Remember This

"Remember this-your outward behaviour is the truth, whereas your inner perception of your behaviour is often an illusion". This is a quote from The Power of Focus by authors Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen and Les Hewitt. In simpler terms, you are your behaviours. This is a painful truth when we take into account how we occupy ourselves in a day, a week, a year and so on. Lets do a quick inventory for the sake of clarity. Are you lazy, messy, disorganized, dishevelled? Are you hard working, neat, orderly, groomed? Are you overweight, unfit, a junk food eater and smoker? Are you a healthy eater, responsible drinker, regular exerciser? Can people count on you, trust you, believe you? Does this feel like an inquisition? You are not alone Dear Reader because I have asked myself these questions and the answers have me looking at my behaviours and my perceptions of the behaviours. Recently, I challenged myself to a new outlook. I heard long ago, work smart, not hard. I liked the IDEA of this and yet, the concept is faulty in many ways or at least, it has been in my life. When I look closely at the concept, I see that efficiency may be the measure of smartness sought after and not an ease of living that I adapted myself to. Hard work is the hallmark of success. Hard work speaks to the dedication, the all in, the turn it up (of volume and intensity) of whatever you are in, be it your home, the gym, your office, wherever it is life takes you. Are you paying attention to what you do with your time, with your existence Dear Reader? We can betray ourselves and feel the sting by saying one thing and doing another. "Behaviour is the truth." This simple statement speaks volumes and has us look at ourselves, if we have the courage that is. How hard are you willing to work to have what it is you say you want? Before answering this question, answer this: what do you want? The behaviours must match the quest. You CAN have what your heart desires and your outward behaviours will pave the way. Consider yourself challenged. 

Vibrancy

Vibrancy is defined in these ways: full of energy and life; (of colour) bright and striking; (of sound) strong or resonating; quivering; pulsating. Lets link some words together. Vibrancy is the essence of being filled with energy, colour, sound and vibration. Being ALIVE in its fullest sense. Question-are you vibrantly alive, Dear Reader? Take a moment and ponder: Is my life energetically infused with bright and striking colour? Does my voice strongly resonate what I value and believe? Am I pulsating with the quivering glory of my existence? What came to you Dear Reader, as you asked yourself about your own vibrancy? I am considering my own as I type. With corrective lenses and a good ear cleaning, I think I might be able to make my way to the full spectrum of a rainbow of colours and the sharpness of hearing nuance and gorgeous subtly. Lately I have been craving the joy that sometimes makes me feel like I will bust wide open in crazy happiness bubbles, like the colourful soapy bubbles that children blow in the summer time for fun. I see myself as a bubble, bobbing on the summer heat waves, floating skyward and disappearing, only to be recreated again and again, popping and than  becoming yet another bubble in giddy fashion. This misses the mark and I think it is representative of what we are all experiencing in this life, hits of fun, hits of joy, hits that end up being misses because they do not last and they cause us to chase after what it is we really crave...What do you really crave, Dear One? Might I point you in a direction, if you are still with me here? Vibrancy comes from a relationship with yourself, first and foremost. Knowing when and where, with whom and why is vital.  When do you feel the most energetic? When is the world bright and striking? How does sound, what you hear strengthen you and increase internal resonance? What makes you quiver in pulsating aliveness? Dull is real and you may be living it because you haven't sensed and felt what vibrancy is and can be. You have had hints of it though, haven't you? I mean true moments when joy was so abundant that you could barely stay in your skin, let alone your body? When WAS that Dear One and were you alone or in company? What made you feel totally alive, aloud and allowed? Ask yourself these questions and you will begin to see the answers that perfectly match who YOU are! Trust yourself now, take the filters off (that is a topic for another time) and give yourself permission to be honest. More pointedly, and for the sake of comparison, what makes you dull, lifeless, deafens you and causes you to check out of life? After the comparing, I encourage you to choose the aliveness that awaits you and calls you by name. I'm so glad we had this time together. My day is brighter for having you in it and I can hear you, thinking and hoping, wanting a vibrant life. May it be abundantly yours this very day. 

Poisonous Fear Plant

The warning system can be tampered with by outside sources

An internal warning system is built into most humans. This system detects threat and danger, sends signals via the sympathetic nervous system, activating our fight or flight response. When all is in working order, this system is fantastic and useful for the human bestowed by nature with this gift of danger detection. Now here is the disconcerting truth. This system is sensitive and subject to malfunction, override, unnecessary rewiring and disconnect. The warning system can be tampered with by outside sources and when this happens, balance is challenged and one can be thrown off kilter.

Play in the sandbox sweetheart, where you will be safe

Here is an example: A child is in the park with parents close by. The child has climbed the ladder of play ground equipment with the intention of going down the slide. Suddenly without warning, the child is plucked from the eighth of ten rungs and told “That is too high for you, you might get hurt. Here, play in the sandbox sweetheart, where you will be safe”. Where there was no evident fear or pressing worry in the child, a seed has been planted by someone they trust, someone outside of their experience. There are several messages inside this one large message, can you name them? These messages are repeated to the child in innumerable ways and the child’s natural interest in exploring and testing physical (and more poignantly psychosocial) limits become emotionally charged fear filled experiences. The child becomes limited and thwarted and this, my dear reader, is an unnatural override of a healthy system built to serve the body it resides in. How can the child trust him/herself in the world if told early and often, not to?

A sense of fear may take hold and prevail

In the above example, the child becomes disconnected from him/herself and the physical world around them because what they wanted to do (climb and slide) was interrupted by someone outside of them. A sense of fear may take hold and prevail, followed by all choices being made or not made while looking through a veil of potential danger. The world becomes a suspiciously scary place where being careful is of utmost importance. As child grows into adult, fears can become neurosis, defined as: “a relatively mild mental illness that is not caused by organic disease, involving symptoms of stress (depression, anxiety, obsessive behaviour, hypochondria) but not a radical loss of touch with reality.” The poisonous fear seed was planted early and took root, rewiring a healthy system with one that sends unnecessary danger messages far too frequently.

Transference of fear

Fear reduces self-confidence

In our example and in psychological terms, there has been emotional transference from parent to child. Fear messages amongst other restrictive messages, have been sent and received, impacting the child's self confidence in the world. At this point, I ask you to again, look above to the definition of neurosis. In this definition, the symptoms of a mild form of mental illness are not of an organic nature. My point is that the damage caused by parents or guardians who override the naturally wholesome system that their children or wards are born with can cause depression, anxiety, obsessive behaviour and hypochondria.

Are you guilty of not being careful

Perhaps this has been your experience, dear reader? Perhaps a well meaning and yet unaware adult imposed an override in your system that has resulted in malfunction? Has fear had much too much say in where you go, what you do, with whom and when? And then there is this: when something goes wrong, do you curse yourself for not having known better; for being too precocious; for taking too big a risk? Are you guilty of not being careful? Lastly, is it your fault because you should have could have done things differently to prevent the hardship or injury/illness that has happened?

You can rewire yourself

Relating to the above may have you wondering what can be done? What can you do to free yourself from this strangle hold fear has on you and your life? I speak from personal experience when I tell you that change is possible. You can rewire yourself dear one, by questioning if your fears are valid and true. By testing them in the world around you and by returning to your original natural setting of trusting yourself and the system that is perfectly built into you. If climbing to the top of a jungle gym and taking the slide down to the bottom frightens you, do it anyway. Chances are, you will survive, little kids do it all the time. Not interested in playground fun? Find something else to challenge yourself with that scares the heck out you, proving that fear is not the boss of you.

You are wonderfully made by a Masterful Craftsman, with built in mechanisms for brilliance and majesty. Taking risks whether or not they work out the way you hoped and planned are part of this amazing life you get to live. Let no man, nor poisonous fear plant, steal your birthright.  

Need

When I need it the most. When I need it the most, I get signs and signals that I am noticed. When I need it the most, messages of encouragement are shot my way through the narrowing entrance to my heart. When I need it the most, I am reassured that I am loved, lovely, loveable. When I need it the most, I am told, its okay, you are ok. When worry or fear threaten to drown me in despair, I am reminded not to try so hard, that I am not alone and I need only rest. When I need it the most, others become my strength, my source of wisdom, my everything until I can stand again in my own strength. Is this not, Dear Reader, what we all need, what we all want? To be noticed, encouraged, reassured, loved, fortified? Is it not the strength of another that allows us to see that we too, can be strong, even powerful? I am kitten weak today, knowing that my strength is depleted, that I have nothing to give. This means I must receive, be open to the ebb and flow. I had a power surge and now I am wasted, laid bare. The tide has gone out and took a part of me with it. This is what emotional exhaustion looks and feels like. The sun is shining in as I type, first time today as it has been windy with rain, colder than yesterday. In the heat of yesterday, I was on fire. In the cool and rain of today, I recognize my needs, and they are to rest, knowing that the ebb is just as important and valuable as the flow of life. Quietude, I have resisted you, because you are my restoration and reminder that I am not all powerful, uniquely independent and without need. You remind me that I humbly require care, help, and restoration. I am not the force, I need The Force, the Power to start again, once I have regenerated. Ah, blessed relief from human extravagance. Its the quiet that I need and today without resistance, it is mine. 

Some Kind of Outstanding

I have seen despair turn into delight. I know the sound of hopelessness in a cracking voice and have listened to conversion into singsong gladness. I have witnessed  paralyzing fear transformed into boldness. I have watched tears fall from sorrowful eyes and the same eyes glisten with wonder. Broken to mended, hurt to heart full. It's all some kind of outstanding. Today, I felt and knew again in my heart of hearts, this: “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28 NLT. The sheer joy of knowing this, believing this, faithfully holding on to this one verse and then, and THEN, seeing Gods love in action is some kind of crazy ether filled to overflowing cup of cosmic outstandingness. Pain transcended and transformed into joy indescribable is a wonder to witness and it is everywhere. Look for it, believe and you will indeed, find the Good God wants for you. 

NO Pressure

What do you know about pressure? Have you ever been shamed into doing something? I was having a conversation the other day with my live in mother. She is decidedly a neatness and clean freak. I say this with the utmost of affection and appreciation (I learned this along the way) because I admire her tenacity and focus. She likes things a certain way and when things are out of place, she becomes disturbed, to put it mildly. I am entertained as I write-the poor dear has had to put up with much from a family that is otherwise occupied. I like cleanliness too, however, cleaning is not my focus. Lets go back to the conversation I mentioned in the beginning. My mom has wanted the outside of the kitchen cabinets cleaned for weeks now and she asked me again the other day if I would do them. My answer was "no, I am not interested." Her next attempt was a plea: "they only need to be cleaned once a year." I said "lets hire someone." She then attempted to shame me by asking suggestively "Don't you take pride in your home?" I am laughing as I write because my answers provide wild entertainment for me as I recount. I said I didn't care about the cabinets, that I wasn't interested in cleaning them and finally, that that thing, the guilt thing she was trying to pull, that wasn't going to work either! Lastly, and I am super excited to share this one with you Dear Reader, I stated this: "I don't care about cleaning the cabinet doors or the windows (they got thrown in there somewhere but I will spare you the details) and, for as much as you care about cleaning, that is how much I DON'T care." Let me reiterate dramatically "I DON'T CARE!" (that was for you Dear One, practice I don't care, it is fun!). What do I want you to know at this point? I want you to know that what is important to you is valuable and what is important to another person is also valuable. The question becomes, what do you want to do with your time, your energy? Are you spending it in a way that is demanded of you by another? Do you sometimes or even often, wish you were somewhere else, doing something other than what you are doing? Pressure from the outside can feel coercive and emotionally charged. When shame is brought into the picture to manipulate a person or a situation, the playing ground becomes uneven and choice seems elusive. My mom, she wanted some cleaning done. I can respect that. I also respect her tendency. She asked more than once in more than one way. Her last attempt was unfair and a desperate play for getting her own way and as I pull apart the pieces of this interaction, it is with good humour and delight over her attempts to work me over. The fact that it didn't work, also delights and humours me. My moms kind of focus means things get done, no matter what resistance she encounters. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, or so they say. She likes to clean, I like to write. We both are clear about what we want and what we will do, or not do in the cleaning scenario, to have it. The fact that I refused to do as she asked is a non issue because she got what she wanted in the end by tapping into another resource, minus the manipulation. I like that cute little line, no means no. It packs a punch. Sometimes saying no repeatedly is required. If no is your initial reaction, how come? How many times can you say no? What do YOU need to focus on to stay the course and resist the pressure that comes at you, the persistence of another or others? This is your life, how do you want to spend it? Did I hear you say no? Good for you, go say it some more. 

Abstractly Concrete

I was playing a mind game to sharpen my wits this morning. One of the exercises is verbal reasoning and the object of the game is to quickly categorize words on the screen into concepts of abstract or concrete. Words like avarice, fear, hat, hate, endearing, fireplace, car, monkey appear. The gamer is timed and then rated on accuracy in placing the words in the correct category. A percentile compared to others in the same age group is also given as a measure for the player. This game got me thinking, which is an abstract concept, about feelings, which are also abstract. People are unique walking talking concrete things. I resisted the urge to say that we are beings because that too, is an abstract concept. The confusion lies in our emotions, our reactions, our perceptions of our existence and experiences in this life. As I type, I click on a computer key board, definitely concrete, about my ideas, definitely abstract. Things and thoughts. Thoughts become things. Yes, highly philosophical. My prevalent abstract thought is that we are in control of our thoughts and have the ability to redirect them to other thoughts. This, of course, can decrease/increase heart rate, blood pressure, salivation, sweating, going hot or cold. Reactions are physical, concrete and measurable bodily manifestations of thoughts and the feelings the thoughts evoke, running like currents through our bodies. You want to know at this point what I'm driving at, isn't that right? Here it is. Feelings and thoughts are subjective and abstract, they are not absolutes. How do I know this, you ask? I know it the same way you do, Dear Reader. Depending on mood or disposition, what makes one person angry, another will scoff and laugh at. Practical jokes are one simple example of varied and diverse reactions. Insults too, are taken either with a grain of salt or feel like salt in an open wound. You can change your reactions by changing your thoughts. This is useful and can be life altering if the patterns you have been entrenched in are causing anxiety and spilling over into your relationships, along with affecting your decision making abilities. Calm, cool and collected may very well be the new you, replacing anxious, fearful and fretting with racy heart and sweating palms. So there you have it, an abstract approach to hopefully concrete and measurable results. You are a thinking breathing brilliantly made human being that can choose how and what you think. Exciting.