Trauma Dumping

Have you heard the phrase, trauma dumping, dear reader?

I recently learned about it, but did not need anyone to explain to me what it refers to; it is an oft experienced phenomena. Here is one scenario: you meet someone for the very first time, and perhaps the only time, in a grocery store or bank line-up, or perhaps, they have called you on your phone, and the onslaught of uninvited information begins shortly after you speak the word, Hello. 

You and I can learn a lot about a person that instantly starts sharing intimate life details, without developing rapport, and next trust, in relating. Here is what I have observed:

1. The person has a need to be heard, by everyone and anyone that will listen

2. The person is childish, meaning, they may be all grown-up physically, but they have never emotionally developed past the childhood stage; they have not healed from injuries and hurts incurred in their early years

3. The person seems incapable of thinking of others without attaching themselves: their stories are interwoven in an unhealthy manner, with others

4. The person divulges extremely personal information about people they know; people that would never share such intimate details

5. The person does not ask permission to share, they just dive in, lips and tongue moving at the speed of lightning

6. The person talks a lot and without a break

7. The person relies on others to be polite, by not interrupting their torrent of words

8. The person wants something; sympathy, compassion, pity, some kind of recompense for all that they have suffered and endured

9. Extricating yourself from the verbal onslaught can be difficult

10. Listening too long to someone that is comfortable dumping all of their traumatic stories on you because you have ears, will cause frustration, irritation, impatience, and perhaps have you resenting the loss of time, or should I say, the waste of time, spent on someone that has no discretion, or interest in knowing what you think, or how you feel, about being subjected to their verbal throw-up

11. People like this are selfish

12. People like this always make sure that all the focus, is on them. They are the star of the show, and they can get through an hour of hearing themselves talk without ever asking anything about the person listening

13. You can be an acquaintance, a friend, a co-worker, a sibling, a mate, a perfect stranger, and this person will fill your ears with their stories for as long as you are willing to let them, and the stories are replete with drama and trauma, every single time

14. This person does not read cues. They do not perceive that they are boring the listener, or that their sharing has become obnoxious. They do not read others, because self-absorption keeps their gums flapping and effectively, shuts down their own eyes, and ears, and sense of other

15. Just for good measure, let us consider one more aspect to this whole trauma dumping extravaganza: when you finally break free from the talker, you may feel drained and the need to shower, allowing shampoo to wash over your brain through your ear holes. 

There is a sense of decorum that must be kept when we relate to one another. Getting to know a person takes time, and there must be interest in sharing on both sides. Years ago, I realized that one of my friends had a list of people she would call: if she could not get a hold of the first person on her list of listeners, she would call the next and the next after that, imparting whatever new difficulties she had to deal with, each time she called. I started to avoid her calls, and dread seeing her name on call display. I finally told her that after talking to her, I felt drained. She had a way of manipulating me and making me feel badly, if an when I did not take her calls, because there was always something urgent happening, and what kind of friend, isn't available, when you need them? 

Relationship ought not feel obligatory. Relationship, when healthy and wholesome, is reciprocal and guilt free. One-sided relating, is lopsided, and relationship can only be righted, when there are two investing, two involved, two exchanging thoughts, stories, and sentiments, and not, for goodness sakes, always focused on drama, trauma, difficulties: how can someone always have problems with everyone they know?

If you love trauma dumping, then you may have a sick fascination for awful circumstances and situations. You have at it then, while I slip away, and find myself a quiet corner to enjoy! 

Trauma dumping... who wants that kinda yuck all over them? 

Not I.