Memories Chirping

Memories... they aren't always fun when they perch at the window of the mind, chirp chirp chirping. 

Switching gears...

I simply plain old love April... it is a prelude to the kiss of summer, and in the bitter sweetness of saying goodbye to the cold of winter, one cannot help but eagerly anticipate the warmth promised us, with the sun spending more time hanging out just over head for long stretches of day. 

Switching gears...

As I look out the front room window, branches still bare of decorative foliage wave hello. They reach up to the blue sky and my eyes sweep upward too. I cannot see the saints, but we are told there are a cloud of witnesses, way high up there. My limited imagination cannot fathom how it can be that a person is here with me, with you now, and then no more? They go somewhere, and picturing the where is a little problematic. I know someday I will understand, but this day I wonder, knowing I will have to wait and see. March turned to April, April nods at May... the month of endings and beginnings too. 

Switching gears...

It is Good Friday and my mother always says "What is good about it? Jesus died this day." Like any true believer, anyone that loves Him, we weep when we allow ourselves to feel the tiniest smidgin of what He bore for us, in life, and in His death on the cross. The resurrection, because we know it well, is such a happy uplifting thought that we skip to it quickly, not wanting to spend too much time in the grief and sorrow our Saviour suffered for our sake and the sake of the Kingdom. Juxtaposition is our reminder that life is precious beyond measure and when we take it for granted, as we often do, we miss the meaning, the purpose, the grandeur. Christ is Grand, isn't He?

Switching gears...

I met a man and we began to date May 1st

Three years later, we married on May 9th

Five years later, God gave us a son on May 8th

Three years later, my father died on May 5th

Three days later, my father was buried on May 8th

May 9th... 2017... my marriage died too

Oh May, how I want to love you. You gave and took away so much and the chirping of the memories at the window of my mind have me recalling all, every single year, no matter how much time has expired, evaporated, expended itself. 

Switching gears...

I used to think I was a rather cold person, quick to recover from loss, strong in my acceptance of what is - a pragmatist deluxe. I can match difficulty with fortitude, loss with emotional independence... face the darnedest circumstances and simply buck up. External presentation of preservation and internal melting of heart is the juxtaposed life we live sometimes, isn't that right, dear reader? If you are at all like me, you are an M & M, hard candy coating shell on the outside, soft dissolve and disappear on your tongue chocolatey inside. When you eat your smarties do you eat the red ones last? I do love all things chocolate...

Switching gears...

When I write feelings flow. Sometimes people contact me after they read what I have written, concerned for my well-being. This is such a tender experience for me, the check-ins, the well wishes, the offer to listen if I need an ear. I am always grateful, and forgetful too? I wonder why, regarding the concern... I move through my emotions, back and forth through the tidal waves, often swept to shore for a little sunbathing. I give myself permission to feel, weep, laugh, remember, long, wish, and then snap out of it! That's right, I snap to it, not really wanting to be melancholy for long dear one!

There is beauty in switching gears; being able to feel one way for a moment, and experience another emotion in the next. Capacity and range with expression of our inner workings, must not be stagnant and stay still. May is a wild ride for me with beginnings and endings and I am grateful for the memories, chirp chirp chirping at the window of my mind. 

I loved my dad

I loved my husband

I love and adore my son

I love them still... all these years later... love endures, how marvellous for me

I am grateful for each of these men in my life, and mostly, I am grateful to God for giving them to me, even if it was only for what seems to me, too short a time.  

Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped, And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD (Job 1:20-21)

Job, oh Job, how much we can learn from your steadfastness! No matter the loss, the heartache, the gifts given and taken away, you worshiped and blessed the name of the LORD 💖

Praise be to our LORD God and Saviour, Jesus Christ, Amen