Empathetically Dead

Empathy is defined as: the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. 

What if, dear reader, you are in a relationship with someone, that does not have the ability to understand, or share your feelings? 

What if, the person you are most intimate with, is incapacitated from comprehending, and experiencing, your pain, your joy, your excitement, disappointment, sadness, grief? 

What if, they feel nothing at all, when they look at you, and see you strangely contorted when weeping, oddly grinning when gleeful, dreadfully downcast when disillusioned? 

What if, they are emotionally broken, and devoid of the capacity to sense, and suffer, and celebrate too? What if, the person you are with, is an empty shell, vapid, a semblance without substance, a something with nothing at all inside? 

What if this person that you have invested in, that you have spent a quarter, a third, or half of your life with, has seen you as a thing to be disregarded, degraded, demeaned, stolen from and cast aside, only to be picked-up again to satisfy some sick urge they have, to take advantage of your emotional weakness, and inclination to please them or at least, to have a sense of temporary peace in their presence. What if this monster is your mate?

What if, all of the above, and so much more - or should I say less? - is the life you are living? What then?

As an entrepreneur, I have met and worked with many people in the almost thirty years of my self-employment. I have heard horrifying stories, that have rattled my mind and hurt my heart. Professionals are supposed to separate themselves emotionally from their clients, and find a way to debrief and distance from what we hear; alas, I have the gift of empathy, and while I cannot fix what is broken in another person's life, I certainly can suffer along side them when they are scared, sad, lonely, traumatized, worried, and trembling, when they consider what they must do in their near future, if they are indeed getting ready to have a future, that looks different from their past.    

Lack of empathy is a relationship killer: but the one that cannot understand or feel what others feel, does not care what impact they have. Simply stated, they don't give a damn, because they do not feel anything at all. Think with me now: there are people you know, people you have met, lived with or loved, that can blankly stare while watching you suffer, without batting an eye, asking if you are okay, or inquiring whether or not they can do something to make you feel better. There are some people that can witness sorrow and misery and never ever shed a tear. The type of person I describe, is never happy for you or anyone else - they do not celebrate milestones or successes for others - because once again, I state: they don't give a damn, because they do not feel anything at all.

Don't misunderstand me, dear reader. The empathetically dead can express emotions, but said emotions always pertain to what is happening in their life, not yours. You are just a thing to them, a sounding board, an object to be manipulated and moved about to accommodate their needs and desires. You are useless to them, unless of course, they want something from you. For the empathetically dead, no one matters, except for them, and the sooner their victims recognize this, the sooner they can break free and shake off the blood and soul sucking pariah.

And dear reader, our society is teaming with this type of pariah. 

The empathetically dead cannot be expected to be any different then what they are: behaviour doesn't lie, and so, it is wise to accept our discernment when we feel put off by a person that seems entirely numb and dumb to the thoughts, feelings, and sentiments of other human beings. 

I heard recently that the only way to deal with a narcissist is to not deal with them at all: getting away from this type of person is the best thing you can do for yourself. The empathetically dead person must be treated similarly; they have a cruelty streak in them that appears to give them license to mistreat others, and in particular, those that they share intimate life with, due to this repeated theme:

... they don't give a damn, because they do not feel anything at all.

NOTE 1: No one willingly walks toward disastrous relationships that cause them horrendous grief. The empathetically dead can say and do things that convince kind hearted people, that they care. Bad relationships take time to develop, and the insidious nature of the mean spirited amongst us, can catch us off guard and make us wonder, How did I end up here, with him/her? What happened? and; Was I sleeping or something?

NOTE 2: Once a person finally accepts the facts and realizes nothing will change unless they choose change itself, all the moving parts will be set to motion and freedom from this dark and dreadful person, will beacon and bid, come to me. 

Prayer, and recruiting help from trusted family and friends, can deliver the trapped from the pariah, that feels absolutely, nothing at all.