NO Pressure

What do you know about pressure? Have you ever been shamed into doing something? I was having a conversation the other day with my live in mother. She is decidedly a neatness and clean freak. I say this with the utmost of affection and appreciation (I learned this along the way) because I admire her tenacity and focus. She likes things a certain way and when things are out of place, she becomes disturbed, to put it mildly. I am entertained as I write-the poor dear has had to put up with much from a family that is otherwise occupied. I like cleanliness too, however, cleaning is not my focus. Lets go back to the conversation I mentioned in the beginning. My mom has wanted the outside of the kitchen cabinets cleaned for weeks now and she asked me again the other day if I would do them. My answer was "no, I am not interested." Her next attempt was a plea: "they only need to be cleaned once a year." I said "lets hire someone." She then attempted to shame me by asking suggestively "Don't you take pride in your home?" I am laughing as I write because my answers provide wild entertainment for me as I recount. I said I didn't care about the cabinets, that I wasn't interested in cleaning them and finally, that that thing, the guilt thing she was trying to pull, that wasn't going to work either! Lastly, and I am super excited to share this one with you Dear Reader, I stated this: "I don't care about cleaning the cabinet doors or the windows (they got thrown in there somewhere but I will spare you the details) and, for as much as you care about cleaning, that is how much I DON'T care." Let me reiterate dramatically "I DON'T CARE!" (that was for you Dear One, practice I don't care, it is fun!). What do I want you to know at this point? I want you to know that what is important to you is valuable and what is important to another person is also valuable. The question becomes, what do you want to do with your time, your energy? Are you spending it in a way that is demanded of you by another? Do you sometimes or even often, wish you were somewhere else, doing something other than what you are doing? Pressure from the outside can feel coercive and emotionally charged. When shame is brought into the picture to manipulate a person or a situation, the playing ground becomes uneven and choice seems elusive. My mom, she wanted some cleaning done. I can respect that. I also respect her tendency. She asked more than once in more than one way. Her last attempt was unfair and a desperate play for getting her own way and as I pull apart the pieces of this interaction, it is with good humour and delight over her attempts to work me over. The fact that it didn't work, also delights and humours me. My moms kind of focus means things get done, no matter what resistance she encounters. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, or so they say. She likes to clean, I like to write. We both are clear about what we want and what we will do, or not do in the cleaning scenario, to have it. The fact that I refused to do as she asked is a non issue because she got what she wanted in the end by tapping into another resource, minus the manipulation. I like that cute little line, no means no. It packs a punch. Sometimes saying no repeatedly is required. If no is your initial reaction, how come? How many times can you say no? What do YOU need to focus on to stay the course and resist the pressure that comes at you, the persistence of another or others? This is your life, how do you want to spend it? Did I hear you say no? Good for you, go say it some more.