Emotion Mountains

Emotion Mountains, how many have you climbed? I have seen the deepest valleys and taken unsteady steps with loose rock underfoot, threatening balance, threatening proprioception and well being while climbing onward and upward. I am an emotional risk taker. I want to feel everything and this means that I fearlessly go wherever my soul beacons and sometimes, I go numb. Numb as a feeling is strange, it is a none feeling, a lull like something that is vapour in its numbness. I have enough experience with numb to know that it is like my calm before the storm. My dad, I miss my father. Around this time of year I remember that I wasn't done with him yet, that I want him back, that I long for him. Dark dreary grey enshrouds my soul and it is of little comfort to think I will see him again when what I want is to see him now. It rained the day his body went into the ground and I was glad that while I wept, the sky let loose its own heavy tears of sorrow. The capacity to love, feel, remember, long, celebrate, grieve, these are the gifts we are bestowed in our humanness. I would not give up a one. In my longing, I recall I had a dad, a man that loved me, protected me, worked hard for me to provide creature comforts, a university education and so much more. My numb is replaced with the feeling of fondness, a warm sentimental recalling of the man I knew as my father. Emotions are gifts to be experienced and sometimes they can feel life threatening...this feeling, of eminent death by emotion, it too shall pass. Nothing lasts forever, including pain. 

Playmates

I want playmates, not cell mates~I use this phrase to describe the relationships I want to have with the people I share my life with. I believe in diving deeply into the soul, swimming close to the sharp and dangerously beautiful coral reef hidden in the depths, pushing off from the bottom to surface and gather air to splash about, head above water, to see what looks different after the dive? I do this diving solo and in company and when I am especially blessed, with soul mates. I like what is hidden from the eye because of the mystery, the search and find elements of beneath the surface treasures. Part of diving deeply involves a willingness to go many fathoms down, to dark lonely places that may appear to threaten existence, no man's land with few if any inhabitants...those that live there belong to the dark, the cold waters without light. The soul has its requests and to ignore the subtle and then not so subtle demands of its voice is foolishness and self depriving. This will sound like nonsensical gibberish to the uninitiated, the surface floater...it is meant as an invitation to all who read this and want more from life than meets the eye, those who are curious, the audaciously inclined adventurers of this world. A thin veil separates us from the spiritual realm. Our eyes and ears, hearts and minds can be trained or perhaps, be reminded to see and hear with intuition and know that we are spirit and not mere mortals. While the flesh has its needs, it is the soul that hungers for satiety, for satisfaction of cravings that go beyond the rumbling of a tummy that gets fed and quieted. I mentioned playmates, not cell mates. I dive deeply and I do believe it is a diving rule to go with a partner, safety first. My playmates are my diving partners, the ones I entrust with my well being, my safety. When we visit dark places, we do not stay there, they do not become our last stop, our prison cells. I am a child of The Light and my preferred company, those that I hold near and dear to my heart, they know what I'm on about, they too, live and love in The Light. This is dedicated to Louisa Marziali. Lets go diving again soon sweet soul sistah, I love YOU. 

Crazy Glue Committed~Brian Alexander

Good things come to those who wait...to this adage I add, those who stay crazy glue committed, have a can do attitude, preservere when facing a tidal wave of opposition that threatens to sweep them into an undercurrent, those that endure, keeping their eye on the prize, whatever that might be. My friend the brilliant, unstoppable Brian Alexander is like this, he is to be watched, admired, emulated. He has this way of listening, speaking with meaning, few words followed by silence to communicate much~this can be rather disconcerting, especially for the many for whom quiet is a foreign concept, a yet to be experienced state of being. He has presence minus performance. He speaks truth in an understated way that requires no convincing on the part of the listener, in other words, he speaks, I listen, edification becomes the golden ticket in the shared relationship, heart to heart intimacy a wonderful elemental bonding agent. Yeah, I am a huge cheerleader for Brian, he is one of my all time favourite friends. In a world of lemurs, Brian is a stand out leader who is willing to be taught, teach, receive, give...he is all the good stuff wrapped up in one gorgeous display of humanity. I celebrate you in this writing baby bro, your patience is paying off~I have witnessed with joy in my heart as your dreams are coming true. You inspire me, I love you, your big sis, Linda. 

John Purdy

Soul Mending, it is the work of many, recognized by the discerning few. Have you every received a gift so thoughtful that you thought you might weep until you melt, puddled on the ground? Have you every received a gift so pure, so heart felt, that you thought yours might bust wide open with shear joy over being considered valuable and precious, so much so that someone, perhaps many, go out of their way to let you know that you matter, you count, you are important to them? Today I weep with gratitude for those that sacrifice, risk ridicule and persecution because their desire to serve someone else's very soul is so astoundingly strong that they feel compelled, impassioned to act, to show kindness, to give generously. Today I weep, stop and start again, for the displays of love that I received, words of encouragement and acknowledgement and and, one very beautiful picture of pretty pink flowers, a true flower bed in an Amish garden, with bed frame and night stands and doilies and vases and more flowers, resting on a well kept green lawn with wild flowers in the distance, more shades of pink...nestled inside the bed and at its foot are dolls, reminding me how precious it is to see the world through the eyes of a child...I am Gods daughter and a man named John  Purdy has reminded me of my fathers love, the One that created me and the one that was my earthly father, gone 15 fast years ago this May...he too, was named John. Thank You Papa John, thank you for reminding me that I am precious and special. I picture my father in Our Fathers House, Gods Kingdom, watching and grinning, wiping away a tear as he witnesses my tears of joy mixed with sorrow over missing him and appreciating you, John Purdy. I was adopted into Gods family through Christ, wonderfully for me, I am meeting my family here on earth...much deep and abiding love to you John Purdy, Linda Grace.

Arsenic

What is your joy factor? In company, I like to measure mine by how much freedom I have to express my feelings, point of view and largely, by how much fun and laughter I am experiencing. I'm all about quality relationships and in the majority of my person to person exchanges, I have to say that it is a pleasure to banter, discuss, dive deep and resurface to cry, laugh or whatever the circumstances call for...sometimes joy in the suffering is there, because it is shared by two souls who have an affinity for one another. Now, what about the nails on the chaulk board feeling that sometimes claws at my soul when in the company of a negative, critical, self imposing and aggrandized person, how do I respond to that? Well this is when the super cool naturally genetically encoded fight or flight instincts kick in and I get to listen to them! I liken this fabulous truth detecting ability to a fire alarm or a health alert. Stay with me...if you are a none smoker, how willing are you to be exposed to second hand smoke? While eating your dinner, how willing are you to have an arsenic shaker on the table, right next to the salt and pepper? Now, I have to tell you, your body doesn't lie, it can't be tricked, it knows what serves it well and what will cause indigestion and tummy ache. Might I suggest that your very soul has this stunning ability too? Just think about someone who annoys the joy right out of you, how does that thought affect your heart rate and your subsequent thoughts? Listen, listen to what your intuition is asking you to pay attention to. You get to design your life, be the main character and you get to choose who wins the lottery and is awarded the gift of calling you a friend, a partner, a husband or wife. YOU get to choose, grin, you get to choose...

Room 119

Room 119. A friend of mine and I have a running joke about room 119. A group of us were staying at a hotel and my room number was 119. My roomie and I had a visitor and the three of us were lying on the bed, laughing and joking around. My friend entered the room and we of course, made room for her on the bed. The hilarity continued and my friend said "oh thank God I finally came to room 119". She had left her room and the conversation her roomie was having with someone visiting them and she had made her escape to my room and the fun that welcomed her in. Room 119 quickly became a metaphor for her life and she could see how she had stayed in rooms foreboding, heavy, besieged at times with unnecessary yuck...whether a room in the mind, the cellar of the soul or a dark chamber of the heart, traps can be challenging to recognize, let alone extricate oneself from. Room 119 representatives joy to her and the juxadpoxtion of what she had come from to where she arrived and stayed made a world of difference. Stay, or go, endure or enjoy, your choice is always your choice. What is your room 119? If you haven't discovered it yet, perhaps you need to listen for the laughter, eye spy with your little eye the invitation to play and have fun, and go on a treasure hunt for your very own room 119. This is dedicated to...you know who you are...

Messy Inside, Messy Outside

Messy outside messy inside, that describes the physical manifestation of inner turmoil for me. I know people who are the opposite, when they see a mess, it makes them crazy, unable to focus, distracted. I have learned to read the signs, when my dresser seems to accumulate the I don't cares, as in, I don't care if I hang my clothes up or throw them in the laundry basket right now, I'm just gonna leave them on my dresser. Clothing on my dresser is like the oil light coming on in my car, a warning that if I don't do something to remedy the situation, I'm going to stall out and pretty soon, I won't be able to move, let alone go anywhere. When I cannot write, I am stalled out, stuck, with things accumulating on my soul, covering up what lives and wants to breath. I am a great advocate for time alone, whether you be an introvert or extrovert, time alone allows for room to connect with yourself and with what is most valuable and important to you. I am a great advocate of partnership, relationship that allows me, you, to speak, share and have someone hear what is on the heart that is longing to be expressed. I am nothing, no one, without relationship. I need to have one with myself first, I have to spend time with me to understand what moves me, gets me stuck, holds me to my values, helps me fly high and free and then, I get to be in relationship with other without expecting, demanding, imposing my will upon them, nor do I accept or anticipate any superimposition from them onto me. Live and let live, Let Go and Let God, it's a sweet place to be in, come join me! My clothes are hanging in the closet, my change your oil light indicated is off and I am here, now, clear and whole, no mess inside or outside to be found, hoorah...what do you need to do to clean up your mess?