Obligational Emotional Blackmail

You Don't Have To

I was taught early in my coach training, to listen for obligatory expressions that have emotional spider web like strands attached, such as:

• I have to
• I should
• I should have done ...
• I wish I had
• He/She will be mad if I don't

Matthew 5:37

When I realized how often I felt confused and insecure, because I often said yes when I really wanted to say no to the requests of others, that were often demands in disguise, I was relieved. 

Learning how to say no to others while staying in relationship, and yes to what I wanted, changed the trajectory of my life, in every area.

Guilt and shame

Guilt and shame have corralled and constrained many a human from actualizing their freedom potential via thinking and feeling for themselves, and sorting through those thoughts and feelings too, processing them for truth and accuracy. 

Desires and drive

Messy thoughts lead to messy decisions, and I wonder, how many decisions have you made, that were based on someone else's demands on you, rather than what you knew was good and true, and aligned with your own desires and drive, to live a full and rich life? 

You Don't Have To ...

• Do what other people tell you you have to do
• Comply with someone else's demands
• Please others at the expense of your emotional well-being
• Give in, just because someone wants you to

You Do Have To Ask Yourself ...

• What do I want
• What will the outcome be, if I give in to their demands
• What does pleasing others cost me emotionally
• What does this person want, and do I want to give it

Clarifying process

Answering the questions above is a clarifying process that will foster freedom in your thoughts, and the resultant confirmation that you are always making your own choices, which in turn impact outcomes. This will give you the confidence to say no to what feels like obligational emotional blackmail. 

You are not someone else's toy to be tampered with

You are a grown up

You get to make your own decisions 😁