On Your Knees

Have you ever been driven to your knees? What about dropping to them, weakened, unable to sustain your own weight? Was it a physical drop or was it of the spiritual variety, a brokenness that caused a collapse, an utter surrender to reality? I can image what might drop you Dear One. Sadness, loss, grief stricken awareness of a loved one irrevocably removed from your life-these are drop you and me to our knees moments, aren't they? What about conviction? What about the moments when you know in your heart that you have erred, you have sinned? Have you ever burned with the knowledge that you can't fix what you have done, that you can never say or do enough to make it all go away let alone make it all better? I have a grievous confession to make. I didn't want a saviour. I didn't want someone to rescue me, save me from myself, take my place. I wanted to be perfect. The torture that accompanies this drive for perfection was accentuated every time I perceived a misstep, a badly spoken sentence, a facial expression that could be misinterpreted. Being perfect is a lot of work and a giant eraser couldn't undo the already done. I had to try to be perfect now, again, in this moment, continually aiming for and missing the mark miserably. Back to my confession. I am ashamed to say that I compared myself to Christ. It makes me weep admitting this because of my arrogance and yet, this is our inheritance. It is in our nature to be self determined, to resist authority and even generous gifts out of a desire to be our own authority, authors of our own lives. I was once like a self possessed sunflower, planted and watered by an unseen hand and yet totally confident in my self sufficiency. In my stalky fully grown state, I lifted my seedy face while turning in the direction of the sun, saying to the light "aren't you lucky, and proud of me that I turned my pretty head your way?" Utterly ridiculous. Oh I knew who Jesus was and I admired Him. In my admiration, I wanted to be like Him. The differences were and are immense. I will state the obvious one, which is that He is God and clearly, I am not. The more subtle difference, the one that dropped me in sorrow to my knees is that He is humble. Jesus modelled surrender to the Father. More stunning than all of this is His perfection. He is the perfect unblemished Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world. He did this by dying on a cross substitutionally for you, for me. It is ONLY by the grace and mercy of God that by faith I know this to be true. Perhaps, Dear Reader, you too know this truth, namely that Jesus Christ is our Lord and Saviour? On my knees and at His feet many years ago, I was convicted of my sinful arrogance. With faithful mercy, His comfort overwhelmed me. I knew than and I know now that I can rest in His strength, trust in His wisdom, follow in His footsteps. Little by little, I am growing to be more like Him and this brings me great joy as I surrender to the divine plan He has for me. What about you, Dear Fellow Sunflower? Have you too been brought to your knees, firstly convicted, than comforted? Is your face turned in appreciation toward The Light, The Son? I see a field of glorious reclaimed sunflowers, waving in a gentle summer breeze, faces turned heavenward anticipating His return. Are you in the field Dear Reader? If not, won't you join us there? His hand is extended to you, won't you take it now and rise from where you have fallen?