True Blue Michelle Young

I have a friend whose eyes flash, they are deep pool blue, true blue. She is the most elegant and thoughtful person I have ever know and her focus is always on relationship. She shares her life, her insights, her gleaned wisdom and observations, with the intention of edifying the one with whom she is relating~she is masterful with her communication skills. I am her student and writing this brings a smile to my face because she deserves much acclaim as a model of femininity and strength and when she reads this, she will blush deeply for being acknowledged so. She isn't shy or demurring, there is no facade or playing at being someone else, she speaks truth, lives truth, loves herself and others and it shows. Now before you start to think she is all sugary sweet, re read the intro sentence to this blog...her eyes flash, as in lightening flash. Yeah, that's the part I really dig, because when she gets all fired up, her eyes speak volumes and once, just once, after all these years, her opinion came at me unrestrained and unchecked. I sit here grinning and contemplating my next line, appreciating how close we have gotten...she apologized today for giving her opinion, unsolicited, something she is loathe to do (unsolicited opinion giving I mean). Funny that, I consider her to be one of my wise whispers and am always grateful for her personality, presence and perceptive discernment. Happy sad mad disappointed irritated angry frustrated jovial playful sarcastic sardonic seriously fun, give them all to me all wrapped up in one neat pretty true blue eyed lady named Michelle Young and I'm a happy camper. They don't make them like they used to~Michelle is a throw back, an anachronism in this me first society. She models the good life of integrity and commitment to the betterment of society, aren't I a lucky gal for having her in my life? I love you Michelle Young, YOU are unique, hug kiss and long lashed flirty girl eye batting of love sent your way today, with abiding affection, LGB

Submission

Submission to God, means love at all costs. Two definitions are called for here: the act of submitting; usually surrendering power to another; the condition of having submitted to the control by something or someone else. I have resisted submission, I have rebelled against it, I have vainly stubbornly donkey like objected to the power and control of another, much to my shame and detriment. Man against God, it makes me laugh to think of the ridiculousness of the concept. I smirk as I write, considering the folly and the traps that have been set before me, the ones my ego so willingly indulge for the sake of self aggrandizement! Ha...an ego fix lasts but a moment, only to be replaced rapidly with a need for another ego adrenalin hit. My word and the intention attached to it for the year 2014 was surrender and lo and behold, I have gleaned a huge lesson this very night, the day of my birth counting backward 48 years. Follow Spirit, follow Spirit, I will lead, all you need do is follow Me...this takes me through and down and around dark corridors of unknowns and it is the Light I follow, the whisper breathed into my ear, the tug on my heart that draws me inextricably along, a lamb or in my case, a rambunctious goat, heeding the call of The Shepard. I thought my work was heavy, that lifting souls up to God was part and parcel of my duties, childlike I thought maybe God needed my help, this is the funniest part of it all! He chooses, He changes Hearts and He cherishes His created far more than this frail and ego laden goat ever can or will. Phew, what I relief. If I truly believe in God, The One God of The Bible, I trust that The Beatitudes are His gift to me and that He has the whole world in His hands and my little hands, well they are raised up, palms open, receiving what I want, need, no gift held back from me. It feels good to submit, I am free this night to Love without fear that I will fail...failure is a given for me, but never for my Maker, He leads, I follow. 

Mercy

I have many friends to whom the gift of mercy has been bestowed. The word mercy is defined as: kind or forgiving treatment of someone who could be treated harshly. The could be treated harshly part of the definition is the course of action option when the proverbial buttons have been pushed or the last straw has been placed on a tall heep or someone gets on my/your last nerve. My husband has a saying, I have a lot of patience and very little tolerance, I am learning what this means. I listened to a powerful message yesterday and what stuck is this observation "poisoning relationship with self"~this is the collateral damage that can be done when my need to be right, heard, seen, understood, needed, wanted superimposes itself onto my relating to another. I poison myself, the other and the relationship when I fail to actually relate to the other, connect with that person or those people across from me, beside me, around me. Occupation with self in the presence of others can be an irritant that drives people away...we are all guilty or have been, of some form of self absorbtion, even obsession that has made another so uncomfortable as to cause a retreat. Mercy, it stays, it is a gift of the Spirit, it is the undergirding, the support beam, the pillar that strengthens the structure of relationship when one or the other of the would be relators deviates from connecting and moves into solipsism. The bonding agent of knowing the character and heart of another can increase the mercy quotient and love unseen by the receiver, an invisible holding of the one who has fallen into self indulgence and has forgotten the how to's of relating, is given the gift of mercy, forgiveness for not noticing that two have become just one, just me when I can't see past myself. As I said in the beginning, I know many with this gift of mercy and it is the "Let all that you do be done with Love" that 1 Corinthians 16:14 speaks of, a love that covers all sin and misunderstanding and looks to the grand scheme of things seen and unseen, known and yet to be known...Mercy carries me as a babe in arms. This is dedicated to many this day as they love the ones they are with, and to Paul Byers in particular, he is my one, and I love him ever so. 

Harmony

Harmony...I just finished reading Outwitting the devil by Napoleon Hill. The impact of his work and writing will be long lasting and will unfold over time as I assimilate the Truths revealed therein and as I see them as witness to their validity in the lives of those around me. The internal landscape, the thoughts and preoccupations of the inside of you, of me, it determines what is manifest on the outside, in other words, you are what you think, put simply. This brings me to one of the teaching points in this great bit of writing and quite bluntly it is this: only associate with people who mentally, spiritually and or economically are of benefit to you. I have one friend from university days and this week we spent some time together. It comes as no surprise to me that we have maintained our connection. Much time passes between visits and chats and yet, we have an harmonious vibe when together. I described it this way: harmony is like breathing, feels just about right with every intake and exhale. My friend, she added to this by saying "harmony is ease...not easy, but feeling of rightness...like slippers or flannel...something familiar to our souls...even in hardship...we breathe", ahhhh, yes, that about captures the feeling, doesn't it? Life can be hard or life is what you make of it or "it is what it is", these are all useless and meaningless expressions with hopeless helplessness attached, a sense that nothing can be done, an acceptance of mediocrity~platitudes, a throwing up of the hands form of excuse making for the circumstances, attitudes and behaviours that we cannot change in others...it speaks of staying in relationship while tolerating less than appealing displays of the inner workings of another. I have been back tracking my experiences when I am "triggered" by what another person might say, do, write. I check myself out frequently for my own yuckiness, my own intolerable attitudes and behaviours and I am surrounded by people who love me and are bold and brave enough to challenge me for my own self actualization, the growing up of the better parts of who I am. My wise friend, she spoke of "not easy" and sometimes, there needs be dis ease in relating in order to get to the heart connecting chocolatey truffle centre of relationship. Harmony is the beginning of a relationship, a meeting of the minds and hearts with soul brushing and a cozy warm by the fire flannel feeling as the indicator of true comfort in the presence of another. Test: If the thought of someone makes your lip curl, is that a friend? If the phone rings and its "that client", is it wise to keep taking their money? When disparaged by a relative, must you spend time with them? Better than ditching these people who cause disharmony, are you willing to be bold and brave, for the sake of their self actualization and maintenance of the relationship by speaking Truth to them and challenging their words, behaviours and the underlining belief systems that have them feel like sand paper against the soul rather than flannel? Each person is precious and deserving of love...love shows up when you are willing to take a risk and let another person know what keeps your heart at a safe distance from theirs. We are not our behaviours or words, these are simply an outpouring of what is happening on the inside. Tolerating isn't love, it is a form of disdain, Love willingly goes into dark places and brings the Light with Truth as the Source. Lastly, and this comes with intense clarity, I cannot change another, I will not take on the responsibility for the health and wellness of another. I will love from a distance if harmony is unachievable, support with prayers and a heart of encouragement, my head though? I will not bang it against the stubborn wall of another's heart...my work calls me elsewhere. This is for you my longest term forever harmonious friend Louisa Marziali, I love you and am edified and inspired by you, may abundance be yours. 

Default to Risk

Default to risk. This is an interesting concept given to me in conversation with a brilliant man of God. Last night we had company and one of our dinner guests was a toddler just past the age of one. She can feed herself and while she did, she missed her mouth a whole lot. She can walk and she does, and she often trips or bumps against something and down she goes, looking back to see what the cause of her stumble was...she drinks from a sippy cup and much water covers the front of her clothes. Self blame did not exist for an entire evening of toddledom and while she picked heavy objects up and adjusted to their weight (a two pound dumbbell) gravity pulled her down and with mighty unquestioned baby strength, she got back up again, weight in hand. Her daddy, he was and is a human jungle gym, a training ground for learning how to fly and be caught, teedering on the edge of danger with a safety net of ever ready hands as nets and watchful eyes keeping pace with the business of exploring and learning rapidly. The child laughs easily, loves readily, plays naturally. The parent watches proudly, adoringly and with a desire for the little one to be free, joy filled in the learning. I witnessed what I did not experience growing up, a reminder to me that fear and guilt, along with self consciousness, are taught and are not naturally occurring. This brings me to risk, risk IS natural, normal, factory setting as in born with it~risk takes me/you from crawling to walking to running and than climbing; from feeling to thinking (YES, IN THAT ORDER) to saying and doing...defaulting to risk makes me a difference maker, life changer, a force in the world, a change agent a________, a________YOU fill in your own blanks. Self recrimination, self depricating thoughts and words, they serve no one, they speak of the need to know that I/you are loved from the outside in, it is a way of checking in as in "is this okay mommy, did I do this right daddy, do you approve, am I ok, AM I OKKKKKKK?". The sweet toddler, with her sweet jungle gym daddy, they had a system. She took uncalculated risks with him close by and when in danger, daddy was there to catch her as she flew through the air. He is there to guide her, help her check out how far she can go, what she can touch taste and smell and steering her clear of what might harm or hurt her, always with gentle redirection, love and affection. This is how I see my Heavenly Father, wanting for me/you to explore, default to what in adulthood feels like risk, with him as the jungle gym daddy, encouraging exploration while ever present as I/you fly through the air, He is ready to catch us. This is dedicated to Scott Forbes and Ayden Townsend, two daddies modelled after my all time favourite daddy, my Abba Father, God Almighty. 

Men

Waves of appreciation, they wash over me when I think about men. Men, who park their cars in the driveway so that their wives are free to utilize warm garages, protected from the elements; men, who invite women to walk in front of them through open doorways; men, who walk on the traffic side of a sidewalk, old fashioned like to protect the woman from on coming traffic splashes or wreckless drivers; men, who build buildings and homes, parks and pave roads, install toilets and sinks, take out the garbage and plow the driveways and highways of life. Men, who work through exhaustion to feed and clothe and provide creature comforts to their families, completing behind the scenes labour that goes unnoticed, without acknowledgement. I was at a planning meeting recently, five men and little old me...while I said "yes, let's get that plan done", they began working on the how to parts, the logistics, they are the behind the scenes wizards, masterminds that put thought into the things that become realities, materially speaking. Behind the scenes wizards, they do the grunt work, the heavy lifting, the nose to the grind stone labour that is often dressed up in suit and tie, dress shoes and fancy socks. Love pours out of men as they work sometimes to the point of physical breakdown, dedicated to serving those in their lives they feel responsible for, a burden born out of the purest love, the you first, I must take care of you first deep down feeling. I am overwhelmed with gratitude as I consider my own father, his work ethic, dedication to being a tireless provider, right until the end. I look around me and I fall in love with huMANity, the men in my life who can't seem to rest, a luxury they do not afford themselves because there is important work to be done, this day, this hour, this minute. Sigh, I cannot finish this, I cannot write the words to express my sorrow for the oft misunderstood and underestimated position men find themselves in. I can only make a request: look at your man, take a good hard look, ask yourself, what have I done for HIM lately? To the men I admire and love, this one is for you. 

Cotton Stuffed Ears

What are you waiting for? Ever get the feeling things just aren't quite right, that you are biding your time, politely, or impolitely perhaps, distracting yourself for when over happens? Intolerant tolerance, this is what I am speaking of. I'm big on choice, I really am and so, I am able, more then capable really, to change and shift direction in a meeting, a conversation, a mood. This I have done and will continue to do, when I see that there is value added in doing so, in speaking when no one else will because the situation calls for it. Then, there is the banging your head against the wall feeling that comes when no words can possibly change what is, when a battle cry to arms, a call to higher ground, to leaving behind childish things is wasted, falling on deaf ears, blocked from the inside, cotton wool stuffed from the inside out. I know cotton wool, it itches to the touch, it distracts from comfort, it is an agitant. I make observations here, personal ones of course, since I am indeed, the writer. This is a matter of knowing, where and when and how and with whom do I spent my most valuable commodity, my time? Hide and seek of the soul, it is a game I like to play, with partners I know are in the game, want to be found, squeal in delight at being discovered and called out of hiding. I'm shooting for joy abundant, resiliency and having playmates, people to laugh with and get down to serious work with to change the world from mediocre to spectacular. Life is an amazing gift that I get to participate in every day, I move away from tolerating and toward Truth, each time I choose how my time is spent.