Love

Sweet sweet writing release...I return to you, thirsty, empty cup in hand, anticipating the full to the brim feeling that only writing can slake. It is in writing that I get my fill and here I sit, free to express, whether read by others or simply for my own deep satisfaction, I write for my soul and its longing for expression. I have had many epiphanies in my life and some of the sweetest ones have been about the longevity, the permanancy of love. One of the major love learning events in my life came at the end of the CTI (Coaches Training Institute) coaching courses, in the final of five weekend sessions called Synergy. I was powerfully coached in the front of the room, vulnerable and hungry for the freedom that comes only when fear is faced head on and when I, you, are willing to wade into deep waters that threaten to overtake and drown. I wanted something for myself and I was unwilling to leave that unspoken yet to be seen and intensely looked at thing behind. I discovered that love is bigger than a give and take, that it does not have to be reciprocated to be felt and that Love, true love, is given without attachment, without any need for it to be returned. This knowing started something wonderful in me and at the same time, my need to be loved still existed and in my neediness, freedom was still elusive, not mine yet...I have a family, friends, a tribe of Seagulls and many acquaintances and colleagues and they have seen me at my very best (easy in the beginning of relationship, isn't it?) and at my very worst. I will not describe either extreme or what has lived in-between, suffice it to say that those who know me have seen "it" all. My biggest learning on this front came when a tribe mate pointed out to me that a sibling must really have loved me in order to stay in relationship with me, despite some self righteous behaviour that I had displayed when our father had died...my heart aches at the breach of trust and the gift of repair that has been lived into as a result of this pointing out of forbearance, love beyond words and deeds from one sibling to another. Failure, it is the gift of try try again and while I continued to change and grow, I had new ground to cover and old stories from generations gone by that somehow came to the fore, needing healing and a gentle touch. Like Jacob in the desert, I wrestled with God, wanting to hold on to the false sense of self preservation that a half hardened heart offered, a pretend I'm in charge feeling and a holding on to loving when I felt like it AND partnered with this, the old insecurity that I am choosing who and when to love, others too, have this option...the cost of not loving is to be unloved. Than it came to me, the greatest commandment: Matthew 22:36-40 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind'. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbour as yourself." It hit me, that this is EXACTLY how the world loves, when they do NOT love-if I can't stand me, that is how I will love YOU. When I love myself, I can't help but love you too. Being in love is wondrous, a commandment worth living. When my gaze is Heaven Bound and on my Father, He teaches me love. I am created in His image and I get to see everyone else the same way, as His duplicates and sweet children. I love me, I love you and the world is a better place for it. I invite you to love yourself today, LOVE concurs all.