The shadow you, dances with darkness: moths to flame singe their wings but cannot help being drawn to fire. We humans are inexplicably pulled too, and have the soul scars and gashes, attained during deadly dalliances, to prove it. There isn't a human alive that hasn't caused self-harm: we are at times, our very own worst enemy.
There is no one that talks to you as much as you do. There is no one that spends as much time with you, as you do. Do you spend this precious time fighting with yourself?
I have found a way out of this shadow boxing self-absorption. To take myself out of the ring, I put myself into the Word of God. There, I am matchless with no one to spar with, a humbled little creature appreciating that the fight is not mine... I get to participate when called to battle, and by God, it is prayer that is the greatest weapon ever trusted in by man.
Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us (Romans 8:37)
The last seven years have been most educational for me, dear reader. Confusion has evaporated in favour of confidence, contention replaced with calm. I had to figure out who I am, and have my character closely follow suit. I had to look at shadow, dark figure me, and bring her into the light, to expose that which was uncomely, ungodly, and the parts of me that were attached to persona and pride. After all is said and done, bobbing and weaving to dodge self is exhausting and fruitless pretend work, and once it is done, what is left is malleable and can be shaped for good usage: reformed and ratified for godly endeavours.
It is God's merciful love that melts and puddles me like wax. He is so kind and has forgiven me much. What is a woman to do, except be grateful, and want the same for everyone. This brings me to us, we humans, that fight firstly with him, then with ourselves and others, and finally, spent, we stop the bickering and the brawling, step aside and and ...
I step away from contention now, seemingly defenceless. I could put my fists up and protect myself when I don't like the cut of someone else's jib, maybe throw a couple of punches and land some solid, jaw cracking ego blistering blows, but I am disinclined: there are enough internet trolls and trouble makers looking for petty entertain to occupy this nonsensical space. There are also plenty of gossips and backbiters that bait, but it is not my favourite sport to play, so they can take their tackle and go fishing somewheres else!
Jesus gave answers when asked questions, and he did this for the sake of those that belonged to him then, and now. He stopped responding when prideful men persisted in their own folly, because a yes ought to be a yes, and a no a no, and wishy-washy lukewarmness has no place in God, and might I add, it ought not to have a place in our lives either, dear one.
I like the word vexatious very much, have you heard of it? It describes perfectly that feeling you and I get, that feels like sandpaper on the soul, when we encounter someone that has undertone, is sickly obsequious, disingenuous, ever so subtly malicious, or gives us stink eye, as though WE are not to be trusted! When someone vexes our spirit, it is like a hex, a curse, an invitation to agitation and verbal or physical blows. The devil is very good at teaching vexing, hexing, and methodology to the willing, on how to engage peaceful people into defending themselves and hopefully making them vicious, just like him. Christ wants us to follow in his holy footsteps, Satan wants us to surrender to sadistic besotting sin: dalliances with darkness are demonic.
Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us (Romans 8:37)
This bit of scripture is often quoted, and has the feel of a boxer, mitts high in the air, face lifted with eyes upturned: victorious, a winner, a conqueror that has done mortal battle and won the belt and title. His fuel for the fight? Love. His regime for training? Biblical wisdom. His most knowledgeable instructor, God himself. Yay!
I have learned that just because I am scrappy and can fight, it doesn't mean I have to, and it also doesn't mean I am meant to either. I don't pick fights, but some people do, because they like it: realizing this has been very freeing for me, and I hope it is for you too. We always get to choose our battles, but better than this, we get to discern the when, the where, the how, of what God wants us to do, taking our time in responding, when the pressure is turned up and someone demands, RIGHT NOW from us, when we aren't ready to go and may never be.
If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men (Romans 12:18)
What this means:
If it be possible: sometimes we have to fight, but when it is possible, we must refrain;
as much as lieth in you: when it is within our control and choice;
live peaceably with all men: we must live peaceably, avoiding contention and brawling
This wisdom it life affirming, and I aim to live by it, fortified by God's loving strength. I pray the same for you, dear reader.
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