Emotion Mountains

Emotion Mountains, how many have you climbed? I have seen the deepest valleys and taken unsteady steps with loose rock underfoot, threatening balance, threatening proprioception and well being while climbing onward and upward. I am an emotional risk taker. I want to feel everything and this means that I fearlessly go wherever my soul beacons and sometimes, I go numb. Numb as a feeling is strange, it is a none feeling, a lull like something that is vapour in its numbness. I have enough experience with numb to know that it is like my calm before the storm. My dad, I miss my father. Around this time of year I remember that I wasn't done with him yet, that I want him back, that I long for him. Dark dreary grey enshrouds my soul and it is of little comfort to think I will see him again when what I want is to see him now. It rained the day his body went into the ground and I was glad that while I wept, the sky let loose its own heavy tears of sorrow. The capacity to love, feel, remember, long, celebrate, grieve, these are the gifts we are bestowed in our humanness. I would not give up a one. In my longing, I recall I had a dad, a man that loved me, protected me, worked hard for me to provide creature comforts, a university education and so much more. My numb is replaced with the feeling of fondness, a warm sentimental recalling of the man I knew as my father. Emotions are gifts to be experienced and sometimes they can feel life threatening...this feeling, of eminent death by emotion, it too shall pass. Nothing lasts forever, including pain.