Question Number Ten

My fridge is on the fritz. While praying I asked God for a fix, telling Him He is in charge of hot and cold, including the weather inside my refrigerator. "Have you tried turning it on and off again" rings in my ears as a refrain from a tv series: the suggestion being there may be an easy fix, and technical assistance always starts with a basic query. In other words what have you done to solve the problem, as of yet? Let us start with a reset...

Wintery weather indoors

Last year my furnace in the middle of winter, clunked to a dead stop. It was frigidly cold outside, my family was already sick, and all we could do was wait for a repair man to arrive, assess the situation, and replace parts. We were subject to wintery weather indoors, and someone else resolving the problem. My fridge is currently warm, my house was freezing cold last year, and I am not a technician.

Flooding

This leads me to the problem that I have been considering. We humans are not experts in all things and are reliant on one another in weird and wonderful ways. When it rained torrentially years ago and sewers backed water up and into basements throughout the city I live in, it didn't take long to figure out that there was an infrastructure issue that required engineering attention. All across the city repairs were taking place, including on my street. The city did not want to get sued by residents, and workers quietly went about doing the work to resolve the matter of flooding that damaged many a household. Fast forward to our now, when rain pours from the sky, I usually take a quick peak into my fully furnished basement to check for dryness. When the basement was repaired and rebuilt, twice, once due to a plumbers error, and the second time from sewer backup - we were fortunate and only had rain water coming in while some of our neighbours had a nastier experience - as a family, we felt the relief of knowing that professionals capable of dealing with the required repair and replacement of floors, drywall, ceilings, and whatever else needed to be done, were available and willing. 

I get a little panicky

All this said I know that you too have lived to tell tales of hot, cold, wet and dry, when you were subjected to the elements and needed help to put things aright. I confess, I get a little panicky when something goes awry and I don't have the skills to resolve whatever it is that needs fixing. The questions, like unwelcome rain water seeping into the basement of my psyche, pour in:

1 How bad is it

2 Can I fix it

3 Can the internet tell me what to do

4 Where's that product manual

5 Is there someone I know that can give advice or take a look

6 How much is this going to cost

7 Will repair work, or do we have to buy a new one

8 Is the sky falling and will this ever be resolved

9 EECK... how bad is it

10 Who can I turn to and trust

When real help comes

It is number 10, dear reader, number 10 is the problem I mentioned above that I have been considering. Who do we turn to and trust to fix what has gone all wrong? I don't know about you, but I have had most excellent service and quite the opposite too. To be fair, I am confident that I have provided most excellent service, and quite the opposite too. We have all been at times, at the top of our game and alternatively, made judgment errors, been sloppy or absent of mind, and made mistakes that cost someone else some cash, trouble, time, etc. When real help does come, problems are solved, this that and the other are fixed, a sense of relief and appreciation settle into our beings. It is wonderful when a furnace does its job to stop shivering, a fridge keeps food edible, and sewers do whatever they do to ensure homes remain liveable. All this in a land of abundance...

We don't realize

Last year when it was freezing inside of my house and I was super sick, all I could think of was how cold it was, and how some humans live outside, homeless. Good Lord, to not count my blessings is an utter sin. We don't realize how fortunate we have been until we no longer have what we took for granted...

Think with me now: We don't realize how fortunate we have been until we no longer have what we took for granted... 

How we took our freedom for granted, dear one: I recoil in the recalling. Disrepair is what we face, and question number ten is on the minds of all that want professionals to come in to fix what is broken. Dishonest men and woman feign an expertise they do not possess as they preen, posture and pose for the moving pictures that project persona: these humans are devoid of substance, pretending to be modern day saviours with ready solutions to solve our modern day problems. The fakery, the fraud, gives us that panicky feeling, doesn't it? 

A new government?

What I know is people are searching for the right person or people to trust, not realizing that there isn't a soul out there capable of returning us to factory setting. A new furnace, a new fridge, a new sewer system... a new government? We have never had a new government, ever! We have had one bad public servant - I use this term loosely, since the people that have stolen power serve not the public, but themselves at the expense of the populace - swapped out for one of their relatives, over and over again. I ask you, how is it that fathers and sons, as though they are royalty, have managed to run countries... did they inherit the role, or were they "voted in" via nepotism?

Your provision and mine

I will suggest to you now that all is a facade, a money grab, a pretend repair job, a con that humans have permitted because not long ago, nothing was broken enough to cause us inconvenience, hot or coldness, hunger or dampening of our creature comforts. We didn't realize how fortunate we had been until we no longer had what we took for granted. The lie is believing that the abusers that have long taken office, somehow afforded us with their benevolent governance, the lives we have enjoyed. Not so, I tell you. It is God Almighty that has been your provision and mine. It is God Almighty that warms a heart, soothes a sore throat, cools a temperature, brings out the sun to evaporate excessive moisture so we can stay dry. Turning to and trusting strangers that have blatantly displayed how deceitful they are is exactly how we have gotten into this ungodly mess. And now, we pay the exorbitant price of wondering about our freedom to choose, our freedom to products, places, things, each other. 

Freedom Fighter

Freedom is not held in the hands of oppressors, nor is it granted by those that profess an ability to return it when stolen. Freedom comes from knowing that I do not belong to me, that I was bought and paid for by the blood of the only Freedom Fighter that ever graced us with His presence, Jesus Christ. 

Jesus is the Redeemer, and whether you know it yet or not, He is the only One we can with confidence, turn to with complete trust to save us from the tyranny of deadly lies that threaten to devour us alive. Jesus is the Way, the Truth, the Life, and if a great reset is ever to occur, it will be with His Holy Hands doing the repair work that we need so desperately. Our job is to pray His will on earth as it is in heaven, and to model Christ for others in our own work, families, friendship circles and communities. 

Trust not in man, turn to the Lord Jesus Christ

Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday (Psalm 37:4-6)

PS: I do know not all politicians are wicked... 

God has placed His people everywhere, and that includes in positions of political power. When a man or woman professes Jesus Christ as Saviour, lives a Biblical life honouring God and people, and takes responsibility publicly for all of their decisions, including the ones that have caused unintentional harm, I consider them voteable... 

I did not vote in the last local election, because not one of the candidates were devoted to Christ. Devotion to Christ is my standard of assessing someone vying for a position of governance, and darn it all, dear reader, this type of man, or woman, is in short supply. 

Dignity, Decency & Dagon It

I love the Bible. When I arrive at certain passages I eagerly anticipate the rereading, recalling my surprised delight during my first pass through historical godly terrain. I find myself chuckling at the scenes that are described: we humans sure can be obtuse! Before we get to the fun and funny parts I enjoy every time, let's sketch a background for understandings sake. 

A brief history 

The ancient Israelites, as men are want to do, went into pleasure mode, doing whatever with whomever they willed, publicly becoming reprobates, all the while losing their dignity and decency as God's chosen people. Within their grasp was the living God - you cannot hold Him fast, but He was still in their midst way back when - and the crazy disobedient nuts didn't have the presence of mind to well, mind Him! Disobedience is something you and I can relate to, isn't this so, dear reader? Anyhow, when I say that God was within their grasp, I am referring to the ark of the LORD - a sacred artifact that represented God in the midst of the Hebrews, the ones He had set free from Egyptian enslavement - turned talisman in the hands of these men that wanted to win battles with a lucky charm, rather than by the might and will of the Living God. This too sounds kind of familiar... you and I, wanting our own way, minus God in the mix: it never really works out well when we take the path of least resistance that seems most appealing at the time of temptation, and this is true for our ancestors too. The Israelites, in 1 Samuel, paid a hefty price in blood, to the tune of thirty-four thousand dead men, four thousand in the first battle, thirty thousand in the second round of fighting, all in chapter four!

And the Philistines put themselves in array against Israel: and when they joined battle, Israel was smitten before the Philistines: and they slew of the army in the field about four thousand men. And when the people were come into the camp, the elders of Israel said, Wherefore hath the LORD smitten us to day before the Philistines? Let us fetch the ark of the covenant of the LORD out of Shiloh unto us, that, when it cometh among us, it may save us out of the hand of our enemies (1Samuel 4:2-3) 

And;

And the Philistines fought, and Isreal was smitten, and they fled every man into his tent: and there was a very great slaughter; for there fell of Israel thirty thousand footmen (1 Samuel 4:10)

What happened to these favoured sons of God? While you are guessing, I will disclose. They became pagans, dear one. They treated what is Holy and Divine, with rough hands and regressed minds. God is not a rabbits foot in a golden box, rubbed to win what we want! He isn't some kind of cosmic bank account we can cash out, to save us from ourselves when we want to play fast and loose with our souls. 

God is moral, not mortal

There is always a price to pay when we choose to deviate from His will and ways:

1 We lose our sense of direction

2 We lose our sense of value in the eyes of self and other

3 We become self-serving at the expense of relationship

4 We become immoral

5 Dignity wanes

6 Decency disappears

7 Dagon it, we become pagan-is-tic 

Now with this back drop, let's take a peak at the Philistines after they smote and slaughtered many an Israelite, capturing the ark of God, without realizing what trouble they had brought upon themselves. I sure hope you find this next bit as entertaining as I do, dear reader!

When the Philistines took the ark of God, they brought it into the house of Dagon, and set it by Dagon. And when they of Ashdod arose early on the morrow, behold, Dagon was fallen upon his face to the earth before the ark of the LORD. And they took Dagon, and set him in his place again (1 Samuel 5:2-3)

Their statue, fell face down, in front of the ark of God... take notice that they had to pick up their god and place him again... some god?! This reminds me of scripture that states: 

That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth; And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father (Philippians 2:10-11)

God was letting the Philistines know that their little idol was no knock off the God block... He doesn't tolerate the worship of man made things. Let's go back in for more fun with those Philistines.

And when they arose early on the morrow morning, behold, Dagon was fallen upon his face to the ground before the ark of the LORD; and the head of Dagon and both the palms of his hands were cut off upon the threshold; only the stump of Dagon was left to him. Therefore neither the priests of Dagon, nor any that come into Dagon's house, tread on the threshold of Dagon in Ashdod unto this day (1 Samuel 5:4-5)

This reminds me of another warning from our Lord Jesus, found in Matthew 5:30

And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

Imagine the dumbfounded faces of the idol worshippers, to see their god's head and hands lopped off and set on the threshold! Rather than realize they worshipped a thing, they decided to circumvent the stony body parts, stepping OVER the threshold when they went in to worship the inanimate object of their affections and design: only the stump of Dagon was left of him. Kinda silly, isn't it? 

🔥 Are you guilty of worshipping something, or perhaps someone, other than God? Just a question, don't get defensive now... 

Idol worship is not uncommon and we don't always recognize when we are doing it - it is something to consider and pray about. Now back to the hilarity that turns to tragedy, and major private parts discomfort for the pagan Philistines, standing as a warning to each of us, that we must not take God's Almightiness lightly.

But the hand of the LORD was heavy upon them of Ashdod, and he destroyed them, and smote them with emerods, even Ashdod and the coasts thereof. And when the men of Ashdod saw that it was so, they said The ark of the God of Israel shall not abide with us: for his hand is sore upon us, and upon Dagon our god (1 Samuel 5:6-7)

Note, the men of Ashdod saw what was happening, but still stubbornly held to Dagon as their god... hmmmm, considering the destroying, the smoting, and the emerods (which we will get into presently), these men were kind of... slow on the truth uptake and still blinded by their own committed-to-a-lie pride. When they saw that the God of Israel, from whence the ark had come, was more powerful than their god (well of course He was/is, that thing was just a thing for goodness sakes), they wanted to move Him, the ark that is, out of the way! Kind of like when they thought they could step over the Dagon threshold into the house, to avoid their own head and hands being lopped off! I find the illogic ludicrously laughable every time. This too, is something we must watch out for, dear reader. 

🔥 When faced with the truth, are you quick to concede being mistaken, wrong, stubborn, and prideful? Again, something to pray about, since the Truth always makes us free.

Now for the promised discussion about the suffering from emerods, endured by the remaining Philistines that were not immediately destroyed by God for taking the ark of the LORD and placing what is Holy, into an abhorrent temple dedicated to the worship of an idol god. 

The following notes are taken from Got Questions:

Emerod - literally meaning "to swell", and the Hebrew word translated  "emerods" literally means "mound." This is basically all we know about emerods, but the context has led historians and Bible commentators to conclude that the plague of emerods was actually an occurrence of tumors, boils, or possibly hemorrhoids or "piles." Most translations of 1 Samuel 5:6 say the affliction was "tumors"; the ISV says "tumors of the groin"; and the Darby translation says "hemorrhoids."

The emerods were a divine punishment on the Philistines when they defeated the Israelites and captured the Ark of the Covenant

Imagine that, dear reader... a mans private parts swelling, with tumors, boils, and hemorrhoids... are you squirming yet? God makes plain what He will not permit. We risk our lives, our well-being, and our health, each time we go against His commands:

1 Thou shalt have no other gods before me

2 Thou shalt not make utno thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth

3 Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; ... (Exodus 20:3-5)

The Israelites were no better than their Philistine neighbours, despite all that God had done for them. 

🔥 Do you go the way of the world too, dear reader, despite the warnings, despite historical evidence, that to go against God, is to go against your own wellbeing? 

Dagon It, now is the time to take up our Bibles, swim around in the wisdom and soak it up! Each generation gets to choose, God or idol, truth or make believe... devilish death or saintly salvation. 

You, and I, get to choose, and isn't that grand⁉️

And I Love You Still

We used to be sister close, do you recall?

I was your first on the list, number one-tell-all-trusted confidant. I remember that time you called and said "I need you to listen and not say anything", to which I replied "I am listening". You had to hear yourself and have someone pay attention to you as your thoughts flooded forth, gushing with meaning, feeling, and a bit of confusion too. You were sorting, trying to figure things out. You didn't need help, you needed someone to care enough to be silent, trusting you knew your way to wherever it was you wanted to go. 

That is a good memory for me and it makes me teary to think of you... and how? dear old friend, did things change so drastically, overnight, when strangers told you that I could be the death of you, if I came near, if you let me. Now we are worlds apart.

I wonder what role loyalty plays in your decisions. How loyal you are to this life, your choices, decisions to protect yourself, at the expense of what we had, who we were, the future I thought we could share. Don't you see? I am still me: I guess I thought you were someone else. I guess I found out, that if I were dying, you wouldn't risk catching death from me. I didn't know your loyalty didn't exist, that I was replaceable, that you could move away and on so readily, so comfortably. 

I want you to know that if the roles were reversed, wild horses couldn't keep me from you: I would recruit them to race me to you. I love you still, and long for what was, knowing that impossible stands between you and me; trust shattered, broken shards between us... impassable. 

Sometimes I am mad at you, but mostly, my heart hurts with longing. I really thought we would be lifers, in the best possible way. Part of me wants to keep your memory alive, part of me wants to look away, weep, and just let you go. If I could, I would pull you close and never ever relinquish my grip... you broke away, I didn't. You are free, and I wouldn't want to keep you, not if you didn't want to stay. 

One more goodbye, without the promise of see you soon. Wishing doesn't change a thing, does it friend? Somehow we stopped speaking the same language, and couldn't understand one another: you are a foreigner to me, someone that I used to know... you didn't want me to kill you with some kind of flu, instead, you killed us, the you and me that used to be. 

My heart hurts, and I love you still

Thens and Nows of Life

Free floating thoughts crowd themselves, pushing and shoving one another as they vie for dominance in my mind. Memories abound unbidden every March, and I find myself feeling nostalgic. Just the right song can transport me to a time and place I had all but forgotten.

I was married for twenty-five years... well, just shy by two weeks. I like the number 25: it's too bad we didn't make it there; it's too bad we didn't make it to twenty-five times two. It's too bad. 

Sometimes I wonder if I can repair what was. What if I had paid better attention, said the right things, been more understanding, less caustic, more supportive... or made his favourite things to eat and liked karaoke as much as he did. Then I say to myself "Na, that wouldn't have done the trick."

Do you recall a time, back when you were young and dumb, and believed "Love, love will keep us together", Captain & Tennille style? What I didn't know when I was Y & D (young and dumb) is how important values are. Attraction takes a major back seat, and a person can become repugnant, when what matters the most to us, is maligned by them. And this cuts both ways: you too, can become repulsive in your disagreeableness. 

I had no idea my former husband was, and chances are, still is, an extreme extravert! When we were married, he loved getting things done, being out and about, socializing. I, on the other hand, enjoy these things too, but on a limited basis. I guard my time and energy so as to be fully available when in company, but I know my limits and what I need to do to be balanced, recharged and ready, to face another bout of peoplie activities. 

I get my energy from time alone, thinking, reading, writing, being with God... imagine my surprise as a Y & D bride, when I discovered the man I committed to, got his energy out there in the world, with all its hubbub, excitement, and earthly pleasures. My former husband was a sweet man in countless ways and every March, I long for that one man, one woman married feeling... but we were so very different, and divergence pulled us apart. We parted ways in April of 2017, and as spring approaches with winter lingering, I remember what the death of a relationship feels like. 

On my best days, I say "Good riddance, I am better off without you." On my saddest days, I recall little gifts, playful poems written on scraps of paper, and him teaching me how to tie a tie... "Those were the days my friend, we thought they'd never end; we'd sing and dance, forever and a day... We'd live the life we'd choose, we'd fight and never lose, for we were young, and sure to have our way."

As I get older, I appreciate the thens and the nows of life. The me that was, reconciling with the me of now. I am no longer young and dumb, I am that other thing, older and wiser. I prefer O & W over Y & D... it feels kinder, softer, and gentle somehow. I can reflect without feeling as though I must condemn him or accuse me... and isn't that wonderful, dear reader?

I have a new love that I have learned and am learning still. It doesn't force a fix, demand a change, or impose a will. It is a giving of myself to correction, to redirection, and submitting to God's redemptive and curative power. He loves each human way more than we do, dear one, and sometimes, from a distance, we can learn to love like He does, wishing the person well, even if we never see them or speak to them again in this life time. That is the most painful part, isn't it? Loving someone and never being able to show them or tell them... hoping they are ok, or better yet, fantastic, even without us?

Even without us... for we were young, and sure to have our way... 

I wish for heaven sometimes, and hope to be reunited with people there that I have been disconnected from. In eternity, hearts are whole and healed, hands are held, and the love of Christ is the God glue that unifies the previously bruised and broken. 

I hope for what wasn't possible here, to happen there, in God's Kingdom.

Psalm 39:7 And now, Lord, what wait I for? my hope is in thee

Gaslighting~The Quintessential Blame Game

I am relatively new to the term gaslighting and have come to discover it is exactly what narcissistic anti-truth-tellers engage in on the regular. Gaslighting is the quintessential blame game, and works like this: 

1 Wicked people get their kicks from psychologically misleading others, followed by; 

2 Becoming emboldened when successful, and next up; 

3 Blaming the victimized for super stupidity as evidenced by them falling for the ruse, and lastly;

4 We hear the reprobate suggest: "After all, YOU CHOSE! and only have YOURSELF TO BLAME... YOU picked your sick bed, now lie in your own vomit and quit bellyaching. Suck it up buttercup. It's all on you, stop blaming ME."

Lambs to the slaughter are the trusting, those that have not the instinct that sounds warning alarms of danger. The self-selected leadership imposters have managed to finagle their way into homes. Why, I know someone that insisted her child be isolated in her room, and wear a mask when someone came to her door, all under the "suggestion" that came from a frighteningly wicked man by the name of Ford. The power of suggestion, dear reader, only works when someone is susceptible to a spell, or some kind of mesmerizing hypnosis. I think of the on stage chickens, those that could be tricked into clucking on the whim of a masterful hypnotist all for show, all for the entertainment of a viewing audience. Humans becoming poultry, being demeaned without awareness and somehow, willingly so? (I draw from a high school memory, when someone I knew flapped his imaginary wings, and looked to peck at specks of feed on stage after being hypnotized). 

That is how gaslighting works: You must have a villain and an unwitting but ready and waiting victim, to play their role of soon to be injured without recourse. Unfortunately, those of us that resist hypnosis, try as we might, cannot rescue the soon to be wounded from the nail sharp grip of the grim reaper that viciously bleeds them to death all the while, condescendingly mocking "It is all your fault, you idiot."

Perhaps those of us that have witnessed this unfolding, felt similarly, as in: It is the fault of the victim for trusting the villain. But none of us could stay in this stance for long, because at one point or another in our lives, we too, have fallen prey to a perpetrator. No matter who you are, you have been ill treated by someone you trusted, and while we are all accountable, the plotters and planners that seek to maim and destroy others, have blood splattered and soaked souls. As much as they feign innocence, they cannot Lady Macbeth "out-damned-spot" what we all see. Blood screams for justice, and no amount of lying can change the facts: evidence can be tampered with, but the truth is immutable. 

I hear what gaslighting sounds like all the time from my clients, lovely caring people that are subject to wicked and self-serving family members. I fight hard for them when I hear their stories, and my hope is that they will see themselves, the villain, and the words and actions minus excuse, explanation, obligation, guilt, shame... all the things we humans have to work through to get to the clean and clear cut other side of the lies. It is ONLY truth that makes us free, and actions ALWAYS speak louder than words. 

This writers telltale signs of you being gaslit:

● You feel nervous after contact with the gaslighter

● You replay what they said, and wish you had responded differently to them but got tongue tied and felt like a deer in the headlights

● You feel imposed upon in their company

● You feel nervous and insecure after being with them

● You question your choices, decisions, and feel inept and inadequate 

● You feel like you have to explain yourself to them all the time, giving them a report

● You get anxious and nervous just thinking about being in their presence

● You do as they say just to have some peace, but feel you have compromised your integrity to please them

● You are afraid of what they will say and do if you say no to their demands

● No matter what you do or say, you can never please them: it is never "enough"

● You think about them constantly, playing out different scenarios on how it can be better, how you can be better, next time you are with them

● You dread being with them, and you hate who you have become

● You are a shadow of yourself, weak, crying, and afraid you will never be happy again

● When away from them, you wish you never had to see or hear from them again

Dear reader, this is not an exhaustive list, and I encourage you to add your own sentiments and experiences with gaslighters, so that you are sharply aware when you are next exposed to someone similar. Rest assured, when a person blames others for their very own shortcomings, insecurities, and missteps, you are dealing with someone that does not suffer pangs of conscience; a person such as this feels no pain when they inflict it upon another, instead, they get a thrill. I have come to this conclusion because no matter how much crying and begging the victim does, the villains behaviour changes not one iota. 

I have told many a client to drop naïveté on its ugly fragile fake little head. Killing it once and for all is the only way to know, beyond a shadow of doubt, that we are all accountable for the choices we make and the pain our choices may and do, cause others. When malice lives in the heart of a human, they wreak havoc wherever they go, leaving behind broken and bleeding souls that ache for understanding, compassion, and restoration.

And now, dear one, we find ourselves in the position of being called to the role of listening with understanding and compassion, for the sake of restoration for those that made choices that did not and do not, bode well for their future. We must love them to Christ in their frailness, knowing that we have been loved too, without fail. 

1 Corinthians 13:8

Love never fails. but whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.

Love, or as the King James Version states, charity, never fails. Let us be charitable to those that trusted not the King of kings, and are now regretting it.

Sick Fascination

I confess I may be indulging a sick fascination, without fully investigating what it is I am curious about knowing. 

People I love that are no longer a part of my intimate life that are estranged from me, carry on as ghosts in my memory, haunting me in my dreams. From a distance I see them and last night during sleep, one of them trained his eyes on me, watching me with fleeting? interest as I passed him by. I was utterly alone, stripped of comfort, just as I was when we were one, or meant to be one...

I cannot track or trace people I still love without being a voyeur. Once upon a time I had back stage access to the lives of friends, of a spouse, of relatives, but I no longer possess the lanyard that lets the guardians of the gates know that I have special entrance privileges, that I get to see and hear all, because I have been invited in. Once upon a time, the lanyard was invisible and we connected almost seamlessly... once upon a time.

Now I am bereft, without solace, without capability to be comforted. Grief is like that: it lets a person down, down, down, dropping them into despair in the knowing that restoration and repair is beyond reach. Some people are irretrievable, aren't they dear reader, even when they seem phantom close. How does one forget the laughter, the tears, the shared sentiments of adoration and together-foreverness-promises in moments of closeness, that seem mockable as a faded remembrance, too surreal to believe it ever existed, as time and space fill in the gap of being parted. 

To not live the I-remember-when's with someone you love is a sad state, isn't it? I have books, journals, cards, signed, "With love, forever", and yet these, and the other mementos, hold empty promises that died on the vine. Perhaps my former others hold on to little remembrances from me, and they see them as cast offs, things to be held for a short time, and discarded too, as unfulfilled nothingness. 

I asked God to remove the dreams from me. I don't want them... I don't want facsimiles of humans, people that are and aren't at the very same time. I cannot touch a ghost, or the memory of someone I used to be able to hug or kiss, hold hands with: it isn't good enough. The dreams leave me lonely, and the reality upon waking have me troubled and sometimes curious... thus the sick fascination in wondering how they are making out in the world.

I find myself clinging, ever so slightly, ever so gently, almost imperceptibly to the tenuous relationships I have. Are they spider web thin and unstable? Can they bear my full weight, the heavy and hardy parts of me that need holding up? Is commitment ever truly a life time event, or has that gone the way of the dodo birds, as the saying goes. 

As I type, my Yorkie sleeps under my sweatshirt, and the mug my son gave me for my birthday sits close by with hot tea waiting for sipping. It says LOVE BUG on it, and that is what I aspire to, and have failed to achieve. I want to be love, and while I long for those that were in my life and are no more, I want to remember what it felt like to be in love with them, minus the trying to somehow fit them back in to my now, my dreams, my current state of living. Letting them go is all I can do, and Lord help me, that is as near to impossible as it gets, because people are not throw away things, here today and discarded tomorrow. 

Today I grieve the losses once more. March is the end and the beginning in more ways than I can count, and the season of change is tangible, quietly holding tentative hope with the expectation of... newness? 

Tomorrow man manipulates the clock, presumably to save us daylight time. As we spring forward I pray my memories fall back into a place of merciful relief of remembering, minus the loneliness of unfulfilled longing. 

For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning (Psalm 30:5)

I pray joy in the springtime morning, for you, for me, and for those we lost or misplaced along the way...

Wait A Minute

Minute by minute...

Wait a minute, or two, or three...

"From the winter solstice, until the summer solstice, the amount of daylight increases about 2 minutes per day, less at the beginning and the end. And from summer solstice to winter solstice, the amount of daylight decreases about 2 minutes per day, less at the beginning and the end.

This gain will be minuscule at first, just a matter of seconds a day, but will steadily grow until daily daylight expands by three daily minutes per day in March. The exact amount of brightness-gain depends on your location."

If you are like me, you really appreciate sunrise, sunset. March is invigorating and kind of crazy too. The other day the sky between my house and the neighbours, lit in a quick blaze of purple and yellow, so brief that my son and I were in shock and awe at the flash of brilliance. What was that, we wondered? The rain and snow mixed with lighting was terrifying and delightful at the very same time. I think my life is like that sometimes, dear reader, with unexpected twists and turns that shock and jolt me into feeling, really living, with frightened expectations of beyond imagination outcomes. I like the future, the one that God promises when we abide in Him:

For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Ghost. For he that in these things serveth Christ is acceptable to God, and approved of men. Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one might edify another (Romans 14:17-19)

When I read this passage back in January of this new year, my soul lit up in a lightning flash of understanding. In a brief moment of time, I could see God's heart bursting forth in brilliant light, and I wanted desperately, painfully, to live this scripture.

Dear reader, I want to live righteously, in peace, with joy, serving Christ so that I am acceptable to God, approved by godly men. I want to follow after Jesus and edify others: Now THAT is a mission statement. 

The light and darkness, the doom and gloom, they compliment one another. As the days gain sunlight I am reminded that God has a schedule that we can depend upon, to the point of man creating things like daylight savings time, with our clocks falling backward as we approach winter, and springing ahead as croci prepare to bravely break soil surfaces to smile at us in the remaining chill. My dog doesn't understand daylight savings time: his eating schedule, dictated by his belly, has remained the same! Only man attempts to manipulate and control what God preordained and destined... which brings me to my point. 

God preordained, predestined. Isn't that frighteningly marvellous? Is this not thrilling and mind boggling too? I actually love lightning, but you can be sure that when I see it, I start praying for protection from the Hand that sends it shooting in the sky nearby. The Bible says God is light, and if you look up scripture pertaining to this, you will discover many a verse. I choose this one to represent how I am feeling about the lightning flashes of brilliance:

And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, 

and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: 

and they were sore afraid (Luke 2:9)

Imagine the brightness causing great fear! March, when it comes in like a lion, can be terrifying... and we are promised from experience, that if it enters roaring, it will exit bleating like a lamb. 

The lion, the lamb, March, The Lord... Perhaps I am having great fun creating associations and connections, but dear reader, I cannot help myself! The joy I feel in knowing that God is ever present, has a plan, and can be counted on to be consistent, makes my heart sing and all but burst wide open! The weather is our reminder, that come rain, shine, darkness followed by light, He orders the universe and chooses the when and wherefore for everything and everyone. 

When we wait a minute, or two, or three, a light switch may come on in our brains, illuming the darkness that wants to settle in and reside there. The darkness is never of God, dear one... He cannot, simply is not, capable of it:

And his brightness was as the light, 

he had horns coming out of his hand:

 and there was the hiding of his power (Habakkuk 3:4)

Brightness

Horns

Power

The beauty of scripture is in the range. To paint God with a bristle broken brush, making Him into an impotent being without strength, purpose and power, dangerously underestimates Who He is. The weather, the timing of brightness and darkness in our lives, are out of our reach and control. Hopefully this instills some humility and causes us to be "sore afraid" as teeny tiny humans, that rely on the Sovereign to give us our next breath, our next spring, summer, fall and winter. 

I am, sore afraid, followed closely with awe and reverence for the King of kings, Lord of lords. He is the lion and the lamb, dear reader, and I aim to glorify Him, and edify man. 

What about you? 

Are you sore afraid?

Do you aim to glorify Him, and edify your fellow man?

Roar, bah... 

How wonderful, to be able to choose. And how terrifying too, to be able to choose...

And one of the elders saith unto me, Weep not: behold, the Lion of the tribe of Juda, the Root of David, hath prevailed to open the book, and to loose the seven seals thereof (Revelation 5:5)

Zero Discrimination Day

Yesterday was Zero Discrimination Day. I learned this just today, when I was updating my daytimer and noticed these words highlighted in a bright greenie-blue. Imagine that, declaring a day this way, as though humans need to be reminded to remember to be kind, at least, just for one day...

Funny thing is, I had a morning of deep healing, soul cleaning appreciation yesterday. I had prayed for God to do a work in me, have my words glorify Him, and edify others to the exclusion of all else, meaning to speak no evil or condescending condemnation of even the wicked. I fear I have judged many and often, something I am accustomed to since I am extremely harsh with myself... Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself (Matthew 22:39) ... yup, that makes sense. If I am merciless with myself it stands to reason that I will be inclined similarly toward other, especially when they lean toward injustice. 

We are to pray for our enemies, but this is virtually impossible if we are blaming them constantly for their wicked ways and the outcomes that follow. It is hard to see people as people when they seem to be slithery like snakes, and yet all things belong to God, and all humans are hand crafted, uniquely designed, by the Author of Life. 

But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you (Matthew 5:44)

Yesterday, I saw them, perhaps for the first time in my life. The people, each one, as all His. Sometimes I feel like a God hoarder, as though He is mine and mine alone. I talk to Him all day, reason with Him in my own childishness, and try to convince Him of things, all the while abashed at my brashness and apologetic too, that perhaps I have gone too far in my instructing Him. I have to laugh at myself frequently, knowing that I am maturing while returning to a child like faith that is hopeful and keen on seeing life, people, and circumstances, from a godly, perhaps even heavenly? perspective. God is tolerant but better than this, He is merciful as I meander, in and out of being saintly, holy, and alternatively, being self-absorbed, and a bit of a rascal. 

Zero Discrimination Day holds a special meaning for me. Since God sees not race, social status, male or femaleness, then I must see all humans similarly, but in a way that matches what we are contending with currently:

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus (Galatians 3:28-29)

When a human decides to live their life for the Lord, they become a holy family member, and God embraces them as His child. He does not discriminate based on any standards other than them belonging to Christ Jesus as Saviour. Dear reader, being a child of God is the ultimate goal and reward, and isn't it just like a loving God to want all of His little lambs, His chicks, His baby bears, to grow up knowing Him and loving Him as their heavenly Father? 

Yesterday was a day of reckoning for me, with the deep and abiding love of God for all His hand crafted, uniquely designed children. There isn't a one of us that is exactly like another, and yet conformity with the criminally minded is what each individual must face, and resist, in order to walk toward God and away from worldly ways and anti-wisdom. The challenge is the separation we observe and feel on a daily basis when we interact with others: all Christians habitually ask this question in their mind and sometimes out loud when they are thinking of others "Are they a Christian?"

We want to know, are they safe, are they sound, are they part of the family yet? It is the word yet that is hopefully attached to the question "Are they a Christian?". Unfortunately, discrimination goes both, or perhaps in many directions. Becoming love is not easy, and as I decide whether or not to pretty up that statement with a clever add on, I realize I must leave it as it is:

Becoming LOVE is not easy

Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins (1 John 4:7-10)

Becoming love is not easy, because it means we must be like God, and God is love! IF I am to be like Him, I must relinquish my will to His and have Jesus live through me. I want to be loving like Him, dear reader, and this means I must do as He commands:

💖 Love my neighbour as myself

💖 See each human as hand crafted by God

💖 Pray for my enemies

💖 Love like my Saviour, wanting each human to be reconciled to God the Father

I pray each day is Zero Discrimination Day... that, dear one, sounds heavenly.