Speak

So what are you holding back because of fear? Be nice now, no one wants to see you get upset, angry or irritable. If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. Now listen, if you just smile and nod, keep your opinions to yourself, no one will get hurt. Keep your thoughts to yourself or you might start a fight and people might not like you after they hear what you have to say. Besides, what if you are wrong and speaking confirms that you are way off base? How close to your inner workings is the above description? Lets go deeper. So you listen, you maintain silence with thoughts and ideas swirling in your head. At certain points you disagree, in fact you down right get indignant with what you are hearing and your heart is pounding, ready to burst from your chest. Your tongue is not only tied, it is in knots and you feel yourself becoming despondent and checking the time for when you can be free of what you consider to be nonsense. Be free of the nonsense...be free of the nonsense...when THEY are done...they have the start and stop watch, they are in charge, they decide when where who why how, they they THEY. Yes they. What about YOU? I remember when my husband and I were first dating. I had a lot of opinions and I noticed that he hardly expressed his. I remember asking what he thought and he said "you may not like me anymore if you knew what I thought". I responded, "I could be so wrong and never know it if you don't share what you are thinking with me." He shares now, and just as I predicted, I have been wrong in some of my very strongly held opinions and not only this, I have been listened to, challenged, affirmed and considered. He is not afraid to speak and I am not afraid to hear. Ok so I am on the bold side, inclined to say what I see and share what I feel, at the risk of being wrong, misunderstood and perhaps even rejected. So what? In the above scenario, I mentioned checking the time, a waiting to be free of nonsense. There is no such thing! Nonsense lasts for as long as you are ready to suffer it, endure it, engage in it. Waiting to be freed is for prisoners, breaking free is for you, and me, when nonsense is clearly no longer tolerable. Here is the real challenge. Speak, than speak again until you are heard. Following the speaking, are you willing to take action, do something different that is so honest, so true to who you are and what you believe that looking back isn't an option? If you have fear and you are holding back,  this too is honest, because you are aware that by speaking, you may get push back, challenged, threatened and then that beating heart of yours might finally have its say. Lets face one more fact. You torture yourself when you don't speak your mind. You experience self loathing and your confidence takes a hit each time you allow nonsense to go unchallenged and self hatred grows its roots that much deeper. This a forfeiting of you, a disowning of your worth. A vicious cycle to be sure. The fear is real and yet, it does not have to be the boss of you, your jailor. Be your own Freedom Fighter and hold back no longer. They could be so wrong and never know it until you begin with speaking...