Parenting in the Wilderness

Every new babe deserves this protective start in life

I received email this morning from a sweet man who enjoys sharing pictures from nature. Today I viewed a series of parent and offspring shots. The young in the wild being taken care of by their parents. What struck me in the photos was the sweet, innocent miniatures that were completely vulnerable in their brand new world. Adoring, attentive and available parents carried offspring, licked them, covered them under their wings or bodies and even huddled in packs around babies nestled safely in the centre of the circle of love they had created as a community. Every new babe deserves this protective start in life, wouldn't you agree dear reader? Safety first is the mandate while the young grow into understanding what they are capable of, what dangers and pleasures will be discovered and how to interact with the world in not only survival mode, but in such a way as to succeed and pass on to the next generation what works to make for a great life.

You may be like many who...

Look at you and your life now dear reader, were you raised in the wilderness by a parent that adored you? Were they attentive and available as you took your first steps tentatively in the world? What happened when you fell and scrapped your knee? How about the first time your heart was broken from betrayal or unrequited love? Who was there to tend to you? You may be perfectly sound with wonderful parent and child memories. Or you may be like many who have had to sort out the impact of a life where parents could not, did not, would not give to their offspring what they needed to strive.

Bonded affection

What I noticed in all of the nature pictures I viewed this morning was a form of bonded affection. Bonded is defined as: a force or feeling that unites people; a shared emotion or interest. Affection is defined as: a gentle feeling of fondness or liking. The young bonded to parents as a result of the affection given, displayed, poured out from adult to child.

Gods love for you is great

Ok dear reader, we have arrived here together. You may or may not have received what it is you were entitled to as a child, what you needed to learn and grow and face the big bad world or learn how to navigate pain and even joy. You can feel sorry for yourself and for a time, this might be just what you need. Go ahead, have a good cry as you weep for what wasn't. Now, wipe your tears away and look up. If you are in the wilderness and you feel alone, ill equipped to face the world and what awaits you, do look up. Your Good Father in heaven has a gentle fondness and liking for you. You already have his affection and he is available to you at any given moment in time. You can get what you need from your Big Daddy. Let him carry, caress and cover you. Let him tuck you under his wings and allow him to put you in the centre of his community of care.

You are not alone. 

Out Standing

Recognizing out standing is a gift. Out standing is everywhere and nowhere, depending on your vision and what it is you are looking for. Perhaps you are not looking for anything at all? If this is the case, this may not be the place for you right now. Your time might be better spent elsewhere? If you are, however, seeking what stands out, then I invite you to stay and keep me company while I investigate this idea further.

I have a magnolia tree in my front yard that is in full bloom. The subtle shades of pink petals decorate branches. Some have let go of their hold of each other, dropping gently to the grass blanket that covers the earth. The magnolia stands out as the only tree in my vision that is in bloom. For now, this tree is singularly beautiful in its stunning floral display. I think of the pedals dropping one by one, fading from tender pink to brown and wonder about the changes from bud to leaves. To what end, with what purpose? Can we forgo the flowers and their slow and delicate death? What about the emergence of the lush shades of green tips that peak out when the tree has shed its blooms? Each leaf takes its own place, held there by an invisible grip, hands unseen. There is a life force within the tree and a wisdom that holds it to a schedule, a truth, a path of continuance. The tree does what it does without question or doubt. The tree carries on in its tree ways, designed to change as predicted as commanded...Nature as teacher. The tree blooms without shame or hiding. It receives light, the love of rain and nutrient rich earth. The tree flourishes and reaches for the heavens and in so doing, displays glory, honouring the One who first planted its seed. The blooms have their say, they speak of praise and beauty and they let go of this allowing for new growth, the green of maturity and expansiveness, shade under which you and I might go for peace and pleasure. I heard that magnolias grow slowly and I can attest to this fact. Slowly but surely, this too is a gentle generous gift, a promise of blooming and growth, reaching up and letting go and repeating this time and time again. The tree has no fear and stands out, not as brave but as confident. Isaiah 55:12 "For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands." Singing and clapping Dear Reader? THIS is what nature is doing? This truth is out standing, simply OUT STANDING! Teach me, train me Lord, this should be our request of God. Let me live in accord with Your rhythm, Your bold and beautiful display of glory! Who wouldn't want this Dear Reader, who I ask you? Today, I learn from my magnolia, planted there for me to remind me of who I am in Christ. Who are you?

Enmities Opposite

Newton's Third Law, forces come in pairs

Enmity is defined as: a feeling or condition of hostility, hatred, ill will, animosity, antagonism. Enmity is the antonym of love. I made a pledge not long ago to become a Master of Love. Here are the questions I am learning to ask myself when faced with circumstances that might draw me down the opposite path toward enmity: What would love say and what would love do? Since establishing my quest, my mission, I have come up against such bizarre and unexpected circumstances that I have alternated between being shell shocked and nodding my head in understanding with a yes, yes, of course I am being thwarted and challenged. Newton's Third Law and I are getting well acquainted "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." Apparently, forces come in pairs and we need to remember this whenever change is afoot dear reader! Back to opposites now...

The devils duty is to destroy

Enmity wants to damn me and love wants the opposite. This is not surprising since Gods command is to love and the devils duty is to destroy. God says love me and love one another and the devil says, can you believe what just happened? You must be so mad right now, mad enough to strike back and do some damage to them because after all, they hurt you first didn't they? While hate is the opposite of love, the devil is not the opposite of God. One enjoys ill will amongst men and the other loves so much that He instructs us in Matthew 5:44 "But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." God acknowledges that there is and will be strife amongst us and He has unique and wonderful recommendations for how to handle circumstances and situations Romans 12:18 "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all." There is this wonderful promise for those who heed Gods guiding advice Matthew 5:9 "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God."

Digging deep into loves requires much

It is so easy, too easy dear reader, to take much and many things personally. It is simple to become hostile and indignant, giving ourselves permission to retaliate. It requires far more from us to dig deep into love, even when it isn't fair, even when it seems undeserved, even when we would rather... you finish the sentence.

Love is a choice and so is enmity, both have power in them

Love is a choice and so is enmity. Love has within it the supernatural power of God Almighty. Enmity has power too, to destroy relationship and ruin lives. We all get lots of choices to Power Up everyday. Choose Love dear reader:
let it win this day. 

Free Falling

Saying you are going to do something and actually doing it are two different things. I can say I want a cup of coffee and look at my mug waiting for it to fill up or I can get up and make myself some brew. Saying is empty, doing holds promise. A lot of people live a miserable life and complain about it, wanting something different. This can go on for a very long time, perhaps even a lifetime. The trap is believing that what you know is somehow better than what you don't. This is a fear based unreality. The truth is that without exploring, no discovery is possible. A friend advised me recently to "embrace the unknown". I liked the idea but had no clue that his words were prophetic-the unknown was waiting at my doorstep. I liked the possibility of life unfolding, being an adventurer with untold twists and turns that would grow me, challenge me and ultimately strengthen the me I am becoming. In theory, this esoteric approach seems exciting but lets face it Dear Reader, there is a part of us that has a hard time letting go of the security of knowing what is next so that we can plan ahead and protect ourselves. Embracing the unknown feels like a free fall without a bungie cord. A free fall is exhilarating. A free fall can also feel like death is imminent.

I am free, free falling...this is my current state of being. I just don't know what will come next. What was is no more and while I could be terrified, choose to worry and fret, these are not of me. They do not belong to me and I do not accept them as my own. Fear is not in my DNA and I don't think it ever has been. In fact, I believe that I am now being set free from the facade of fear and all the lies it tells. Security does not come from things, it comes from faith, believing that there is more to life than what meets the eye. The adventurer in me wants to see what is going to happen next and where I might find more free falling opportunities. As the saying goes, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained". How exciting Dear Reader-imagine the possibilities? What about you? How is your life shaping up? Is your yesterday a repeat of every day of the last year? Are you in a rut of rote routine, devoid of elemental excitement and emotional engagement? In other words, is your life risk AND reward free? What would a free fall look and feel like for you? What will it take for you to want and go get more for yourself, today? The free fall is scary and exciting all at once. All of life's great heroes bravely faced and embraced the unknown. Is it time for you to too Dear Reader? You get to decide, it is your life. 

Filler

During a phone chat with a close friend, I had to chuckle, because while she was relating a recent experience, she suddenly blurted, Blah blah blah. 

She caught herself rambling and decided to stop. This entertained me immensely. Later in the conversation, I asked her something along the lines of: If you cut out the crap, then what? We both liked this one. 

Are you guilty dear reader, of wasting your own time, or someone else's, on details? I will admit, I have killed a bit of time on nonsense...

Grizzle filler

I like hamburgers, especially the homemade kind. Every once in a while, when I bite into a meat patty, my teeth chomp down on bone, or a tiny ball of chewy fat. This bone and grizzle filler, detracts from the enjoyment of the hamburger eating experience. When I think about it, I start to wonder what else might be in there, that I wouldn't like to swallow?

I will tell you here and now, I always finish the hamburger, despite a slight feeling of disappointment from the unpalatable filler: a little distraction won't keep me from staying with the eating plan. 

The same goes

The same goes for when I am in a conversation, and my companion has the floor. I don't mind a little filler, I can stomach it, but man alive, I have had some one sided conversations that seemed to last an eternity, and no matter how I tried to redirect the other person, they were oblivious to my despair, at finding myself trapped, and looking for a way out. Getting to the meat of the matter was near impossible, and all I got was cauliflower ears!

For both of us

At this point in our conversation dear reader, I am the talker, and it is my responsibility to make it worth your time in the listening, or the reading, as it were. If while with me, you are nodding off, or you start wondering what you can scrounge up for lunch, chances are good that there is a whole lot of filler coming at you from yours truly. That, would be terrible, for both of us, and so...

As the listener, or reader, it is just as much your responsibility, as it is mine, to limit the amount of filler permitted in our sharing; if this exchange is not mutually beneficial, then what, exactly, is the point?

Small talk is cheap

While we stay in the conversation, the opportunity for a truly meaty exchange with a satisfied feeling, may be lost for both parties, if we are not conscientious toward one another, as talker and listener: a partnership is possible, and learning how to engage is valuable. 

Above, I said I liked home cooked hamburgers... choosing the right ingredients makes or breaks it for our taste buds: choosing how to interact in relationship is very much the same. 

What do you say, filler or no filler? Small talk is cheap, nasty, and hard to digest. 

Let's get to the good stuff faster, shall we? 

Stay

We are warned. "This will be a challenge. You will feel uncomfortable. You might want to come out of the posture but I encourage you to stay in it. It may be emotionally, physically or mentally difficult to remain in the posture, stay anyways." The instructor had it right. I was uncomfortable during each of the timed postures. The discomfort grew the longer the position was held and my mind, it asked, how much longer? Why, why is this so taxing? Next I would move on to rationalizing telling myself this won't last forever and the class is only 75 minutes. In my distraction tactics I finally landed on this, that maybe I could figure out why I am here and what is so important about staying, despite the urge to unwind the body, stretch it and perhaps, bolt for the door.

Why stay when it is uncomfortable? What is the reason to hold when mentally the challenge appears to be fruitless and an exercise in futility in the moment? Emotionally it is more difficult to stay when it hurts and when it hurts it feels like utter aloneness, doesn't it Dear Reader? Suffering is such an individual experience. I can long for you, tell you I see your pain but I cannot take it from you or bare it for you, it is all your own. No one wants to feel pain. Pain is the bodies way of saying I am in jeopardy, there is a threat, get me out of here to safety. Emotional pain is such a strange experience, wouldn't you agree? When my heart is aching from sadness, it is a surreal way of being. This is where holding the position counts the most, staying in the pain to understand it. The postures that we find ourselves in are ours by design. We are there for a reason, a time, and perhaps it feels like an eternity without end. It hurts, feels uncomfortable and pulling out of the position appeals and yet, it is in the moment of torturous waiting that we get to ask ourselves why am I here and what is so important about staying? Pain is temporary, thoughts come and go, emotions don't always make sense but holding, staying courageously, bravely when running away would be so much easier, that is essence. That is mastery of circumstance and situation. That, my Dear Reader, is Love. 

Pendulum Swing

I am reading the most fascinating book entitled Pendulum. I will give you one of the brilliant take-aways that I have gleaned from this research based study of humanity. 

Let us start with a statement that we can all agree upon: too much of a good thing becomes a bad thing 

• A little bit of sun brightens cheeks, too much sun scorches and blisters the skin 
• A little bit of food satisfies the appetite, too much food causes indigestion 
• Lastly, a little bit of beer or wine delights the taste buds, too much beer or wine...you get the picture

In the book Pendulum, the phenomena of me to we is investigated, and explained extensively. We travel from one end of a swing to its opposite extreme in a forty year period. Currently, the Western world is in a we swing, moving away from the me. For details and to satisfy your curiosity, you simply must get this book! 

Now, here is the take-away I promised you 

In a me society, too much freedom becomes depravity. In a we society, too much responsibility becomes slavery. Somewhere in the middle of two much, is a healthy just enough of everything. The beauty of this book is the explanation of how we become unbalanced as individuals and as societies. 

We have a tendency, don't we Dear Reader, to go from one extreme to another?

• Have you ever felt like you are an all or nothing kinda gal or guy? 
• When you do something, are you all in, no holding back, go to town in your mentality? 
• What is the price you pay in the form of mental, physical, psychological and spiritual well being? 
• What about your relationships, how are they holding up? 

The Bible is very clear about our time, and how it is to be spent. A day of rest is mandated, and me writing this seems almost ridiculously archaic, laughable in a society that never hits the stop button on their timer. 

24/7 and 150% have become the norm, and to suggest giving 'it" a rest is almost an insult to those whose personal pendulums have swung to the top end, in one direction or the other, on the me to we continuum. 

Sleepy to the swing

Being subject to societal pressure is a force that can take us unawares to places that we never wanted to go. Along the way, that heavy pendulum becomes a wreaking ball, taking out individuals, families, communities, whole societies that are sleepy to the swing. 

If you are reading this, might I suggest you get out of the way of the pendulous
ball heading in your direction? It takes a bit of time to realize what is happening, and figure out what to do next, when we are awaken to the truth of imbalance. 

You can do it, figure yourself out: don't be subjected to society, live your own reality based on Biblical truth. 

Your identity is valuable: go discover who you are before someone tries to wipe your slate clean. 

Addendum: Clearly, God has been warning us for some time, of what was to come. I can hardly believe that I wrote this, considering the circumstances we find ourselves in:

He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust (Psalm 91:1-2)