Woof Woof NAY SPRAY

WARNING: Heavy sarcasm ahead

Not long ago, I saw a dog in a retail store. Since then, I have noticed a lot more furry shopping companions in stores. Today, it occurred to me that this makes total sense! If my grown man child decides that he is a Bouvier and I need him to try on a collar, or one of those adorable plaid winter doggy coats for winter walking, then I better be able to take him into Winners! 

Now I don't want to be stingy and restrictive with my son's freedom to select his very own species of choice to imitate, so I have to remain flexible if and when he becomes  creative with what he is. What if he decides to be a horse, cow, pig, ferret, cat (how boring) or SKUNK! 

If he decides on SKUNK, I wonder how going to Marshalls will be for us. I am already steeling myself to the judgmental looks, and perhaps people even backing away. Now if this happens AT ALL, I will have to report these discriminating people to management, and ask that they be invited to leave. How would they feel if their SKUNK son or daughter felt left out, or judged, for being who they believe they are supposed to be? Seriously, it is beyond me to comprehend the cruelty of some people. I tell you right now, I will NOT TOLERATE anyone mocking, laughing, or criticizing my kid. If anyone dares call him STINKY, then I will have a massive hissy fit.

Mind you, he hasn't even hinted at wanting to be an animal. He seems okay with being a man, but I am READY for action if he decides that he is called in a different direction. My mumma claws are out and sharpened, ready to attack anyone that becomes offensive. If he ever decides that litter boxes are preferable to private bathrooms, water and food bowls on the floor are more to his liking, than eating at a table with a knife, fork, and napkin close by, and running around NAKED, out in our neighbourhood barking, naying, mooing, snorking, burrowing, meowing, or spraying to stink up the hood, rather than just plain old dressing like a man, and speaking and acting like one too, then who am I to stop him? It is THEIR problem, not ours, if people don't like my sons choices, and THEY must adapt to this sort of thing or clearly, they have emotional difficulties that need professional attention. 

I am his MOM, and whatever he chooses, I will support... 

Anyways, I am sure that if you have children, you completely understand the times we are living in, and how vitally important it is to allow our children to choose for themselves, on every human, I mean every animal level, available to them. Limiting them could very well dampen their spirit, and even crush it. Free expression is trendy, and I will be damned if my child chooses to be a skunk with, I mean without, I mean ummm, with or without my approval. I certainly don't want to be one of those conservative moms that expects him to be a good citizen of this world if he prefers animalistic ways over human ones. Good grief, that would be crass, intolerant, and plain old savage. 

I am so glad we had this meeting of the minds. It is refreshing to be free, isn't it, dear reader? Free to be me, or a frog, or...

NOTE: My son is a man of God, and has no interest in being otherwise. This piece of writing is a spook, not to be taken at all seriously. 

What is serious though, dear reader, is the sickness that pervades our society. Our children are being demeaned, demoralized, dehumanized, and parents and teachers alike, are not only permitting this, but encouraging it. 

Shame on them.