Patience

Patience. I used to think of patience as me waiting while I wanted something to happen, someone to make a big move, and me suffering and squirming and having to contain myself until the thing, whatever it was, finally happened. One of my goals for the year is to learn about this patience thing and yes, you did detect a negligible expression of sarcasm in my writing and I will tell you why. I have told several people of my intention to become more patient and just as I suspected, it was received with some laughter. While I did not feel mocked by these people that know me well, I did feel ever so slightly challenged, as in is this thing even possible for me? (Several months ago, I even bought tiny silver turtle earrings, a reminder to slow down). When I look into the deep dark brooding eyes of impatience, I see there a penetrating desire to understand quickly what is going on, where I am headed and when in company, where we are going together and is this right for me? It has been my way of gauging if I want to stay, if staying is worth it and if not, how can I get the heck out of here? Yes, it is about those age old fight or flight responses and as I type, I realize that I have been judging myself for some reactions that have been a pattern, defence mechanisms that I no longer require. I have a new definition, given me by one of my Leadership Program Leaders, for my sometimes not so impeccable timing and it is lust, a lust for life and forward movement and getting to the deep stuff, the stuff that life is truly made of and I want to take people there with me, get on the plane or train or into the fast moving boat or car and lets go! So exciting to be me, and so tiring too, because break neck speed means I miss things along the way, fine directional details and soulful sentiments, the scenery and the subtle nuance of quietly shared moments of knowing, feeling, rather than speaking and doing. Patience for me now, is not waiting to see how someone else will respond or for something to happen, it is about saying no to me, my urges to rush, and in doing so, I am saying yes to seeing, hearing, learning and growing faithfully in the Presence of another for the purpose of loving His own. 1 Samuel: lack of patience can cause you to miss blessings, and this, 1 Thessalonians 5:14: Patience reveals our faith in God's timing, omnipotence, and love. Worth me figuring this stuff out I'd say.