Today it crosses my mind, that self-blame sickness has infected the minds of some exceedingly accountable, and hyper-responsible, people. The concept of reciprocal is rarely introduced as an essential behavioural and attitudinal element in relationships, and yet, reciprocal is the thought and feeling glue, that can bond a couple, or an entire group, in healthy and helpful ways.
The self-blame sick think they can never do enough, that they are responsible when relationships go sideways, or when relationships suffer demise. The self-blame sick need to learn to see, that it takes two to tango, four couples for a square dance, and a mass of up and down boppers, and side to side swayers, to fill a concert floor. The lopsidedness of relationship seems epidemic, with the hyper-responsible holding up the house of cards, while the self-servers blow hard, and knock everything down, without giving their destructo ways, a second thought.
In the past year, I fell headlong into a sticky gooey gummy mess that I had a hard time extricating myself from, and scrubbing off. When I looked back at the start of this year, I recalled a couple I had worked with that were frequent users of drugs, inhalers of the smoke of weed and tobacco, and only one in the couple, cared a whit about the other. One was willing to do the work required to accomplish life and career goals, while the other engaged in frequent sabotage. The imbalance was painful to witness, but alas, this dynamic is common, and compensatory in a most unholy and unhealthy way. The weak one pulls the strong one down, holding them hostage to their lowly standards. The strong one acquiesces to the harassment and bullying of the belittler, giving up the fight in order to keep the peace. Adult temper tantrums effectively silence those that want to get along, and the cycle is perpetuated and reinforced. NOTE: Peace without purity is the peace of the devil's palace, Matthew Henry, Acts to Revelation, Volume 6, page 374.
When I consider the concept of reciprocal, after having worked with these two individuals, I recognize that payment was not enough for me. The amount of money I made was not commensurate with the drama/trauma I heard instigated by the trouble maker in the couple: replaying the words and seeing the scenes in my minds eye after sessions, was repulsive. Spiritual danger pay wouldn't have me working with either of them ever again, because money can not remove the mark left, after hearing horrendous stories of a vulgar and reprobate nature. These people could not trust each other, and I could not help either of them.
What I want as a coach, working with motivated clients, is some kind of reciprocal. I want to be energized and inspired by people that are purposeful, hard working, accountable, and make a marvellous difference in the world! Getting paid is not the be all end all, it is simply an exchange of cash for services rendered, but by God in heaven, it means a lot to me to earn my income, and do a good work for people that want to do good work in their own lives.
Clients, and we are all clients for someone that provides us services, must recognize, that all relationships require reciprocal. I think it makes perfect sense for clients to expect the best from their service providers, and I believe that it is only fair and reasonable, for the service or product providers, to expect this to be true of clients. Clients must give their all, do what they say they will do, and make marked improvements, otherwise, the relationship is a dead thing, that cannot be resuscitated.
I had four clients this year that smoke a lot of weed. I guess my open for nonsense sign was flashing on my forehead, and there was a part of me that wanted to rescue them from this thought and life altering unreality; the damage drugs do to the soul is bestial, transforming humans created in the image of God, to all sorts of savages ravaged by invisible demons. The spirit is stripped of significance, and the body is enslaved to an evaporating high that steals purpose, meaning, ambition, and the will to make concerted effort. The chains are heavy for pot smokers, and it is only when they realize they can never ever use drugs again because drugs destroy their soul, that they can start to break free. There is no such thing as harmless recreational use of mind and body altering drugs: that is a lie from the pit of hell.
When I consider people that want to break free from unhealthy patterns, and that want to make choices that serve them and the people they love, I see how motivated they are to be accountable for their impact, and the consequences attached to all of their behaviours and activities. Self-control kicks in for those that want to make a wholesome difference in the world, and this is a trait that I can appreciate.
Dear reader, if you have a druggie or an alcoholic in your life, and you feel as though you are responsible to help them out of their misery, you are dead wrong. Each person is accountable for their own choices, and the consequences of those choices. Do not steal this from them! Reward is attached to accomplishment, and the druggie, the alcoholic, must come to terms with the state they are in, and truly want a different life. Your pep talks and encouragement, are feel good moments in time, but they are not the stuff of change for those that must come clean of their own accord.
If you have suffered along side this person for an extended and exhausting period of time, then perhaps you have a self-blame sickness that can only be cured by removing yourself from their slurred company. You cannot save anyone from themselves, only Jesus saves repentant and needy souls from self-destruction.
Jesus empowers, we pray, that is how the system works!
Don't feel sorry for the abusers of drugs and alcohol, feel some compassion for yourself, for all the suffering you have endured in their company. Your peace is precious and hard won, and while you hold hands with a self-indulgent person, you give them your strength, and undoubtedly, your energy will be sucked right out of your soul and body.
Living is one choice at a time, and reciprocal must be considered before we engage ourselves and invest, in relationship.
Romans 12:1-2
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
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