Need

When I need it the most. When I need it the most, I get signs and signals that I am noticed. When I need it the most, messages of encouragement are shot my way through the narrowing entrance to my heart. When I need it the most, I am reassured that I am loved, lovely, loveable. When I need it the most, I am told, its okay, you are ok. When worry or fear threaten to drown me in despair, I am reminded not to try so hard, that I am not alone and I need only rest. When I need it the most, others become my strength, my source of wisdom, my everything until I can stand again in my own strength. Is this not, Dear Reader, what we all need, what we all want? To be noticed, encouraged, reassured, loved, fortified? Is it not the strength of another that allows us to see that we too, can be strong, even powerful? I am kitten weak today, knowing that my strength is depleted, that I have nothing to give. This means I must receive, be open to the ebb and flow. I had a power surge and now I am wasted, laid bare. The tide has gone out and took a part of me with it. This is what emotional exhaustion looks and feels like. The sun is shining in as I type, first time today as it has been windy with rain, colder than yesterday. In the heat of yesterday, I was on fire. In the cool and rain of today, I recognize my needs, and they are to rest, knowing that the ebb is just as important and valuable as the flow of life. Quietude, I have resisted you, because you are my restoration and reminder that I am not all powerful, uniquely independent and without need. You remind me that I humbly require care, help, and restoration. I am not the force, I need The Force, the Power to start again, once I have regenerated. Ah, blessed relief from human extravagance. Its the quiet that I need and today without resistance, it is mine.