Happily Jaded

Land has been broken line marked, readied for breaking away... I will be an island soon, emotionally isolated, a haven for one. 

Lately, I have been abrasively honest. It feels good to say it like it is without editing. Pouring alcohol into a cut to cure it, to counter the infection that threatens to ooze puss, is the equivalent to saying what is, without concern for the burning. Cure the cut, CURE THE CUT... it seems cuts are now incurable, isn't that so, dear reader?

I joked today that I am happily jaded. Seeing the vile condition we find ourselves in, has made me a rather heavy lead balloon. I am naturally boisterous: uplifted when someone is kind, an animal wants to cuddle, or a child runs to hug me, holding on tightly, happy to see me... adults aren't nearly as endearing. We are clumsy and awkward, say the wrong things at just the right time, do what ought not be done, and repeat this often. 

I am in a ruminating mood. Time alone affords me the luxury of self-pity, the thought of which has me laughing at myself. I am blessed abundantly, but sometimes, I get to feeling a little pathetic, and self-indulgent with melancholy. I learned in coaching long ago, that there is room for all emotions, even if they don't always match circumstances. 

Happily jaded I am. I see what is happening, and I am pleased knowing that I am not uninformed, in fact, I know a lot more than I care to at this point, thus the jaded part of the equation. It is some kind of relief when we recognize the ugly inside of ourselves and other: this teaches us that nothing lasts forever, even when we believed, hoped, dreamed, it would. We simply cannot be counted on, dear one. 

Speaking from disappointment and hurt is a language unto itself. We each get a shot at expressing both, even if it is just words typed on a screen, and feelings that are fleeting and bound to change with a good nights sleep: after all, joy comes in the morning, as the Bible says. 

Perhaps you too, are having some intense moments, over there on the other side of this page? If you are, it all makes sense to me, since the world is burning and we are short on expert fire fighters of the spiritual variety... what a lonely existence for those that haven't a soul to answer to, or a human to commiserate with... that isn't right at all, dear reader... even islands have someone to tell, that they are happily jaded.

I end with this: I ruminate still, not sure what tomorrow will bring, if at all anything new. So long as the sun does rise, there is hope for happiness, minus the jaded edge.