Radiant Joy

Little older Oriental gentlemen riding his bike on a gloriously bright sun drenched day. Driving near, my friend Phil sees the man's beeming face, radiant with joy. My friend was describing what irritates him and what brought him out of himself and back to appreciating the life he lives~the man on the bike was a gift for remembering. I get teary every time I picture the joy that is irresistible that man expressed, an outpouring of what he felt in his heart. I have had an expression stuck glue like in my pysche: don't look where you don't want to go. If my friend Phil was drawn to joy, it is because he was looking for it. The same can be said for misery, look for it and you can be sure, misery will make itself abundantly available. The keepers of joy, they are like hidden treasure. The deep well from which they draw satisfies the soul, sates their thirst and any encounter with the joy keepers causes craving, longing in the observer. Rain falls on the good and the wicked, sun shines on all, regardless of disposition. Immunity from hurt does not exist. The presence and expressions of pure joy and delight supersede misery when all is taken into account, when one counts blessings rather than enumerating injury. Are you a keeper of joy? How would you be described by passers by, strangers that know not your name? How about your co-workers, family, friends, spouse~how would we know WHO YOU ARE if someone told us about you? Thanks Phil Johnson, for sharing and spreading the love that joy brings to the world. To the sweet smiling man, thanks for shining brightly in the darkness, you are seen. 

Ego Trampling

One of my brilliant friends, Helena Bugler, made this statement "I don't let ego trample all over my heart". This is a multifaceted image creating wonder statement. Picture ego, yours perhaps, in all of its glory making decisions for you, leading you by the invisible ring in your nose and having a good stomp fest on your heart by telling it "you don't matter, what you say DOESN'T COUNT". The heart is the seat of the soul, the ego is a petulant child that screams pay attention to me, do it my way and when ego wins, there begins heart ache in its many forms. In our society, there is an inclination to making the claim that if your heart says you should do something, than you must follow it, you are entitled and deserving. This is not what I am speaking of although it is an excellent example of full tilt indulgent ego decision making. The heart is relational, it is inclined to connection, wound healing, extension of self for the sake of others and in relationship the heart can only want what is best for another~it is never demanding or impositional, controlling or self serving. Ego is a completely different animal. In the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde we can see Heart and Ego in soul combat. Inside of us lives a Mr. Hyde, lurking in the shadows and desirous of satisfaction, often at the expense of relationship and in the extreme, the Hyde in us is destructive, murderous. Words are our weapons of choice, they can be used subtly and are an excusable form of ego expression without the speaker being perceived as a real threat...the heart is no fool, it knows danger and detects it immediately. If my words are destructive, murderous, they are an outpouring of what resides in my heart. My friend used the imagery of trampling~my imagery is of a knife, thrust into the heart, twisting with force, ensuring injury. Ego as a knife does not concern itself with blood flow, life force extinguished. The heart when given its due, is soft and vulnerable, wise and kind. I am reminded of Martin Luther King Juniors' words "I love you, I would rather die than hate you" and this, from The Bible, 1 Corinthians 16:14: Let all that you do be done with love. So, I ask you, what rules in your life, ego or heart? 

Regret Remorse Repentance

Regret, remorse, repentance. Regret is a hugely wasted sentiment when it changes nothing. When regret leads to remorse and ultimately repentance, it can be a life altering and abundant gift for you, me, and anyone within our gravitational pull. 

Before I share how this repair job works, I warn that I am going to be extremely bold in my example, going out on a wafer thin limb, because I am willing to challenge status quo at the risk of alienation... Let's go! 

I have heard my fill of people engaged in affairs, I really have, that's my topic. Affairs wreak havoc in lives and that is a whole other topic, many books worth of writing are probably available at any given library or book store, that's not the direction I am taking, it is for others to discuss. I am all about the progression of the soul from awareness of wrong doing, that's regret, to remorse for having done it, that's recognizing that I have caused myself and others pain and wish I hadn't to repentance, meaning I don't EVER want to hurt anyone like that again. In this beautiful train transfer from one niggling feeling of regret, to full on accountability and acceptance of a character flawed action(s) in remorse to being so sorry, so broken hearted in repentance that I am new, I am so different, that wholeness is possible. 

What becomes available in this progression is freedom from the tyranny of a haunting past. Mistakes, we all make them and I am not judging the mistakes you have made, the ones I have made. I am saying what now, how will we face them, take responsibility for them and make it better somehow and change so that the future is not a repeat of the past? Being sorry is a big deal, it speaks to conscience and bravery of spirit. It is a very dark place, to have wronged another and keep it hidden away and worse yet, to justify or rationalize the behaviour(s). The Light shines on truth exposed and washes away the pain when we repent. Gods forgiveness is available to all, no matter what the transgression may be. I don't know what you have done, you do. What I do know is God loves you and like any parent, He wants you to chose well, wisely and when you don't, He is willing to hear you say you are sorry and lovingly, since He is the God of many chances and much forgiveness, He awaits His child's return home. Warning, such self awareness may lead to Holiness and Sainthood...and a smaller circle of friends. 

Privilege

I sit and wait alone, in my room...these are the words to an old Yaz song and I like the lyrics because I can relate. My favourite in my house location is the love seat in my bedroom. In fact, I am lying here now, writing. My dog is my ever present companion and as I look around, I see why I love this room so much. It's mine~yes, I share it with my husband and yet, in so many ways, it is all mine. God meets me here, I know Him here, the world is out there somewhere and He is with me. At times, I resist Him, distract myself from being in His presence because I feel more when I am with Him and sometimes, I want to feel numb. It's easier to not feel, not think, not notice. In His presence I am reminded that He always feels, is forever mindful, notices all and that He wants me for His work. My joy is to know Him, my shame is in avoiding Him. Purify~it's a word that keeps coming to me along with an insane number of white butterflies, flirting with me, fluttering close by and dashing away on unseen air highways. Being with Him is a cleansing, a washing clean, from the inside out. Humans can be a tricky lot, me included. We dilute and delude ourselves, water down our greatness and make excuses for our yuckiness. I only want the good stuff and sometimes I resist it~the contrary condition of being a human with more choices than dare I say, common sense? Washed clean, the caked mud falls away and my eyes are cured of their blindness~He wants me to see, hear and than go do, His will. What a privilege. 

Who are you?

Who are you? In one sentence, describe yourself. What is your distinguishing characteristic? If I were to read about you, what would draw me too you? What defines you? Prevalent thoughts, when tracked to their roots, their genesis can help in the discerning of who you are, who I am. I sit, I wait and I hope that in an unaffected manner, I can get clear on the answers to these self evaluatory queries. The answer that is closest to my heart is that I am a child of God, a truth seeker and truth teller. Stopping there would suffice for me except that this is not a worldly answer, it does not satisfy the criteria in a societal, career oriented environment that wants to know "of what USE are you?". I laugh at the simplicity of knowing who I am, the gratitude it affords me to be so clear. I have nothing to prove, no fights to win, my soul soars to great heights and I am free. Few can claim the joy I experience and express. My longing is no longer for self, it is for other. So, I am a child of God, a truth seeker and teller, who longs for others to know Him too...your turn, who are you?

Cinderella

The narrator states "and Cinderella lived her life seeing the world as it could be, not as it is"...these were some of the closing lines for a movie I watched and it got me thinking, is this just a romantic view of the world and is it the way I want to see my surroundings and the humans that live and breathe all around me? A wise friend sent me an article about visionaries, missionaries and values. A visionary sees what could be, a missionary does the work and the values, they are the way, the how to delivery part of the vision. Cinderella is a visionary and her mission is to have others see the world with the bright eyes of hope and possibility and her way is to value kindness, forgiveness and ultimately, love. Sigh, it sounds so fairy tell and yet, she is an archetype, she is a model of what has been modelled before, many thousands of years ago by a man who claimed to be God incarnate. Jesus as visionary, taught missionaries and His message is that He is the way, the Truth the Light and Life and by following Him, my eyes, your eyes can see people and life as it could be, not as it is. God has surrounded me with people who see like Jesus does and it teaches me every day to be faithful, never give up, believe that anything is possible and that Gods Sovereign Hand is on His beloved. Too the many that feed my very soul, thank you for sharing your visionary view of the world with me, I am grateful. 

Sin & Choosing

I'm a black white, good vs evil, right and wrong kinda gal. I know there are two sides to every story and multiple perspectives and yet, I like the solid feeling that goes with some plain old fashioned type rules and regulations, the ones where safety first is the guiding principle. I'm thinking of human nature here, the draw we each feel to self satisfy and the dueling oppositional inclination to share with another. The extremes are narcissism and a form of people pleasing that results in martyr like self sacrifice. Put the extremes in the same room and I think I would sneak sideways baby step my way toward the people pleasers side of the room...safety first. The right the wrong, the good the bad, we know them when we feel them, do them, see them and this is the direction I am pointing at, that we KNOW. My knowingly choosing makes me accountable for what I think, say and then do. Sin is a word that people don't use, nor do they like to hear because it rips to shreds the notion that my actions are mine alone and only hurt me, and it introduces good and evil, right and wrong. "My truth" or my version of it, doesn't exist in a world that is full of action and reaction. Truth is not convertible and malleable, it is immutable. The truth is, when I choose evil over good, my safety is in jeopardy and for those watching, the ones that may be impacted by my choosing, they too, are in jeopardy. Truth and trust are kindred, how can you trust me when you see me choose evil over good, wrong over right, lying over truth telling? Forgive me for not being specific here and do I really need to be? Do you, reader, need an example or can you come up with your own? Search your heart, your soul, there is the undeniable knowing, living there, waiting for you to acknowledge its existence. Conscience is a precious commodity in life, let yours lead you regardless of how others live and sin will not have a say in your choosing. 

Chirp Chirp means I Love You

Male birds are a fascinating bunch who win mates by wooing in many creative and wonderful ways. Some build houses, some flaunt colourful feathers and some collect shiny objects to show their affection and draw the eye of their would be suitors and it is the female that gets to choose, select the one that suits her best. The sweetness of the offering coupled with the agony of antipation for the male must be somewhat torturous as he makes his offering and waits with hope filling his feathered chest. We are not too far removed, are we, from our feathered friends? Lately, I have been offered many shiny objects and as I reflect, I realize they were subtle wordless requests for me to take notice, an invitation to catch a glimpse of the shiny shiny inside the person bestowing a gift. In the offering, there is vulnerability, a desire to share the tender parts that sometimes never see the light of day for fear of injury and rejection. Is this, my offering of a small sparkly stone shaped by water wind and rain into a lopsided heart, enough for you? How about this book that captured my imagination that I want to share with you, will that pull us close, let you know how I feel? What about this blown up picture of a flower bed or the video of nature I am sending, will that touch your soul? What if I work really hard and provide you with creature comforts, will you see my love for you then? I am blessed because the people in my life offer me the best parts of them and the older and wiser I am, the more I recognize the offerings and appreciate the intentions in the giving. There is the giving and the receiving, both are wonder filled. What about you? When you look around, what gifts have you yet to receive, appreciate, be grateful for? Chances are the gifts are wrapped subtly OR, they have been offered to you many times before and you just didn't notice no matter how shiny, or how loud the offering. Help a heart grow boldly today and accept the gifts of love coming your way. Chirp chirp, that's bird speak for hey, notice me, I'm right here.