Perpetually rejected
Do you perpetually put yourself in a position to be rejected? Do you find you want relationship with someone that may, hopefully, possibly, it-is-not-for-certain-but-might-happen-someday, come to discover, you are exactly what they want and need in life to be fulfilled? This sounds like pure misery to me dear one, and I ask you, how can you stand it?
Behaviour doesn't lie
I love the line, behaviour doesn't lie. Inherent in this statement is that how I behave, how you behave, indicates our intentions. Here is a simple example: I go to the grocery store, pick up milk and take it to the check-out, where I wait in line. What are my intentions? One would assume, from an observational point of view, that I intend to purchase the milk. You and I have seen this a thousand times before, and to change the story would be adventurous and perhaps, imaginative... and quite clearly, misguided. Me, the bag of milk, the check-out counter and a line-up should really only mean one thing: I am buying the milk for goodness sakes! Now, let us go deep or go home, without the milk, so to speak.
The grocery store of life
You have told someone you love them. They say it back. You both behave in ways that seem to indicate that you want milk. You approach the check-out counter together, waiting in line for your turn with the cashier: there will be an exchange of money for milk. This is the point in the transaction where there may be some dicey, insecure moments of doubt. Did we get skim, whole, 2%? Was the three bagger the right choice or should we have gotten a carton? What about the chocolate milk, did we consider that? Lactose free or plain old regular right from the cow without tampering? Oh dear, there was buttermilk, goats milk, camel milk, bat milk... did we make the right choice? Wait wait, I don't recall being involved in the decision and there was no discussion! I don't even like milk and eeeeeckkkkkk, we drove here together and now I am stuck with milk and this guy or girl I find myself at the check-out with! How did this happen and where is the exit? Oh my gosh, I swore I would never buy milk with this person again and here I am, panicking in line and wondering what the heck I am doing here?
Snickers bar
Now let us pretend that you are the one trying to pay for the milk, and you suddenly notice your partner. They seem to be making their way to the exit, sans the milk and... you. You call out, hey, wait, wait up, I'm still paying! Hey, um, do you want a chocolate bar? I know you like chocolate, Snickers? You see them hesitate, considering the candy, the temptation to maybe get something delicious. There is a pause, a moment where it would appear there is a weighing of the options. To stay means candy and yucky milk. To go means no candy and no milk and the exit, away from you.
Do you perpetually put yourself in a position to be rejected? Do you find you want relationship with someone that may, hopefully, possibly, it-is-not-for-certain-but-might-happen-someday, come to discover, you are exactly what they want and need in life to be fulfilled? This sounds like pure misery to me dear one, and I ask you, how can you stand it?
Behaviour doesn't lie
I love the line, behaviour doesn't lie. Inherent in this statement is that how I behave, how you behave, indicates our intentions. Here is a simple example: I go to the grocery store, pick up milk and take it to the check-out, where I wait in line. What are my intentions? One would assume, from an observational point of view, that I intend to purchase the milk. You and I have seen this a thousand times before, and to change the story would be adventurous and perhaps, imaginative... and quite clearly, misguided. Me, the bag of milk, the check-out counter and a line-up should really only mean one thing: I am buying the milk for goodness sakes! Now, let us go deep or go home, without the milk, so to speak.
The grocery store of life
You have told someone you love them. They say it back. You both behave in ways that seem to indicate that you want milk. You approach the check-out counter together, waiting in line for your turn with the cashier: there will be an exchange of money for milk. This is the point in the transaction where there may be some dicey, insecure moments of doubt. Did we get skim, whole, 2%? Was the three bagger the right choice or should we have gotten a carton? What about the chocolate milk, did we consider that? Lactose free or plain old regular right from the cow without tampering? Oh dear, there was buttermilk, goats milk, camel milk, bat milk... did we make the right choice? Wait wait, I don't recall being involved in the decision and there was no discussion! I don't even like milk and eeeeeckkkkkk, we drove here together and now I am stuck with milk and this guy or girl I find myself at the check-out with! How did this happen and where is the exit? Oh my gosh, I swore I would never buy milk with this person again and here I am, panicking in line and wondering what the heck I am doing here?
Snickers bar
Now let us pretend that you are the one trying to pay for the milk, and you suddenly notice your partner. They seem to be making their way to the exit, sans the milk and... you. You call out, hey, wait, wait up, I'm still paying! Hey, um, do you want a chocolate bar? I know you like chocolate, Snickers? You see them hesitate, considering the candy, the temptation to maybe get something delicious. There is a pause, a moment where it would appear there is a weighing of the options. To stay means candy and yucky milk. To go means no candy and no milk and the exit, away from you.
You are on tender hooks because you have been hoping, wanting, wishing, pleading with your eyes and your heart for them to really want to share in your delight of milk, on cereal, in coffee, cold and hot, or with chocolate mixed in there and some of those melty mini marshmallows! You wait, wondering if they will rejoin you at the check-out. A seed of painful doubt has been planted in your heart and there, an ache of rejection begins. In a flash, you realize, this may be the last time you go to the grocery store together. In a moment of clarity, you see that the object of your affections, the one you had hoped and dreamed about, really doesn't like, well, really doesn't like... ummm, really doesn't love...
Feet pointed for the exit
Dear reader, rejection can be a chronic state of being. Are you investing your time, energy, and emotional well being in someone who clearly, will never reciprocate? Since behaviour does not lie, and you are an intelligent observant person, what do you know to be true? When someone lingers close by but has their feet pointed toward the exit, what does this indicate to you about their intentions? Do you want to be chronically rejected, or can you decide, for yourself, that you want a partner that likes what you like, chooses what you choose, and will stand next to you for the duration of the transaction, no matter what the purchase, no matter what the circumstances, no matter what?
Gone starts with thoughts
I return now to an age old reality. We are naturally, truth detectors. When in doubt, meaning if you are not sure about someones intentions, don't trust their words, trust their actions, their behaviours. While we are truth detectors, we can also smile at one another and lie right through our teeth. Admit it, you are more than capable of lying, aren't you dear reader? If you are, so is that non-milk-drinking-chocolate-bar-loving-heading-for-the-exit-wanna-be-out-of-your-life-psuedo-partner-of-yours. Gone starts with thoughts, then shows up in behaviours. Hope will not bring back a partner if the partner is already halfway out the door.
You get to decide, with your rational mind, whether or not you want to continue fantasying about what will never be. Move on, dear one. There is a someone out there, mooing and waiting for their perfect milky match, in you.
Feet pointed for the exit
Dear reader, rejection can be a chronic state of being. Are you investing your time, energy, and emotional well being in someone who clearly, will never reciprocate? Since behaviour does not lie, and you are an intelligent observant person, what do you know to be true? When someone lingers close by but has their feet pointed toward the exit, what does this indicate to you about their intentions? Do you want to be chronically rejected, or can you decide, for yourself, that you want a partner that likes what you like, chooses what you choose, and will stand next to you for the duration of the transaction, no matter what the purchase, no matter what the circumstances, no matter what?
Gone starts with thoughts
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| Holding on or pulling away? |
You get to decide, with your rational mind, whether or not you want to continue fantasying about what will never be. Move on, dear one. There is a someone out there, mooing and waiting for their perfect milky match, in you.
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