Murder

Murder is evil

Murder is evil, no matter who, when, where, what, how, there is never a good why. Murder is against the law, it is for the lawless. Watered down murder is physical cruelty. Watered down cruelty is spoken hate. Watered down spoken hate is the quiet simmering of belief, that you are different from me and not my equal. Watered down belief is the psychological sentiment that someone must come first, either you or I, and I will be damned if it is you. Stand up if you are guilty of categorizing humans into sectioned off groups. Too shy? How about raising that hand of yours in a yes, thats me, I have done this. No? Can't even raise your hand? Damn it, here I stand, waving my arm all alone then. I am admittedly, a horrible human of despicable character in my very own category of loathsome.

I confess, I am prejudice
I confess I am prejudice, defined as: a preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience. There are other definitions of prejudice but this is the one that applies to me. I live the watered down version of murder, with psychological sentiment undermining the love that I really want to feel, live, show to my fellow man. With my heightened awareness of the desire to be first and comparatively categorize others I am elevated up and out of this despicable place of purposelessness. To be clear-for as long as you and or I, compare and categorize ourselves and others, we remain vile and base, inhumane.

Subjugating others in our hearts
What good can come from feeling, thinking and then treating others in unkind and competitive ways? What purpose does it serve and far worse than this, what does it do to our insides dear reader, to emotionally, intellectually (this is questionable) and spiritually subjugate others in our hearts, minds and unfortunately, sometimes with our bodies and physical force, murder? It is self protectionism gone mad and the survival of the fittest lie gone rogue when we willingly give into our natural prejudices, our opinions that are not based on reason or actual experience.

The greatest vibrational force in the world is love
We all judge, have our own preconceived notions and we get to question them against truth and the highest vibrational force in the world, Love. Self awareness is the key and all that is asked of us is this from Mark 12:29-31:

And Jesus answered him, 'The first of all the commandments is, Hear, O Israel; The Lord our God is one Lord: And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.'"

Love leaves no room for hate or murder in the heart. Love begets love.

God's Type Writer

What if what I write is not from me? What if I am the type writer and God dictates, word by word, slowly and sometimes rapid fire fast, to my listening ears and waiting to click keys fingers? The idea appeals in so many ways. I am waiting now, to see if He is willing to use me this way...waiting, waiting. Part of the fun of this idea is that I believe His message would be so powerful that it would make me an instant success story! The promotional materials for my best selling book would go something like this: "Author sat and typed, trance like. In record time she completed an astounding, life altering, inspirational piece of work unlike any other that the world has seen thus far. When asked, 'Where did you come up with your material?' the writer answered in a dreamy otherworldly far off voice 'It came from God. He spoke, I typed.'" How amazing would THIS be Dear Reader, to be so used by God Himself? I am entertaining myself with these grand ideas because it takes the pressure off of me. In and of myself, I can accomplish very little. What I do in my short time on earth may or may not have lasting impact and meaning but God? God makes a difference every time, every where, with every one. I am a simple gal with big dreams. God is my dream weaver. When the fear of failure strikes my heart; when a sense of insignificance feels as though it may cripple me, I realize how frail I am, how easily broken by human insecurities and doubt. I could be a best selling author someday, or not? I could change the world forever, or slip away, unnoticed. I could...or not, for so many big and small things in life. We are all in this same floaty boat, aren't we Dear Reader? Endless possibilities actualized and alternatively, wasted? If God as Author writes through me, works through you, speaks to the crowd using us as microphones and type writers, now THAT is news, that is a different story, worth hearing and reading about, wouldn't you say? I want to be Gods type writer, microphone, loud speaker, on mute soul whisper, recorded message. What do you want Dear One? What do YOU want? Maybe I wasn't listening to Him as I wrote, maybe I just needed to know, He was listening to me...

Sanctuary

Psalm 18:6 "But in my distress I cried out to the Lord; yes, I prayed to my God for help. He heard me from his sanctuary; my cry to him reached his ears." I smile broadly as I consider this verse. Have you ever cried out in your distress, Dear Reader? What had you weeping and in such need? Did you pray for help? King David did, and I am not ashamed to say, I have more times than I can count in the past several months.

I step out of the shower onto a towel and my foot slips. That might hurt later, I note. I go to the gym and lift weights and do cardio. I complete tasks around the house. As the day wears on, I can feel tightening in my lower back. By night time, I am having trouble with mobility and for days, it hurts to move in any and all directions. 

My son's Yorke lives with us. Her ball rolls under the serving table in the dining room. She is a baby and wants her ball. I go down on my belly, wincing as I lower myself to the floor. I am face down and figure since I am down here, I may as well pray. The weeping begins and I am distraught and plaintive. 

I say to God, Remember the time I was face down in the dining room, praying and weeping, asking you what the future holds? and then I say to God, And your answer was...

 

I laugh and weep uncontrollably now, because I am in dire need of answers, and I am entertained in this moment before my God, face in the wooden floor, flat out in pain physically, but more so spiritually. I wanted a time fast forward, in that moment of agony, and have God tell me how it, the future, is going to be. 

I could not trick Him. Get up, He says. The future is my now. 

I live now knowing what I did not know then. He heard me from His sanctuary, my cry reaching His ears: He has answered me in wondrous ways. 

He sent from above, he took me, he drew me out of many waters. He delivered me from my strong enemy, and form them which hated me: for they were too strong for me. They prevented me in the day of my calamity: but the LORD was my stay (Psalm 18:16-18) 

This I know is true: God reached down from above and rescued me, from my sorrow, and the tears I felt might never stop, that I might drown in.

My now is an answer to fervent prayer dear one. Each one of my prayers are coming to pass and please, know this. I am praying for His will, in alignment with His ways. I can bank on His promises and pray for their fulfillment, and my Sovereign God reaches down from His sanctuary, from heaven, to rescue me and those I love. 

It is not a magic formula, it is Pure Love flowing from Him to each of us when we cry out for help. Don't take my word for it, try it for yourself!

Gold Plated

Wonder of wonders, just when despair parades as the victor, glorious hope rises up to say here I am, not so fast, you have won nothing. I will admit, in darkest days, I am hard pressed to be steadfast in my belief that grace wins every time. When evidence points to doom and gloom, it becomes easy to draft in the tail wind of bleakness. Alas, God has His plans, His mysterious ways. While He never changes, it behooves us, as His created, to change our point of view from the here and now to the big picture window view from the heavenly's. Nothing and more poignantly, no one, gets past God. He sees and knows all, including those who pretend to be solid gold, when they are nothing but cheap counterfeit, chipping bits of gold plating. While some humans endeavour to baffle and befuddle one another to win favour, God can never be tricked or misled. The integrity of the subject, the person being tested for purity, can be established by measuring against His gold standard, Jesus Christ. This stunning reality has me stopped in my writing tracks. We cannot do it Dear Reader, we cannot ever measure up. We are dross, dregs, mineral waste. If you and I were to be melted down, we would be the scum that forms on the surface of molten metal. We are mere imitators of the real thing at the best of times and while imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, it falls short of having substance, or having worth and value. This reality can cause the ego to go into defensive mode, have us trying  harder, working longer and faster to validate self and establish unique and wonderful autonomy and power. This is a dangerous game to play, when we compare ourselves to God. As we shrink and shrivel in our human earthly form, He remains unchanged, unchangeable, Almighty God. Turning ourselves into our own Gods is a childish endeavour, since at any given moment, you and I can be wiped clean off the earth, forgotten quickly, as though we never were. Despair not, because hope says something to us about who we are and can be when we stop playacting and become the real thing Zechariah 13:9 "This third I will bring into the fire; I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them. I will say, 'They are my people', and they will say, 'The Lord is our God.'" Is the Lord, your God? Is He refining you for a purpose? Can you tell the difference between your own nonsense, someone else's foolery, and God's Gold Standard? You will never be made more real, Dear One, than when you give your soul to The One from which it came. It is then and only then that you will receive the indwelling of God, the Holy Spirit, Christ in you. He is our Authenticator. 

Stoned By Truth

Stoned by Truth

A single finger drags through the dirt

One by one, they drop their stones, the ones they felt provoked to pick up, the ones they intended to use to stone a woman to death. En masse, they willingly, righteously selected palm of the hand sized rocks to throw at the defiler. This was not their first justified foray into publicly punishing wrong doers, in fact, they could be counted on at any time, to throw to kill. Today was different though, today the sting of humiliation was shared by the many and not just the one laying prone on the ground, awaiting the anticipated death sentence pelting. Wordlessly at first, a message is delivered. A single finger drags through the sand, readable, understandable, condemnable, the message is cause for pause, a temporary cease fire and reprieve for the damned. The damned. The message is for the damned, the damnable, the not good enough's. Next, words are spoken, piecing the heart. It is the words spoken and heard that have arms dropping, hands opening, stones falling, thud, thud, thud, hitting the earthy ground. What message, what words, who is not good enough and why? Damned you say? WHO are the damned?

Being forgiven

We are, dear reader, we are the damned. When stoned by the truth, is your heart pierced? Do you feel the sting of humiliation and shame? Do you hang your head low wanting none to see while hoping, hoping that somehow what you have done, what you have said, is forgivable, forgiven? Are you guilty, just as guilty as I am and she is and he is and THEY are, guilty as charged? Will you drop the stone in your hand, the one you plan on throwing at another, hoping to maim or kill? What will you do, knowing that you could be the one, lying in the dirt, helplessly awaiting a violent death at the hands of other humans? Judge and jury, who are you to decide who is worthy, who is worthless?

Sweet Jesus, we are despicable in Gods eyes until we begin to see one another, love one another, have compassion and show mercy for one another. God have mercy on us all, let his kindness and love prevail. 

Whole Truth

Whole Truth

Truth is dying rapidly
I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. What has become glaringly obvious to me is the rarity of truth telling. At an alarming rate, truth everywhere is dying rapidly, becoming an endangered species. For every truth teller, there appears a battalion of deceivers, armed and ready to respond non-sensically to logic and reason, heaping one lie upon the next to prove their very strange and convoluted points.

Stone is heavy and sand a burden, but provocation by a fool is heavier than both (Proverbs 27:3). To argue with a fool, according to The Bible, is folly 

Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be just like him (Proverbs 26: 4).

Rationalize their stance

Have you ever argued with someone who had an answer to rationalize their stance for every challenge you threw their way? It is like trying to grip water in your hands. My only understanding of this phenomenon is this: the urge to be right so that we can keep doing what we are doing, eliminates all deductive and logical reasoning, turning us essentially, into liars. We start with rationalizations as we endeavour to self deceive and then it behooves us, as we immerse ourselves in the deception, to engage others so that we can feel comforted in the colluding:

As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly (Proverbs 26:11). Not only do fools repeat their folly, they look for followers, those who will eat the vomit that they spew.

Higher Ground

Do you swear to tell the truth, so help you God?
I wonder, what place does the truth have in your life, dear reader? Are you a truth seeker, truth teller? Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God? Lying is easy, truth telling, on the other hand, has each of us baring the responsibility of upholding the moral fibre of our society, the ethics that take us to higher ground. My fear is that the air, way up there mountain top high, is breathed and expelled by the very few. If you were to swear on a Bible, would it make a difference to you? Would it feel as though you have someone to answer to, dear one?

There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers (Proverbs 6:16-19). 

God help us all, if this is who we are becoming as a society. May the truth be with you and loved by you, always. 

Speaking & Doing From Love

Make no mistake, even a narcissist knows right from wrong

Human. You are one hurting unit. I say this tongue in cheek. We have some wonderful historical examples of people who suffered at the hands of merciless humans and somehow made good in the world, recovering to themselves and impacting others in an enlightened and godly way. Then, we have the opposite side of this coin, those who likewise, barely endured the pain inflicted upon them and made bad of the experiences, turning loose rage on the world around them. Next, we have the curious ones, those who for unknown and bafflingly reasons, choose the selfish narcissistic path that may very well be implanted in their genes. Make no mistake, with or without genetics playing a role, even a narcissist knows right from wrong.

We are all capable of self serving tendencies

The question is what to choose when selfish wants have a tendency to obliterate the needs and wants of others? If I am completely honest here, and I cringe in writing this, we are all capable of the self serving tendencies that can destroy another emotionally, physically, psychologically, spiritually: do you agree dear reader? Isn't it so, that we have all spoken from our pain, acted out of anguish? And isn't is also so, that we have transferred some of the hurt to another, targeted them to relieve ourselves in part or whole, of the heart heaviness?

A muscle that needs growing and flexing

The heart is a muscle to strengthen

It is easier to speak and do from our pain, than it is to speak and do from his love. This is a muscle that needs growing and flexing. There is a maturity in silence that speaking does not always purvey. There is a time buying for the greater good that happens when we do not react, when we wait and ask the question: What does Love what me to say and do? It is learning and then modelling someone who has mastered this love thing that takes us closer to the glorious realization that love truly is the most powerful force in the world. When we choose to reward evil with good, we are exercising a supernatural ability to concur ourselves and win over others. It astounds me to know that the power of God is available to us when we choose to speak as he does, do as he has done.

Human. You are one amazing unit. May God be with you, for you, in you, around you and speak through you. May you be His living and breathing will. 

Romans 8:28

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Look at this verse Dear Reader! In ALL THINGS, God works for the good of those who love him. This is a crazy awe inspiring truth. Have you experienced this yet Dear One? I have always been kind of curious about this verse, not completely understanding it, until recently. Let us start with the "in all things part". This means what it says, in all things. Now I don't know about you, but when I experience horrible circumstances that are beyond my control, that leave me sad, mad, apathetic, feeling violated, I have a difficult time believing that God will work this into the "good" category of my life. How, how will He do it is the question followed closely by, why, why do "things" have to be this way and cause so much pain? When in the throws of human drama, human messiness that causes angst and upheaval, believing this part of the verse can be a challenge. Which is helpful to know since we all have and or will, experience human suffering. We can get caught up in the net of circumstances but the message has many layers that must be attended to in order to sink into our consciousness. The stunning and breath taking core in this message is the GOD WORKS for our good, according to HIS purpose part. What? God works, for us? Little you, little tiny human me? Yes, yes He does Dear One. The Master of the universe, works for our good, according to His plans, His purposes. He is the Orchestrator, the Planner, the Provider, the One that sees all, knows all and creates ways to have all things work for the good...for those who love Him. This is the humbling moment that we must come to in our acknowledging God. We are subjects of this world with all of its lightness and heaviness, its joy and suffering. It is easy to be God free when all is well. It is easy to reject Him when pain presents itself as permanent. It is much harder, to love and trust Him when "all things" seem to dominate our lives and when believing it will work out for the good seems foolish and unrealistic. Here is what I have learned: there are behind the scenes love actions happening all around us, conspiring for our wholeness, our wellness. I have learned that God takes the good, the bad, the ugly and powerfully transforms it all for us, when we love Him and trust that this is the work He willingly does, for little you, for little tiny human me. This verse I finally get, I understand, I have lived. What about you Dear Reader? Do you love Him and believe that "in all things God works" for your good, "according to His purpose." You have been called, we have been called. This is a mind blowing truth. 

Endear

There is a free application that is phone downloadable. It is called bitmoji. You can make an avatar, a tiny seemingly life sized version of you in cartoon format. Mine looks so much like me that I joke, how did someone follow me around and take all of those pictures? The adorable pictures allow for a full expression of emotions. You can send any number of messages, from Congratulations to Happy Birthday and Feel Better. What I like about these caricatures, other than everything (as my family and friends know), is how they capture a current mood or state of mind. Text messaging can be messy, insulting, ambiguous and heavy handed...cartoon characters, well how can you take them too seriously when they are so darned cute? What I have noticed lately is the missing and almost lost art of endearment. It has been replaced with desperation as low self esteem drives people to be noticed, understood, included. In a ravenous society that is desperate to fit in at all costs, few are learning or being taught how to interact and be in relationship. Endear is defined as: caused to be loved or liked. How do we endear ourselves to others? Let me count the ways, Dear One, because it is exciting and fun to be engaged thoroughly with the human race. It starts with you. Yes, yes it does, this is all about you! I want to know what you love to do-do tell, I am dying to know! What do you enjoy about your work and where do you work by the way? What about your free time, how do you spent it? Alone, in company? Do you like to read, write, walk in the woods, jump off cliffs? Who is your best friend and WHY, I mean how great are they??? Tell me EVERYTHING! What is your dream job? Who is your perfect mate? I'm listening, I'm waiting with baited breath because your answers, they tell me who you are, what your heart longs for, what you are missing and want desperately and have not spoken yet because no body asked. I am asking you now. It is your turn, answer the questions and then, and then Dear One, ask me about me. Let me know that you care because you want to know who I am, what my heart longs for, what is missing or is perfectly in place in my life. Ask because you really want to know the person in front of you. I matter, you matter and so does how we interact. I started this piece of writing with bitmoji-it is endearing but is ultimately a poor substitute for the real thing, the real you and me. Practicing the art of true endearment will enrich you, me and our society. Relationship is what we all crave, the give and take of seeing firstly and secondly, being seen. En Dear yourself to others, Dear Reader. Give love and love will return to you a thousand fold. 

Live Peaceably

You find yourself in a situation that stirs your emotions. Heat rises, painting your face a flushed red. You feel and hear heart beats, pounding in your chest, drumming in your ears. Tensing, the possibility of pouncing swishes past your consciousness. Your upper lip tremors, curling back, revealing teeth readied for ripping to shreds whatever threatens safety. Your pupils, they have dilated, readying themselves for a quick calculation of accessing what to do next. You now have tunnel vision as you focus on what is before you, all else disappears. Nothing else matters right now, in this moment in time.
Have you experienced this fight or flight response Dear Reader? If you are a naturally calm person, perhaps you have witnessed this rather than felt it first hand? I am able to describe this response because I have lived it, many a time. While I am appreciative of my visceral response for self preservation, I am decidedly looking toward a more controlled reaction to emotional stimuli, that of being calm cool and collected. When emotions take over our bodies, our behaviours soon follow and with this combination, our vision, our peripheral vision, is impaired. So is our judgement. The type of tunnel vision that reactionary responses create can be devastating to relationships, with self and with other(s). We have been divinely designed to have a range of wonderful emotions. None of them are wrong, it is what we do in our emotional states that can be and are, judged in the aftermath. Here is what I have come to learn, about the devil. Yes, you read correctly, about satan and his minions. He likes it when we become upset. He thrives and drives when we react, respond, get primed for a fight. He likes it when we run away from our fears, our troubles, our emotions and our relationships. He is a match to a potential flame in each of us. This is why self control, calm in the storm, is an essential skill to be taught and learned. The rewards are too great for him when we pay the price for giving ourselves over to emotional, physiological, spiritual mayhem. He digs our despair, our anger, our lust for revenge. What he does not like, is peace. You want to do battle, Dear One? Good luck-there is always a winner and a loser in battle and you may be both when you look around and see the blood that has been shed. Romans 12:17-18 "Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men." Living peaceably is within our abilities.  While it is is not low hanging fruit, easily picked and eaten, with thoughtful consideration and a desire to choose it over what is immediately in front of us, we can, live in peace, no matter the circumstance. Peace be with you. 

Self Deception

The truth is like a hot potato

Would seeing a video of yourself in a drunken state reduce the likelihood of you drinking to drunk again? This is what I read, years ago. Sweet shameful self awareness, it forces us to see ourselves as we are, rather than allowing self deception to make being intoxicated acceptable. The truth is like a hot potato. When it is in our hands, we want to lob it quickly, be free of it.

"Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves" (Matthew 10:16).

It is wise to know the truth and while it is righteous to speak the truth, we are called to be harmless as doves. No one, not you nor I, appreciate the truth being screamed in our faces about what we have said or done that is off colour, distasteful, embarrassing or worse yet, shameful. When the truth is glaringly obvious, the desire to run and hide to escape the pain of knowing is overwhelming. This is an important moment in time, the moment of reconciling self with behaviours. Here in lies an opportunity.

Seeing yourself

Lets say you are the main character in a video recording. You watch yourself, struck by the feeling of knowing it is you and yet, feeling disassociated, as though you cannot recognize or relate to the animated captured version of you on the screen. You don't like what you see, it is uncomfortable to watch. Peeling your eyes away, you look for an escape. Your eyes return to the screen, sick curiosity has you wondering if there are parts of you in there that are relatable, acceptable, admirable? Is there anything redeemable in there, in you? That is not me, you think. But it is me, you sigh. That's not who I am, you declare. That is who I was, in that moment, you mutter. I am NOT like that, you object. And yet this is what others saw, you whisper. Make it stop, you despair. It will, the video is almost done, you reassure. Gasp, I am so embarrassed, you admit. Yes, you should be, you tell yourself. Now what, now what will you do?

Let the truth singe your skin, risk permanent scaring

Let us bring in our metaphor again. There is a hot potato in your hands. You want desperately to drop it, throw it to someone else or better yet, fast ball it far and away, out of sight. Resist, hold the burning truth in your hands. Let it singe your skin, risk permanent scaring. Let the truth brand you Dear One, so that self deceptions hold on you is broken, forever. Be as wise as a serpent, acknowledging truth and as gentle as a dove, giving truth its way with you, leading you to a better version of yourself. You are not your behaviours, you are in charge of them. May the real you be a delight to witness, no matter who is watching. 

FAB

What are you inclined toward Dear Reader, remembering the good or the bad experiences in your life? There is something called the Fading Affect Bias. Would you believe that the majority of us have a natural tendency to recall positive over negative memories? "Psychologists say that holding onto our good memories-and leaving the bad ones behind-helps us to deal with unpleasant situations and retain a positive outlook on life." Paula McGrath, BBC. 

In the article I read, the only exception to this common tendency is found in the severely depressed. If this is you, dear reader, take hope, because there are prescribed techniques that can be activated in your life to turn this situation around. Please do look up this article for yourself and seek some professional guidance-you deserve the pleasure of recalling your positive memories. 

Why am I writing about this, you wonder? I have been considering how I want to be remembered. We all have impact on one another in minor and major ways. This means that someone might recall our words long after they are spoken ... even decades later.

I'm just outside of the classroom and so is the English teacher. Before entering the room, she takes a moment to look me in the eye and say "you are a good writer." We enter the classroom and I take my seat. The words are reverberating in my brain, you are a good writer, you are a good writer. 

Those words were a sweet and generous gift to me and for some reason, I believed her. I cannot recall the teachers name, otherwise I would seek her out and thank her. What I do know is how she impacted my life, my perception of myself, my boldness in claiming writing as a talent. 

The teacher, God bless her, did her job. She read her students work and gave them feedback. In my case, she lit a match to kindling that was ready to become a burning passion. She didn't know it at the time, nor did I, that with her encouraging words, I would actualize a large part of who I am. 

I am an observer of people, a chronicler of the internal workings of the human spirit in the worlds playground. I am a writer. Now, enough about me ... what wonder words do you need to recall, right now, dear one, to be the you that others can see that you have yet to dare to be? 

The praise, it is an echo reverberating in your heart, words spoken to you specifically ... recall them now, dear reader. 

What fire is waiting to be lit in YOU?

Turtle Heart

Days ago, I surrendered my will to God. I wrote about this as not my first attempt, in fact, there have been many. Lets face it Dear Reader, our desire to be in control, have a semblance of say in life's play, in our roles as actors in this drama, is strong and relentless. While we have many choices, there are some ultimate ends, outcomes that we have no power to determine, namely the way someone else's life is directed and run. Yesterday, while in the ocean, I realized that is it not only my will that I must surrender to God, it is my heart. You, and I, we have lived amongst flawed humans. We are in fact, members of this broken race of people. Battered and bruised, our hearts trust very little and yet they long for the wholeness that only trust can provide. I think of hatchling turtles, making a mad dash for the ocean. Driven from the sand, the tiny creatures cannot help being drawn to a watery home they have yet to experience. Instinctively, the turtles know that their natural habitat is safer than the exposed to predatory birds beach. A heaven on earth of sorts. Is this, Dear Reader, what you too long for, run for, want to experience because inexplicably, you feel drawn to the haven your soul seeks? What have you been exposed to, Dear One, that makes you sprint for shelter, for safety and protection from predators that have no concern for your tender heart? God be with you. He was with me yesterday, in the ocean. I felt safe there, as though I could finally trust Him with my heart. I did not realize until that moment that this, my final gift to myself, was the one He wanted me to have. That my heart is safe with Him. That the people I love, their hearts are safe, with Him. He urged me, trust Me with your heart, give it to Me. I promise to treat it with great care. And He always has. Never, not once in all the years I have loved Him has He broken my heart, wounded it, let me down. Our souls have GPS factory installed mechanisms. We were born to long for home, to be drawn inexplicably to the safety of Gods full and complete love. We are born to trust, learn to distrust through human exposure and must relearn Who He Is so that we can know who we are, in Him. I give Him my heart. I may have to do this again and again, as I have with my will. He is okay with this, our patient Father. He is forever faithful. What about you, Dear Reader? Are you willing to trust Him with your heart today?  Give Him your heart, Dear One, He longs for you to know the comfort of finally going home. Taste the peace of heaven today, in His presence.

Abundance

On a return trip to the resort we are staying at, our bus driver stopped at a fueling station. As passengers disembarked, we were met by an athletic looking four legged mumma dog. She was very friendly and it took a lot for me to resist petting her. With my wary husband by my side, warning me not to touch, I managed to keep my distance. I left the building to return to the bus, food in hand, alone. I seized the opportunity to feed the adorable greeter, taking a potato wedge from my boxed food. The dog sniffed, then looked at me as if to say, got anything else? Her nose had touched the wedge and I said, "take it, I'm not giving you a piece of chicken sweetie!" Wagging her tail, she remained hopeful. I threw the potato wedge into the grass and started walking away. When I looked back, the wedge remained where it had landed, clearly inedible for this particular pooch. I was hungry. I ate the remaining wedges, along with the purchased fried chicken. Clearly what was not fit for a dog, was good enough for me. Which makes me wonder, what we can convince ourselves of when options are eliminated or appear to be? Do our standards drop out of a false sense of desperation? 

The word Panama has several meanings. I recall two of the words our tour guide used to describe Panama, abundance and butterflies. The dog in our story, the mom, she is Panamanian. She knows something about abundance and it shows in her sunny disposition. She is not desperate, ravenous, a taker of anything that comes her way. She is selective and choosy and if I may attribute human qualities to our four legged furry friend, she has elegant dignity. She is what might be described as refined. Am I comparing humans to a dog, you ask? Perhaps, in some ways. The dog has natural instincts, so do we. The dog could choose, so can we. The dog knows that where there is some, there is more…so do we? Do you believe in abundance Dear One? Does what you see is what you get sound like you? Or is there more, just around the corner, if you choose to wait, believing that the best is yet to come? Scraps from the table are not good enough for you Dear One, expect more, wait for it, believe it is yours for the asking and taking, and abundance will be yours. John 10:10  "The thief comes only to steal, slaughter, and destroy. I've come that they may have life, and have it abundantly." There is a roaming liar that wants you to settle for less than what is best for you. He wants you to take whatever comes your way in desperation. He is a manipulative thief, stealing away your belief in what is possible, what is available. If he can, he will destroy your life by having you believe in limiting options. Jesus wants you to know that He offers you life with abundance, that it can be yours. Who do you believe, Dear Reader? The choice, as always, is yours. 

Ocean Foothold

Bubbles glisten, shining diamonds riding the crests of waves, capturing the suns rays in tiny spheres. They are everywhere. Countless globes of pure light, they rise high and drop low, formed by the constant movement of the water they were created to decorate. Bracing against the waves becomes work, a fight for solid stable ground. Remaining in the same spot is near impossible and struggling to stay still is a fools game.

I belief I can make a foot hold

Closing the eyes, with arms floating atop the water soothes the soul. Forward, back, gentle soft nudge to the right and a splash of salty water in the face, I become a wave, a part of the never ending aliveness. Pulled toward shore and next pushed farther out into the deep has feet moving, tippy toe like. My foot, it sinks into the soft sand, an unexpected hole. I belief I can make this into a foot hold, a purchase of steadfastness. Alas, the ocean does not care, it is not interested in my resistance. It is not willing to accommodate my desire to have control over my own movements. Push pull, I am again, a wave. I decide, I decide to give in, to surrender. What am I surrendering, Dear Reader? Me, to Him. Eyes closed, I breath out I surrender. This is not the first time and so I add, I hope I really mean it this time God, please help me mean it with all of my being. I surrender my life, my family, my friends, my work, my hopes, my dreams, my soul to You. I surrender all to Your will. No safety net, no foothold, no plan B, no what ifs or there fore's. No negotiating or attempts at bargaining, trading, convincing…surrender. What if I did? What would happen then?

The air is filled with black and white seagulls

I hear a sound and my eyes open. Directly above me, mere feet away, the air is filled with black and white seagulls. They are circling, swooping, diving, gracefully scooping fish from just below the ocean surface. I hear a voice and my eyes drag away from the majestic sight. People are watching and speaking about the birds, from a distance…my eyes return to the birds. There are so many of them. A bird dives beak first into the water close by, fishing. It occurs to me that I must be surrounded by fish AND birds. This is a mystery to me and perhaps you can read a moral into this story, Dear Reader? I have yet to uncover what it is God wants me to know, to learn from this experience. I do know this: As a wave on the water, I became one, with Him, with them, the fish and then the birds…I am closer to surrender, to the ebb and flow, to the allowing rather than the struggling. One day, one wave at a time.