Love Times Six

Love is the topic. The education is partially attributable to Roy H. Williams and his Wizard Academy (Monday Morning Memo, January 22, 2018). Thank you Roy, for your brilliant teaching mind. Here we go people, into this amazing understanding of the six types/definitions of love, three of which are from the New Testament. 

My hope is that you and I have a better understanding of this "crazy little thing called love" (Freddie Mercury, Queen, 1979), once we work through this together. 

Here are the three Biblical words for love:

1. Eros is erotic love. This is the exciting stuff of fireworks, you know, the sparks you chemically (the hormone is adrenaline) feel in the presence of someone that really turns you on. It is pure excitement to be in this persons company. Politely stated, the physical response is… tingly and body awakening (I do believe you know exactly what I mean if you have experienced this before, dear reader?)

2. Philia is friendship.  This is that comfortable love you feel with your besties, the ones you trust and know have your back, your front, your sides, and the up and down of who you are. This is pure connectedness and it is an oxytocin based feeling of love

3. Agape is sacrificial love. Now this one dear reader, this one is the stuff of life and death. This one says I love you so much I would die for you. You know this one well, if you have children or a spouse that you would, take a bullet for. This deep feeling is generated by the hormone oxytocin, and the bond is so strong that to sacrifice oneself is considered worth it for the other.

Next we have three more definitions of love:

1. Ludus is playful love. This is what you and I have when we are with people that make us feel like we are twelve year olds again. There is banter and teasing. There is dancing and being goofy with crazy joking that send us into fits of laughter, and it can be ludicrous, ridiculous, silly, and kind of outrageous. (I describe this one well because I have Ludus with so many friends that I get gleeful at the thought of some of the fun we have together-I hope you have this too?!). Roy lists this as restorative and isn't he so right, because I feel fantastic when I am with my crazy fun friends! This love is a mix of the hormones adrenaline (excitement) and oxytocin (affectionate connectedness).

2. Philautia is self-love.  This is about you. This kind of love presents as confidence, self-connection, liking you, in your own skin. What you wear, where you go, who you spend time with, what you drive, how you carry yourself… these are all statements about this thing called self love, and a desire to belong. It is a self-belonging, and is oxytocin generated, not adrenaline-based. This self confidence stuff is not a bad thing in fact, the self help industry is a great booming business that suggests we all need a little more self love… but as Roy suggests, Philautia is a good thing, but too much of this good thing will make you a narcissist.

3. Pragma is longstanding love. This is the magic stuff we all long for in our relationships. This is what keeps a couple going, past the seven year itch, the mid-life crisis, and into until-death-do-us-part.  In Roy's words, It is the deep understanding that develops between long-married couples. You might think of it as oxytocin that has been aged like fine wine.

The deal

So here is the deal. We humans like excitement and why wouldn’t we? Adrenaline is feisty and fiery and hey, I do not want to do without some of this feel-good-I-am-alive-stuff. I don’t need to jump out of a plane and sky dive, or bust a bronco to get it, because I get to have lots of it when I choose the right people to play with! 

The cool stuff of this education is this: All forms of love and their expression are healthy, and isn't it astounding that we have so many options for being love, having love, showing love, even to the point of self-sacrifice, as extreme as this may sound? I want all of it, every last bit of heart pumping, adrenaline driving oxytocin bonding crazy love there is! And I am designed to have it all! You were designed to have it all dear one! 

Love lesson

This lesson learned me a lot (said with a backwoods intonation, with my ludus and philautia love on display). I hope it did the same for you? 

I part with this: I will dance with you later philia and it won't be too agape. Who knows, there might be some eros mixed with the fine stuff of pragma… love, you can't beat it!