Well Sure He's a Narcissist!

Grumpy sometimes

Well sure, he's a narcissist, but he means well! I know he says some terrible things, and okay, he has done some stuff I wouldn't normally approve of, but you know, mostly, he is a good guy, one of the best! He just gets a little... grumpy sometimes. That's when I work around him, lay low, stay out of his way so that I don't make him mad... he is very sensitive, and I realize, I must be too, so that we can get along!

Maladjusted to the abuser

Perhaps you recognize this perspective? Perhaps you have heard it, read it, witnessed this very same approach to the devilish? The mistreated become maladjusted to the abuser, and rather than holding them accountable, they are inclined to stay in relationship, and accommodate the misuse from another. This is happening all around us, dear reader. What used to be hidden away in homes and labelled domestic violence, is now an international phenomenon. Why just yesterday, I read a comment that went something like "He is a narcissist, but he puts America first." A narcissist never puts anyone before themselves, but who am I trying to convince? If you are reading this, chances are, you are old enough, mature enough, and have experienced enough wanton selfish behaviour at the hands of narcissistic employers, family members, clergy, friends, to know what kind of animal they can be. 

Tiny leprechaun

When I was in my twenties, I worked with young offenders in an open custody facility. The place was a rat hole, decrepit and dreary-one tiny tornado could have swept it off its ugly feet in seconds flat. I liked my work, but the dark atmosphere, the wicked goings on, had gloom settling into my soul with each passing shift. My manager, a tiny leprechaun of a man, became the bane of my existence. At one point, he and I took a course together, and it was during one of the sessions, that I had to leave the room, go to the bathroom, and weep almost hysterically. I was in an abusive relationship with him, and when the instructor described the abuse cycle, including the honeymoon phase (the abuser wins back their victim with confusing kindness and this has them return for another round of misuse), I realized how cruel he had been to me. One of his favourite tricks was to blame me if one of the young offenders and I had a disagreement. He would ask me "What did you do to make (insert name) mad?" ... hmmmm, talk about empowering the mischievous, defiant, and purposefully difficult offender, at the expense of a staff member in a presupposed position of authority. One other thing he used to ask me "Why are you so happy all the time?" Make what you will of this kind of question. 

Changed my world

Prior to the course, I do recall wanting to have work go well, or better than it had been going. I thought it was me, that if I tried harder, was nicer, didn't say this or that, did what everyone else was doing (the staff lied, broke rules, were inappropriate with each other, and the young offenders by colluding with them when they broke certain rules), then perhaps I could get along. My anxiety levels went through the roof, and on my weekends off, I would almost hyperventilate at the thought of going back into that hell hole for another shift. I started making good use of my sick days, but that didn't stop my manager from calling me at home to question my calling in sick. I was indeed, avoiding going in, but dear reader, when a person feels broken from being subjected to deceptions, misuse, and the fear of being persecuted with their integrity attacked, the soul becomes weary and the body sick. There were many, many, instances that I will not share here, that traumatized me, AND, the Abuse Cycle information changed my world! 

I had to learn first hand what being abused felt like, and what a person goes through emotionally, psychologically, physically, and lastly, spiritually, in order to understand how debilitating and demoralizing it can be. I also needed to learn each stop on the vicious cycle, so that I could recognize it when it was happening, not only to me, but to other. That course changed my trajectory. I was no longer willing to be mistreated, and I felt empowered, with my old strength of fighting for self resurfacing. I needed to get out of there; after four years of gradual displacement of me, I needed to get back into my own skin, and say a big fat NO, to all that was unhealthy and unholy. 

Residual effects

It took a long time for the residual effects of being mistreated to wear off. I was wounded, felt insecure and distrustful of my own judgment, and needed to regain my confidence. Let us just say (me and you that is), that I am back, and my fighting spirit for the vulnerable, for the hurt and injured, for the abused that have yet to learn that it is not them, it is the abuser that takes cruel liberties, is raring to go. But alas, dear one, I cannot fight for them... they must see things as they are, and go to battle, with the Lord's strength surging within, for themselves. 

Soul solace

I will end with this. My Bible was my best friend day in and day out while I did time at that custody facility. I sought and found wisdom in the Word of God, as my soul solace. I was a prisoner for a short time, while employed there, but I know those days gave me the insights I now have and share, about what is going on in this darkened world. We are only as free as our minds permit. I am reminded of Jesus speaking to a spellbound crowd that had anticipated the Messiahs arrival, but refused to acknowledge Who He was while in their midst:  

The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised, to preach the acceptable year of the Lord. 

And he closed the book, and he gave it again to the minister, and sat down. And the eyes of all them that were in the synagogue were fastened upon him (Luke 4:18-20)

Jesus preaches to the poor, heals the brokenhearted, delivers captives, recovers our sight, liberates us from the bruisers... and then He sits and watches over us when we realize we can again, soar freely.