The Wind, it Howls

The wind

The wind is howling and I feel like howling too. It is bitterly cold outside, and frostbite is a possibility for exposed skin... I have this idea that if we are out in the cold for too long, our hearts can become frozen: frostbitten hearts.

Tender heart

As I endeavour to keep my heart soft and tender, open to love, it wants to close and be put on ice, feel less, know less than less. It's the explaining that I am having trouble with these days, the explaining to myself and to others, the what and why of hearts gone bad, wrong, sideways, off track, derailed, MIA, frigid. 

If I can see it in others, is it contagious? Is it something I can contract? No no, wait, you cannot catch frostbite, right? Of course you can't, but exposure to frost bitten hearts can cause heartache in others, and this is my fear, that mine might get frost nip, the beginning stages of frostbite.

I never want to be a contagion dear reader, never 

Being wild

The howl of the wind calls to me and I want to be wild with it, go out there and wander, braving the storm it warns is approaching. I want to feel the sting of cold and see my breath. I want to lie down in the snow, and look up at the sky, and see the clouds blowing quickly by, travelling somewhere, dissipating, and gathering again to form over someone else, lying in the snow... someone else, lying in the cold looking up, in wonder after wandering. I don't want a cold heart, I want my heart to race and chase and feel and never be iced. The wind is a call to similar hearts, ones like mine. 

Heavy grief

What I feel is heavy grief. The longing to not feel, would be a giving in to frostbite, a cooling of the life force that surges through my veins. I am fire, not ice. I am energy, not frozen statue... 

I move and never lie down for too long. While lying in the snow, I look up in awe, knowing I can stay as long as I like, but not long enough to freeze there.

The wind howls and my others can hear it too 

The cold, this winter, is my comfort. It reminds me of what warmth is. I know them both and the wind, it howls...