Three Runs

The other day I was having a conversation with my son. I had a question for him. He answered it. I tried again with a slightly different question, you know, modified. He responded similarly. I tried once more with a more pointed version of the first two questions and he held steadfast. Than it hit me. I had taken three runs at him, wanting him to change his answer. I clearly went into this inquisition (grin) with an agenda. The answer I got was not the one I wanted to hear and just as the saying goes, when at first you don't succeed, try try again. This is how manipulation starts and than turns into something we all hate, demanding. Suddenly the ante is upped and demanding becomes commanding and when that doesn't work, an attempt with force may be the final stop in this I will break you scheme. Over time the erosion in relationship turns ugly with distrust filling the gap between two. Back to my pseudo conversation with my son. When I realized I had a hidden plan and wanted something for him that he was not interested in, I sat back in my chair with an oh feeling. I had not been listening. I heard his words but stubbornly refused to accept their meaning. Fortunately my son and I have a great relationship and I praised him for his tenacious steadfastness in the face of my leading and directive questioning. He is my match. This is what strong arming looks like and how an equally armed person can contend when challenged. Manipulation is a subtle and insidious slithery viper. The subtly creates the illusion of interest and can be feigned. This mask begins to slip when the manipulator increases pressure on their prey. Hints of threat begin to appear with each request being turned down or denied. Feel the tension rise as the hunt continues. Feels like a trap, doesn't it? Have you ever been in this trap? Have you ever set this trap? Don't worry, I'm not judging you. Babies learn manipulation almost right out of the womb. As adults, we get to figure out these patterns and stop them dead in their tracks when we recognize that imposing on another human being is an unhealthy relationship choice that damages both parties. What about being the imposed upon one, you ask? My son stayed true to his himself by sticking with his first answer, that's one option. Option two? Ask the manipulator "what do you want from me?" and then it is up to you to decide yes or no. The relationship may be hard to navigate but than again, you already knew that. Your answer, however, can be very simple. Trust yourself, you know what the answer is long before you are even asked.