Shame

Shame, the great teacher. There is an expression I learned many years ago during a coffee with a friend and it entertained me immensely. Bare bum spanking. This references what happens when someone gets their comeuppance. It is like a parent bear giving their overly rambunctious and obnoxious bear cub a swat to put him or her back in line, a lesson in good behaviour and bear etiquette. Clearly, I speak in metaphor here and yet, I have felt the sting of this type of swat back to reality, a redirect of my attention. My most recent memory of this type of stingy spanking came from a close friend. I have fond memories of the experience, despite the many tears of shame that I shed as a result of her pointing out to me some of the unilateral decisions I had many for a community I am a part of. This type of decision making is a remnant, a learned behaviour, an overcompensation for being without control and feeling like if I didn't take control, I would have no say. The spanking, it was a love swat, a wiser I know better bear giving a cub a lesson in how to. The fond memories, they are the feelings of love from her to me as she took the time to teach me, show me where I had gone astray and how I might think, say, do differently next time. My gratitude flows out freely from my eyes in tears because she loved me enough to know that I might feel some shame, some pain and that I would be made sharper, stronger for having lived through it in the long run...This is gonna hurt you more than it hurts me-I play with the wording of this old adage that parents used to use prior to spanking their children because in order to learn big lessons, sometimes its gotta hurt, especially when old patterns are needing breaking. Shame, when temporary, is a great teacher. Staying in shame is a shame, it is self pitying and victimhood and it serves no one. Learning and growing, becoming a wiser person, that is the gift that comes after the sting of a bare bum spanking. I dedicate this to you, Susan Morel, my Grace Warrior Sister, thanks for the love.