaching. My personal modus operandi is revealed in the short paragraph that follows this one:
Rules, standards of practice, skills? or in a more colloquial definition: a way of being with another human that advances their self-knowledge, their self-worth, and their ability to move forward in a direction that is hopeful, joyful, and fulfilling.
1. Self-knowledge
2. Self-worth
3. Ability to move forward
Outcomes
1. Hopeful
2. Joyful
3. Fulfilled
Guiding Principles
Broaching the subject of rules, I attest to the fact that indeed, there are guiding principals that every coach worth the hire ought to keep in mind while working with clients. The skill attainment (I will list these skills shortly, I promise) for professional coaches comes at a high price 1 financially, 2 emotionally, 3 psychologically, and 4 spiritually. Meaning:
1. An immersive learning experience can be costly, but is an excellent investment (I will cover this with more detail in another topic page entitled Becoming a Coach)
2. Coaches that want to serve clients well, have to work through their own emotional issues so that they are not projecting unresolved upset or trauma onto their clients
3. Facing our own character flaws and perceptual downfalls is a must if we are to be enabled to help others with theirs
4. Knowing what we believe without falter, is invaluable and foundational
NOTE: The process of becoming is a life long endeavour, and coaches know this: the learning never stops for any of us, as long as we have breath and desire.
Now, the rules, the standards of practice, the actual skills ... here we go!
The Five Rules of Coaching
1. Listening. That's right, plain old listening while hearing
The Coaches Role:
I hear you; I see what you are saying; I understand what you mean; I have some insight into what matters to you while you share. Perhaps you can take the time to consider and answer these questions:
● Have you had this experience with someone?
● How was that for you?
● Did you get the feeling that they actually cared about you and what was going on in your head, your heart, your life?
If so, that person was really listening and hearing you
2. Intuition or in Christian terminology, Discernment
The Coaches Role:
I can tell that you are working your way toward expressing thoughts and feelings that hold great significance for you. I can read between your spoken lines, your yet to be expressed desires, and when I discern what hasn't been said, I speak it on your behalf as an insight to be explored.
NOTE: This discernment is a gift of comprehension and frees the client from a holding pattern that may be old and sticky. Again, you might want to take the time to think about and answer these questions:
● Have you had someone speak to you in such a way as to make you feel that they see your soul, bathed in glorious light?
● Have you felt moved and touched by someone loving you to yourself so that you no longer feel self-conscious or belittled, or like you have to shy away from what you really want?
If so, that person saw the real you, and helped you see yourself too, in the most wonderful ways. They discerned what you want and who you are by watching and listening when you shared and even when you didn't!
3. Curiosity. This is a feeling of wonder, of not knowing but wanting to know at the same time. Curiosity by way of questions enlightens speaker and listener, leading to clarity
The Coaches Role:
I heard what you said, but I am not sure what you meant? I ask you to clarify, to fill in the blanks, to add another brush stroke to complete the picture, or give me a sense of how this looks and feels from your point of view, your perch post. Question and answer opportunity has arrived once again:
● Has anyone asks you just the right question at just the right time?
● Did you have one of those amazing epiphany moments of delightful, or perhaps even painful, insight?
● Did their questions help you become more curious too, and want answers for some old thoughts that needed to be moved out of your mental, emotional, psychological and spiritual, pending file?
If so, that person wanted to know your inner workings, and they were curious enough about you to ask for clarification when they needed more information, to understand you better. As a result, and this is the best part, you understand yourself better than you did before!
YAY YOU!
4. Deepen the Learning, Forward the Action
The quintessential goal of coaching is to deepen learning and forward action. While it may seem simple once explained, there is much that precedes this glorious goal accomplishment: incremental shifts and changes happen along the way. The coach and client have travelled to deep waters together, and when the client has been willing, they explored beneath the surface of living or just existing, to the rich underwater world that can be breathtakingly beautiful, and simultaneously emotionally charged, with thought sharks threatening limb amputation.
This is cathartic work, and while coaching is not considered therapy, it is indeed, therapeutic.
To deepen the learning and forward the action, a client must be self-aware, honest, brave, and willing, to take what they have learned about themselves, their family and friends, their work and school environments and interactions, their life experiences, both painful and pleasant, and decide how they want to relate in life, moving forward.
● Who, will you be, as a result of learning who and how, you have been previously?
The Coaches Role:
I have heard, seen, and felt what you want for yourself that has yet to be lived. I understand your desire, and that you realize you have a purpose you long to fulfill. I know God has a plan for you, and that fear and doubt have been cleared away so that you can move in the direction of actualizing the life God has designed for you. Explore these questions in your mind, or perhaps in writing:
● Have you travelled to deep waters, and dared to dive in, knowing that you may feel as though what you find there could drown you in sorrow?
● Do you have someone to speak to about your fears, your doubts, your dreams and your desires? If so, how has that freed you to move forward and take the action you have been longing to take for some time?
Perhaps now is the time, if you haven't done this most excellent work yet?
We have arrived at number five in our rules. This is what every coach needs to work on perpetually to ensure they are available to the clients they have the privilege of working with. As a Christian coach, I value time spent reading the Bible and praying; time with God helps me focus on others more effectively.
Without further adieu, here is rule number five:
5. Self-Management
Self-management can be quite the challenge, considering the many scenes and scenarios coaches are exposed to in the course of their careers. Some stories and client experiences are truly horrific, and to emotionally self-manage as coach is crucial, so the client feels safe in the sharing. Compassion is wonderful, and must be expressed in such a way as to acknowledge what the client has lived through and even survived. This said, the client needs to emote without having to navigate the coaches feelings, and adjust to what the coach is having difficulty hearing.
I have learned that there are some things a person may have never spoken that they desperately needed someone to hear. They need a caring ear, someone to believe they are capable of healthy and wise choices, and who will encourage them to be bold in facing often difficult realities, past and present, that have hurt them significantly. A coach worth hiring, always gives the client the time and space to share whatever burdens their mind, heart, and spirit.
Confession is curative.
The Coaches Role:
Pay attention to the CLIENT, to self (as in notice what holds emotional charge in what I am hearing and steer clear of making any of what is being shared, about me, when in session); also pay attention to the impact of the client and coach interaction. This is when the coach is on high alert to remain professionally removed and not too engage in self-indulgent interactions that do not benefit the client ... the coach must stay in their lane so the client gets what they need, and are paying for. Self-exploration time once more:
● Have you ever shared something painful and private with another and they managed to hijack the experience by telling a story about themselves? alternatively;
● Have you shared a difficult memory with someone that gave you time and space to experience your own emotions without being dissuaded or talked out of them?
● Did you feel see, heard, and understood?
REMINDER TO COACH:
This is about the CLIENT 😍 NOT the COACH!
1 Listen and hear
2 Discern what is happening in the clients mind, heart, soul
3 Be curious; ask questions for clarification
4 Encourage the client to share their hopes, their dreams, their fears, their everything
5 Love the client to freedom from anything that holds them back from living the life God has designed for them
In Conclusion:
I hope this has been helpful for you in the reading, and in the question answering, if you felt inclined to do so.
Coaching is transformational: I can confidently attest to this fact.
God is good, and a coach will always want the very best that God has to offer for each client He sends them to work with. My hope for you, is that your life is full of the joy that comes from being vibrantly alive in all your God given skills, talents, and abilities.
May God richly bless and keep you
The LORD bless thee, and keep thee: The LORD make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: The LORD lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace (Numbers 6:24)
No comments:
Post a Comment