From a Distance

From a Distance

You fascinate me
I have been watching you, sometimes up close, sometimes from a distance. I never know what you are going to say or do next. You fascinate me. The other day, I heard you chuckle. When I looked up, there was a twinkle in your eye and it melted my heart. We were so close, I could feel you leaning in, shoulder to shoulder. You said something funny and we both stopped for a breathless moment, knowing there was brilliance in your words and than it started, the laughter, and it seemed it would never end.
   
I can feel you looking at me
You had to go, or was it me? One of us slipped away and I only started missing you when I realized, I feel so alone? I look for you and catch glimpses of you over there, just past that... I can feel you looking at me, inviting me to find you but you feel so far away, just out of grasp. You evade or did I just stop looking for you, trying to find you? I feel you, you are present and yet...
 
Love runs deep and cuts even deeper
I did not know. I did not know that love can run deep and cut even deeper. I did not know. I did not know what dying felt like or what rebirth meant. I did not know. I did not know that the heart could long to the point of breaking, and can feel sutures as they artfully mend. I did not know that you and me and they were so connected and that when one of us breaks, when one of us slips or walks away, we all fall down, we all feel the loss, we all look for and long and miss and and...we seek in order to find, to retrieve, to restore and it is akin to a driving force that cannot be denied.
   
The twinkle dimmed
You had to go, or was that me? The light fades, dimming so that I squint to see. I cannot see the twinkle in your eye, it too has dimmed. I look for it and wonder, where did it go? We used to lean in and I can still feel you, brushing against me, a phantom memory, a used to be. A could have been. A moment spent and gone. What was is no more and this has always been.

I see you, from a distance...