Brave

I like this line "your history of silence won't do you any good, did you think it would" from the song Brave by Sara Bareilles.  There is another line in the song that speaks to waiting for permission to decide, to speak.  I remember being in the second of five of CTI's core curriculum courses. I said something I thought was clever and one of the leaders was standing close by. My hope was that she too would think it clever and I said as much when I told her I had made the comment because she was standing within ear shot. She looked me in the eye and said "you are not in kindergarten, you don't need my approval".  Yikes, that truthful comment stung and I am so grateful for it. From childhood, all systems align to have children conform, perform, behave and comply. Seeking approval is natural as insecurity rules in new learning environments, even in adulthood. How do we make the switch from being told what to do, how to do it and what makes the grade, to being self confident, trusting our own intuition and discernment?  One comment, one perspective, one truth at a time, that's how. Trust yourself, this is the mantra, it is easier said than done. In the song Brave, the singer song writer says "I wanna see you be brave, honestly, let the words fall out". What are you waiting for?  It's your life, speak like you have nothing to lose.  When it's the truth you speak and it is spoken with kindness, in service of another, it may be just what they need to hear to help set them free, it may also be just what you needed to say to set YOU free. 

Abandon

What about fun?  What about singing with abandon?  What about not giving a fig, loving yourself so much that you are your full on crazy fun self? Go, play...for you. Dance like you just do care!

Conflicted

Conflicted. There is a space between having what you or I want and wanting what we have. I met a man recently at the gym while doing cardio and for two days in a row, we chatted. The conversations were heavy because he had heavy thoughts.  I told him I am a coach and being a bright man, he knew when I was in coaching mode and we laughed when he named it. Today I blurted that he is conflicted...I'm torn between being ashamed of myself and proud of myself for naming what I saw in him, an almost perfect stranger. This changed our repoire, as shocking statements are prone to do, and I'm left wondering if my comment left a mark.  The conflict?  What he does for a living and what he wants to do are two different things~this is the simplified version of what is going on in his life. This showed up in then and now statements, self depricating comments, anger, irritation...my wise mum says the tongue always goes to the sore tooth.  This means that no matter who this guy talks to, whatever is sitting heavily on his soul, whatever is weighing him down will come out verbally. Words are the overflow of the heart, in this case, a rended heart on the verge of breaking. He didn't hire me as coach, and it's not my place to mend his heart, he must do this himself by soul searching and being true to what he wants and living into that truth.  Coaching has given me tools to see, name what I see, and when I dare, to speak it with the intention of edifying my fellow man.  Conflict resolution is one of many powerful and wonderful life giving outcomes from coaching. May the coaching force be with you. 

Oral Exam Fun

Tonight marks the end of my certification program with CTI. I had an oral exam and had the fantastic experience of coaching my examiners, my colleagues in the profession. I have been a working paid coach for some time and already considered myself to be a coach, prior to tonight's big event~the oral exam was a rite of passage, the icing on a super delicious double layer chocolate cake.  My examiners wanted me to do well, they were invested in my success and believed that tonight was cause for joyful celebration, and they were right. The CTI model is humanity in action, the coach is figuratively the hands and feet, the servant to the client who wants to live large and full on. The client always and forever has all of the answers and the coach gets to hold the client up, like when one person offers for another to sit on their shoulders to see something fantastic, get a better view!  Coaching has transformed my life and I am gushy with appreciation. I am thrilled to be a Co-Active CTI Coach and soon, very soon, I will be able to call myself certified. 

Savouring

Striving is a tiresome endeavour.  This is not a new discovery, flow is. Being in the flow means I don't have to have all of the answers, reasons, particulars. In the past, these items were temporary appeasements, quick fixes for the discomfort of not being in control of situations, feelings, circumstances.  I shrug at the thought of going back to that need to know place, relieved in the current knowledge that the facts don't always have to add up and that the false sense of security that facts provide in the short term are just a puff of smoke, an exhale of cold breath.  In striving, there is an end goal, a I've got to get there urgency that steals from the experience of now.  My friend Keli has a delicious relationship with her morning coffee. She is a Starbucks fan and before she sips she simmers, savouring the experience she knows she will have as cup meets lips and coffee tantalizes waiting taste buds. She hesitates, knowing that she is going to have an experience, choosing to luxuriate and enjoyyyyyyyy, ahhhhhhhh.  Makes me want a coffee, how about you?  It is the delight of the experience that makes the coffee more delicious. It is the appreciation of the pleasure that makes every morning cup an event. Maybe striving isn't so bad, if what you are striving for is the enjoyment of the simple things that make living something to relish.  Keli Nethercott, you joyful muse you, let's have coffee soon.

Setting Intentions

Setting intentions is a fascinating endeavour. I have read many books on sales, motivation, self help, and my all time favourites, apologetics. Reading these books is the equivalent of a thousand peoples observations, succinctly placed in one easy to read volume(s).  I have read that brilliance is observation of patterns, noted and recorded, written and or verbalized. When I read and say yes, ah ha, that's right, that's it, it is me admiring what someone else has had the insight to see and name and then seemingly claim as their own, in writing.  That's the end result, the written word, the start of something beautiful and edifying is the intention, the seed of genius awaiting its time to burst forth with leaves and branches in glorious living colour, giving full expression to not just an idea, but to a vision.  In coaching, the coach is a dog with a bone, at least I am, about the client knowing what it is they want, to be intentional about it, and in time, "it" IS...the client sometimes smoothly transitions from here to over there where their intentions live and that's when the coach gets to say "SEEEEEE, LOOOK, YOU DID "IT"!!!"  Ha, yes, this is gratifying to write as I happily recall many an instance when it has been my pleasure to be able to celebrate intentions that made it into animated life with a client, especially when what they were afraid of, no longer exists!  My intentions?  To have a pure heart...it might take some time and I WILL, get there.

Emotions and Entitlement

These are the messages I have received recently "I get to feel this way", David Lund. "Don't beat yourself up for having feelings", Alex Den Broeder.  "Your entitled to feel that way", Elvira Meluci (that's my wise mum!).  I have been taking care of my body with excellent food and 6 days a week of strenuous exercise. I am being purposeful about this, making my wellness a priority. As I decended the stairs today, my quadricep muscles were screaming loudly at me and I was answering them with some moaning and groaning. My mom, who lives with me and my boys, asked with concern "what's wrong, are you ok?".  When I told her the reason for the complaining, she stated "your entitled to feel that way". Click!  The body aches and it is perfectly ok to acknowledge this, to logically equate it with a cause.  What about when the soul aches, cries out for justice, longs for acknowledgement of its suffering?  Do emotions and their expression really have to be stuffed down, ignored, placated?  How is happy and upbeat allowed but dark nights of the soul forbidden from view?  The full range of human emotion, the bleeding the laughing the crying, they all come to me, spend time with me, and I am starting to appreciate the freedom of expression that is mine to claim. Today, on a really cool piece of cardio equipment, I did a simulated boxing ring fight...at one point, the screen told me "you are bleeding". Yes, I am bleeding, and then I get all stitched up, the scars are a badge of honour and I am forged in the fire, the fight.  Stronger and more resilient because emotions won't kill me but ignoring  them just might.